I just don't want to push push push so hard through high school!

[HappyGrace]

I'm starting to read all the high school info and it just seems like it is all a huge push to be better than the next person so you present well to the colleges. Do tons of high level academic and then tons of extra stuff or you won't get into a good college.

 

I wish it could just be a time of preparing out kids spiritually and academically and socially with a nice balance.

 

 

[Mom22ns]

I wish it could just be a time of preparing out kids spiritually and academically and socially with a nice balance.

 

It can. 

 

If your child doesn't want to go to a super competitive college, then the push is completely unnecessary. Most kids that do want to go to super competitive colleges will push themselves. 

 

High school looks different for everyone. There is nothing wrong with preparing your kids with balance.

[Lolly]

I do it your way. My kids didn't have the desire to go all Ivy League on me. They are content with state schools and small private colleges. My goal has been to have them be prepared to learn when they get there. I see no point in teaching them, while in high school, everything they need to know in order to graduate college in the field of their choice. (Seems to me that is what some are attempting!) We do the basics. We enjoy each other. The ones who are in college right now are finding that they are less burned out academically than their peers. (More willing to do the work that is necessary and go that extra mile when needed.) So far, each seems to be reaching their full potential (Which varies from kid to kid. Not all are meant to have a 4.0!) in college just fine. Now, none are out and employed yet. So that final proof isn't there,  but I'll bet they are just as likely to be hired as the next guy.

 

 

[G5052]

It truly is up to you!

 

The reality is that we're somewhere in the middle.  The maximum we can spend on college per year likely means state schools that they can commute too. They'll probably start at the community college where I work, which is thankfully a very good community college that feeds into two solid states schools with good reputations.  I'm not a fan of student loans, or at least want them to graduate with minimal debt.  And we've had issues with being able to juggle outside activities and volunteer work because of money and logistics.  Merit aid is going to be tough to get, but we'll try.

 

Where I push hard, I push because they're capable.  We're not top-notch in every subject, but I expect them to work at their level of ability.

 

And frankly it will be fine.  Truly.  I graduated from upper-middle state schools and did just fine working with Ivy League/Military Academy types as my peers.

[MysteryJen]

Well, I was all set to push, push, push through high school.  But my son wasn't.  He wanted balance and time for music and composition. He wanted to study what he wanted and work on the things that were important to him.

It made for a very rocky 9th grade year.  I had to let go of the things I wanted for him and concentrate on the things he wanted for himself.  I did insist on a few things  and I made his classes (on the subjects he chose) challenging enough for him.  He would jump through a hoop for me, but only once.  So, he took the SAT once, and then said, no more. When I sat down to do his transcript, it wasn't terrible. He is educated.

 

9th grade was a waste of time and stress for him and me. I should have followed his lead from the beginning (which I admitted to him this summer).  And he has some acceptances to colleges.  No Ivy or top-tier but he is happy and his siblings are thankful that he forged his own way.

 

Follow your children's hearts and do what it takes to have a relationship with them and shepherd them to adulthood. And pray, pray, pray.

[Luckymama]

It totally depends on the student and the family.

 

Someone looking from the outside would think we push/ed our children. In reality dh and I are/were being pulled by them and their disparate academic needs. The ride can be very stressful on us but not on them.

[8filltheheart]

It totally depends on the student and the family.

 

Someone looking from the outside would think we push/ed our children. In reality dh and I are/were being pulled by them and their disparate academic needs. The ride can be very stressful on us but not on them.

This is us, too. I am constantly telling 2 of mine, "No, you can't do more."

[Teachin'Mine]

For most, it's definitely not at all necessary.  And as was mentioned, the top students tend to be the ones pushing themselves and it's more a matter of keeping up with them.   Another reason why some may choose to strive more than others is if admissions are competitive for financial aid or merit scholarships.  

[HappyGrace]

Dd does push herself-I try to hold her back some.

 

I know she will prbly need a great transcript-currently thinking phys. therapy (highly competitive) but that could change. We do want to be sure she has whatever she will need to get into wherever she wants-she is extremely bright. AND we have NO money for college-not a penny. We gave that up when we decided to keep me home to homeschool on dh's small income. So she will need merit aid if possible.

 

I just don't remember it being this bad even when I was in high school. The people she will be up against for college admittance will have all kinds of AP courses, etc.

 

I am praying for God's course for her.

 

Sorry, just feeling a little overwhelmed!

[kiana]

I'm starting to read all the high school info and it just seems like it is all a huge push to be better than the next person so you present well to the colleges. Do tons of high level academic and then tons of extra stuff or you won't get into a good college.

 

I wish it could just be a time of preparing out kids spiritually and academically and socially with a nice balance.

 

"Good college" varies. If you're going for Ivy League, well, you really do have to have something outstanding and even then it's a crapshoot.

 

If you're fine with a decent state college, or community college then transfer, it really, really isn't necessary. For some kids it may be counterproductive -- the ones who are best matched at a state college but pushed to 'aim higher' -- they graduate and are just burned out.

