On a Scale on 1 to 5, 5 being the worst...

[Mommy22alyns]

I agree, she sounds like a 3 year old. I don't know the circumstances why she is with you and sleeping at your home, but this has likely been a very big upheaval for her. She isn't the enemy. I totally agree that 3 year olds are walking/talking babies. Life is a big experiment to them. The licking really isn't that big a deal in my world. I would keep the baby in a sling as much as possible and distract the 3 year old. Consider it good practice for when your own little one reaches this age. My kids drove me bananas from about 18 months to age 4. And yes, I would tell them no and redirect them. But it isn't unusual for the same thing to come up again and again and again. I really think there is a reason kids start school typically at 5. That is the age where instructions don't go in one ear and out the other. That can vary by child of course, but I've seen magical things happen to kids around age 5.

 

 

Yes, this.  What's going to happen when Jr. reaches that age and you decide you want another child?  Look at this as practice.  Because you really don't know what your child will be like as a 3yo.

[Lolly]

Yeah, I was afraid of that, :crying: ...lol!

I'm just going to approach this whole situation as a *I* am the one who needs fixing and help, I am sure that there are many appropriate ways to handle this stage and the challenges that it brings. I'm hoping that I can 'cheat' a little by talking to the folks who get her to behave nicely and getting their guidance.

 

Hubby thinks that we need to relax ("I am RELAXED!" <-- said in a tense and growly voice that clearly doesn't know the definition of the word!) and just be calm about the situation no matter what. He thinks that everything is in delivery--you can discipline or dole out a punishment and if the delivery is correct then everything will work out just fine. Which is depressing news for someone like me. I'm an expressive person and easy to 'read', so I'm going to be working extra hard on the relaxation and delivery of my words and actions.

 

Aah, parenthood...*Goes off in search of her tea*

 

 

:grouphug: You aren't the one who needs help. Parenting a 3 yo isn't easy. Parenting a 3yo with a baby around is even harder. Parenting a 3 yo who actually is only there short term and isn't your own, and adding in a baby is even harder than that. You are in a really tough place. Relaxing is always good. Knowing that what the 3 yo is doing is normal is good. As far as what works at preschool working for you, hahahhaha~! (Sorry, didn't mean to laugh. :lol: ) Kids act like different creatures when they are in school. I have no idea why. but they do. WHile their methods are certainly worth trying and might work, do not feel like a failure if they don't. It is a totally different scenario. Kind of how paint colors change depending on the lighting.

[mommymilkies]

I have some OCD issues so this is most likely cut throat. I would call her parents and demand she be removed at once. She would sit on the porch waiting for them and wouldn't be allowed back at my home until she could act normal. My children were taught very early about stuff. No finger sucking, nose picking junk in my house. I simply cannot handle it at all. A friend had a little girl that always had her finger stuck up her nose she wasn't allowed in my home. My little girl completely freaked on a kid who picked her nose then touched my daughters doll house. She told her to leave they were not friends she didn't play with nasty kids. She was 4 LOL! I don't care if it is cruel or anything else you wanna say I will have no tolerance for nasty in my house. A child putting their mouth on my baby would never happen more than once.

 

I had a niece who bit my baby once, it happened once. She is 9 now, I still have no contact. Yes I was raised the same way. Licking my baby would freak me out to know end just reading it made my skin crawl.

Um yeah. I have diagnosed OCD. You need help because apparently it's to the point where you are cutting off relatives over normal behavior, isolating your household, passing your neuroses on, and being rude and mean to people. If it's real OCD, those are warning signs that you need help.

[8circles]

Um yeah. I have diagnosed OCD. You need help because apparently it's to the point where you are cutting off relatives over normal behavior, isolating your household, passing your neuroses on, and being rude and mean to people. If it's real OCD, those are warning signs that you need help.

 

Yeah.  Clark, seriously your behavior is so unhealthy for you & those around you.  Please, if you aren't already, you need to get help.

[freesia]

I am going to stop and give you a hug:

((((hug))))

 

(where is my hug emoticon???? )

That is bc I have had a 3 yo and a little baby. It can be so exasperating! I remember thinking, "I can't believe I have to get down and help her clean up her toys. She CAN do it herself, and she did it alone this morning!" Like I said upthread,you still need to do it, but you need a hug bc it is hard with a newborn and a 3 yo, really hard. And Jr. will be this exasperating, particularly if you again have a newbie. I had 4 VERY different children and they were ALL exasperating at 3. It is a bootcamp for sure.

[nmoira]

As far as what works at preschool working for you, hahahhaha~! (Sorry, didn't mean to laugh. :lol: ) Kids act like different creatures when they are in school. I have no idea why. but they do. WHile their methods are certainly worth trying and might work, do not feel like a failure if they don't. It is a totally different scenario. Kind of how paint colors change depending on the lighting.

