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Dun, dun, dun - and the saga continues. Tutoring student...


AimeeM
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This is what I sent:

 

"Hi xxx. I need to know if dd is going to be here, and when, so I can plan my days accordingly. If she's still too sick to come, please let know; if you don't respond and/or dd isn't back tomorrow with a doctor's note, I'm going to have to assume you do not need me to tutor/sit any longer."

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This. And I would make sure she knows you're still going to need that Dr's note because there is no way in hades I would trust this lady's word about her child being well enough to be around your medically fragile child.

 

Oh I specified that - today and yesterday. That's the problem, I think. She hasn't responded since I stated that I would need a doctor's note - if no "back to school" note, I'm fine with some sort of form that specifies she was there, treated and/or cleared (i.e. an "after care" form, like those they often give at the ER or Urgent Care).

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This is what I sent:

 

"Hi xxx. I need to know if dd is going to be here, and when, so I can plan my days accordingly. If she's still too sick to come, please let know; if you don't respond and/or dd isn't back tomorrow with a doctor's note, I'm going to have to assume you do not need me to tutor/sit any longer."

Well it sounds like the ball is in her court.  I say if you do not hear from her today about her dd coming to your house tomorrow you should just sleep in!

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Aimee,

 

For those of us who don't watch soap operas, we need you to come back and respond!  LOL  Hopefully, you are out celebrating with your hubby and kids your new found freedom!

 

Or there's a great Christmas sale on some place, in that case spill the beans and tell us where you were shopping! LOL

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Lol! Sorry ladies, I was picking up my own sick kiddo from school.

 

Tutoree came today. With a note! That proved she was indeed treated on Sunday! Now, someone please enlighten me, why was this so hard for Mom? Why the no-call, no-shows for two days in a row?? Why get all pissy and non-responsive when I ask for a note or form? She had one for the love of pete!

 

The child is still too ill to participate - she slept on the couch all day, I gave her her medications, kept her comfortable, but she's clearly struggling to breathe in her sleep - poor kid. I think I just have to realize that since telling Mom I'll no longer be tutoring/watching the child after 11-15, she's just going to make my life more difficult than necessary... because, really, none of this was necessary - she had exactly what I needed to feel comfortable letting the child come back!

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Priorities, priorities!  Are saying your ds comes before the hive?  haha!

 

I was hoping to hear the mom didn't get back to you so you were through with the situation.

 

There may still be some hope there. When I said "bye sweetie, I'll see you tomorrow"... she said "if I come tomorrow".

Oy.

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WHY is everyone getting up an hour earlier for the girl to come to the house?

 

Well, I have to get up so she's supervised, lol.

The others? The house starts moving when she gets here - dog gets excited and starts yapping, you can hear people in the house moving around, lights come on, etc. It's a small cottage style home - there's no escaping the movement in the house. She comes pretty darn early, around 6:15 with a 15 minute (or so) window going either way, depending on the day.

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It wasn't a note, or I would be suspicious. It was a form that basically stated her symptoms, what she was treated for, by whom, etc. Kind of... a general admit form I guess? I got a very similar one when I went to my local urgent care (and I recognize the name on the form as a different local urgent care center).

That's why I don't understand why on Earth mom made this so difficult and confrontational. She had what I needed the whole time!

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WTM

I haven't. I've also been pretty diligent about erasing most of everything I've been venting about on here.

I have to get it out. Part of me feels badly about bringing this on here, but... well, you guys are my sanity through this mess. My husband is so rational... he's just like "be done with it already!".

 

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I haven't. I've also been pretty diligent about erasing most of everything I've been venting about on here.

I have to get it out. Part of me feels badly about bringing this on here, but... well, you guys are my sanity through this mess. My husband is so rational... he's just like "be done with it already!".

Vent all you'd like -- we're here for you!

 

But FWIW, I agree with your husband! :)

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Vent all you'd like -- we're here for you!

 

But FWIW, I agree with your husband! :)

 

I agree with him too... but I did give my word as to how much longer I'd be available to her. So long as she keeps her end of it, I'll keep mine. For her, that means no more "no call, no show" - and I'm not entirely sure she'll keep that end after the child's comment leaving today.