[regentrude]

It totally depends on the student and the family.

 

Someone looking from the outside would think we push/ed our children. In reality dh and I are/were being pulled by them and their disparate academic needs. The ride can be very stressful on us but not on them.

 

Same here!!!

DD insisted on taking three dual enrollment classes at the university: a 300 level English course, a 300 level French course, and a third semester physics course taken by majors.

She works two nights in the university's tutoring center tutoring calculus based physics.

She is attending the university's Great books club (as the only student - the other participants are English faculty).

She is in the English Honors Society and runs their bake sale.

She is also organizing her group's Shakespeare dramatization that is part of class, is volunteering in two other groups to be part of their dramatizations for class, sings in choir 3 hours a week, rides a horse, ... I get dizzy just thinking about her schedule.

Pulled is the right word. None of this is to "look good" on the transcript - she does all of it because she is having FUN!

[regentrude]

Dd does push herself-I try to hold her back some.

 

Don't hold her back. If she is driven and ambitious, just give her the opportunities to have challenging coursework if that is what she wants. Does not sound as if you need to push.

 

And yes, sometimes a student may not have a good feel for balance and overstretch herself. see my other post about my DD. But it is good if she can try this out while still at home, and develop a feel for how much she can handle. I'd let her load her plate as full as she wants, so she can learn to self-regulate.

 

As others have already said: if you are not aiming for top selective school, competition is not that bad. And also: I would not push  a student to do the work needed to be competetive. It needs to come from within - otherwise the student would not be in the right place if she got in.

[kroe1]

I make mine do one sport and one instrument. There is no more pushing than that. I do not do AP classes, and probably won't do dual enrollment unless the financial savings are needed. Mine do not go to Ivy League schools either. They go to state universities. I do not even have them prepare for the ACT. The first is a physician and the second is headed in that path also. The costs of IVY league for our friends who are heading in that direction are astronomical. By 7th grade, they get college coaches who start evaluating lifestyle, courses, SAT preparation, etc. One friend has spent over $50,000 and is just now applying. I just do not see this as a good investment for us.

[Teachin'Mine]

Far from pushing her, what I would do is equip her with enough information so she can make good choices for herself.   It sounds like you will need schools which offer 100% of need based aid.  When you search for these schools, you'll notice that the vast majority are ivies and other highly competitive universities and top liberal arts colleges.  There are a few which are somewhat less selective and even some state universities, but when you're competing for the slot for having your tuition and other costs met, generally they want those students to be closer to the top of the stats than to the bottom.  If there are any "hooks" involved, then this might be less important.   Let her look up these school stats and see what they're looking for, and she should be able to tell you if that's the direction she wants to work  towards.    What also works is to look for less competitive schools with great merit aid where she can really shine in her transcript and test scores.   She'll be at the top of the class in a school like that, and that may or may not be what she's looking for.  Some of these schools also have honors programs which give the top students a smaller academic community which may appeal to some as well.  

 

If it's not her thing, there's nothing wrong with starting out at a good community college and transferring, or attending a good in-state state university.  Either of these options will mean that she'll have to concern herself less with jumping through hoops.   We've opted not to jump through some hoops, and others would have been eagerly jumped through whether they were recommended or not.   I looked on my role as facilitator as being one of providing information and opportunities, and then left the decisions up to my dd.   My dd is totally in charge of her education at this point, but it was a gradual transition which began even before 8th grade.

[kiana]

I make mine do one sport and one instrument. There is no more pushing than that. I do not do AP classes, and probably won't do dual enrollment unless the financial savings are needed. Mine do not go to Ivy League schools either. They go to state universities. I do not even have them prepare for the ACT. The first is a physician and the second is headed in that path also. The costs of IVY league for our friends who are heading in that direction are astronomical. By 7th grade, they get college coaches who start evaluating lifestyle, courses, SAT preparation, etc. One friend has spent over $50,000 and is just now applying. I just do not see this as a good investment for us.

 

Frankly I don't see it as a good investment for anyone. I think that someone who spends 50,000 on 'college coaching' to make sure they're 'fit' for ivy leagues is quite likely to end up overmatched and railroaded into a career they don't like either.

[Guest Nicoal]

Thank you for saying what I have been thinking for a very long time.  I'm not even sure college is a good investment at all anymore.  However, I do ensure my son has a complete education so he can make his own choices when the time comes.

[Jane in NC]

When I homeschooled my son in high school, I viewed it as my job to launch him--or, to be honest, to help him launch himself.

 

I am lucky.  My guy knew what he wanted to do and figured out ways to do it in high school.  His passion is Archaeology. 

 

As homeschoolers, we are so fortunate in that we can create paths that suit our kids.  That doesn't mean we only allow them to focus on their passions. Sometimes a passion does not pay the rent--or one passion leads to another.  I allowed my son to cultivate his interests in the past while preparing him to live in the 21st century.