 

Maybe not methods (and part of this is that you don't have a "pack" at home), but perhaps attitudes. Experienced early childhood educators don't take *anything* their charges do personally, because they've seen the behaviour before.

[LucyStoner]

There is no substitute for actual parenting experience though.  Not being an older sibling.  Not being a preschool teacher.  Not being a nanny.  Nothing is quite like parenting.  Where the buck stops, that is where you find the real party AND the hardest work.  

[nmoira]

There is no substitute for actual parenting experience though.  Not being an older sibling.  Not being a preschool teacher.  Not being a nanny.  Nothing is quite like parenting.  Where the buck stops, that is where you find the real party AND the hardest work.  

 

Truth.

[SKL]

 That's a lot to give up over a SINGLE biting incident.

 

I could see it happening if the parents of the now 9yo got offended enough by the PP's reaction to the biting.

 

Biting is a big thing with me too.  Especially when the biter's parents act like it's no biggie that their kid is repeatedly victimizing other kids who, up to that point, had not considered biting as a problem-solving method.  So yeah, I might not be all coochie-coo to a child who was doing that to my baby.

 

I have some in-laws who raise hellions and then get offended if you say anything.  They didn't talk to me for a long time after I said one sentence about their kids going up to my babies and screaming in their faces while they were trying to go to sleep in a dark room at 10pm.  (The sentence I said was "how could anyone sleep with that going on," in response to being told my kid was crying.)  My brother's entire family is still protesting 4 years later by not coming to my parents' for Thanksgiving any more.  (The screamers were his step-grandkids.)

 

I would not throw the 3yo in the OP out of the house for licking, though.  But I guess it's good for people to know their limits.  ;)

[LucyStoner]

 

Biting is a big thing with me too.  Especially when the biter's parents act like it's no biggie that their kid is repeatedly victimizing other kids who, up to that point, had not considered biting as a problem-solving method.  So yeah, I might not be all coochie-coo to a child who was doing that to my baby.

 

ClarkAcademy specifically said she cut off contact after a single biting instance.  That's utterly over the top and unhealthy if that is all it was.  

[Seasider]

Mathmarm, realizing you've not personally reared a child to 3 yet, I have to echo what many have said, that there's a real difference between being mom and being aunt. Part of her defiant attitude may be coming from the fact that she doesn't want you to think you can replace her mother (and I bet this is subconcious to her, too).

 

You can be firm, and you can protect your infant (not a fan of licking here :tongue_smilie: ), but you're gonna catch a lot more flies with honey, kwim? Put on that exhausting super-nice persona and get down on her level. Lots of hugs, giggles, win her over with affection. If appropriate to the situation, help her color a picture to send to her mommy (even if you don't actually send it). Once she admires you, she will be less combative.

 

I'm not suggesting you let her get away with tyranny. I am just saying you need to win her over with love. Get down on the floor with her, "help" her to do the things you want her to do, engage and model the behavior as another poster has suggested above. Yes, you will be exhausted. Parenting toddlers is exhausting, mentally and physically. But you will have earned great experience for when your baby hits that stage.

 

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: You are in a tough spot. Three is a challenging age with a kid you've known and lived with from birth. It's super tough when the child belongs to someone else. Become the aunt she will seek out in future years.

[Catwoman]

I have some OCD issues so this is most likely cut throat. I would call her parents and demand she be removed at once. She would sit on the porch waiting for them and wouldn't be allowed back at my home until she could act normal. My children were taught very early about stuff. No finger sucking, nose picking junk in my house. I simply cannot handle it at all. A friend had a little girl that always had her finger stuck up her nose she wasn't allowed in my home. My little girl completely freaked on a kid who picked her nose then touched my daughters doll house. She told her to leave they were not friends she didn't play with nasty kids. She was 4 LOL! I don't care if it is cruel or anything else you wanna say I will have no tolerance for nasty in my house. A child putting their mouth on my baby would never happen more than once.

 

I had a niece who bit my baby once, it happened once. She is 9 now, I still have no contact. Yes I was raised the same way. Licking my baby would freak me out to know end just reading it made my skin crawl.

 

Please, please, please tell me you were joking.

[Guest inoubliable]

I have some OCD issues so this is most likely cut throat. I would call her parents and demand she be removed at once. She would sit on the porch waiting for them and wouldn't be allowed back at my home until she could act normal. My children were taught very early about stuff. No finger sucking, nose picking junk in my house. I simply cannot handle it at all. A friend had a little girl that always had her finger stuck up her nose she wasn't allowed in my home. My little girl completely freaked on a kid who picked her nose then touched my daughters doll house. She told her to leave they were not friends she didn't play with nasty kids. She was 4 LOL! I don't care if it is cruel or anything else you wanna say I will have no tolerance for nasty in my house. A child putting their mouth on my baby would never happen more than once.

