I was just asked to stop nursing my baby at TARGET!

[melissel]

And yet, I never hear of a bf mom complaining to management of all the supposed *ogling*. :confused: Really, there are plenty of moms who don't try to be discreet (won't go into their motivation for not even trying because it's pretty obvious) and most people don't really seem to put up a fuss over bf unless they are repeatedly being exposed to nipple while trying to eat or shop or whatever.

 

I've never once seen a nipple in a public place unless I was with a friend I was sitting close to and she was comfortable with me. And believe me, I LOVE to spot nursing moms. Also, most of us couldn't care less about oglers. I welcomed comments, negative and positive, so I could make an impact. I'm sorry nursing in public make you so uncomfortable. Maybe if you'd nursed a baby you'd feel differently about your rights as a BFing mom (and this is not a slam at FFing moms, I promise).

[Pajama Mama]

I bfed all 3 of my kids. I had no relatives or friends that had ever bfed so I'm not sure why I considered it. When my oldest was born, my mom was fine but my MIL was freaking out about the bf'ing. She was sure that I was starving my son. "Just give him some formula or add a little cereal with the br. milk in the bottle" Umm, no. This kid was a horse. He was a chubby baby so I could never understand how I was starving him. She acted like it was alien to feed your baby with br milk. I asked her how moms fed their babies before Similac was invented. I received no answer:glare:

 

When my oldest was a few months old, dh and I went out to dinner with the baby. I think it was our anniversary. I told the hostess that I would prefer a table out of the way a little because I was nursing my son. She gave us a great table that didn't have alot of traffic going by. I nursed my son very discreetly but I could see one or two people glaring at us. The room was softly lit so no one could actually SEE anything. It was the "idea" that I was bf'ing there that was distasteful to them. Whatever.

 

Sue, you were doing the most natural thing in the world. You were nourishing your child. Some folks just have a hang up about it and would rather moms feed their babies in closets and public restrooms. Yuck

[Murphy101]

:confused: I strongly disagree that a nursing mother needs to make other people comfortable by feigning embarrassment for feeding her child. How odd.

 

Yet, you want others to feign comfortablity for your sake? Why do they have any obligation to make you or your baby comfortable? They don't. such is life in public. Some people are just inconsiderate.

 

My point was that one can make people comfortable with bfing without making a huge stink about it. One can make them think about why they feel the way they do without being obnoxious. Yes, some people just get weirded out at the notion of what is being done, no matter how well concealed and that's just their problem. But there's plenty of others who simply haven't thought about it and once it's pointed out to them that there's nothing to see, they see their own discomfort is their own problem.

 

My fil is one of these people. I've nursed for the majority of the past 14 years and even though I cover with a shaw for his sake, he still gets all red faced and flusterred and suddenly decides he needs to go out to the garage to fix something.:D With the first baby, my mil said something about it making him uncomfortable, but once I asked if I was showing anything and she admitted I wasn't - he got over himself and now we all kind of laugh about how silly it is of him.

 

I just don't understand this need to be beligerent about bf-ing. I've bf in public for the past 14 years and never had a problem. I've never bf in seclusion, certainly never a bathroom or whatever other unsavory location. If someone has said something, I just laugh it off or honestly ask if I'm showing anything untentionally. It's not that big a deal to show some consideration and the result is that I've never had a problem getting some consideration for nursing my babies.

[melissel]

Yet, you want others to feign comfortablity for your sake? Why do they have any obligation to make you or your baby comfortable? They don't. such is life in public. Some people are just inconsiderate.

 

My point was that one can make people comfortable with bfing without making a huge stink about it.

 

That's right. Such IS life in public. People do things you don't want to look at, hear, smell, etc. And with just about everything but a mom sitting quietly nursing her baby, people just keep on truckin'. As someone else said earlier, when it comes down to baby's need for a quick, convenient, clean meal and a stranger's need for mental comfort, baby wins every time.

 

I think most of us are being belligerent here because this is a safe space and we feel comfortable expressing our frustration and outrage among people who, for the most part, share those emotions. I highly doubt that most of us would be so belligerent if approached in public...unless we were approached belligerently. Then all bets are off. I don't think Sue was belligerent in her response. I think she was thoughtful and calm, and she stood her ground and advocated for herself and her babe--and nursing moms everywhere--very nicely.