 

Look at the admissions page of the public universities in your state.  Some homeschool parents here in NC think that four years of math in high school is unnecessary.  I hate to be the bearer of bad news but the UNC system requires applicants to have four years of math (Algebra I&II, Geometry and a course beyond Algebra II).  Does your student wish to attend a public university?  They are going to have to jump through some hoops. 

 

Knowing my son's personality and interests, we knew that a small LAC would be a better fit for him.  We also knew that our Expected Family Contribution toward tuition would be high even if we did not have the liquid assets to pay for the full tuition at a private college.  Merit aid was needed.  Some schools award merit aid on test scores.  Others look for sparkle.  Cultivating passions can produce focused, interesting young people.  Not every college will want your quirky kid, but some are quite keen.  But they might want some test scores or outside grades from dual enrollment--not just that Mommy transcript.

 

My son did some APs--not as many as those who wish to attend highly competitive schools. He did some dual enrollment in part because I did not want to teach chemistry and I felt that I was banging heads with him on his writing.  There are reasons other than "pushing" when our kids take outside classes.  Some kids simply need someone else to help them on their journeys.

 

Ultimately I did not want my son to be in a position where he could not pursue his path because I had failed to foresee laying the proper foundation within high school.  This to me is the responsibility of the parent education.  (And maybe your kid won't be as stubborn as mine sometimes was regarding writing.  Irony:  he is a fabulous writer today and writes with ease.  I never saw that one coming back when he was fifteen!)

[HappyGrace]

Ultimately I did not want my son to be in a position where he could not pursue his path because I had failed to foresee laying the proper foundation within high school.  This to me is the responsibility of the parent education. 

 

I didn't mean that *I* am pushing her, I just meant it feels like we are having to "push" in general to jump through hoops due to the reason in the quote above.

 

By the time we get the academics done for the day, there is no time for much else-all the things I envisioned with homeschooling such as having lots of time to pursue and deepen interests, serve in different capacities, study Scripture, activities, etc.

[regentrude]

By the time we get the academics done for the day, there is no time for much else-all the things I envisioned with homeschooling such as having lots of time to pursue and deepen interests, serve in different capacities, study Scripture, activities, etc.

 

This is something that would prompt me to have a very close look at the curriculum. Maybe you are simply doing too much?

I find it extremely important that teens have time to pursue interests outside of academics, and I would dial down school work until that is possible.

 

I think my DD has received a very rigorous college prep education and has test scores that make her competetive for admission to very selective schools, but she always had the time to do other things as well. So, I do not believe that students must spend the entire day on school, to the exclusion of time to pursue their interests.

 

Maybe you can streamline?

I always started from five core subjects (math, science,foreign language, English and history) that had to get done each year - the rest was discretionary and mainly interest driven.

 

[Jane in NC]

 

 

By the time we get the academics done for the day, there is no time for much else-all the things I envisioned with homeschooling such as having lots of time to pursue and deepen interests, serve in different capacities, study Scripture, activities, etc.

 

I agree with Regentrude that perhaps you need to reexamine your academics.  Homeschoolers can often find ways to pursue interests via academics.  Are you wedded to particular curricula?  I would consider involving your daughter in her high school plan.

 

ETA:  Another thing that I realized in the high school years is that there were certain things I wanted my son to do because they were things I wanted to study!  Recognizing this led me to pursue some things for my own self education.

 

[Barbara H]

One friend has spent over $50,000 and is just now applying. I just do not see this as a good investment for us.

 

The vast majority of college consultants earn less than a high school guidance counselor. Sure, there probably is someone out there charging more than fifty times the going rate (just like there is always someone in every field doing something crazy) but that has nothing to do the way educational consulting works for most families.

 

My purpose as a consultant is to help families navigate the process with less stress. Every kid has different strengths and goals and every family is different. The homeschool plan that makes sense for one kid may not make sense for another. For example, some kids have goals that require them to look at tests like SAT subject tests and for other students they are a waste of time. It reduces stress to know what you need to tackle and what you don't. My goal isn't to package cookie cutter clones to get into the Ivy League, but instead to help students be well prepared during high school and end up at colleges that make sense academically, socially, and financially. Many families can do this on their own, but others decide it is worthwhile to get some help from someone with more in-depth understanding of the process. College is really expensive and planning ahead can make a big difference.

 

To me one of the best parts of homeschooling high school is that our kids can really develop themselves (academics, extracurriculars, volunteering) and still have sane and balanced lives. I think this is much easier to while homeschooling than it is for students to do so in a brick and mortar high school. It is good to pay attention if it is starting to feel like you are doing too much because that's the beauty of homeschooling, if something isn't working you can change it. It may be time to reassess the approach to some subjects and see if there is a way to lessen the work load to make more time for other things.

 

Here are a couple of articles I've written about the benefits of homeschooling high school. They address some of the issues being discussed here.