 

I had a niece who bit my baby once, it happened once. She is 9 now, I still have no contact. Yes I was raised the same way. Licking my baby would freak me out to know end just reading it made my skin crawl.

 

:( I hope you can get/are getting some help. That seems a terribly isolating and frightening way to live life. 

[swellmomma]

come brush her teeth-- She brushes her teeth with supervision but does the motions mostly for herself. Once a day she gets a dry or water-only brushing that is meant to clean and remove build-ip Normal that they don't want to stop their play to do this.  Is it worked into another routine you have? Such as bath at end of night, brush teeth, storytime.  There is a pay off to look forward to (the storytime) which can not happen until teeth are brushed.  It was always put in the bedtime routine here but before the bigger pay off things on the list

put her toys away-- Is it really unusual for a 3yo who is healthy, verbal and speaking fluently, as well as a little physically advanced to put their own stuff away? She doesn't have a bunch of toys and she has a basket that holds the majority of them that is accessible to her. Maybe I'm just feeling stubborn but it doesn't like that "Kayla, its time to put your toys away so that we can eat/go/bathe/sleep/etc" should be a declaration of war. I feel like this is reasonable. Some of you more experienced moms, please check me if I'm wrong. There is a reason schools/daycares use the clean up song when it is clean up time, and clean up time is always followed by a pay off.  I used the same method with my kids.  Transitions are hard for lots of kids and they certainly will dig their heels in and declare war if you interrupt their play time.  When timing for clean up at that age I gave a 5 minute warning, then we sang the clean up song.  I always cleaned up right next to them, sometimes hand over hand if they outright refused.  Normally I made it a race of who could clean up the most me or them.  Add in lots of "oh I missed" while tipping over to grab something and lots of laughter and suddenly clean up time is a game. 

put her clothes on the chair-- we haven't given her a laundry basket yet and so I asked her to put her dirty clothes on the chair so I'd remember to wash them and she refused and gave me sass. There are grown men who can't remember to pick up their dirty clothes, expecting a 3 yr old to without the nightly reminder is asking for trouble and stress.  In these beginning stages I would have her hand you her dirty clothes as she takes them off and you put them on the chair, no fuss no muss.  In a few weeks miss independent will insist she does it herself. 

hold still so I can fix her hair-- What is a reasonable alternative? She wears her hair out at night but wants braids each morning. I would never cut her hair, so getting it shorter isn't an alternative. The alternative is to not say anything and just brush it.  3 year olds do not stay still to get their hair done.  Heck my 6 yr old still squirms and cries.  Tough cookies, it gets done, I just won't argue about it.  If she is flinging herself around I sit on the floor with her wrapped in my legs and brush her out.  You could tie it back in a ponytail at night to reduce tangles that need to be battled and make sure you use detangling spray to reduce the amount of pulling needed.

get dressed (which she can do, just fine, all by herself)--With help, she picks out her own clothes out the night before for the next day whether she has school or not. Her mom lets her wear what she wants to, and I've been following that. Niece has a lot of solid color clothes and "obviously an outfit" clothes so not matching isn't as big of a problem.She has been moving gradually toward getting herself dressed for almost a year and can, as of a couple of months ago, go from wet and naked to dry and clothed (sans shoes) in under 10 minutes. She prefers to dress herself, but when I tell her to go and get dressed, I get lip. (Actually, maybe a schedule or routine chart for different parts of the day will help, here. Maybe...) A schedule with a spot to put a checkmark or a sticker etc will work wonders here.  A morning list of get up, get dressed, make bed, eat breakfast, brush teeth, brush hair, each gets a check or sticker that she puts on herself.  Bedtime routine:clean up toys, have bath, brush hair, brush teeth, snuggle buggle storytime(we call cuddling a snuggle buggle) again 1 check or sticker she does herself.  At the end of the week there is a reward for having more checks/stickers than not (not going for 100% at this point, just a majority), perhaps a special movie on the tv, or a trip to a different park or something else of that nature.  SHe wants control so make that possible in a way that won't make you go crazy.

eat her food-- I know for a fact that this girl eats like a grown man if allowed. She isn't a picky eater and like our mom did with us, her mom (my sister) has never allowed her to waste food by playing with it or throwing it. I don't know why telling a 3yo who can use a spoon or fork to eat their food is viewed as too much. We grew up poor and food was precious and to be eaten. We went to bed hungry for as long as we wanted to until we were ready to eat. It honestly didn't take us long because our school didn't serve lunch back then and we eventually got hungry. You don't tell her to eat it.  She will eat when hungry. If she is not eatting it she is not hungry, so wrap it up, stick it in the fridge and send her on her way with a "see you next meal"  At 3 yrs old I generally was serving meals every 3 hours so breakfast, morning snack, lunch, afternoon snack, dinner, bedtime snack.  If a meal was not eaten at a particular time it was served again at the next meal time.  My kitchen was not a diner, you don't get to come and go as you pleased, but I don't believe in having to tell someone repeatedly to eat.  The mere fact that you are telling her to eat it is setting up a power struggle and in those cases the kid always wins.  Just take out the struggle, not eating = not hungry, see you next meal.

