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Self help book on getting divored/healing from bad relationship


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I'm looking for a book about healing from a bad relationship. This person is not religious so no religious based books, please. She is going through a stressful separation from a man who is emotionally abusive and manipulative.

 

Any suggestions?

 

 

Disclaimer: I do not wish for this thread to turn into anyone's personal views on separation/divorce so please do not post if you feel you cannot honor this. Thanks :)

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The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans.

 

Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft.

 

Those will help with cognitive understanding of what she's been through.

 

She probably needs support for PTSD from an experienced and qualified professional.

 

Boundaries, social support, and excellent self care are critical.

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Thanks, Joanne. Even when you're injured you still reach out to help others.

 

Unfortunately, boundaries will be hard for her at the moment. They have a toddler, and he uses the toddler to get back at her. She has to see him everyday to drop off and pick up her toddler.

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She probably needs support for PTSD from an experienced and qualified professional.

 

Joanne, I hate to piggyback on someone else's post, but can you tell me a little more about this?

 

I've recently come to realize that I'm not really okay still. It's been over a year since I found out about my dh's infidelity, and about 9 months since I found out the worst parts. At this point, thoughts about this arise every 10 minutes or so. I can mostly control them, in terms of deciding that now isn't a good time to dwell on whatever it is, but they don't seem to be coming any less frequently as time goes by, and that's a problem. Even though intellectually I'm pretty sure I understand what happened, emotionally, it's just not becoming any easier. I've made my choices (for now), and I think they're reasonable ones, but...my mind isn't letting me get past the intrusive thoughts, no matter how much I've resolved to do so. I know that I look pretty much okay on the outside, but something is seriously, seriously not going well with processing what happened.

 

From what I understand, PTSD is, in large part, caused by a failure to process the event/events effectively. I don't know how to fix that. I've thought through what happened, I've received counseling. What more work is there to do with that? I'm feeling more than a little hopeless. :-(

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Thanks, Joanne. Even when you're injured you still reach out to help others.

 

Unfortunately, boundaries will be hard for her at the moment. They have a toddler, and he uses the toddler to get back at her. She has to see him everyday to drop off and pick up her toddler.

 

She has many years of this, and that is why boundaries are imperative now, not when it is easy. Google power and control wheel to see how the abuse does not end, he just finds another way to deal with it.

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Joanne, I hate to piggyback on someone else's post, but can you tell me a little more about this?

 

I've recently come to realize that I'm not really okay still. It's been over a year since I found out about my dh's infidelity, and about 9 months since I found out the worst parts. At this point, thoughts about this arise every 10 minutes or so. I can mostly control them, in terms of deciding that now isn't a good time to dwell on whatever it is, but they don't seem to be coming any less frequently as time goes by, and that's a problem. Even though intellectually I'm pretty sure I understand what happened, emotionally, it's just not becoming any easier. I've made my choices (for now), and I think they're reasonable ones, but...my mind isn't letting me get past the intrusive thoughts, no matter how much I've resolved to do so. I know that I look pretty much okay on the outside, but something is seriously, seriously not going well with processing what happened.

 

From what I understand, PTSD is, in large part, caused by a failure to process the event/events effectively. I don't know how to fix that. I've thought through what happened, I've received counseling. What more work is there to do with that? I'm feeling more than a little hopeless. :-(

 

((((Julie)))) I can't help with this from my phone. The short answer is that trauma impacts (changes) the brain, short circuiting it. It leaves people less able to access and utilize normal life coping skills.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I've recently come to realize that I'm not really okay still. 

Julie, I think of you so often and am so sorry to hear that you're hurting. I hope and pray that you will feel stronger soon.  :grouphug:   :grouphug:   :grouphug: 

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