Family Benefits of Homeschooling High School

Academic Benefits of Homeschooling High School

 

[Barbara H]

One thing I notice in these conversations, people define "jumping through hoops" very differently. Some families feel like having to do any core academics is a kind of jumping through hoops. Others are assuming that every college bound student needs to be taking a dozen APs. So, it is may be helpful to break it down and really talk about what are the hoops that need to be jumped.

[PeterPan]

Happy, the fact that it is hard, time-consuming, or involves making choices does not mean you're doing something wrong.  It just is how it is.  If the pace didn't step up and the choices become more challenging, how would it prepare them for life?  These are the kinds of choices we as mothers make ALL THE TIME.  We choose whether it's a better use of our time to be on the boards or play games with our kids or read our Bibles or watch tv or...  And these are the choices they start to have to make in high school.  They can't do it all, and that's OK.  

 

If you choose not to do all the bible study together you had intended, that was your choice, not something somebody made you do.  If you choose to live in fear and decide that the God who is worth time to worship won't be there for you when it comes to paying your college bill or having you be ready to go to the place you need to be when you did right by Him, well that's a choice too.

 

The Bible is very clear on this: Offer the sacrifices of righteousness (meeting the standard, doing what is right) and PUT YOUR TRUST IN THE LORD.  (Prov. 4:5)

 

You might consider not reading on the high school board here so much.  It's really not reflective of the span of reasonable homeschooling for high school.  If it is, it's in silence.  There are all kinds of people out there doing a quiet job raising normal kids.  It is not necessary or desirable to turn everyone into some high end accomplishment.  It's only necessary for them to become who they're meant to be.  These years allow them to blossom like that, yes, but it's a spiritual exercise of trust, with you believing that as you have them on the path they're meant to follow, it's all going to work out.  It's not about pushing and trying to make something happen.

[Barbara H]

 

I just don't remember it being this bad even when I was in high school. The people she will be up against for college admittance will have all kinds of AP courses, etc.

 

One thing that I find often surprises parents most is the amount of core academics that are expected now. It was really different a generation ago. A lot of us didn't take four solid years of core classes, but that is much more the expectation.

 

Often public school students tell me that they know they are taking too many APs but they do it because the nonAP classes are not well taught and have too many students who act out or not at all serious. As a homeschooler you really have a lot more flexibility and you can choose to pursue APs or not as it makes sense for your student.

[Jane in NC]

One other thing:  parents of 7th, 8th, 9th graders often look at some of the high school threads and think "They sure aren't talking about my kid!"  But as dear Nan often reminds our gentle readers, your 8th grader is not your 11th grader.  Our students grow and develop their thinking skills and interests at amazing rates during these years. 

 

Which brings us back to the joys of homeschooling!  The conversations we have on a daily basis!  Seeing the blossoming of the world of ideas for our kids is exciting stuff!

[hsbeth]

Far from pushing her, what I would do is equip her with enough information so she can make good choices for herself.   It sounds like you will need schools which offer 100% of need based aid.  When you search for these schools, you'll notice that the vast majority are ivies and other highly competitive universities and top liberal arts colleges.  There are a few which are somewhat less selective and even some state universities, but when you're competing for the slot for having your tuition and other costs met, generally they want those students to be closer to the top of the stats than to the bottom.  If there are any "hooks" involved, then this might be less important.   Let her look up these school stats and see what they're looking for, and she should be able to tell you if that's the direction she wants to work  towards.    What also works is to look for less competitive schools with great merit aid where she can really shine in her transcript and test scores.   She'll be at the top of the class in a school like that, and that may or may not be what she's looking for.  Some of these schools also have honors programs which give the top students a smaller academic community which may appeal to some as well.  

 

If it's not her thing, there's nothing wrong with starting out at a good community college and transferring, or attending a good in-state state university.  Either of these options will mean that she'll have to concern herself less with jumping through hoops.   We've opted not to jump through some hoops, and others would have been eagerly jumped through whether they were recommended or not.   I looked on my role as facilitator as being one of providing information and opportunities, and then left the decisions up to my dd.   My dd is totally in charge of her education at this point, but it was a gradual transition which began even before 8th grade.

 

This is wisdom and rings true with our experience so far.

 

There are many paths to success, and not all require attendance at a four year school. My primary role with our older teens has been to initiate realistic conversation beginning in 8-9th grade about their possible goals and the financial implications of them. Like many, we sacrificed a significant portion of our income so that we could homeschool our children. This will limit what we are able to contribute towards their college educations.

 

Based on a long process of prayer and conversation with both of our current high school students it was determined that both had interests and goals that would indeed require a bachelor's degree and possibly some graduate work. My kids do not desire admittance to highly selective or Ivy league schools, but they do desire to graduate with no or very minimal undergraduate debt.