get your bag--

pick up your crayons--

put your plate away--

So how long before I should reasonably expect my niece to be able to follow simple commands, such as the above? I mostly get annoyed because she can get the bag, pick up the crayons and put her plate away (we've been eating off of paper plates so that we can keep the dishes low since Jr. was born and they can be thrown in the trash)--but she chooses to argue and defy instead. There is the problem, they are commands.  How often do you listen to someone who makes a command to you? Even if you comply I doubt it isn't without a little internal dialogue of "don't speak to me like that" etc.  She is a child not a dog, commands are not productive. 

 

Better ways to do it "Can you pass me your bag please?" (however if she says no that is okay becuase it was a question); or not as a question but not a command "Pass me your bag please"  With a big thank you when she does.  If she gives sass go hand over hand with her, pick up the bag and thank her.  Yes you still most of it yourself but she wasn't off the hook either.

 

again crayon pick up is like toy pick up.  a 5 minute warning that coloring time will be ending, followed by picking up the with her.  Kids of this age are pushing for independence, if you simply tell them to do something and then stand there as supervisor they fight back.  If you come along side them and do that WITH them they tend to comply.  Back to picking up the crayons, so you help her pick them up, even if she only picks up 1-2 of them total she still helped, she gets a thank you.  The crayons are still picked up, and a relationship has been strengthened by the cooperative nature of clean up rather than weakened with a battle of wits against a 3 year old.

 

Putting the plate away.   If she goes to leave the table without taking it, ask her where the plates go when we are done.  When she answers on the counter/in the sink.  Ask her if she can carry it herself or if she needs help.  This puts it in her corner and given that she wants her independence chances are she will choose to carry it herself. Again follow up with a thank you.  If she says she needs help, ask her what she needs help with, if she says she wants you to carry the plate do so, and just say "no problem, I can help with that, pretty soon you will be big enough to carry it yourself"  Now yes of course she already is big enough, but by framing it that way she will likely decide quite quickly she is more than big enough to do it herself thank you very much lol  When she takes it herself, along with a thank you make a comment about how big she is getting.  3 year olds take pride in being the big kid even if they still want to be the baby kwim.

 

My answers above are in red.  Now sass I do not let slide, but I don't jump to discipling either.  I give a second chance to correct the way they are speaking.  So a "excuse me -do not speak to me with that tone, you need to try again" in a calm but firm voice (by the time they are about 6 all I had to say was "Excuse me!" in that tone and they start backpedalling very quickly to correct.  If they sassed again on the 2nd attempt they got a time out.  When time out was over they had to apologize for speaking rudely to me and then we moved on.  Now the key in that is I could not be speaking rudely to them, which includes commands and that frustrated tone we get when compliance is not instant.  When you speak that way it gets her defenses up(and she doesn't even know that that means, but to her is signals it's time for battle) and the fight begins.

[BrookValley.]

I have some OCD issues so this is most likely cut throat. I would call her parents and demand she be removed at once. She would sit on the porch waiting for them and wouldn't be allowed back at my home until she could act normal. My children were taught very early about stuff. No finger sucking, nose picking junk in my house. I simply cannot handle it at all. A friend had a little girl that always had her finger stuck up her nose she wasn't allowed in my home. My little girl completely freaked on a kid who picked her nose then touched my daughters doll house. She told her to leave they were not friends she didn't play with nasty kids. She was 4 LOL! I don't care if it is cruel or anything else you wanna say I will have no tolerance for nasty in my house. A child putting their mouth on my baby would never happen more than once.

 

I had a niece who bit my baby once, it happened once. She is 9 now, I still have no contact. Yes I was raised the same way. Licking my baby would freak me out to know end just reading it made my skin crawl.

 

I wasn't going to post because others have already expressed similar opinions, but this is just so awful I'm wading in anyway. Are you really saying that you have no tolerance for children's developmentally appropriate behaviors?  I do hope your children grow up with access to good mental health care (and honestly, for your own sake as well, I hope you have access to good mental health care and will--hopefully soon--take advantage of it). 

 

It's one thing to have pet peeves. It's ok not to like nose picking and work on (gently) breaking the habit. But yes, as you said, this is cruel. If you know it's not ok, why don't you work on your OCD issues?

[Flowing Brook]

Forgive me for asking but how do you feel about this child?