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I think this other mom is not likely to have enough energy to be a thorn in anyone's side on purpose. She was probably just taking care if her girl and trying to run her household on little sleep and high stress. Sure, she's not taking any (reasonable, normal) actions to preserve a good relationship with her childcare provider, but, I think I could see myself doing that if I was coping with 1000 issues and the provider had already "given her notice."

 

Call me naive, but I see a scenario that involves her juggling, and scribbling, and prioritizing, and probably depressed, and maybe getting sick herself now too -- as far more likely than being "pissy" and out to bug anyone just for the sake if being a pain.

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I think this other mom is not likely to have enough energy to be a thorn in anyone's side on purpose. She was probably just taking care if her girl and trying to run her household on little sleep and high stress. Sure, she's not taking any (reasonable, normal) actions to preserve a good relationship with her childcare provider, but, I think I could see myself doing that if I was coping with 1000 issues and the provider had already "given her notice."

 

Call me naive, but I see a scenario that involves her juggling, and scribbling, and prioritizing, and probably depressed, and maybe getting sick herself now too -- as far more likely than being "pissy" and out to bug anyone just for the sake if being a pain.

I think she's acting like a spoiled brat who is used to getting her own way, and who is stomping her feet and holding her breath because Aimee finally stopped tolerating her manipulative behavior.

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I think this other mom is not likely to have enough energy to be a thorn in anyone's side on purpose. She was probably just taking care if her girl and trying to run her household on little sleep and high stress. Sure, she's not taking any (reasonable, normal) actions to preserve a good relationship with her childcare provider, but, I think I could see myself doing that if I was coping with 1000 issues and the provider had already "given her notice."

 

Call me naive, but I see a scenario that involves her juggling, and scribbling, and prioritizing, and probably depressed, and maybe getting sick herself now too -- as far more likely than being "pissy" and out to bug anyone just for the sake if being a pain.

If this were the first time this had happened (or something similar), I would agree.

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"Stomping her feet and holding her breath" would actually be attempts at childish manipulation. They would indicate that she wants Aimee to change her mind, and thinks she can take (unpleasant) action to make that happen. On the other hand, deciding she just doesn't care what Aimee thinks, or what impact her choices will have on Aimee is a form of 'moving on' and focusing on things that matter.

 

When you are in crisis 'how highly my childcare provider thinks of me' just doesn't matter much. Neither does 'she didn't get adiquate warning to have a predictable morning' sound like anything real to complain about.

 

Is sounds like she has written Aimee off and moved on with her life. She hasn't done anything actively 'against' Aimee -- all evidence is that she is simply directing no effort or consideration towards her at all, and isnt open to awkward social interaction with her. That's not at all the same thing as having the active intention of being a pain in her backside as a firm of revenge.

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"Stomping her feet and holding her breath" would actually be attempts at childish manipulation. They would indicate that she wants Aimee to change her mind, and thinks she can take (unpleasant) action to make that happen. On the other hand, deciding she just doesn't care what Aimee thinks, or what impact her choices will have on Aimee is a form of 'moving on' and focusing on things that matter.

 

When you are in crisis 'how highly my childcare provider thinks of me' just doesn't matter much. Neither does 'she didn't get adiquate warning to have a predictable morning' sound like anything real to complain about.

 

Is sounds like she has written Aimee off and moved on with her life. She hasn't done anything actively 'against' Aimee -- all evidence is that she is simply directing no effort or consideration towards her at all, and isnt open to awkward social interaction with her. That's not at all the same thing as having the active intention of being a pain in her backside as a firm of revenge.

I suppose I see not letting me know her child wouldn't be in, even after repeated attempts to contact her, then telling me she's going to be there the next day, but not sending her when I ask for a note, as intentionally being a pain.

I'm not positive she's being manipulative - I do know that suddenly she started communicating again (albeit shortly) when I told her one more no-call, no-show would result in immediate termination of services.