 

 We first investigated our EFC and determined whether or not we would be able to afford to meet it. Many families are shocked by their "number" and it is not always easily budgeted. Secondly, it is crucial to understand that most universities will not meet financial need. Those that do are rare and highly selective. I encounter many local families that have no idea that schools are not obligated to meet financial need.

 

Realistically, our children had a few options, all of which required some level of hoop jumping.

 

1)Be admitted to one of the select schools that will meet full financial need. This will require rigorous coursework, stellar test scores, and a well rounded resume. You can see a relatively recent list of such schools here:http://www.usnews.com/education/best-colleges/paying-for-college/articles/2013/09/18/colleges-that-claim-to-meet-full-financial-need-2014

 

2)Be admitted to a public/private school that does not meet full need, but offers a significant amount of merit aid. Most of the schools on this list for us were out of state publics. They are not very competitive for admission, but are competitive for money. Some have guaranteed merit scholarships which usually require SAT/ACT scores at or  above the 90th percentile nationally. Others have competitive scholarships. Regardless, you are again forced to demonstrate rigor and have test scores which are well above average. Many have honors programs which provide a more stimulating experience for the upper level students they fund with merit $.

 

3)Attend an in state university/take advantage of state level financial assistance. Our state has a tution scholarship available for students that meet a reasonable GPA of 3.7 and reasonable ACT/SAT scores (1200 CR+CM or 26). However, this program only covers tuition, not fees, room and board, or books. We were surprised to learn that there would be an approximate gap of 12-15K for one of our children to be a residential student at an instate public. They would qualify for a Pell grant, but even if they took the maximum Stafford loans (not our preference) there would still be some gap beyond our EFC. If they didn't meet the above benchmarks, but had a 3.0 a smaller scholarship is available leaving an even larger gap.

 

4)Commute to a local two year or four year university and live at home. Tuition would be covered by our state scholarship and a pell grant would cover fees. We would be able to use our EFC to help with books and other small expenses. Without the achievement of the state level tuition scholarship described above, this would still not be entirely affordable.

 

*** It's important to note that homeschooled students in our state are required to have a certain level of SAT/ACT scores and to complete a couple of dual enrollment or AP courses to qualify for state level assistance as freshman at all beginning with the class of 2015. There is no option for us to not include those things if we need any state level scholarships at all.

 

A commutable option is not always available. Unfortunately, this is the case for our oldest. There are no accredited programs for engineering within driving distance, even though we live in a well populated area. Option 3 would have required our student to take maximum loans and attend a school that she didn't like. There is only 1 instate public which has an accredited civil engineering program and it is happens to be quite selective anyway (GA Tech). She opted to pursue options 1 and 2 and did the work to be competitive at both. She will apply to a couple of schools on the list above that meet full need. This works because we can pay our EFC. If you can't afford your EFC, there may be financial issues even with option 1. She has also secured significant merit aid at some less competitive OOS public schools as financial safeties (option 2). Although out of state, they actually offer more assistance than our in state options because of her academic record. If she attends one of these schools she will have minimal debt or be debt free.

 

Fortunately, commuting will work well for our second child. She desires to study nursing and we do have a great local university that can offer her that program. She will only have to achieve the moderate standards necessary to secure our state level tuition scholarship. She should be debt free for her first four years.

 

Our third child, still in middle school, has more of a hook. She is an extremely gifted athlete. It's too soon to know if she'll also pursue a four year degree, but she may be able to take advantage of a non-academic scholarship if she does. Still, she invests hours, sweat, and tears into her craft. She may be our busiest and hardest working child, just in a slightly different way.

 

Locally, the only students I know who have a more relaxed attitude are those who are living at home and pursuing a two year or four year degree, or those who attend a state university AND have parents who can afford to foot the bill.

 

I don't believe I've ever "pushed" my children, but I have given them realistic information and been encouraging to them when they've grown weary of putting in the work that is necessary to achieve their goals.

[Jenny in Florida]

I didn't mean that *I* am pushing her, I just meant it feels like we are having to "push" in general to jump through hoops due to the reason in the quote above.

 

By the time we get the academics done for the day, there is no time for much else-all the things I envisioned with homeschooling such as having lots of time to pursue and deepen interests, serve in different capacities, study Scripture, activities, etc.

 

It is true that, often, something has to give.

 

For example, my son's passion is dancing/musical theatre. After years of doing both at the hobby level, he decided last year that he wants to really focus on dance and study it seriously with an eye toward majoring in dance in college. He's not looking at classical ballet, but studying dance the way he wants to still means a good number of hours each week at the studio. So, when he chose to get serious about dancing, we knew we'd have to figure out where to cut back on other things and how to streamline what was left to make room in his life.