She is a baby. You have to work with them.  They make messes. They don't always want to do what we tell them. They get attitudes. We have to be the adults and teach them the right way. If you look at your niece as a bother or don't have the patience to deal with her then she will pick up on that and will react off of your attitude.  Give the girl lots of love and attention. At this age you are doing most of the work.  It takes time for them to come around. Especially if she is used to running the show.  If her parents left her for a few weeks she probably feels pretty insecure right now. Maybe she is testing you.

I watched a three year old once that had been completely potty trained. Her mom and dad divorced. They were so busy fighting she got neglected. The mom took off for a couple months.  The girl suddenly was no longer potty trained. Her gma and I tried everything we could think of to get her trained.  To no avail the mom came back and within a week the girl was trained again. 

 One of your posts made it sound like you are counting the days until her mom gets back. With that attitude you are not going to accomplish much. I am sorry if this post sounds harsh. I am not trying to be.

[freesia]

There is no substitute for actual parenting experience though.  Not being an older sibling.  Not being a preschool teacher.  Not being a nanny.  Nothing is quite like parenting.  Where the buck stops, that is where you find the real party AND the hardest work.

Amen. I was a nanny and a primary school teacher. Parenting flattened me. I had no idea how different it would be. None. I actually sometimes have "parent-teacher" conferences with myself in order to gain perspective (i.e. what would/did I tell other parents to do in this situation.) Sometimes the objectivity is helpful,sometimes it just doesn't work bc of the emotional dynamic in families.

[Mom-ninja.]

I have some OCD issues so this is most likely cut throat. I would call her parents and demand she be removed at once. She would sit on the porch waiting for them and wouldn't be allowed back at my home until she could act normal. My children were taught very early about stuff. No finger sucking, nose picking junk in my house. I simply cannot handle it at all. A friend had a little girl that always had her finger stuck up her nose she wasn't allowed in my home. My little girl completely freaked on a kid who picked her nose then touched my daughters doll house. She told her to leave they were not friends she didn't play with nasty kids. She was 4 LOL! I don't care if it is cruel or anything else you wanna say I will have no tolerance for nasty in my house. A child putting their mouth on my baby would never happen more than once.

 

I had a niece who bit my baby once, it happened once. She is 9 now, I still have no contact. Yes I was raised the same way. Licking my baby would freak me out to know end just reading it made my skin crawl.

 

So you teach your kids that when they do normal human behavior, like finger sucking and nose picking, that they are nasty? And when your dd tells another little girl that she is nasty and won't be her friend anymore, you "LOL"?

 

I find that sad.

 

A friend of mine has OCD severely enough that is affected her judgement. She has had success with medication, and says it was the best thing she ever did for herself.

 

You don't have to suffer with OCD.

[clarkacademy]

So, I am unhealthy because I cannot tolerate kids and their body fluids in my house? There is nothing nastier than a kid with there fingers all over stuff after they sucked and slobbed all over them. Nothing is more nastier than one with a finger stuck up there nose. No, that is not normal it's gross and I don't want to be cleaning and sanitizing all day sorry. As far as the niece goes that was the straw that broke the camels back, there was way more. We don't talk to anyone of them and my kids life is richer for it!!!! I don't remember at anytime complaining of a childs diapers though? You guys always gotta throw stuff in. I go grocery shopping and kids are running around picking there noses touching the apples and that's nasty. Kids should be taught these are not things to do. I don't want people looking at my kid thinking what a nasty child. I would have no tolerance for a 3 year old licking my baby. Yeah she does know what she is doing. There is no reason and that is not normal and if the OP don't want her home or baby treated that way then that is her right.   I also would never fault a kid for puking so thanks for that accusation too. My kids also don't need mental health either. We don't like nasty people I see no issue with that.

 

 

[nmoira]

Sorry, but there are far, far nastier things out there than children.

[Mom-ninja.]

 I don't want people looking at my kid thinking what a nasty child.

They don't. You do.

[Flowing Brook]

So, I am unhealthy because I cannot tolerate kids and their body fluids in my house? There is nothing nastier than a kid with there fingers all over stuff after they sucked and slobbed all over them. Nothing is more nastier than one with a finger stuck up there nose. No, that is not normal it's gross and I don't want to be cleaning and sanitizing all day sorry. As far as the niece goes that was the straw that broke the camels back, there was way more. We don't talk to anyone of them and my kids life is richer for it!!!! I don't remember at anytime complaining of a childs diapers though? You guys always gotta throw stuff in. I go grocery shopping and kids are running around picking there noses touching the apples and that's nasty. Kids should be taught these are not things to do. I don't want people looking at my kid thinking what a nasty child. I would have no tolerance for a 3 year old licking my baby. Yeah she does know what she is doing. There is no reason and that is not normal and if the OP don't want her home or baby treated that way then that is her right.   I also would never fault a kid for puking so thanks for that accusation too. My kids also don't need mental health either. We don't like nasty people I see no issue with that.

