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Family in the Delivery Room


Birth audience  

241 members have voted

  1. 1. Who have you chosen to attend your children's birth(s)?

    • DH/SO
      234
    • Your other children
      29
    • Your mom
      49
    • MIL
      9
    • Your or DH's siblings
      16
    • Aunts/Cousins
      4
    • Friends
      20
    • Jugglers, Face Painters, and Bearded Ladies
      3
    • No one but you & medical personnel
      5
    • Other
      8


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I didn't vote b/c I didn't get to choose during my first birth. They insisted I pick s/o (at the time) or my mother. I picked s/o. Don't really regret how I chose given the limitation, but I resent the limitation!

 

With #4, I had considered my sister in law and the kids. I chose against it, and it was for the best as that was my only scary delivery.

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I allowed my MIL at my first birth and she was wonderful- very respectful. She was so excited and happy.

 

For my dd I had a friend, an 11 year old girl. They were both very special to me and it was fine. My friend prayed the whole time and the young lady is now one of my best friends and my dd is the flower girl in her wedding.

 

In fact when I was having the baby, my father in law asked to come in. He's a real natural health conscience massage therapist so really unashamed about the body. I buzzed him in - I was in so much pain I could not care less if the pope came for a visit. But my dh drew the line at men in the room. Lol!!!

 

I am normally a very modest person but I just think having a baby is so amazing I'm ok with sharing the experience.

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#1 My mother and husband

#2 My mother, husband, and sister

#3 My husband and sister

 

Note: my sister is a nurse and has years of experience in labor and delivery as well as neonatal intensive care, so with my 2nd and 3rd I felt better having her there knowing she would keep a close eye on the babies and step in if my husband (faints when giving blood) became too stressed.

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I can't imagine my mother being there. It's even harder to imagine ILs being there.

 

I have a one-and-only. She was a planned home birth, with the plans being midwife, midwife's assistant, DH, and our Little Sister. We had been matched with our Little Sister through the Big Sisters program for six years at that point and she was pretty much part of the family and 12 years old.

 

Then I had to be admitted and induced due to pre-e. Turned into DH, midwife, nurse, and OB. Little Sister ended up in the hospital herself that day due to food poisoning and missed the birth.

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#1 Just dh, doctor, and hospital staff--there were double the usual because every regular staff member also had a student (teaching hospital)

#2 Dh, dd, and midwife at home birth (assistants arrived shortly after birth)

#3 Dh, dd1 and dd2, SIL (watching dds), midwife, doula, two midwife assistants at home birth

#4 Dh, dd1 and dd2 and dd3, doula, midwife, one assistant, photographer, mom, friend (not everyone was in the room all the time or for the actual birth) at home birth

#5 Dh, dd1 and dd2 and dd3 and dd4, midwife, midwife assistant, doula, SIL (helping with kids) at home birth

#6 Dh, midwife, nurse at hospital

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I had dh and my mother there when dd was born. I had dh there and allowed my mil and one of my sisters in when ds was born. I had really wanted it to be my other sister (who never had kids), but due to weather situations (flooding), she wasn't able to come. 

 

I loved doing it and would definitely have done it again if we had more children.

 

We did not let our dd (who was 6) be there when her brother was born. We just were not sure it was a good idea with her age (if it would scare her or anything). We did allow her to come in the room first, though, and the others left. This gave us time with just the two of them. 

 

 

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In addition to DH/midwife/nurse, I had my mother at my first birth, which was really special. I'm glad she was there, although at one point I had to tell her to PLEASE stop recording the start and end time of every.single.contraction! This was up till they were three minutes apart and I was close to transition. It was very annoying, but kind of cool to look back at now.

 

#2 and #3 were DH and midwife only, except for a med student who watched #3. They asked my permission and I didn't care.

 

#4 we chose to have at home, partially so the other kids could participate. But the baby arrived so quickly and so early in the morning that they missed the actual birth. They were able to come in right after, though and check the sex. My mother was also there, but in the other room and missed the actual birth. Heck, the midwife missed the actual birth. I would have liked to have my sister there, but she stayed a week and had to fly home the day before baby came. 😢

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With my first, I had a section so it was just my ex husband. My next two were birth center VBACs; one was ex, MIL, midwife, midwife's assistant, and the other was the same plus a doula. My last was a home birth, and ex had left me during that pregnancy, so he wasn't there. I had my midwife and her assistant, my MIL (wanted her there even though her son wasn't), 2 sisters, my oldest dd (6 at the time and didn't watch the actual birth, but came in right afterward) and 2 friends. It was support I really needed since I was "going it alone."