 

In his case, one thing this has meant is allowing him to take less rigorous courses in some subjects (specifically, math and science), choosing not to insist on him taking the honors version of everything and letting "enough" be enough. For example, he started algebra early and had done geometry before officially starting high school. The temptation when you have a kid who is clearly talented in an area is to keep him on the most challenging path. But he doesn't love math, and the time and energy to do the things he does love had to come from somewhere. So, he's stepped off the beaten path, spending a year exploring a combination of cryptology and statistics and probability before getting around to algebra II. This year, he's dual enrolled and will take math only in the second semester. While his friends are making their way through AP Calculus, he'll be taking the very unimpressive-sounding Math for the Liberal Arts. And that will end up being the final math-related entry on his high school transcript.

 

Similarly, I've had to learn to be really okay with less than perfect grades. Even when it is clear that he "could" get the A on an assignment or in a class with "just a little extra work," sometimes it's okay to let it go. When I find myself getting irritable that he seems content not to go through the essay he has turn in tomorrow morning one more time, I have to step back, regain perspective and remind myself that an occasional B won't ruin him for life. If printing off the essay and tucking it into his folder now, before he's checked over it the extra time allows him to go hang out and play a round of cards with his dad in the living room for an hour, that just may be an acceptable trade-off.

 

It has also meant acknowledging that some other activities will have to take a back seat. For example, he has sung with a pretty serious choir for several years and also took private voice lessons for two years. The voice lessons had to end when he opted to devote more time (and money) to dance. And, while he still sings with the choir, he misses part of each regular weekly rehearsal because the time conflicts with a dance class. And whenever there is a scheduling conflict, dance wins.

 

This past summer, he had to choose between giving his full energy and attention to a dance intensive and auditioning for a community theatre musical. In theory, he had time to do both. They didn't actually overlap or conflict, but he knew he would not give his best to either if he tried to do both. And dance won.

 

He isn't as involved at church as he has been in previous years, either. And he's had to cut back a bit on his volunteer commitments.

 

He's still covering his bases, academically. In fact, he's on pace to graduate a couple of years early with a nice chunk of college credit. But making the choice to let enough be enough frees him to spend 15 or more hours each week dancing and still sleep now and then.

[MysteryJen]

Such good thoughts here.

For myself, managing the anxiety of high school was the biggest problem. It is like they are babies again (who is teething, who is crawling first, etc), except the milestones seem much more crucial (AP classes, driving, jobs, DE). I think it is really important to talk to high school kids, not always their parents who are as anxious as you are, but the kids themselves. See what they are doing (really doing, not what their school says they are doing), what they are thinking, and talk to your own kid about their hopes and dreams.  If you have a highly motivated kid who is pulling that is great, but it can also be as draining and worrying as pushing the reluctant one.

 

My dd1 is a competitive swimmer and rock climber. She wants to keep pace with her friends who only do 1 sport and are in an IB program. I am trying to honor her wishes, but keep an eye out for needing to slow down. I don't want her to spend her high school in a fog of exhaustion and frustration that there are only 24 hours in a day. So my anxiety for her education is completely different than it was for my son.

 

I recently got a magnet for my fridge that says "Let go or be dragged." I am trying to make that my motto for the next few years.

[Jane in NC]

Such good thoughts here.

For myself, managing the anxiety of high school was the biggest problem. It is like they are babies again (who is teething, who is crawling first, etc), except the milestones seem much more crucial (AP classes, driving, jobs, DE). I think it is really important to talk to high school kids, not always their parents who are as anxious as you are, but the kids themselves. See what they are doing (really doing, not what their school says they are doing), what they are thinking, and talk to your own kid about their hopes and dreams.  If you have a highly motivated kid who is pulling that is great, but it can also be as draining and worrying as pushing the reluctant one.

 

My dd1 is a competitive swimmer and rock climber. She wants to keep pace with her friends who only do 1 sport and are in an IB program. I am trying to honor her wishes, but keep an eye out for needing to slow down. I don't want her to spend her high school in a fog of exhaustion and frustration that there are only 24 hours in a day. So my anxiety for her education is completely different than it was for my son.

 

I recently got a magnet for my fridge that says "Let go or be dragged." I am trying to make that my motto for the next few years.

 

My motto during these years was "Talk, talk, talk" but the intention was "Listen, listen, listen".

[elegantlion]

My son's high school experience so far (10th grade) looks like him, so vastly different than I had imagined. He's an average student with unusual goals. As Jane said, I feel like my job is to lay the foundation from which he will launch himself. In that I have relaxed a little. He's not going Ivy, he learns upside down and backward from most linear learners and some days I feel like I'm simply along for the ride. 

 

I've tried to get a handle on which "hoops" I'll need to help him jump through, which ones I can lay aside, and which ones MIGHT be important so we should leave the door open. I hate hoops, I hate red tape, I hate doing things just 'cause. 

 

My son's thing is computer programming. I leave time open for it. What he's done in programming has helped his geometry and algebra this year, not the other way around. He's not even sure he wants to study programming in college. We've pinpointed about 4 state schools that are options. One stands out, I keep checking their entrance requirements because to make sure we're aligning with them (similar to other state schools). I also look at their transfer and general ed requirements in case he does dual enrollment or CLEP. 