 

May I please ask what you think might happen to you if you get someone elses  body fluid on you? 

It is impossible to keep from spreading body fluid 100%..  Kids and body fluid kinda go together.  Kids pick their nose.Actually I've seen plenty of adults do it to.  Kids suck their fingers. There is a danger of being too clean.

Do I think we should teach kid's not to do it? Definitely! Is it a reason to freak and start banning people from the house?  no!

[mommymilkies]

So, I am unhealthy because I cannot tolerate kids and their body fluids in my house? There is nothing nastier than a kid with there fingers all over stuff after they sucked and slobbed all over them. Nothing is more nastier than one with a finger stuck up there nose. No, that is not normal it's gross and I don't want to be cleaning and sanitizing all day sorry. As far as the niece goes that was the straw that broke the camels back, there was way more. We don't talk to anyone of them and my kids life is richer for it!!!! I don't remember at anytime complaining of a childs diapers though? You guys always gotta throw stuff in. I go grocery shopping and kids are running around picking there noses touching the apples and that's nasty. Kids should be taught these are not things to do. I don't want people looking at my kid thinking what a nasty child. I would have no tolerance for a 3 year old licking my baby. Yeah she does know what she is doing. There is no reason and that is not normal and if the OP don't want her home or baby treated that way then that is her right.   I also would never fault a kid for puking so thanks for that accusation too. My kids also don't need mental health either. We don't like nasty people I see no issue with that.

We went on the information you posted.  You said nothing about other issues.  But yes, that is an abnormal position to take.  Body fluids are normal.  Do I want slober on me? No.  But you deal with the issue: "Oh, let's wash our hands before we touch the baby!", "We have tissues if you need one.  You don't want to make your nose bleed.", etc.  Seriously.  Germs are a part of life.  That's totally normal kid behavior.  You even said you have OCD.  So either you're using it as a cool tag to describe your feelings about children, or you are actually OCD.  I am *actually* OCD, so if you are, then what you've described would set off red flags for a doctor or psychiatrist. Because it's one thing to think it's gross, it's another to make it into a pathological obsession and cut people out from your life because of it (not just your niece, but other children, as you stated).

[Catwoman]

Sorry, but there are far, far nastier things out there than children.

:iagree:

 

Yeah, like people who say they would stick a 3 year-old out on the front porch and ban her from the house because she licked the baby a few times. :glare:

 

I mean, seriously??????? Really???? Who puts a 3yo out on the porch alone and makes her wait for her parents to show up -- no matter what supposedly horrific offense she may have committed???

 

I find that absolutely appalling.

 

 

And FWIW, I think clarkacademy should never touch another shopping cart handle or door handle ever again, because guess what's on those things? ;)

[Guest inoubliable]

So, I am unhealthy because I cannot tolerate kids and their body fluids in my house? 

 

Good luck with teens in your house. If you're not medicated or being treated now by a professional, I strongly suggest that you take care of that. 

[Tsuga]

So, I am unhealthy because I cannot tolerate kids and their body fluids in my house? There is nothing nastier than a kid with there fingers all over stuff after they sucked and slobbed all over them. Nothing is more nastier than one with a finger stuck up there nose. No, that is not normal it's gross and I don't want to be cleaning and sanitizing all day sorry. As far as the niece goes that was the straw that broke the camels back, there was way more. We don't talk to anyone of them and my kids life is richer for it!!!! I don't remember at anytime complaining of a childs diapers though? You guys always gotta throw stuff in. I go grocery shopping and kids are running around picking there noses touching the apples and that's nasty. Kids should be taught these are not things to do. I don't want people looking at my kid thinking what a nasty child. I would have no tolerance for a 3 year old licking my baby. Yeah she does know what she is doing. There is no reason and that is not normal and if the OP don't want her home or baby treated that way then that is her right.   I also would never fault a kid for puking so thanks for that accusation too. My kids also don't need mental health either. We don't like nasty people I see no issue with that.

 

 

It's not the boundaries in particular (though there is a reason there's a "D" at the end of "OCD"--it stands for DISorder, we all have something but many of us acknowledge the need for help). 

 

It is your means of enforcing boundaries that are deeply unhealthy. Your emotional reaction to a bite is about the same as a normal person's emotional reaction to a murder.

 

Was it wrong? Yes. Was it a mistake that many kids make? Yes. Are some kids more prone to it than others? Yes. Are there other ways of dealing with it besides exile?

 

Yes.

 

And finally:

 

Humans have about 10 times as many bacteria in them as they do their own cells. Avoid a booger? Okay. You're reducing your germiness by like, .00000000000000000000000000000000000000000001%, which only allows other types of germs in you to flourish, for a net zero effect.

 

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/06/080603085914.htm

 

(Disclosure: I didn't count the zeros.)