 

As for making others comfortable, I will not make my BABY uncomfortable just to assuage someone's overblown sense of titillation. That's their problem. My concern is my child. As many of us have said, our babies would not nurse under blankets of any kind. In addition, and maybe this was unique to us, but until my babies were a bit older (maybe 6 months or so), they would grow soaked with sweat just from the act of nursing and the proximity to my skin. Where does that leave us? Back to hiding out in the bathrooms and overheated, smelly dressing rooms, apparently.

 

You know, I get sick to my stomach when we're in a store or restaurant and my kids overhear parents telling their children they're naughty, bad children (because they can't sit still with nothing to do while they're parents sit and talk), and they they're going to be taken outside for a spanking if they don't stop. My kids get wide-eyed and anxious when they hear that. I would never dream of calling a manager and having them ask those parents to stop disciplining their children because it's making me and mine uncomfortable, and I think most of us here would be equally enraged if someone posted THAT story. I think this issue is on par with that.

[mcconnellboys]

Oh, man, my rant would just be starting! Have you contacted corporate headquarters? Your local media?

 

About a year ago here, a mother of 9 was asked to leave an Applebee's Restaurant because she was nursing a new baby. Mom's picketted local restaurants and apologies were offered all round.

 

Just last week, a mom I know was nursing in a McDonald's in a town near here, and the police were called to remove her from the facility because she was nursing. (By the way, Kentucky several years ago passed a law specifically stating that mothers may nurse in public and are not to be interferred with....)

 

Honey, I'd speak out loud and long about this one.....

[nmoira]

You know, I get sick to my stomach when we're in a store or restaurant and my kids overhear parents telling their children they're naughty, bad children (because they can't sit still with nothing to do while they're parents sit and talk), and they they're going to be taken outside for a spanking if they don't stop. My kids get wide-eyed and anxious when they hear that. I would never dream of calling a manager and having them ask those parents to stop disciplining their children because it's making me and mine uncomfortable, and I think most of us here would be equally enraged if someone posted THAT story. I think this issue is on par with that.

:iagree:

There are many people and things that make me feel uncomfortable: anti abortion protesters waving graphic pictures where my children can see; people preaching some "Word" replete with megaphone or a soapbox and electric speaker near public places I have to frequent; anything Disney; cheerleaders; people dating others the square root of their age; etc. If I cannot (and unfortunately, but admittedly, should not) have control over the existence or presentation of any of these things, why should others' discomfort control how I feed my baby, a purely natural act? [Disclaimer -- I've only ever anticipated having to stand up to "a look" or worse. I live in BF Central.]

[VaKim]

I have not read this whole thread, neither have I ever breastfed, so maybe I am unqualified to reply. But I just have to say, when trash like practically pornographic magazines can be openly displayed, and not removed for being offensive, but a mother feeding her baby can be, this world is a stupid, crazy mess!!! Where have brains and common sense gone?? I sure hope the generation coming up has more sense than the one running things now!

[Jennifer3141]

It kind of amuses me to see some people in an uproar over breastfeeding again. In my opinion, it's a disconnect from a scientific reality that we are MAMMALS. Of course you can feed babies artificial formula but many mothers choose not to do that and they are choosing to using to use tools that either God or evolution (depending upon your viewpoint) gave them to do so.

 

As far as the argument that parents are worried about their teenagers seeing a nipple, please tell me you have no cable television. (I actually don't but not because of sexuality, just because so much of it is crapola.)

 

It's a breast. They make milk. Now they can also sell cars and calendars but that isn't their primary occupation. And it amuses me that a group of people who buck the system by homeschooling their children cannot see that just because breasts are highly sexualized in U.S. society, doesn't make it correct. Children too are highly sexualized by our media. I hope we'd all agree that's disgusting as well.

 

Jen

[HollyDay]

OH!!!! This burns me up!! My dds are way past nursing age now, but I still remember with much upset, the time I was asked to not bring the baby into our church sanctuary anymore because it upset several WOMEN when I nursed. Now, my baby was about 4 months old and we were moving out of state within the month. I was wearing a MotherWear nursing dress AND had a blanket (it was chilly in the sanctuary). I was seated in the BACK row beside a male friend of our family. HE never knew I nursed. He thought the baby just fell asleep in my arms. Dh was on the other side of me. The associate pastor said the WOMEN were "unsettled" by it and he was afraid I would distract them if the baby was even with me because they would constantly be "on the lookout". WOMEN!!!???

