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Sometimes the asynchrony just kills me (vent)


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Sorry, just needed to vent I guess.

 

It's only Monday and it's already an interesting week.

 

One the one hand, DS is hard at work deriving a standard equation for the ellipse (for fun!) and coming up with some abstract algebra proofs. On the other hand, he drew some flower petal cells all out of proportion despite looking very carefully through the microscope. And what's more, colored the petals grey because he thought it was a shade of pink. Upon further discussion with him (gently of course, I know drawing is still hard for him), I realized his color blindness makes him confuse pink and grey. He sees the cells as they are through the microscope, I guess because of the intensity of all the colors together? But transferring what he sees to paper is hard and he is unable to distinguish pink and grey in his color pencils set. I don't know why this particular color combo hasn't stood out to me before. I've known for a while that he has issues with red and green. Anyway, I am going to help him out by getting a camera-microscope adapter so that he can hopefully see it on his computer screen from now on. Don't know if that will help but I will try it.

 

Then during an online class this evening, the teacher refused to believe that DS didn't understand something that was being discussed. DS has told me over and over that things that are supposed to be hard come easily to him but that easy things often stump him badly. This teacher has been seeing DS, one of the younger students in the class too, solving harder problems quickly and easily so when DS was stumped over an easy one and texted (it's a text-based class, but not AoPS) that he didn't understand something, the teacher actually declared over audio for all to hear "I think (DS's name) is joking with us." Sigh. It hurt DS's feelings because he takes comments like that very seriously and never jokes during a class. He is generally a goofy guy but always serious during a class. I understand that the teacher cannot see emotions in a text/chat-based class but still...it just shows how easy it is to have very skewed perceptions/ expectations when a kid is usually getting things easily from a young age.

 

Will stuff like this even out one day? How long more do I have to see him be so asynchronous and worry for him? Is this what they call a JAWM thread? I don't know.

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I can totally imagine it, believe me. Humor is a great way to look at asynchrony and usually I don't let it get to me but today it was one thing after another. One of those days you know? He was also really sweet today. Brought his soft dog toy downstairs from his room and wanted to have the toy on his table while he did his math. A 60+ inch tall boy, already wearing man-sized clothes and shoes, holding his toy so lovingly. I thought it was sweet. :) He is still a child after all.

 

We need to get our boys together. :) Thanks for helping me feel better!

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hugs.  I'm sorry the teacher wasn't more sympathetic. 

 

We are working gently with some drawing things, though A. is younger ... it is so odd to me what he either doesn't see in the world, or doesn't see on his paper maybe, or perhaps his brain just fills stuff in so that it seems like the drawing matches the original.  Like humming tunelessly when I think I'm being harmonic.  And that's without any color confusions! 

 

DH is newly-convinced of the rightness of hs-ing A. because A. has taken to carrying around a biggish pumpkin I bought him at Trader Joe's (we made a special trip -- the child was jonesing for a pumpkin, and insisted on bringing his allowance to pay for it) nearly everywhere.  "Mr. Pumpkin" comes to the board to do AoPS, sits near A. at snack time and gets taken to A.'s room at bedtime.  We managed to keep the pumpkin out of his bed but putting it on the empty lower bunk; A. said it wasn't as good a buddy as his little brother (too young for the bunk) but was an improvement over nobody. 

 

and more (hugs).

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I realized his color blindness makes him confuse pink and grey. He sees the cells as they are through the microscope, I guess because of the intensity of all the colors together? But transferring what he sees to paper is hard and he is unable to distinguish pink and grey in his color pencils set. I don't know why this particular color combo hasn't stood out to me before. I've known for a while that he has issues with red and green. Anyway, I am going to help him out by getting a camera-microscope adapter so that he can hopefully see it on his computer screen from now on. Don't know if that will help but I will try it.

 

DS has told me over and over that things that are supposed to be hard come easily to him but that easy things often stump him badly.

The camera microscope adaptor does not help my color blind (see things as gray) cousin. However it might work for your son.