[clarkacademy]

They don't. You do.

You may not like what I say but you have no call saying crap like that. I don't think my kids are nasty thanks much. I think they are amazing little people who make my world go around. You don't know anything about me other than I like kids to not rub slobber and spit on my house and my kids you don't say stuff like that  to a mom. You know nothing. I adore my kids. My oldest is 16 and I still hug and kiss her goodnight. It is very rude of you to say something so hateful.

[Tsuga]

Thank you.

 

I had a licker, too. She also liked to put things in her mouth.

 

Once when she was about 6 she had pneumonia and a partial lobe collapse. I thought for sure they'd see a Barbie shoe or something little toy in the collapsed part of her lung.

 

I don't want to "like" because pneumonia is no joke but the Barbie shoe part was really funny. I am glad she is better now!

[LibraryLover]

Some kids are just special like that.

 

 

 

This made me snort.  So true. lol

[mommymilkies]

You may not like what I say but you have no call saying crap like that. I don't think my kids are nasty thanks much. I think they are amazing little people who make my world go around. You don't know anything about me other than I like kids to not rub slobber and spit on my house and my kids you don't say stuff like that  to a mom. You know nothing. I adore my kids. My oldest is 16 and I still hug and kiss her goodnight. It is very rude of you to say something so hateful.

How is it hateful?  You stated repeatedly that kids who do these things are nasty.  Are they gross habits? Yeah, and kids grow out of them.  Guidance is helpful.  Telling them they are nasty, shaming them, and making them stay on the porch (very dangerous, as well) because of something so tiny and harmless is what people are finding pretty outrageous.  She wasn't insulting your children, but the way you are teaching them to have the same neuroses.  

[LibraryLover]

How long will she be will you, and are her parents around at all?  I wouldn't  expect *anything* from a 3 yr old who is separated from her parents except a whole lot of confusion, sadness, anger, crying.

[clarkacademy]

How is it hateful?  You stated repeatedly that kids who do these things are nasty.  Are they gross habits? Yeah, and kids grow out of them.  Guidance is helpful.  Telling them they are nasty, shaming them, and making them stay on the porch (very dangerous, as well) because of something so tiny and harmless is what people are finding pretty outrageous.  She wasn't insulting your children, but the way you are teaching them to have the same neuroses.  

I have never made a kid sit on the porch, I said I would. Obviously I meant what they do is nasty. You guys have to twist everything to make people sound like a monster. I have 4 kids. I have been puked on, peed on, crapped on and everything else. Yes from the time they were tiny they were taught don't pick your nose here is a tissue, Don't suck your fingers which that's not good for teeth development anyway. No time did I say I would freak over diapers or vomit. That's not a kids fault.

[mommymilkies]

How is saying you would any better?  She is talking about a 3 yo who has to live with her, so we're going to assume the parents can't actually care for her right now, for whatever reason.  So because of normal 3 yo behavior, you would make her sit outside until a parent who can't care for her is able to come pick her up.  That's not right.  That's cruel and ridiculous.

[NotSoObvious]

I have never made a kid sit on the porch, I said I would. Obviously I meant what they do is nasty. You guys have to twist everything to make people sound like a monster. I have 4 kids. I have been puked on, peed on, crapped on and everything else. Yes from the time they were tiny they were taught don't pick your nose here is a tissue, Don't suck your fingers which that's not good for teeth development anyway. No time did I say I would freak over diapers or vomit. That's not a kids fault.

 

But picking their nose is? Do you have any habits you've had to break?

 

We aren't making you into a monster. We are reacting to the strong over reaction in your initial post. 

 

If you were exaggerating, just say so. 

[Caroline]

 My kids also don't need mental health either.

 

I am not sure what this statement means.

[clarkacademy]

How is saying you would any better?  She is talking about a 3 yo who has to live with her, so we're going to assume the parents can't actually care for her right now, for whatever reason.  So because of normal 3 yo behavior, you would make her sit outside until a parent who can't care for her is able to come pick her up.  That's not right.  That's cruel and ridiculous.

No I wouldn't put a kid outside who had no one to come for her I didn't even realize the kid had to stay with her, I thought she was babysitting. Licking a baby is not normal by the way. I guess she would have to stay away from the baby then. Like you say she is a normal 3 year old. They understand no don't do such and such. She is being disobedient so I guess a normal time out every time she don't listen or maybe a chore. Every time you lick the baby you have to help pick up toys or something. I mean she has to learn this is not going to happen because if she can get away with this what about playing with the stove, or pouring milk in the floor. OK yes she misses her mom she can't act the heathen though. Every kid needs boundaries period.

[nmoira]

yes she misses her mom she can't act the heathen though.

OK then. Are you trying to be deliberately provocative?

