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Please offer feedback: practice ACT timed essay for 11th grade

Guest mom3xlove

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Guest mom3xlove

 Prompt: Can common sense be trusted and accepted or should it be questioned?


      Back thousands of years ago when our primitive species dwelled in caves, we had one thing we could rely on.  It was not the school system, churches, government or society.  It was common sense.  As relatively dumb creatures, we could learn what our elders showed us and know that was true.  Should we now, with vast amounts of knowledge, technology and resources, trust common sense? Yes, if we, strip away the discoveries and added stimuli, we are left with a primate, capable of using his only known intellect to survive.

      More and more society asks us to question our vital being. Blinding us to the fundamentals that allow us to survive. Politicians, organization leaders and parents hand out the blindfolds to ultimately harm the people. By restricting the ability to use basic logic people accept what has been taught, without question. People are used, robbed and sold by individuals who, were only taken advantage of the same way.

       If you do not trust common sense what is there to trust? Everything else has been told to or taught by someone. Common sense wasn't discovered. It was implanted in the very first string of DNA that became a living thing. This eventually led to the caveman sitting in a cave trusting his instinct, common sense.

       it is in our core being as the root of our knowledge. It allows us to trust our heart and brain to make vital decisions. Common sense helps us decipher things just by knowing what is right and wrong. Integrated in our everyday thought processes, it is the basis for all other aspects or our lives.  At our core we share the same common sense, only some choose to trust it while others don't. We as humans need something to be concrete and why should that not be the thought process we established as cave men hundreds of thousands of years ago? Yes, we should trust common sense.




TIA for any feedback!!

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  • 2 weeks later...

I'm no expert. I just came here to see at what level others were writing but here is what I have to say.


It seems a generally good argument but the second sentence in the second paragraph is not a complete sentence. I believe the rule is for all sentences to be complete ones in a formal essay. This may be a typographical error - does it belong to the previous sentence?


I also have a comment on commas - now, I admit, I tend to overuse commas and may be incorrect but I see a couple of places where I would insert one.


At this age, I would also prefer some concrete examples of how society, politicians, etc. have handed out blindfolds and how people are being robbed and sold as well as some literal examples of how common sense would make things better.


Perhaps someone who is less comma crazy can chime in on the commas.


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