Abbeygurl4 Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 at Christmas? My 6 dc are aged 10 - 30. Every holiday for the past 25 years has been at my house with me doing a majority of the cooking. All my life I've wanted to travel. I'm 49 years old and two years ago I was able to go to Bali with my sister who is 20 years older than me. She and her hubby are talking about going to Africa at Christmas this year and have invited me. I can't tell you how excited I am about the possibility of going to Africa! I've spent 30 years of my life taking care of my dc and I'd like to travel while my sister and I have our health. Three of my girls are on their own and dd 23 (almost 24), ds 14 and dd10 are still at home. Well, dd 23 is having a fit. She thinks it's awful that I would even consider not being home on Christmas. Dh and the others are okay with it, but not her. Is it such a terrible thing for me to want to do something for myself? I mean, I felt bad going to Bali without my dc, I would have loved sharing that experience with them but who can afford that? My sister and I had a fabulous time after I got over the guilt of leaving my youngest and I don't regret going. WWYD?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
torikei Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 Go!! Enjoy!! Celebrate Christmas afterwards. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 GO Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 I'd call it a Christmas gift to myself, a well deserved gift. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sue in WI Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 I think you should go. What a wonderful opportunity for you. The only ones that you should worry about are your dh and your youngest 2 dc. You said they are ok about, so go and enjoy yourself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenn- Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 Go! Your daughter is resisting a change in traditions. When my kids are all out of the Santa phase, I will have no problem traveling for Christmas. There have been several years now that my goal is to survive Christmas day and then immediately afterwards we head out of town. Last year I also shifted Christmas out of my house and back into the various grandparents' houses. When they all come here the kids blow through presents with barely a glance at who gave it and are shoving it to the side waiting for the next. Doing it in a more intimate setting last year had the kids paying attention and showing gratitude to the gift giver more appropriately. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
qtkimi Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 I'd go. your children are old enough they should be fine especially the 23 y/o Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 Go. Have a good time, guilt free. I went to Italy with my dad and two sisters this summer, and while I know my family would have loved to go with me, they understood I needed that time with my dad and sisters. It's one Christmas- your dd will get over it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 Go! Have your family holiday celebration on a different day. I'm betting dd23 would go if SHE had the chance to do something this cool. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abbeygurl4 Posted September 15, 2013 Author Share Posted September 15, 2013 Thanks everyone! I always feel guilty whenever I do anything for myself. I hate that I do that. Dd 23 really capitalizes on that. Thanks for giving me the "permission" I needed! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Berta Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 I'm in a similar spot. My daughter wants to take me with her to Germany next July. It's a mission trip but also includes sightseeing things like Sleeping Beauty's castle, the Alps, Dachau and other historic sights. They are also staying IN a castle. I've talked about going on a trip like this for years. The issue is that she wants to pay for me to go. She inherited some cash and that is what she wants to do. I feel funny having her pay for a trip like this for me. I also have an 8 yr old at home. For me to go on this trip my DH would have to use his vacation time to stay home with her. I'm really torn. I want to go, but I don't want to inconvenience my family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 I'm in a similar spot. My daughter wants to take me with her to Germany next July. It's a mission trip but also includes sightseeing things like Sleeping Beauty's castle, the Alps, Dachau and other historic sights. They are also staying IN a castle. I've talked about going on a trip like this for years. The issue is that she wants to pay for me to go. She inherited some cash and that is what she wants to do. I feel funny having her pay for a trip like this for me. I also have an 8 yr old at home. For me to go on this trip my DH would have to use his vacation time to stay home with her. I'm really torn. I want to go, but I don't want to inconvenience my family. I would encourage you to go. You'll make incredible memories with your daughter and she would be thrilled to be in a position to pay your way. During the trip you can treat her to some things, too. If your dd isn't special needs, could you perhaps find a few friends willing to host dd during the day while dh works? Or are there daycamps in your area she can attend? Or have dh use that week to build some special memories with your 8 year old. Either way, you should go if possible- a trip of a lifetime and making memories with your daughter...worth it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cindy in FL. Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 Go. You can celebrate Christmas early (or late), but this trip is possibly once in a lifetime. Carpe diem! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abbeygurl4 Posted September 15, 2013 Author Share Posted September 15, 2013 Berta - My oldest dd has a job that requires travel. She went to Jakarta which is near Bali. She wanted me to meet her in Bali after she finished working and she paid for my airfare. My sister ended up coming with me and we had a great time!! I felt bad letting my daughter pay for my airfare, but I'm so glad I did. My youngest was 8 at the time and dh had to take vacation days too. I had a lot of guilt about it, but looking back I have no regrets. Once I stepped off that plane I just let go of the guilt and enjoyed every second of my trip. Everyone will get over it and you and your dd will have some great memories! I say we both go for it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lailasmum Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 Go, what a great opportunity. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emzhengjiu Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 There are some opportunities that only come along once. Go! As other posters have said, celebrate Christmas another day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dandelion Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 Go! Celebrate Christmas early and make it extra special. You can celebrate with your family on any day - it's not the specific date that's important. Enjoy your trip! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom in High Heels Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 GO! Your dd is 23! Tell her she's welcome to come to your house and do the traditional Christmas, including all the work, if she likes. I'm sure the rest of your family would appreciate it. Your dd is being selfish. This is an amazing opportunity for you. Grab your passport, your camera and go! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 I'm sorry, I have another opinion. I think you should stay for Christmas, but go right after. Does Christmas fall right in the middle of the trip, or could you join them in Africa slightly late? (Or leave a day early or something to come back in time for Xmas) I think my thoughts are colored by the Christmases we had to spend apart from my son--we always got to see him, but he wasn't home (he missed two because of treatment). So take it for what it's worth--2c. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twinmami01 Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 Go! You can always have a Christmas celebration with all your children before you go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bobbeym Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 Go, enjoy yourself, and plan to have Christmas when you get back. When my brother was still in the Army, we often celebrated holidays at odd times of the year. Once year we "postponed" Christmas until February when he was home on leave. I think that was the best Christmas ever because we focused on being together as a family without the crazy holiday mess that goes with it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 Go. If this opportunity was offered to one of your kids, they would take that opportunity with your blessing. This is no different. Schedule a family Christmas with all the trimmings for another day. Let your dh do something nice just with the kids on Christmas Day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 Go. If this opportunity was offered to one of your kids, they would take that opportunity with your blessing. This is no different. . Since you are actually asking for opinions, I will honestly say that I do think its sort of different when you have a 10 year old kid. If all of you kids were adults, I would feel more inclined to go. I don't think Mom's should have to be cooking, cleaning, 'magic making' martyrs at Christmas. But I would want to be present at my 10 and 14 year old's Christmas. Just another opinion. Even if the kid said he didn't care, I would care. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eagle Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 I would stay. It sounds like you will have other opportunities to travel with your sister. I would not leave my family to celebrate Christmas without me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudoMom Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 I'm another that would not go on Christmas. Why can't the trip be planned so you don't have to miss Christmas? I wouldn't want to miss the time with my family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heatherwith4 Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 I wouldn't feel comfortable being away from immediate family at Christmas, JMO. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 I don't think a 10yo should be without his Mom at Christmas. For my particular 14yo's I wouldn't like it, either. (The 23yo? Puh-lease. LOL) I don't think it would be selfish at all, because you have a lifetime's testimony of putting your family first! It's not selfish. It's just not fittin'. IMHO. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MedicMom Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 We aren't always home on holidays. Sometimes we do Christmas later in the day, sometimes another day. The Easter bunny came on Tuesday this last year due to work schedules. Go. Have fun. Your family will be fine, and do a holiday celebration another day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 Since you are actually asking for opinions, I will honestly say that I do think its sort of different when you have a 10 year old kid. If all of you kids were adults, I would feel more inclined to go. I don't think Mom's should have to be cooking, cleaning, 'magic making' martyrs at Christmas. But I would want to be present at my 10 and 14 year old's Christmas. Just another opinion. Even if the kid said he didn't care, I would care. Not trying to argue, but I have to ask why Christmas cannot be rescheduled? I don't understand the fixation with the exact date of the 25th--I know that this is important to some, but I honestly do not understand it. It seems like the important parts of Christmas--the family fun, the meal, the presents--can happen on any day one chooses to schedule it. Also, if dad makes the actual day of Christmas special together, then really the 10-year-old has gotten two Christmases. It's one thing about my husband's family I have always appreciated. My darling in-laws have always understood that there are other people and other commitments, so we schedule Christmas when we can all be together. It's not always on the exact day. I guess I am arguing that no one has to miss out. Christmas can happen--with all the trimmings--on another day AND mom can go to Africa. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 Not trying to argue, but I have to ask why Christmas cannot be rescheduled? I don't understand the fixation with the exact date of the 25th--I know that this is important to some, but I honestly do not understand it. It seems like the important parts of Christmas--the family fun, the meal, the presents--can happen on any day one chooses to schedule it. Also definitely not wanting to argue, so this is just my opinion. We are flexible about Christmas with extended family. No one gets the right to demand we spend that particular day with them, and we dont demand it of others. 23rd is good. 28th is good. Whatever. My oldest is married and often works holidays. Its fine. If we don't get to see some family, too bad. But for me personally, there is something about the day that matters, and I would want to be with my younger kids. We were military. If dad has to miss christmas, it's vey sad, but his work is important. If Dad wanted to miss Christmas because he wanted to go on a fun trip with his brother, I would not think that is ok for us. But that is us and my opinion, and I am not saying its right for other families. If DH's brother had terminal cancer or something, I might reconsider this position. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathmom Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 I personally wouldn't want to miss Christmas with my dc. I would go right after if possible. But I don't think it's selfish for you to go if that's what you want to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momto10blessings Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 My initial thought was "go and don't look back" I don't think I could do it. I'd imagine myself sitting In a hotel in Africa on Christmas morning, missing my family like crazy. I'd always think of it as the Christmas I missed. Especially if my youngest was 10. Not to make you feel bad, but just my opinion. If you can go without feeling like you are missing anything at home then do it! It does sound like fun! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AdventureMoms Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 I would go! Heavens, I would go with my kids at their current ages (5 & 3). I grew up with Christmas being scheduled on whatever nearby date was convenient (often the saturday before or after) and I'm totally fine with that. Our Christmas isn't always on the 25th now either. It's not a big deal. Your husband is ok with it. It also sounds like the 10 & 14 yo (the only kids I'd be seriously concerned about) are fine with it, too. The 23yo is an adult, she can deal! Have Christmas before you leave, and have your husband find some special little thing to do on the actual date. As a PP said, it's like 2 Christmasses for the kids! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlmiraGulch Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 I think what's important is the celebration and not the date. Do Christmas before or after, but go with your sister and make memories. You get only 1 life. Enjoy yours! It is not selfish to feed one's own soul (and travel feeds mine, so this is where my perspective is coming from). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hannah Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 I would go and move our Christmas celebration to another date. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 Go! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sophiasapientia Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 I think it is a personal decision. If you, your DH and your younger children are OK with it that is the main thing. I wouldn't base my choice on an adult child's guilt trip. Honestly, though? I couldn't do it. Christmas traditions are huge deal to my DH and my 10 yo and, unless it was an emergency situation or there were major extenuating circumstances, the prospect of me taking a solo trip wouldn't fly in our house. I'd miss them terribly too. My only kiddo's birthday also falls over the holidays so, realistically, I'd either push for a different time for Africa or, if that wouldn't work, plan another special trip with DSis. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 I've traveled twice at Christmas and both times I felt like I skipped the holiday. I was really miserable. I would never choose to do so again. If you feel like it wouldn't bother you and you really believe your younger DC will be fine with it, then go. I would make really sure the youngest aren't just saying what you want to hear though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abba12 Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 I'd go. Alright, I wouldn't go since I have a 3 and a 1 year old, but if I had a 10 and 14 year old, I'd go. It's not like you can't have a celebration another day, you'll be able to call them, even for a few minutes, and those children even say they're fine with it. Your 23 year old is being a bit extreme, especially since, I expect, if she were the one who wouldn't be there for christmas it wouldn't be such a big deal. It's a once in a lifetime opportunity, you don't have little ones who can't understand, It's not as if you're saying you'll never be there for Christmas ever again, there will be another one next year. GO! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamajag Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 I think you should go. Plan something special for when you get back. DH is gone and we've had times when we celebrated Christmas and Thanksgiving on the same day and times when Christmas happened in the middle of January. It was the intention and the getting together that mattered not the date on the calendar. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 The trip to Africa--what are the dates? If you can have Chrsitmas at home on an alternate date, how far from Dec 25th would that alternate date be? I know that others say you can celebrate "another day" but for me, it's just not real on another date. I wish I could articulate why. If it was the 23rd, I could probably handle it fine. But if you had to celebrate Christmas a full week beforer or after the real date, it wouldn't feel like Christmas to me. There's something precious to me about celebrating as an entire nation on the same say. The whole nation shuts down for Christmas. (Well, they used to. Walmart is now open for part of Christmas day, which is just awful IMHO). Why is your sister and BIL going at Christmas? Do they have kids, too? How are their kids handling it? Or are their kids all out on their own? I don't know whether or not I'd go in your situation. I only have 2 kids and they're 8 and just turned 11. At this point in my life, I would rather be with them on Christmas than with anyone else or anywhere else. Maybe after 30 years of parenting it's different. Also, my parents moved away when I was 21 years old and I hated being apart from them on major holidays, even though I was married. I still hate it and it's almost 20 years later. I guess that's no help, but I do understand how your dd feels. You will still have to decide what is best overall, but I understand her sadness at you not being there on the actual day. Oh, and the 10 yo says he's ok without you there, but I do wonder if when the day dawns and you're not there whether he'll feel bad. If you are sure to have a big to-do on an earlier date, he'll probably be ok, but if you don't celebrate Christmas together at all, or wait until later, he might wake up and feel pretty rotten. The 14 yo as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 Opportunities to go to Africa just don't drop in your lap. Your sister is 69. She may not be traveling much longer. I think these are good reasons to go. I would make a plan to be able to contact the family on Christmas Day. Talk to your sister about the itenerary and figure out how to accomplish this. I'd be most concerned about he 10 and 14 yos. Maybe your dh can come up with a special thing for them. Your 23 yo needs to just celebrate that you have a great opportunity (she will not do this until she is in her late 40s and realizes how lucky you were). I would schedule a family get together to celebrate the holiday and family before or after the trip. I'd know that when sis came up with a fab trip to the Great Barrier Reef next year during Christmas, I wouldn't go on that. Can't skip 2 years in a row. But you don't even know she would make such an offer. So, go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 I think it is a hard one. I don't celebrate xmas at all. so I am not commenting about that side of it. DH goes to Canada very regularly. In fact in the last 8 years he has gone 6 times. I get to carry the load of his responsibilities look after the kids do his chores etc. while he has a great time for 5 weeks. I get very down about it. I guess I wouldn't mind so much if dh and I could go away together sometimes as well, but that is not how it works. his mother pays for him to go to Canada. I cannot help looking at this from the side of your DH and feel sorry that he has to carry the load while you have fun. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halftime Hope Posted September 16, 2013 Share Posted September 16, 2013 We've celebrated Christmas on other days when going out of town to be with one side of the family or the other, but I have always been with my children. I can't fathom being away from a 10 and 14 year old. That would be really, really hard. The 23 y.o.? Nah, not so much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
planner Posted September 16, 2013 Share Posted September 16, 2013 If the 10 and 14 year olds are okay with it, I think it's okay. The 23 year old's opinion wouldn't enter into the equation. Personally, I can't imagine leaving a 10 year old on Christmas but you know your family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted September 16, 2013 Share Posted September 16, 2013 I wouldn't go. No way. And since you asked, I'll be frank about it... yes, I do think it would be incredibly selfish of you to go on the trip and be away from your family on Christmas. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChristusG Posted September 16, 2013 Share Posted September 16, 2013 I know that for my 9 year old, Christmas is still very magical. I couldn't miss that. Even at 14 I'd still want my mom there. Yes, Christmas can be done on a different day, but is your family really just going to do Dec 25th as a regular day while you are gone? Surely they will want to mark the day in some way.....and you'll miss it. It's not selfish of you to want to go....I just don't think I could do it. But the actual date of something is important to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jilly Posted September 16, 2013 Share Posted September 16, 2013 I couldn't do it either, not with a 10 year old and 14 year old at home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 16, 2013 Share Posted September 16, 2013 I'm 48 and already too old to enjoy the thought of travel. It creeps up on you. Go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted September 16, 2013 Share Posted September 16, 2013 Dang. I want to say go, but I can't because you have a 10 year old. That is something to consider. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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