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Cute, funny, inappropriate? What do you think?


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I love my MIL dearly, I do.  But probably about half of the comments she posts on my kids' pictures on Facebook are about beer.  She loves beer.  She's 75 and could probably drink any man half her age under the table.  No joke.  I'm not a drinker (not that I'm against it) so I just don't understand her love of beer.

 

Anyway, I was just curious as to what you all thought about this.  I posted some pictures of my kids at this children's museum we went to.  At the museum there's a little "grocery store" where the kids can "checkout" their own play food.  I had a picture of my kids doing just that and my MIL posted on it, "Where's Grandma's beer?"  Another time I posted a picture of my DD (who was 4 at the time) doing a headstand and my MIL posted, "She must have learned that from her uncle.  In 17 more years she'll be doing that with a beer in her hand."  The uncle she was referring to is pretty much an alcoholic.  Those are just 2 of many of the comments she's posted.

 

I don't find these sort of comments appropriate, especially on a child's picture.  Plus, everyone sees her comments and I find it embarrassing.  I don't plan on saying anything to her because I just end up deleting her comments in hopes that not too many people have seen them, but what do you think?  Am I too sensitive over this because I'm not a drinker?  I'm just curious.  :)

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Honestly, I'd post something underneath her comment every single time she did it. I'd post the same comment each time. Maybe "Sorry, MIL, our family doesn't put an emphasis on beer and we don't instill that in our children. Children need not always be referred to with beer in mind."

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It is inappropriate where children are concerned.  If it were me, I'd have my DH talk with her.  If that didn't work, then I would.  I'm a bit more straightforward and firm though about things.  If she couldn't control herself, she'd be blocked.  I'd mail her the photos instead...

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That would bother me too. Can your dh talk to her about it?

 

 

He wouldn't.  His mom is very sensitive so we have to pick our battles with her.  :)  I just have a hard time with people who *love* to drink (and do nothing but talk about it) because I grew up with an alcoholic father.  I know people can drink responsibly (I know I have in the past) so my thoughts on drinking are a bit tainted because of my upbringing.  Because of that, I'm not sure if what my MIL is saying is cute or just very inappropriate.  I don't mind letting it go if most people would get a chuckle out of it, but I also don't want people to think I'm like that in any way.

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We are a family that has lots of people drinking moderately.   We would not find that appropriate.   Beer bongs comments and kids - don't go together.  

 

I think you DH should talk to her.    Maybe she doesn't understand that other people outside the family will see the comments.

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Are your kids seeing the comments? Other than block or delete I would not do anything. We have a similar situation with the kids Great Grandmother (same age approx) I have just told them that Gigi is 75, an adult, and has the right to chose her own drinking philosphies at this point in her life. Yes, drinking sherry from a coffee cup before breakfast, all day, and in the middle of the night is not healthy, but she is not going to change at her age.

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I love my MIL dearly, I do.  But probably about half of the comments she posts on my kids' pictures on Facebook are about beer.  She loves beer.  She's 75 and could probably drink any man half her age under the table.  No joke.  I'm not a drinker (not that I'm against it) so I just don't understand her love of beer.

 

Anyway, I was just curious as to what you all thought about this.  I posted some pictures of my kids at this children's museum we went to.  At the museum there's a little "grocery store" where the kids can "checkout" their own play food.  I had a picture of my kids doing just that and my MIL posted on it, "Where's Grandma's beer?"  Another time I posted a picture of my DD (who was 4 at the time) doing a headstand and my MIL posted, "She must have learned that from her uncle.  In 17 more years she'll be doing that with a beer in her hand."  The uncle she was referring to is pretty much an alcoholic.  Those are just 2 of many of the comments she's posted.

 

I don't find these sort of comments appropriate, especially on a child's picture.  Plus, everyone sees her comments and I find it embarrassing.  I don't plan on saying anything to her because I just end up deleting her comments in hopes that not too many people have seen them, but what do you think?  Am I too sensitive over this because I'm not a drinker?  I'm just curious.   :)

 

Deleting the first comment is a bit OTT.  The second is a bit more understandable.  My suggestion is to just relax a bit and ignore those telling you to make this a hill to die on.

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I'd either block her from seeing your photos or just let it go (especially if your kids weren't seeing your pics). You could also just delete her comments - especially if she isn't likely to go back to the same pictures (my parents wouldn't). Most of my family is from Wisconsin and I'm known to have a glass of wine now and again, so meh, this probably wouldn't bother me a ton. But she can post what she wants on her own wall - if leaving the comments bothers you, make them disappear or just block her from seeing your photos.

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He wouldn't. His mom is very sensitive so we have to pick our battles with her. :) I just have a hard time with people who *love* to drink (and do nothing but talk about it) because I grew up with an alcoholic father. I know people can drink responsibly (I know I have in the past) so my thoughts on drinking are a bit tainted because of my upbringing. Because of that, I'm not sure if what my MIL is saying is cute or just very inappropriate. I don't mind letting it go if most people would get a chuckle out of it, but I also don't want people to think I'm like that in any way.

I probably post about tea or food as often as your MIL posts about beer. I love tea (actual tea leaves, people) as much as other people like fine wines or running. Your MIL likes beer. It is neither illegal nor immoral to like beer, so unless MIL is an alcoholic I wouldn't turn it into a moral issue.