 

Last year I felt like high school was a combination of us both, this year it feels like him. I'm already outlining next year and it's all him, even more so. He wants to add a class which will fill out his electives. I had to step back and let him step up in a sense. He's not the kind of kid that can be pushed, but when he find something he wants to do, it's hard to stop him. 

[8filltheheart]

My son's high school experience so far (10th grade) looks like him,

 

Last year I felt like high school was a combination of us both, this year it feels like him. I'm already outlining next year and it's all him, even more so.

Paula, this is really the best perspective for examining the entire issue. My kids' educations **do** look like them. What may look like high pressured education to someone else is really just my ds's normal pace. What looks like an avg high school education with no "high pressure" components was my dd's.

 

My dd would have crumbled under ds's workload and ds would be bored out of his mind w/ dd's. What their college applications and career aspirations are reflect the same sort of personality/objectives.

[Jane in NC]

 

My son's thing is computer programming. I leave time open for it. What he's done in programming has helped his geometry and algebra this year, not the other way around. He's not even sure he wants to study programming in college. We've pinpointed about 4 state schools that are options. One stands out, I keep checking their entrance requirements because to make sure we're aligning with them (similar to other state schools). I also look at their transfer and general ed requirements in case he does dual enrollment or CLEP. 

 

 

Side note here:  My husband, the computer engineer, thinks it is a good idea to major in something other than computer science but maintain skills in computer areas (or obtain a minor or certifications). Computer technology keeps changing so what is the standard curriculum one year is passe the next. And let's face it:  everyone needs computer skills of one sort or the other no matter what their job.  My archaeologist son is currently taking a GIS class. 

 

Computer engineering with a hardware focus is another kettle of fish.  These folks learn different skills than those with a software focus.

 

Sorry to the OP for derailing...

[Lori D.]

 

I'm starting to read all the high school info and it just seems like it is all a huge push to be better than the next person so you present well to the colleges. Do tons of high level academic and then tons of extra stuff or you won't get into a good college.

 

:grouphug: I agree that a lot of the information we read to prepare for high school can feel like this! But I think the intent of books, websites, and the threads on this board is to encourage us as homeschoolers to help our students have the preparation they need for being able to move into a number of options. Homeschooling for college-readiness is quite often one of those goals. 

 

Also, this board is based on the WTM book, which homeschools from a rigorous classical model. So a lot of the families participating here have advanced, motivated, gifted, rigorously-working students. But there are lots who participate here who *don't* have those goals or have those type of students; we're just quieter. ;)

 

To encourage you, here are a few recent threads to see that pushing for high level academics is not what lots of homeschoolers do in high school:

I did it! (WTM's CyndiLJ posts about starting a website for homeschooler alternatives to 4-year college)

What's wrong with starting out at a CC or Junior College?

Is there no room for contemplative types?

If you could turn back time to when your child was 12...

 

 

 

I wish it could just be a time of preparing out kids spiritually and academically and socially with a nice balance.

 

This is where I'm going to insert a little cheerleading for the idea of advance planning, with a few specific goals you want to achieve over the course of high school. For me, that requires thinking through a series of questions about each of those areas -- spiritual, emotional/social, life skills, academic -- and then writing out what specific goals we wanted to accomplish for each.

 

Then, I like Mary Schofield's idea of making a 1-page high school plan, where you pencil in what classes your student would be taking to meet high school graduation/college admission, AND what goals you want to try and include along with the specific classes. One page is do-able. And pencil helps you keep it flexible, and change your goals as needed, and as your student matures/changes.

 

I found these past threads helpful in thinking through how to set goals, and how to achieve "balance":

 

Are we all crazy? How can a kid get everything done in homeschool high school?

How do you do the things that need to be done AND the fun things? (specific tips on scheduling for balance)

A list -- balance -- how much of what to produce an academically curious, capable adult

How do you balance rigorous studies with personal interests/extracurriculars?

Any thoughts on balance and choosing among goods means saying no to some, etc.?

How do you balance their interests with what will be needed for college?

Broad vs Focused study in high school and how to find balance?

How to balance?

 

 

And, getting started planning for high school can feel REALLY overwhelming! There seem to be SO many topics to have to learn about, which sometimes also feels like we're supposed to also be DOING all those options (not true!) These past threads might help you slow down, take a breath, and see how to take it "one bite at a time":

 

My son is starting high school (linked resources, tips, and gentle steps from posters on getting started)

High school curriculum -- where do I start (how to decide what credits to do, and then how to select curriculum)

Homeschooling high school... where to begin? (links to lots of threads on specific topics: getting started, curriculum, credits, transcripts, etc.)

Where to start? Which resources, etc.?