 

I have been with both of my dd's at their births. At oldest dd's birth it was her dh, a doula, her MIL and me. At other dd's first birth it was her dh, a doula, her younger sister and me. At oldest dd's second birth, it was her dh, a doula, her MIL, her older sister and me.

 

One really cool thing is that both of my dd's have used the doula that taught my birth classes and was with me at my 3rd birth. It's been really awesome!

 

ETA: I have always been very close to my mother, but she is very modest and would've been extremely uncomfortable at a birth. That was actually a blessing since I knew my kids would be with someone they were very comfortable with.

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(Hugs)  I'm so sorry.  It must be hard to have those difficult, traumatic memories associated with something so wonderful. 

 

Your homebirth was such a fast labor!  My only vaginal delivery was 22 hours, although I needed to be induced, so I'm assuming I'll have more time! I know they are supposed to get speedier with each one. 

Yeah, that was fast.  I called the midwife and could talk through the contractions so I thought I had more time.  She told me she would leave right then to beat traffic (it was 4 am).  I thought it was overkill.  The second I hung up the phone with her, that train started going 90 miles an hour.  I basically went from what felt slightly different than a B/H ctx to late active labor/ transition in about 10 minutes.  BTW, my first was 16 hours, and my 2nd was 4.  The 4 hour labor was by far the easiest until crowning and PTSD flashbacks. 

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DD1- DH, mom, doula (who I sent home after 12 hours because I quickly discovered I don't like being touched while I'm in labor)and 23 medical staff members when my baby was in full blown shoulder dystocia. They almost put my almost 12 pound baby in the NICU. That would have been an interesting sight  to see.

 

DD2- DH, mom, and  2year old. I ended up with a C-section only DH was allowed in to the OR. I invited two of my best friends to "labor" with me, but we didn't get the chance.

 

I was a labor and delivery nurse a long time ago. Preferences run a wide range. I don't think there is a right or wrong answer. Just go with your gut. What feels comfortable to you.

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Births #1 and #2, my DH and mom were there. I'm very close with my mom and wanted her there.

 

Birth #3, my DH, mom, and one of my sisters was there. My sister wanted to see the birth of one of her nieces and I didn't mind. I seriously considered allowing my oldest DD (then 7), but decided against it in the end. She was at the hospital but not in the room during the delivery.

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Do you have the option of allowing them in only at the end? I loved having my older children at my last two births. MIL & FIL watched them nearby until we called them in when I started pushing, then MIL came in with the kids. They lined up quietly and watched. So lovely and beautiful. I'm so glad they were there, but I have very short and straightforward births. Other than that, only DH during the labour. For one birth my mum was there for the whole thing, I found it very distracting, like I was having to perform or act a certain way for her. I made sure that didn't happen again!

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Just Dh and medical personnel, lots of them. For dd 20 or so attended her birth. For ds it was the medical personnel and me for most of it. He came really quickly, I was already a patient, and dh hit a traffic jam.

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First was dh

Second was my mom- dh was in desert storm at the time,  I did not want to be alone

Third was dh- nurse delivered baby because doctor was playing golf and thought he had time. Best delivery ever, wish I could have given the doctor's fee to the nurse.

Fourth dh then alone, because I was rushed for emergency c-section. That baby never engaged and went transverse during labor.

 

All with medical personnel.

 

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For the first birth dh and my mom were there.  She was very excited to witness birth from the other end.  ;)  I know my Dad was there while I labored, but I honestly can't recall if he left while I was pushing or not.  I'll have to ask my mom.  My first birth was a long and drawn out process.  After that, my parents watched the other kids for me during the births.  Given that my oldest was 18 months when her sister was born and just shy of 3 when her brother was born, I didn't want them there for any of the rest of the births.  If I had had more biological children, I may have asked the kids if they'd like to come, but most likely they wouldn't (oldest dd gets very queasy around things like blood and grossness and dd2 would probably be bored, lol).