 

I think you have issues because of your father.(which I absolutely get and have had to overcome myself) but YOUR issues are not EVERYBODY else's issues. Some people have problems with alcohol because of religious prohibition or a bad experience with alcoholism. This doesn't mean that people who enjoy it responsibly, or talk about it, are being inappropriate.

 

I'm guessing she's not really talking about beer more than your other friends talk about chocolate, or knitting, or running, or whatever interests them. You're just not making any moral judgements about those other posts.

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I get that she likes and drinks beer, but how much of the beer talk is her shtick?

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She sounds like an alcoholic with inappropriate boundaries.

But maybe that's me viewing thru my own filter.

 

I'd just block her from seeing the pics and email them to her. 

Same opinion on her being an alcoholic.  Just because she isn't a falling down drunk doesn't mean that she isn't a "functional" alcoholic.

 

Same opinion on the solution too.  

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I'd delete the comments. Innapropriate. And anyone who is drinking sherry all day is an alcoholic.

Margaret, that is my Great Grandmother not the OP's. I was just using our situation as an example. She is definately an alcholic, but a very high functioning one and her doctors can find nothing wrong with her liver. At this point we love her the way she is and put up with drinking, becuase it would be more harmful to her to take it away.

 

The best my mother can do (her caretaker) is limit a bit when she needs to take other medications. All of this is being done under the guidance of multiple Drs. Of course they encourage her to stop, but all acknowledge it is not likely to happen and should not be forced on her.

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I'd delete the ones referring to my kids drinking (even if they do refer to age appropriate drinking), and I'd ignore the ones that refer to her own drinking. The latter reflect on her, the former might on your kids.

 

I wouldn't say anything though. If she was making a lot of comments in front of the kids, especially about them drinking eventually, it would bother me a lot more, but Facebook? No biggie.

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It is not cute, or funny, and it is inappropriate, but honestly, I would let it be.  She's embarrassing herself.  It's her issue.  She sounds like an alcoholic.  But at her age you're not going to change her.  If she isn't harming the kids, I'd let it go.  And if the kids notice, just tell them that is just how grandma is and leave it at that. 

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Are a lot of the people seeing these comments familiar with your MIL anyway?  If so, they KNOW what she's like and they probably just say "oh yeah, Helen does love her beer..." and move on.  If there are a lot of people seeing the pics that don't know or know about her love of beer, then I would probably just keep deleting the comments.  Has she ever actually noticed you've deleted anything (my guess is not).  It's a pain, yep, but it wouldn't be something I'd be willing to raise a stink over.

Speak to your kids when appropriate about Grannies issues, and help them understand.

 

~coffee~

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If I saw someone posting those types of comments on someone's kids' photos, as an outsider, I would infer that the person posting had a problem. It wouldn't reflect on you at all in my mind but I wouldn't see it as funny or cute.

 

I don't know whether I'd delete or engage or just leave it there. I've left a couple doozies on my FB feed, just assuming many people wouldn't see them and those who did would form their own pretty accurate opinions. It was clear I held a different one.

 

:grouphug:

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It seems that unfriending her from your kids' accounts is not a possibility.  I would have them change their photo settings so that she cannot see them.  It's easy to change it to CUSTOM and then make appropriate selections, just a few clicks, and the pictures won't appear visible to her.  The nice thing about FB is that if anyone ever finds out, it's easy to blame FB--"Oh, you know how FB is!"

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It really isn't cool. My dad used to make off-color comments in front of my kids, or jokes about them that were supposed to go over their heads but, y'know, DIDN'T. My dad is impulsive and has never possessed much of a filter. This went on for years even though I used to say, "Dad, some things are better off left inside your head." But he's my dad, not my FIL, so not quite as awkward. What finally worked was my kids speaking up to say, "Pa! You aren't supposed to say stuff like that in front if me...it's weird!"

 

Maybe you could say (don't post) something like, "MIL, could you curb the beer jokes in my Facebook page? I know you are kidding and you mean well, but the kids are so little that beer jokes about them just make me uncomfortable." Make it about you, not her.

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Honestly, I'd post something underneath her comment every single time she did it. I'd post the same comment each time. Maybe "Sorry, MIL, our family doesn't put an emphasis on beer and we don't instill that in our children. Children need not always be referred to with beer in mind."

ITA. Or even simpler: "We are not drinkers."

 

The first comment, in isolation, could be sort of okay. The second one is really inappropriate. 

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Not passive agressive. It is an honest caution.

If done privately. A public scolding can only end badly. Posting something beneath her comments, no matter how questionable they are, is bad form unless the point is to alienate the person in question.

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If done privately. A public scolding can only end badly. Posting something beneath her comments, no matter how questionable they are, is bad form unless the point is to alienate the person in question.

You're probably right. Point taken.

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I think it is inappropriate. If she hasn't noticed that you deleted previous comments and your husband won't talk to her, I think you should keep deleting.

 

About blocking her seeing them and instead emailing them to her, if I did something like that, my MIL would post them to *her* FB page and likely publicly so that I had no control. I suggest you not do this.

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It is strange. And I love my beer too.

I suspect she is just older, thinks it is funny, and does not completely understand social media(my 78 year old grandmother has Facebook but doesn't always realize who can see what posts and such).

 

I might say something nicely that you don't quite find it as amusing as she does and then see if I could find a local beer taster group or microbrewery where she could discuss her love of the beverage with a more receptive audience. :-). I honestly wouldn't see this as something worth making a big deal out of. Annoying, but not harmful.

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