mommybee Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 I think I should have gone tonight but I was so unsure if they could help me. I work tomorrow night and it's a new job that I can't miss. Also I am terrible about asking for help, but I am losing it here. Just had to say it out loud..................... *Update* Anyone reading my thread new. I am ok. I never cry on and on for days. It was just a bad night. I am usually fine the next day....well kind of fine anyway. Functioning at least. I really think I just needed some attention but clearly the ER is not the way to go so I won't be doing that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 I'm not sure. Is it panic related? Do you have "rescue remedy"? Try that under your tongue. Is it blood sugar related? Eat something like a peanut butter sandwich - both carbs and protein to get your blood sugar up and to sustain you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whereneverever Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommybee Posted October 21, 2013 Author Share Posted October 21, 2013 It's ex husband related and I'm just not handling it well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommybee Posted October 21, 2013 Author Share Posted October 21, 2013 I just wish someone was here to take care of me. I'm so hurt and struggling and alone. And I'm just freaking out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 ((Shannon)) Let's put on a cup of herbal tea - chamomile might be nice. It is cozy and will take care of you just a little bit. I know things seem overwhelming for you right now. I wish I could be there in person to just sit with you and listen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammi K Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 :grouphug: A warm bath, a cup of tea, and a good night sleep. You'll feel clearer in the morning. Know that we're thinking about you and praying for you. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 Shannon, if you are still there, call the crisis line if you need to talk to someone. They really do care and can help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommybee Posted October 21, 2013 Author Share Posted October 21, 2013 Thanks gals! I am just so overwhelmed. I've been trying so hard. New career, trying to learn the job and homeschool. It's just a tough night. I really can't stop crying. I am not desperate or anything I just had hoped maybe they had a way to ease my pain. I've never taken anything for depression or desperation and I just hoped maybe the ER might help with some attention to my needs. There is no one in my real world who can help me. I always do everything on my own. I do have some rescue remedy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommybee Posted October 21, 2013 Author Share Posted October 21, 2013 And my stupid eyes always swell shut when I cry now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ondreeuh Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 Shannon, call the hotline. If you are in crisis, the ER can do a mental health evaluation but that is for inpatient treatment. If you are not in crisis, get through the night and in the morning call mental health/behavioral health clinics and see if you can get an urgent appointment. People through the hotline should be able to steer you in the right direction. I'm so sorry the ex husband is triggering this in you. Does it help to write out a letter that you know you won't send? That helped me SO much when I was fresh out of a bad relationship. I needed to say my piece and regain control, even if I was the only one who heard it. Can you take some Benadryl to help knock you out tonight if you're worried about not being able to sleep? I would call the hotline for help and a list of who to call in the morning, drink some tea, take a Benadryl and play a mind numbing game until I drifted off. Long term, you need a support team. A good counselor can help you so much ... And maybe the are people who would love to hope if they knew you needed it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommybee Posted October 21, 2013 Author Share Posted October 21, 2013 ok, I'll just try the benadryl and sleep. I have been doing that other nights but tonight was hard. He had agreed to stay legally married so I could have insurance cause I have chronic asthma and now with a girlfriend I think we will have to divorce for good and I am terrified about how to get medical. My new job doesn't offer enough hours, so I'm just scared. I can't afford counseling or I would be doing it already. This is all new to me and the people I know would rather complain about their lives than ask me how I'm doing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ondreeuh Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 It sounds like you are thinking of what could happen several steps down the line. Right now, he still provides insurance. Focus on that. Cross the divorce bridge when you come to it. You are not there yet. One step at a time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 :grouphug: A warm bath, a cup of tea, and a good night sleep. You'll feel clearer in the morning. Know that we're thinking about you and praying for you. :grouphug: I agree... when I've been particularly overwhelmed and can't get ahold of myself, some sleep really does make it seem better in the morning. I also will 2nd Rescue remedy. My college daughter takes it when she is overwhelmed and on the verge of a panic attack and she says it helps. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 ok, I'll just try the benadryl and sleep. I have been doing that other nights but tonight was hard. He had agreed to stay legally married so I could have insurance cause I have chronic asthma and now with a girlfriend I think we will have to divorce for good and I am terrified about how to get medical. My new job doesn't offer enough hours, so I'm just scared. I can't afford counseling or I would be doing it already. This is all new to me and the people I know would rather complain about their lives than ask me how I'm doing. :grouphug: I'm sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FriedClams Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 Praying for you. (((Hugs))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jrn Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just Kate Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 Checking in to see how you're feeling this morning. ((Hugs)) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy in NH Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 In NH ex-husbands can be required in the divorce decree to provide insurance for the ex-wife, even if they remarry. You need to make it clear to the court that the marital agreement was to have you stay home and care for/educate the children of the marriage. The new health care law can provide insurance for you starting in January. If you go through with the divorce, chances are you will qualify for Medicaid or a big subsidy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
City Mouse Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 Even if you get divorced, you may eligible for COBRA from the previous insurance plan which can last for 18 monthsi think. It is expensive, but maybe you're ex would agree to pay half. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NicAnn Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 I'm so sorry. Hugs to you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 Is there an organisation like The Samaritans? My brother volunteers for Sammies in the UK and people often call because they need some human warmth and someone to listen to them. You don't need to be desperate - just in need. L Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twigs Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldberry Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 Even if you don't have money for a counselor, it's worth calling some places and just telling them that you are in URGENT need with no money, and I would imagine they can direct you somewhere that can help you. Don't give up. My friend managed to get counseling through some assistance. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 You have many needs in many directions. I know my postb divorce years challenged me to the breaking point. I would like to gently and with love challenge you about the pride behind "never taking anything" that was implied in one of your posts. Chances are you are PTSD from the marriage and stressed by majr life changes. Your BRAIN (chemicals, structure, neural pathways) are impacted and some chemicial support for healing will complement a holistic plan for care. From a BTDT perspective, I ultimately had to accept and plan for life without any reliance on xh at all; even if from a justice standpoint it should have happened differently. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
msjones Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 I second Joanne's suggestion that you get some meds. I never thought I would -- I had the "I never take anything" approach. But, I got to the point with my depression and anxiety that I could not function. I remember all the crying. Sigh... it was horrible. ( My eyes swelled shut, too. :( ) The doctor diagnosed me right away with a major depressive episode and I started (gladly, at that point) that same day on an antidepressant. I struggled for about 3 days with side effects, and then it was like the fog lifted. Thank God. I could think clearly again, sleep again, eat again. The issues I was dealing with were still there, but I could approach them with a clear head once again. I am thankful for modern medicine. Best wishes to you as you decide what to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OH_Homeschooler Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 I have that happen every so often. I went to my GP last time, a few years ago. It wasn't diagnosed as a panic attack but it felt like that in a lot of ways. I was just so overwhelmed and couldn't stop crying and felt like I would never be able to stop. My doctor put me on lorezepam temporarily to help me relax and get me over the worst, then followed up with me very closely on my anti-depressants, which had been prescribed by another doctor. It felt like an emergency to me. I had my husband to help and to drive me to the doctor and sit with me while I waited. I don't think it would be the worst thing to go to the ER in your situation. And I tried Rescue Remedy, that didn't even touch it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kbutton Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 I once felt at the end of my rope. I went to the ER. It was not a good experience and so I left. They treated me as if I were a potential criminal. I'm not kidding. The ER is not a treatment center of any kind. They are only interested in stabilizing people to be treated elsewhere. A better route would be to see if you can see a therapist or someone like that who you can talk to. Sorry you are suffering. :grouphug: If you feel suicidal, the ER can help. Otherwise, this might be your experience. ER practitioners have only a couple of options available to them no matter how caring they are or would like to be. That said, many ERs utilize social workers that have experience with helping people through their various options for outside support, financial support, etc. The hospital may be able to refer you to someone who can do that in the community so that you don't have to access the ER for this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 I would call your regular doctor today and get a referral to someone. Even if you feel better today, make an appointment. Take advantage of that insurance! Yes, there's medicine you can take. A friend's panic attacks manifest in hysterical crying, and Xanax helps her greatly. Exercise and yoga help too. She channeled her stress into running and just finished a half marathon! Once you get stable, then you formulate a plan. Check into the healthcare exchange and see what you'd qualify for as a single mom on your income. Get a consultation with an attorney and get the separation plan formalized. I'm sorry you're hurting. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Belacqua Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 You're in my thoughts this morning. I hope you're feeling better today. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisbeth Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 I agree with the medication route. I spent decades not treating my raging ADD, and squandered many opportunities. Medicated, I realized how hard life *doesn't* have to be. Frankly, it made me angry for a while when I realized the years of unnecessary stress I didn't have to have. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommybee Posted October 21, 2013 Author Share Posted October 21, 2013 I am doing better this morning. I have to stop letting him get to me. I am not against taking medication at all it's just that I take so many asthma and allergy meds that I just haven't made the leap to making an appt and asking for meds. I don't scoff at them at all and have been telling myself for months now to go to my general practitioner and tell them I need some help. I have just been too overwhelmed to do it. I know I need counseling. Should I just make an appt with my primary care doc and tell him these things? I'm sure I have PTSD from all of this. He is letting his girlfriend get in his ear about supporting me and the kids and so all of a sudden he is questioning me and it just shows I can't count of him doing what he said he would. I need to at least get all the paperwork prepared and my finances in order. Luckily I still have control over the money so I've been stashing it. But I would love if he had to provide me insurance I just don't see how that would be possible. His company won't keep me on if we divorce. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommybee Posted October 21, 2013 Author Share Posted October 21, 2013 I figured the ER wasn't a good idea and that's why I posted. I was just losing it. It's hard when you are expected to do everything on your own. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 I'm glad that you're doing better today. Yes, talk this over with your doctor. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudoMom Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: I wish I was near so I could do something tangible for you. I'm so sorry that you're hurting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 Definitely talk with your doctor. But first, talk with your lawyer regarding the divorce. Once you speak with an attorney, you'll be both informed and prepared for what needs to happen in order to protect yourself and your kids, and I think having the information and getting all of your ducks in a row will go a long way toward helping you feel more in control of what's happening in your life. Don't let your ex hurt you. Get yourself prepared and stop reacting to whatever he does -- start being the one who takes action. You can do it. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted October 22, 2013 Share Posted October 22, 2013 Attorney, attorney, attorney. As unfair and as hard as it is, I have found it best to make life plans that do not rely on xh for anything. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dandelion Posted October 22, 2013 Share Posted October 22, 2013 I'm glad you're feeling better today. But I'm so sorry that you're going through this. :grouphug: He had agreed to stay legally married so I could have insurance cause I have chronic asthma and now with a girlfriend I think we will have to divorce for good and I am terrified about how to get medical. My new job doesn't offer enough hours, so I'm just scared. Forget the girlfriend. Let her say whatever she wants. He has agreed to stay legally married for now so hold him to that. Don't waffle on this, no matter how much the thought of the girlfriend bothers you. Her existence does not equal "we must get divorced right now". One of my best friends went through an ugly, ugly divorce 3 years ago. A new girlfriend was in the picture as well. She thought her ex would keep her on his insurance (he could have), and he didn't. He totally screwed her. She has major health issues and is really struggling right now. Hold your DH to the agreement to stay married for as long as it takes to get your ducks in a row. Don't agree to anything until you have insurance lined up, as well as finances/other legalities figured out. And yes, get a good lawyer if you haven't already done so. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just Kate Posted October 22, 2013 Share Posted October 22, 2013 When my uncle passed away, my aunt went to her regular doctor who prescribed her something (can't remember) to help her deal with her depression and anxiety. Slowly, her dr weaned her off of it. I think talking with your dr is a great first step. What a crummy situation. I'm praying for you. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cammie Posted October 22, 2013 Share Posted October 22, 2013 I am doing better this morning. I have to stop letting him get to me. I am not against taking medication at all it's just that I take so many asthma and allergy meds that I just haven't made the leap to making an appt and asking for meds. I don't scoff at them at all and have been telling myself for months now to go to my general practitioner and tell them I need some help. I have just been too overwhelmed to do it. I know I need counseling. Should I just make an appt with my primary care doc and tell him these things? I'm sure I have PTSD from all of this. He is letting his girlfriend get in his ear about supporting me and the kids and so all of a sudden he is questioning me and it just shows I can't count of him doing what he said he would. I need to at least get all the paperwork prepared and my finances in order. Luckily I still have control over the money so I've been stashing it. But I would love if he had to provide me insurance I just don't see how that would be possible. His company won't keep me on if we divorce. There are lots of things that are possible - you just need to ask the questions. Sounds like an hour consultation with a divorce attorney would be a good start. Find out what the rules are in your state regarding health insurance after divorce. You are far from the first person who has had to deal with this problem! Also, look into the new rules regarding health insurance and pre existing conditions. You may find you are better off now getting your own insurance and cutting the ties from him all together. May reduce your stress overall. Get your divorce done, get the court orders child support and spousal support - then there is no more worry about what girlfriend is saying. Have the state collect the payments from him - then you don't have to get in the middle at all. You can get through all of this - it doesn't feel like it now but you can. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommybee Posted October 22, 2013 Author Share Posted October 22, 2013 Let me say I did already have an hour consultation with a lawyer when we first separated in 11/2012 so I do have some idea of the money he would be responsible to provide. The problem lies in the fact that his company doesn't have to keep paying a portion and allowing me to stay on his insurance if we divorce. I have some major health issues. I worked my whole life to have good insurance and then I married him and thought I was taken care of. So my only option is to hold him to what he agreed to and keep moving ahead and try to find a good way in the next year to have my own insurance. But he has to give me time. Lawyers cost a lot so at this point I'd like us to start on the paperwork she gave me last year and maybe try and come to some agreements that a paralegal can put in writing. This stuff is just all so hard!!! I am not suicidal or anything but I've been depressed for ages and I need to find a way to look at my future and just move on. I can't let this man get to me anymore. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommybee Posted October 22, 2013 Author Share Posted October 22, 2013 I will definitely have to take a look at the new insurance options next year. Right now I just needed him to stick to his deal and slow down a bit. I did everything I said I would. He left me in Nov and by Jan I was in school. Finished school in six months and had a job two months later. I would love dearly to actually not be tied to him anymore and I think that's what hurts me the most. That I am staying cause of the insurance but I want to be free of him and the connection to him. I am trying to be independent. I'm scared though. I've been married since I was 19. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommybee Posted October 22, 2013 Author Share Posted October 22, 2013 I noticed I said I'm scared more than once. What the heck do I have to be scared of? I just need to let it all go. I was originally so excited to have a new chance at life but then I sometimes feel like it's too late for me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted October 22, 2013 Share Posted October 22, 2013 Some stark BTDT reality: Even court orders can't make him do anything. As time goes by, he is less and less likely to be cooperative. As time goes by, he is more likely to increase the adversarial tactics. The more ties and expectations you have, the more vulnerable you are. Finally, you need an attorney now; you will NOT be the exception able to create a fair divorce while avoiding legal costs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommybee Posted October 22, 2013 Author Share Posted October 22, 2013 I'm not sure how realistically we are both supposed to afford a lawyer. She was very quick with her time and very expensive. We are both living on very little. He doesn't make much money as it is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cammie Posted October 22, 2013 Share Posted October 22, 2013 There are usually lots of options - depending on your state. Call the State Bar - ask about a low cost referral option. Ask about a family law legal aid clinic. Call any law schools in your area. Ask about legal aid clinics. Go to the courthouse. Ask about support for people filing/responding to a divorce petition. They usually have lots of pamphlets and information regarding the steps needed to work out an agreement. They also might be able to refer you to a low cost lawyer. Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted October 22, 2013 Share Posted October 22, 2013 I'm not sure how realistically we are both supposed to afford a lawyer. She was very quick with her time and very expensive. We are both living on very little. He doesn't make much money as it is. He is in romantic/has a girlfriend mode. He will begin to build a case for his new life in comparison to yours. He will make decisions from the chemicially induced state of "new love". Please don't be blindsided when he lawyer ups. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted October 22, 2013 Share Posted October 22, 2013 He is in romantic/has a girlfriend mode. He will begin to build a case for his new life in comparison to yours. He will make decisions from the chemicially induced state of "new love". Please don't be blindsided when he lawyer ups. Exactly this. It happened to my brother, and it was ugly. Please don't be caught unprepared. Faith Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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