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#1 DH and up until the c-sec, my mom.

#2 was a planned home birth. DD was there until she fell asleep, a friend came over for the early part of my labor, and DH and DW#2 were there throughout and after hospital transport, while just DH was allowed in for c-sec.

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I only ever wanted dh (and medical). But with my first birth, it was bad. My dh thought I might die and so he called my parents so they could see me before I died. They arrived and were there (probably praying really really hard) in the corner during the delivery. But despite the fact that they say women never feel self-conscious when in labor, I did indeed feel self-conscious (especially with my dad being there). You would also think that a person that was as close to death as my dh apparently thought I was, that I wouldn't be self-conscious, but there you have it! Only had dh (and medical) at the 3 subsequent births. 

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Do you have the option of allowing them in only at the end? I loved having my older children at my last two births. MIL & FIL watched them nearby until we called them in when I started pushing, then MIL came in with the kids. They lined up quietly and watched. So lovely and beautiful. I'm so glad they were there, but I have very short and straightforward births. Other than that, only DH during the labour. For one birth my mum was there for the whole thing, I found it very distracting, like I was having to perform or act a certain way for her. I made sure that didn't happen again!

 

Yes, I think I can do whatever I want.  I can have them just come in for the delivery, or be there during labor and leave for the actual birth.  Pretty much whatever I decide I'm comfortable with, assuming baby cooperates! 

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#1 - My husband and my mom were planned.  My in-laws got there before my son was born (because I was in labor for 44hrs!!!). My MIL was in the room and standing right next to me along with my husband and mom.  I was fine with it because I was SO tired that I didn't care about much of anything.  LOL!!

 

#2 and 3 (twins) - My husband only.  I wanted my mom.  The OB would not let anyone in except my husband.  I had a vaginal delivery in the OR just in case because it was twins.  OB was firm and would not let anyone in except my husband.  I regret that and so does my mom.

 

#3 and 4 (twins again) - My husband and mom.  New OB. ;)  I still delivered in the OR even though I had a vaginal delivery because it was twins again.  This dr. ignored hospital policy and let my mom in.  I was SO much happier than with my 2nd delivery of babies 2 and 3.

 

#4 - By far my best delivery.  It was my husband, my mom and my doula.  It was a wonderful delivery.  I will do it exactly the same way if I get pregnant again. 

 

My mom and I are very close.  I wouldn't have it any other way than to have her there.  :)

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My Dh is the only one who has ever been in the room for the actual birth, but both my parents and his parents have been in the waiting room and come in and out of the delivery room to visit until I'm feeling "intense."  Parents have always respected my telling them to leave and nursing staff always offered to be the bad guy and kick them out any time I said so.  But we've never had any drama during any of our children's deliveries.

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I'm an extrovert so the more the merrier.   :lol:   I had between 6-9 people in the room with me each time.

 

DD13 was a home birth transfer.  At home, DH, the midwife, my doula, and a student doula were with me.  They all came to the hospital with me, and we added the midwife working for the hospital and the nurses.   We had great fun together; it was like a party.  My father arrived unannounced just moments before my daughter was born.  Because of the timing, they didn't ask permission for him to come in.  Had I known, I would have let him in too.

DS11 was a home birth.  Altogether, we had me, DH, the midwife, the midwife's student, a doula, the doula's daughter who was watching my daughter.

DS6 was a hospital birth.  Altogether, we had me, DH, my midwife, the OB, the nurses, my two kids, and my friend.  My friend was there to take pictures and take care of the kids.
 

DD4 was a hospital birth.  Altogether, we had me, DH, the OB, a student OB, the nurses, my three kids, and my friend.

 

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Dd1-dh, midwife, my mom, and my sister (this was a transfer from a birthing center to a hospital)

Dd2-dh, midwife, doula, my mom, my sister, and dd1 (who was almost 3) (this was a home birth)

Dd3-dh, dd1, who was 5 (also a home birth, but she came FAST! And the midwife got there a few minutes after she as born. Dd2 (2 years old) slept through the whole thing. I really wanted my best friend and mom there, but dd just surprised us all with how quickly she came.