 

There are no chemistry lab exams for SAT or AP but you might still want any color blindness issues documented in case any accomodations are needed. I had help for any electronics lab dealing with resistors because I can't read the color code correctly.

 

I had to look at the color label on my color pencils for some colors.

 

As for math, I'm living that everyday as well (even for science) so I can sympathise.

 

ETA:

We are getting our pumpkins from Trader Joes too. They have the prettiest so far compare to other stores.

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Thank you Ana. :grouphug: Oh that pumpkin tale is so sweet. I have one about DS and something he carries around/ sleeps with too but he has asked me to promise not to mention details to anyone so I want to honor that. Just know your A is not alone in this. I'm so glad for the empathy I receive here. Thank you!

 

ETA: btw, totally agreeing with your DH. DS is the perfect candidate for slipping between the cracks and being bullied in PS. In fact, he was bullied in kindy for the short time he was there...by a TA and I suspect she did it partly because she is very disturbed and partly due to his asynchrony.

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The camera microscope adaptor does not help my color blind (see things as gray) cousin. However it might work for your son.

 

There are no chemistry lab exams for SAT or AP but you might still want any color blindness issues documented in case any accomodations are needed. I had help for any electronics lab dealing with resistors because I can't read the color code correctly.

 

I had to look at the color label on my color pencils for some colors.

 

Good to know, thank you, Arcadia. I will be able to return the adapter if it's not helpful so no harm trying I guess. In a way, it will be helpful to me too so we can both look at the slides at the same time if viewed on the computer screen. And it will reduce the need to keep standing up to view the specimen then sit down again to draw it out. He seems to prefer doing the microscope viewing standing up.

 

I've noticed that he can usually make out a difficult color if it's intense/ all grouped together. But once it's split up like in a color pencil set or in different stripes or something, he has more difficulty. It's usually not a big problem. E.g. when his mentor uses colors to differentiate number groups in abstract algebra, DS can just let his mentor know to use easier colors. He is also learning to compensate. I guess we'll just have to figure it out.

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I found my older still very asynchronous at age 11, but now at age 13 he seems to be evening out.  So perhaps just a couple of more years for your ds.   However, just last week he and his brother were tying their stuffed animals to napkins as parachutes and dropping them off the upstairs balcony; when during the same week he was solving math problems that I had *no* idea how to solve even though I did statistical modelling for 8 years.

 

I think we all have to just smile and remember these times fondly.  That and talking privately to his teachers!

 

Ruth in NZ

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What gets me is when I am surprised by things that I shouldn't be......things like completely normal teenage drama and experiences (like crushes, etc) and their reactions are like.....get this......teenagers. :p At times it is very frustrating bc I expect the level of maturity that I see everywhere else to leap into their heads and smack them out of it already. ;)

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This is so good for me to read right now.  Because my dds are so very verbal, articulate, and mature, and because my older dd has handled a big step up in the challenge level of her work load this year, I'm always gobsmacked when she does something, I dunno, age-appropriate when it comes to schoolwork . . . 

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I found my older still very asynchronous at age 11, but now at age 13 he seems to be evening out.  So perhaps just a couple of more years for your ds.   However, just last week he and his brother were tying their stuffed animals to napkins as parachutes and dropping them off the upstairs balcony; when during the same week he was solving math problems that I had *no* idea how to solve even though I did statistical modelling for 8 years.

 

I think we all have to just smile and remember these times fondly.  That and talking privately to his teachers!

 

Ruth in NZ

 

I'm so glad to hear that he is evening out at 13, Ruth. Lol, that parachute idea made me grin. What a hoot these kids are eh? The last bold lines are so true. I usually try to do that although I do forget to speak to his teachers. Need to keep that in mind.