 

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I agree 100% with bolt. This woman has clearly gotten the message and is moving on. Is she being inconsiderate? You bet. But, I don't think it's coming from passive aggressiveness, I think she's written AimeeM off and is moving on, doing the minimum necessary to keep her end of the deal. And I bet (and don't feel sorry for her) that, like bolt said, she has a lot more in her plate and is probably just in survival mode.

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Yeah, all that is basically 'just making her own decisions and not bothering to keep in touch because its not worth the effort' -- people who are intentionally causing trouble need to spend extra thought (what will really big son-n-so?) and effort (ok, I'll do that) to make it happen. This lady seems pretty focused on other piles of trouble -- and you are just not being given the time if day. Inconsiderate, yep. Annoying, definitely. Out to get you? Probably not.

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Aimee has wanted advice from the start on how to have appropriate boundaries that respect both her own family and this little girl's family.  This situation has not been a good fit for Aimee and her family and as such, really ends up not being the best fit for the little girl either.  Aimee has worked hard to be fair and to communicate clearly and with plenty of notice.  While Aimee has obviously been frustrated and annoyed by how the situation has unfolded, I would find it very out of character for her to be suddenly paranoid about this woman's intentions.  All we can go on are this woman's overt actions regardless of what might prompt them.  

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Aimee has wanted advice from the start on how to have appropriate boundaries that respect both her own family and this little girl's family.  This situation has not been a good fit for Aimee and her family and as such, really ends up not being the best fit for the little girl either.  Aimee has worked hard to be fair and to communicate clearly and with plenty of notice.  While Aimee has obviously been frustrated and annoyed by how the situation has unfolded, I would find it very out of character for her to be suddenly paranoid about this woman's intentions.  All we can go on are this woman's overt actions regardless of what might prompt them.  

 

Thank you.

Bolt, other issues lead me to believe she has been passive aggressive. It actually took a good deal of crap on my end for me to feel this way. Initially I believed she was just having a really horrible time with personal issues going on - until certain things started to unfold and I caught her in several (intentional) lies. Obviously intentional. Sequence: guilt, beg, plead, get angry, get sweet and compliment Aimee so she does what I want.

 

I know that she's having a very rough time... but I also believe that this is her personality. This was a very hard decision for me to come to.

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Aimee, you have managed to get yourself out of the web of a very manipulative woman, and you deserve a ton of credit for doing it with integrity by being professional, unemotional, and following through with your end of the deal. I hope you don't think that I was implying that you are being paranoid. I was just giving my opinion on what this woman was doing based on my past experience with selfish, manipulative people. If I offended, I didn't mean to, and I'm sorry.

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The OP is the only person here who knows this woman and has knowledge of her previous behavior patterns. Her take on the woman's recent behavior carries much more weight than anyone else's because she has actual experience with this woman to base that opinion on.

:iagree:

 

I also wanted to add that I think Aimee has handled this situation exceptionally well since she made the decision to end the arrangement with the other mom. I admire her for setting boundaries and establishing rules for the other mom, and for sticking to her guns and not allowing the mom to get away with any garbage. :thumbup:

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She has come the rest of the week (wednesday through today). Wednesday she came with antibiotics she needed to take mid-day, but mom has forgot to send them the last two days. Today the child showed up in 30 degree weather wearing shorts and a t-shirt - and still coughing her poor head off. We have to go out every day - this morning was no exception and the child was shivering (I have nothing that will fit her here).

Just when I thought we were going to ride out the rest of our time in silence, but no more confrontation, I now need to text mom reminding her that faltering on the antibiotics means that the child may not get better, may be (or become) contagious (I'm not sure how that works - if they consistently miss doses, what happens?), and to please dress her in weather appropriate clothing - that we go out daily, with no exceptions, because our outings are often must-do errands like taking my eldest to school, the store, etc.

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Time for another meet mom at the door to demand the antibiotics and appropriate attire before accepting the child for the day.

 

Mom doesn't come to the door. If I lock the door, the child will have to knock, and maybe then I can run out and catch mom in her car (because mom doesn't pull from the curb until she sees her dd get inside safely).

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