 

There would no way I would ever want my mil there. She's sweet, but very nervous and anxious. My best friend was going to come to do labor pictures, I regret not having those.

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Just DH & medical personnel.  My mum wanted to be there and was very pushy & insistent about it when I was pregnant with #1, so DH & I didn't tell her (or anyone) when I went into labour - she still hasn't forgiven me.  When I went into labour with #2 I did tell her, and she decided to show up at the hospital against my express wishes :glare:  It was very distracting, and I was very annoyed at her intrusion - especially when I had postpartum complications...

 

#3 was DH & 2 midwives.  It was very nearly only DH & I on the side of the road - DS came fast!

 

With my last one I had my DH & 2 midwives.  I considered having my bestie or my children (if they wanted), but in the end I'm glad none of them were there - turned out to be a difficult, long (compared to #3), posterior labour.  I like to close my eyes and ignore the world as much as possible, if I could crawl into a warm dark hole and emerge with a newborn I would. 

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#1- hospital birth: medical staff, dh, mom and some friends who took turns visiting and camped out in the waiting room

#2- home birth: We had a small party. Many of the same people, only this time at home rather than a hospital. This wasn't too bad, but dh was pulled in two directions.

#3- home birth: midwives, dh, and my mom to watch/ support our older two. The intimacy made this birth the best one by far to me.

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We had DD at DS1's birth and DD and DS1 at DS2's birth. We tried to have, and planned to have, all of the big kids at both DS3's birth and DS4's birth (after missing DS3's birth by just a minute, they really wanted to be at DS4's birth, but it was in the middle of the night, and we were debating about calling for an ambulance, when he arrived very quickly, and things were a bit scary anyway because he was presenting unusually, and well, it's just as well they weren't there for it, although I'm sorry they, and the video camera, missed it).

 

DH nearly missed the last two births. *I* almost missed DS3's, and I was the one doing the work. ;)

 

No mothers, sisters, etc. We don't even call anyone when I'm in labor; the first inkling anyone gets that anything is happening is when we call to say that the baby has arrived. (Well, we did call my parents with DS2, but only because they were staying nearby and had planned to stop by that morning; DH called them to tell them not to.)

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just dh for first

dh and doula for second

third was a homebirth so dh, mom, sister (and midwife and assistant)

dh and a friend for fourth- was supposed to be a homebirth, but ended up transferring. she stayed with the kids til MIL could get there, then came to the hospital. sooo thankful I had invited her to come.

just dh for fifth.

of course, medical personnel for hospital births

 

edited to say... my mom and sister's timing was perfect. they arrived just minutes after she was born. otherwise I would have been a little crazy, probably. I had forgotten that.

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It was dh only with my older two, partly because we were not close enough to family for anyone else to be a possibility. With my youngest (who will be 1 on Sunday!), I really wanted it to just be me & dh again, but I knew that if he was working, MIL would be driving me to the hospital and I felt like I really couldn't ask her to leave. She's actually a great MIL and we get along fine, I just thought I wanted it to just be us again. Anyway, that's exactly what happened, and I ended up being really glad she was there. DH is great, but he's not super assertive, and MIL is, which was helpful a few times (dh can and would ask for what I needed, but it was nice to leave the heavy lifting to her ;) ). Also, she's a nurse, so she's more comfortable in the hospital setting and knows what to ask, and she was quicker on her feet than dh when it was suddenly time to push NOW and we needed to get the nurses back in the room. It ended up being like having a doula, I think. And in the end, I was really glad she had been able to be there. It meant a lot to her, and she had given a lot of time and energy to help us during a difficult pregnancy, so I'm glad it was something we were able to "give" her in return. :)

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DH, my mom and my MIL were at all of our kids births, except that MIL had passed away by the time #4 was born. My mil was so funny when DD was born. She was a water birth, and I forgot to warn my poor MIL that we were having a water birth. The second DD came out MIL said, "Get her out of the water, she'll drown!" It was funny. She was so worried. DH clued her in, and she was fine, haha. but we gave her quite the scare.

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Just my DH!  When we were having #4, we had just moved to a small town and didn't know anyone.  We had to bring all of our children to the hospital with us when I went into labor, because they had nowhere else to go.  A nurse took them into another room and read books to them.

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