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Helping dd through grief...


Farmgirl70
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In late July, my dds boyfriend of four years broke up with her.  They had not been fighting and his reason was that he realized that "he didn't love her anymore."  Fair enough.  They are young (19 and 18).  However, it has thrown my dd for a real loop.  She had thought that one day they would marry (and we would not have been surprised).  They shared many values and our families are good friends.  They've known each other since childhood. So, I know that the grief is normal and real, but it is hard to watch.

Any other mamas out there navigate this?  How did you help your son or daughter through this? Any helpful tips?  (It's hard for me as well, as I was close to the boyfriend.  He's a good kid.)  However, I can handle my feelings, but it is sometimes excruciating to watch my dd grieve.

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I'm really sorry.  It's very hard to see your children going through something so difficult and feeling so sad.  I don't have suggestions regarding that specifically, but I know that for myself, I tend to hole up when I'm feeling depressed.  I remember my mother forcing me to take part in all the family activities even when it was the last thing I wanted to do.  She was a wise woman, because the distraction and being swept up into busy family activities always helped. 

 

Can you do something special, like a mom and daughter weekend away somewhere?  Is she in high school?  Can you right now begin planning a winter trip to Grandma's or Aunt and Uncle's out-of-state (I mean for her alone)?  Something fun to look forward to can help.  Maybe even start planning a fun summer event, something really over the top.  A month long volunteer job on a horse ranch.  Just something she can use to pull herself along and look ahead into the future and be excited about something.

 

Try to find things to laugh about whenever you can.  A funny TV show, or even funny things that deal directly with her old boyfriend.  (Like, how funny their children would have looked if she had actually married him!)  All in good humor of course, not really meaning to put him down.  :)  Laughter can make the situation feel smaller, and like you're more in control.

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DD19's first boyfriend broke up with her during her senior year of high school after two years together.  It was a really difficult time for her.  It was difficult for the family too.  She had met him at church, so we still saw his family every week.  He picked up a new girl friend within just a short time and that made DD feel terrible.  Also, the boy wanted to share all the details of the break up (and DD's short-comings!) with all their friends so they would "side with him".  Sigh.  Teen Drama.

 

What really helped was for her to spend more time with her girl friends and to really concentrate on her music.   She kept herself busy with a job, volunteer work and teaching so she wouldn't have as much time to "miss him".  I think that was an excellent strategy for her and made it easier for her to transition off to college that fall.

 

And DD19 has recovered nicely.  She is dating a nice young man now who shares many of her interests and who is just as crazy about her as she is about him.  And that's a good thing!

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