 

Oh it makes me mad! Women can wear the skimpiest clothes, jiggle so everything can be on display, but a mother discreetly caring for her baby is a problem!!?

[Desert Rat]

this is why I usually went to the dressing rooms or to the car. Now, I know it's my right to feed my child. I'm almost militant on the bfing issue. I nursed both of my boys until they were 2. BTW, when they were older nursers I never nursed in public.

I respect your right to bf the way you feel fit, however, try to understand other people's POV. Most of my family and my ILs think that bfing is the most disgusting thing in the world. Really revolting. So, I've kindof gotten used to that perspective but it didn't stop me.

Just my 2 cents.

[Jugglin'5]

Well, I am just going to say that I've gotta agree with Michelle T on this one. I've breastfed five babies, and never got asked to cover up or leave, because I was always covered up and discreet. I guess I don't understand the need to MAKE people feel uncomfortable. I think the militancy does more harm than good. And I prefer not to see others' breasts when I am eating lunch.

 

I thought the definition of good manners was considering the comfort of others above yourself? I did not want to embarrass some poor gentleman my grandfather's age. For me, that sometimes meant taking a blanket-flinging older baby to a more private spot to nurse, or when they were even older, just waiting until we got home. I just saw that as being considerate of others, and no big deal.

[Murphy101]

That's right. Such IS life in public. People do things you don't want to look at, hear, smell, etc. And with just about everything but a mom sitting quietly nursing her baby, people just keep on truckin'. As someone else said earlier, when it comes down to baby's need for a quick, convenient, clean meal and a stranger's need for mental comfort, baby wins every time.

 

Oh geez, this is a bit extreme. :001_huh: No one, including the store manager was saying anyone had to stop bfing or to even leave to a filthy location to do it. I fail to see how a shaw over the shoulder in an air conditioned building is ruining quick, convienent, and clean bfing for anyone, including the baby.

 

Bf-ing in public is not an either or situation when it comes to meeting the baby's needs and still being considerate of others.

 

And if you don't want to consider the needs of others in public, then don't gripe when they don't care about yours or your baby's either.:confused:

 

I've worked in customer service training for managment and people gripe about EVERYTHING all the time. They DO gripe about the clothes the employees are wearing, the magazines, the manquins, slogans, and just about anything else. Constantly. Ask anyone at a service desk and they'll tell you no one ever comes up to the counter to say how happy they are with anything.:glare:

 

I've bf in public for the better part of 14 yrs and it's NEVER been much of a problem. No one on either side of our family ever nursed. I don't exaclty live in a huge progressive or liberal region either.

 

I also don't get the whole references to magazines, cable (which we don't have btw), and how teens dress. That has nothing to do with this issue. Just because one can point to other examples of improperity does not mean one should follow down the same path to whatever degree. :confused: Good grief my oldest sister likes to dance naked in the woods, but I don't take that as an okay for me to dance or be naked to any degree. (Not that I think there's anything wrong with dancing or being naked in some situations - unless it's ME doing it.:lol:)

[Kelli in TN]

Oh geez, this is a bit extreme. :001_huh: No one, including the store manager was saying anyone had to stop bfing or to even leave to a filthy location to do it. I fail to see how a shaw over the shoulder in an air conditioned building is ruining quick, convienent, and clean bfing for anyone, including the baby.

 

 

 

Martha,

It has been pointed out that some babies are very uncomfortable under a blanket. I have nursed six children, all for a long time each. I have had some that could/would nurse under a blanket and some that could not/would not nurse under a blanket.

 

I think what many are saying is that somebody's discomfort with a nursing mom is not the mom's issue and she should not be required to make her baby, who is too young to understand, uncomfortable to soothe some stranger's breast issues.

 

I think many are saying that the baby's needs should come first.