 

 

Finally, while this board or books and other resources can provide helpful tips and specific ideas, they CAN also be overwhelming. That's where you have to hold fast to YOUR goals, and know YOUR student well, and not get swept up into the panic of "what everyone else is doing." ;)

 

Each family's high school plan will be very unique because:

- each student's attitude and motivation (or lack of)

- each student's unique abilities/interests and ultimate goals (or lack of goals)

- family goals (for example, for some homeschooling is about a lifestyle choice, or about character development first, and academics second)

- resources available locally (extracurriculars or academic options; family's finances)

- community trend (what's available education-wise and job-wise in your specific area, and what is the "norm" for high school students in your area -- straight to work; attend a community college/vocational school; local university; shop around for a college; aggressively pursue selective schools or ivies...)

 

And yes, you CAN have the goal of your DC going to college AND having a balanced life! You just have to aggressively protect your time, and regularly pull out your list of goals and determine if the things in your family's life are moving you closer to those goals, or farther away. BEST of luck, as you begin to plan for high school! Warmest regards, Lori D.

 

[Laura Corin]

I think that, if your student has a particular goal, there might be a time for pushing.  If, for example, all your child wants to do is to go to MIT, then there may be a time when the parent has to take charge of that goal and make it possible.  Because these are teenagers, and the long term gets bogged down in the mire of the short term.  

 

Calvin has had some pretty high goals for several years now.  But there have been times when I have made sure that the work got done, including pushing pretty hard, in order to keep him on track.  It's just this year that he has really taken charge of achieving those goals himself: this week, as I was setting off for work, he ran after me with the Wifi cable because he didn't want to be distracted from what he needed to do.

 

So there may be seasons, and the pushing may come sometimes from one side, sometimes from the other.  If the goal changes later, the work will still have been worthwhile - it has value in itself.

 

FWIW, Calvin sings in three choirs, plays the electric bass, is part of a jazz band and has a select but firm group of friends with whom he socialises.  All this is just for fun - his potential universities don't really care.  But he does spend a lot of time working.

 

L

[regentrude]

I think that, if your student has a particular goal, there might be a time for pushing.  If, for example, all your child wants to do is to go to MIT, then there may be a time when the parent has to take charge of that goal and make it possible.  Because these are teenagers, and the long term gets bogged down in the mire of the short term. 

 

Laura, I am actually not so sure about that. If they can't do what is required to make it to MIT, they won't be able to hold their own once they get there, when they are surrounded by driven, ambitious, high achievers who do have the intrinsic motivation.

If anything, I would take it as a sign that the student is not suited for his "dream school" if he only gets there if the parents push.

 

[Laura Corin]

Laura, I am actually not so sure about that. If they can't do what is required to make it to MIT, they won't be able to hold their own once they get there, when they are surrounded by driven, ambitious, high achievers who do have the intrinsic motivation.

If anything, I would take it as a sign that the student is not suited for his "dream school" if he only get there if the parents push.

Compared to life as a full-time student at a competetive school like this, or even with a rigorous course of study at a good public institution, anything the high schoolers need to do to get there is still comparatively easy.

 

 

I can see that point of view.  But I also see it as part of the process of maturation.  You can have a goal at 14 that you do not have the maturity to chase fully at that age.  Some children will, some will not.  But that doesn't mean that by seventeen or eighteen that child will not have reached the maturity to thrive in that environment.

 

I absolutely agree with you that the child has to take control, but for some children that might be at 14, for others it might be later.

 

L

[regentrude]

You can have a goal at 14 that you do not have the maturity to chase fully at that age.  Some children will, some will not.  But that doesn't mean that by seventeen or eighteen that child will not have reached the maturity to thrive in that environment.

 

I absolutely agree with you that the child has to take control, but for some children that might be at 14, for others it might be later.

 

Oh, absolutely! I guess I as thinking more of older teens who are still being pushed.  I suspect in those cases, it is often secretly the parent who has the goal and is living vicariously through the child).

[HappyGrace]

Thanks, everyone-this thread is really helpful. I am pondering all the GREAT replies and just trying to process through some things and put it to prayer.

 

I agree that the things many people are doing on these boards are rigorous, but I'm seeing it locally with the (excellent) public high school here too. There is definitely more pressure these days to perform in the high school years.

 

I do know God will prepare us and help us all along the way.

[Nscribe]

...

This is where I'm going to insert a little cheerleading for the idea of advance planning, with a few specific goals you want to achieve over the course of high school. For me, that requires thinking through a series of questions about each of those areas -- spiritual, emotional/social, life skills, academic -- and then writing out what specific goals we wanted to accomplish for each.

...

I just wanted to chime in and underscore this sentiment. 

[Catwoman]

Frankly I don't see it as a good investment for anyone. I think that someone who spends 50,000 on 'college coaching' to make sure they're 'fit' for ivy leagues is quite likely to end up overmatched and railroaded into a career they don't like either.

:iagree:

 

Most of the kids in our family have attended Ivy League universities, and no one has spent that kind of money on things like college coaching. My feeling is that, if parents need to get that extreme in order to get their kids into the most prestigious schools, chances are probably fairly good that the kids don't really belong there.