[Guest inoubliable]

No I wouldn't put a kid outside who had no one to come for her I didn't even realize the kid had to stay with her, I thought she was babysitting. Licking a baby is not normal by the way. I guess she would have to stay away from the baby then. Like you say she is a normal 3 year old. They understand no don't do such and such. She is being disobedient so I guess a normal time out every time she don't listen or maybe a chore. Every time you lick the baby you have to help pick up toys or something. I mean she has to learn this is not going to happen because if she can get away with this what about playing with the stove, or pouring milk in the floor. OK yes she misses her mom she can't act the heathen though. Every kid needs boundaries period.

 

This is ridiculous. You didn't even read the entire OP? Licking IS normal for some kids. Oh wait, there it is. You said the same thing two sentences after you said that it wasn't normal. 

 

Your slippery slope parenting advice is equally ridiculous. She's three. Not deliberately disobeying. She's testing boundaries and has issues with a change in her routine. 

 

"...act the heathen"? What the hell does that even mean?

[Mommy22alyns]

This is ridiculous. You didn't even read the entire OP? Licking IS normal for some kids. Oh wait, there it is. You said the same thing two sentences after you said that it wasn't normal. 

 

Your slippery slope parenting advice is equally ridiculous. She's three. Not deliberately disobeying. She's testing boundaries and has issues with a change in her routine. 

 

"...act the heathen"? What the hell does that even mean?

 

 

Acting like an atheist, duh!

 

 

 

:lol:

[Laura Corin]

Acting like an atheist, duh!

 

 

 

:lol:

 

I thought we ate babies - it's no fun if we only get to lick them.

 

L

[clarkacademy]

A heathen?? You know little kids who run a mock and get in trouble. Maybe it is a Catholic thing. The nuns in school always yelled at us not to act like heathens at recess. You really have never heard that?? I never said anything about an atheists either!

[Guest inoubliable]

A heathen?? You know little kids who run a mock and get in trouble. Maybe it is a Catholic thing. The nuns in school always yelled at us not to act like heathens at recess. You really have never heard that?? I never said anything about an atheists either!

 

No. I've never heard anyone call a kid who acts like a little jerk a "heathen". It's not a Catholic thing, either. I'm a recovering cradle Catholic. I'm guessing it's a thing where you have no idea what you're talking about, or never looked up the definition of "heathen". 

[Guest inoubliable]

I thought we ate babies - it's no fun if we only get to lick them.

 

L

 

I've said it before. I like em best smothered in Skeptic Sauce. Tasty.

[NotSoObvious]

I thought we ate babies - it's no fun if we only get to lick them.

 

L

:lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:

[swellmomma]

No. I've never heard anyone call a kid who acts like a little jerk a "heathen". It's not a Catholic thing, either. I'm a recovering cradle Catholic. I'm guessing it's a thing where you have no idea what you're talking about, or never looked up the definition of "heathen". 

 

I have heard it used to describe "uncivilized" behaviour in the same way it was used to describe those that were in "uncivilized" cultures that the missionaries had not reached yet.  It was used often when I was a kid to describe unruly kids. 

[Guest inoubliable]

I have heard it used to describe "uncivilized" behaviour in the same way it was used to describe those that were in "uncivilized" cultures that the missionaries had not reached yet.  It was used often when I was a kid to describe unruly kids. 

 

How offensive. 

Not you. The use of the word like that, and how it originated in being used like that. 

[albeto.]

I thought we ate babies - it's no fun if we only get to lick them.

 

L

 

My kids put boogers on babies and dare each other to lick them. 

 

Heathen kids.  What are ya gonna do?

 

:laugh:

[nmoira]

I've said it before. I like em best smothered in Skeptic Sauce. Tasty.

I prefer sriracha.

[Tsuga]

No. I've never heard anyone call a kid who acts like a little jerk a "heathen". It's not a Catholic thing, either. I'm a recovering cradle Catholic. I'm guessing it's a thing where you have no idea what you're talking about, or never looked up the definition of "heathen". 

 

I'm an atheist raised in an atheist household, or rather agnostic, and I have heard and used that word. My mom didn't use it but we kids used it humorously. Perhaps it's generational. I'm 36 and I remember in high school, making fun of ourselves, and others, using that term.

 

For example, someone forgets to take their shoes off in the home. They may be told by roomates, in a friendly joking voice, "Take your shoes off you heathen!" (I blame our Asian and German heritage in this area for the popularity of slippers in the home.)

 

I'm not trying to defent ClarkAcademy's post, which I found bizarre, to say the least, but the lighthearted use of "heathen" is the least of her problems. It's along the lines of hooligan or rugrat.

[Guest inoubliable]

My kids put boogers on babies and dare each other to lick them. 

 

Heathen kids.  What are ya gonna do?

 

:laugh:

 

Join in! It's what heathens do!