[nmoira]

 

I also don't get the whole references to magazines, cable (which we don't have btw), and how teens dress. That has nothing to do with this issue. Just because one can point to other examples of improperity does not mean one should follow down the same path to whatever degree. :confused: Good grief my oldest sister likes to dance naked in the woods, but I don't take that as an okay for me to dance or be naked to any degree. (Not that I think there's anything wrong with dancing or being naked in some situations - unless it's ME doing it.:lol:)

It is relevant because impropriety is in the eye of the beholder. I don't think we should permit individuals to dictate the behavior of others solely according to their own ideas of propriety. Obviously, there is no need for teens to wear revealing or suggestive clothing, so the analogy stops there, but clearly in the favour of BFing -- baby needs to eat.

[melissel]

Oh geez, this is a bit extreme. :001_huh: No one, including the store manager was saying anyone had to stop bfing or to even leave to a filthy location to do it. I fail to see how a shaw over the shoulder in an air conditioned building is ruining quick, convienent, and clean bfing for anyone, including the baby.

 

Bf-ing in public is not an either or situation when it comes to meeting the baby's needs and still being considerate of others.

 

And if you don't want to consider the needs of others in public, then don't gripe when they don't care about yours or your baby's either.:confused:

 

I've worked in customer service training for managment and people gripe about EVERYTHING all the time. They DO gripe about the clothes the employees are wearing, the magazines, the manquins, slogans, and just about anything else. Constantly. Ask anyone at a service desk and they'll tell you no one ever comes up to the counter to say how happy they are with anything.:glare:

 

I've bf in public for the better part of 14 yrs and it's NEVER been much of a problem. No one on either side of our family ever nursed. I don't exaclty live in a huge progressive or liberal region either.

 

I also don't get the whole references to magazines, cable (which we don't have btw), and how teens dress. That has nothing to do with this issue. Just because one can point to other examples of improperity does not mean one should follow down the same path to whatever degree. :confused: Good grief my oldest sister likes to dance naked in the woods, but I don't take that as an okay for me to dance or be naked to any degree. (Not that I think there's anything wrong with dancing or being naked in some situations - unless it's ME doing it.:lol:)

 

I'm sorry, Martha, but I can't help but feel like you're not reading the things people are saying here. Sue specifically said, "Well, 3 minutes into this, a Target employee/manager comes over and asks me to stop b/c somebody complained!" Many of of us pointed out that our babies simply WILL NOT NURSE will anything covering their heads, and attempting to cover them results in repeated latching and unlatching, arms flailing, plenty of loud protest--and way more nipplage showing than the alternative does. I speak from experience here. Several of us pointed out that we have been asked to nurse in dressing rooms, and one person said that she was asked to nurse in a set of dressing rooms in which people had URINATED.

 

Once again, I can turn this--"And if you don't want to consider the needs of others in public, then don't gripe when they don't care about yours or your baby's either.:confused:"--right back around. If the complainers don't care to consider the needs of Sue and her baby (and countless other nursing pairs), then they shouldn't be surprised when she refused to stop nursing.

 

I'm sorry, but I think there is such a thing as going too far in considering the needs of strangers. I simply won't allow my own rights and my baby's rights to be infringed upon. And I wholeheartedly disagree that half-dressed teenagers and inappropriate magazine covers are unrelated. I think they are at the absolute crux of the matter. I'm certain that the vast majority of people who complain about women BFing in public aren't pulling their kids from school, shunning the malls, avoiding the grocery store checkout lanes at all costs, and writing mass quantities of letters to guard their standards of propriety. No. They're just picking the one thing that's the most natural thing in the world, and that actually infringes upon someone else, to try to act upon. Why not the other things? Because the priorities are all screwy, and I don't think we nursing moms have to continue to accommodate that. Things will never change if we continue to do so.

 

I've worked in CS too--I know how people can be. But I'm sure that when people complain about slogans, employees' clothing, mannequins, etc., no store employee is hurrying on out to the floor to throw a blanket over the offenders. There have been several posts on this board alone, including one in this very thread, where people have talked about how they complained about offensive magazines at child-eye level and have been told that to move them would be "censorship," or would be against store policy. No store employees or managers are rushing out to address that issue. Why is this one different?

 

I think the two sides are simply going to have to agree to disagree on this one, because there's a fundamental disconnect in the way we look at this issue. You call nursing without a blanket an "impropriety," on par with boobs intentionally hanging out for sexual reasons. I can never, ever see nursing a baby in public as sexual or improper in any situation. I don't think we're going to bridge that gap, unfortunately.