 

 

What gets me is when I am surprised by things that I shouldn't be......things like completely normal teenage drama and experiences (like crushes, etc) and their reactions are like.....get this......teenagers. :p At times it is very frustrating bc I expect the level of maturity that I see everywhere else to leap into their heads and smack them out of it already. ;)

 

Oh dear, this is going to be a hard one for me! It's just SO hard to imagine now. DS's friend's mom was just telling me 2 days ago about her son (he's 12, private schooled) totally missing all the cues his female classmates were sending him. At what age does it go from "duh" to "woohoo"? :laugh:

 

This is so good for me to read right now.  Because my dds are so very verbal, articulate, and mature, and because my older dd has handled a big step up in the challenge level of her work load this year, I'm always gobsmacked when she does something, I dunno, age-appropriate when it comes to schoolwork . . . 

 

Exactly Rose! I know it sounds crazy right, but seriously, I have to shake myself every single day and remember he is 11. Just turned 11. All his life he has been talking and acting like an older child and sometimes adult, sometimes grandpa for a large part of each day that when he acts 11 or sometimes, he behaves like he is 8 or 6 or 5, it's like whiplash you know? I have to bite my tongue and not say anything that could be perceived by me to be a normal reaction but by him to be cruel because it hurts his feelings so much when I react that way. This is often one of the hardest parts of parenting for me. I think I was asynchronous too so I usually get it. But not this much. At the same time, I know DS does not have significant LDs either. So it's a matter of waiting and hoping he figures it out. :svengo:

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Shoot.  I was banging my head against the wall all summer while my successful 21yo college grad was living at home.  How is it that someone who got good grades, lived on his own for 2 years and paid his bills on time can still be so utterly clueless? :banghead:     What part of it is willfulness, what part of it is maleness and what part of it is the same faulty hard-wiring of his brain that had me tearing out my hair while homeschooling him??

 

I love the stories of the lovies, pumpkins and soft puppies.  That's the sort of sweet behavior that our homeschool kiddos, especially our sweet boys, get to keep. It doesn't get bullied or shamed out of them.  Two of my son's childhood lovies are still with him -- sitting on a shelf, but still there.  For the other one it was books that he wanted to bring to college, but the unpracticality of lugging around the complete Calvin and Hobbes outweighed the desire to have them close by!

 

 

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Shoot.  I was banging my head against the wall all summer while my successful 21yo college grad was living at home.  How is it that someone who got good grades, lived on his own for 2 years and paid his bills on time can still be so utterly clueless? :banghead:     What part of it is willfulness, what part of it is maleness and what part of it is the same faulty hard-wiring of his brain that had me tearing out my hair while homeschooling him??

 

I love the stories of the lovies, pumpkins and soft puppies.  That's the sort of sweet behavior that our homeschool kiddos, especially our sweet boys, get to keep. It doesn't get bullied or shamed out of them.  Two of my son's childhood lovies are still with him -- sitting on a shelf, but still there.  For the other one it was books that he wanted to bring to college, but the unpracticality of lugging around the complete Calvin and Hobbes outweighed the desire to have them close by!

 

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:  The hug smileys don't do enough justice to how I feel each time you post Jenn. Please consider them a tiny representation of how thankful I am to and for you! :001_wub:

 

And an extra :001_wub:  for this one:

It doesn't get bullied or shamed out of them.  Two of my son's childhood lovies are still with him -- sitting on a shelf, but still there.  For the other one it was books that he wanted to bring to college, but the unpracticality of lugging around the complete Calvin and Hobbes outweighed the desire to have them close by!

 

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I remember my geometry teacher getting borderline angry with me for asking him an "obvious" question.  Geometry was so intuitive to me that I never had to really think about it, until that day.  I asked my one and only question and in truth, it was a dumb question.  After he told me what part of the textbook page to look at it suddenly clicked.  But I'd read that several times before.  Brains are weird.

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I also struggle with the asynchrony...we recently had some friends over for dinner and the husband was talking to my dd (age 8) and commented that he felt like he was talking to a 30-year-old.  However, just as he said that, she started talking with food literally falling out of her mouth!  We had to laugh...

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