 

I'm happy that you are comfortable, and your babies are comfortable, covering up while you nurse. I think that's great, and you should keep doing it and feel fine about it. It just would not work for us, and I will not bend over backwards for strangers to pretend that I'm not doing anything "improper" under my fuzzy baby blanket.

[Julpost]

I think you should have taken the blanket....

 

and told the employee to give it to whomever complained. He can put it over his head.

 

LOL!!:iagree:

[Another Lynn]

How ridiculous! I don't know how you kept your cool!

 

I didn't read all the responses... but I couldn't help but thinking that even if they gave you a blanket - you would not be able to use it until you had washed it :lol: I guess I'm kind of funny about what I let touch my babies when they're little.

 

Oh, and I totally agree about the inappropriate clothing that gets paraded around in public being so offensive, yet nobody bats an eye... but let us use our bodies to nourish a baby the way the good Lord intended and .... wow, just ridiculous!

[amyable]

FWIW, there are plenty of people out there who *know* what is going on under that blanket and even THAT bothers them. My dad is one of them. Got into a big debate with him at my OBs when a woman fed her baby in the waiting room, fully covered by a blanket. :rolleyes:

 

All my kids hated blankets, and I'd bring much more attention to myself using one than not. And after hearing from my dad that even being discreet isn't good enough, what's the point? :001_huh: Granted, I've heard what their doctors/contemporaries told them when they were in their young childbearing years -"Formula is scientific, it's best!" "Breastfeeding is germy, dirty." "Mother's milk isn't enough for the baby" - I can see why they are brainwashed that there is something wrong with it all around, not just from the n*dity standpoint.

[missplacedalaskan]

I am ticked off for you, too!

 

20 years ago my mother was asked to leave McDonalds in Painted Post, NY for the same reason!

[amy g.]

Well, I compare breastfeeding to smoking.

 

How's that for an analogy?

 

If smoking bothers me, I can ask people not to smoke in my house and in my car. If I do not want my children to see people smoking, I need to keep them at home, or ask the host before a function, "I'm sorry I have to ask this, but will there be any smoking at your party?" Then plan accordingly.

 

If I am in a public, no smoking area, and someone lights up, I have a right to complain to someone in charge. If I an in a public place that legally allows smoking, I have NO right to go there, and then complain about the smoke. The smokers there have absolutely no obligation to make me more comfortable.

 

Personally, I do not want my children exposed to the trash on TV. When I am in a public place, there is often a TV with inappropriate content blaring. That is the owner's right, so I wait outside of the waiting room, or choose a different restaurant. I do not try to make others conform to my standards.

 

Now, there is always that considerate smoker who asks, even in designated smoking areas, "Am I bothering you? Would you prefer that I wait to smoke?" That is wonderful that they care so much about the comfort of others. It does not mean that other smokers are required to extend the same consideration.

[Spy Car]

I think you should have taken the blanket....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

and told the employee to give it to whomever complained. He can put it over his head.

 

I don't think I've ever been moved from being "inflamed" to laughing-out-loud so quickly in all my days :lol:

 

Thanks for the laugh Amy!

 

Bill

[Gretchen in NJ]

Here I am, sitting in the little snack/eatery at Target with 3 of my children and my 3 mos. old. Kids are happily and quietly eating their soft pretzels and baby is cranky and hungry. So, I do what I normally do...pick him up and begin to nurse him. Well, 3 minutes into this, a Target employee/manager comes over and asks me to stop b/c somebody complained! :angry: I said, "No way, I'm feeding my child". So the manger then asked me to use a blanket to cover up. I said I didn't have one. She said she would "requisition me one". WHAT? I said that wouldn't be necessary, he was almost done. She stood there with her arms folded and just stared at me. I looked her square in the eye and said, "This is not anything sexual. I am simply feeding my baby. AND, I am being discreet". She walked off in a huff just as baby boy was done. I am FURIOUS. INCENSED! So, basically, this uncomfortable customer's (it was most likely this father and his 10-12 yr. old son who was at the table next to us) rights are more important than mine and more specifically...my baby's? Teenagers walk around the store wearing shorts halfway up their butt and tank tops that barely cover their bOOks and nobody is "uncomfortable" but I nurse my child and whao boy! If my children had not been there, I would have completely lost it, made a scene and very loudly asked..."Will you kick me out of the store if I do not stop FEEDING MY CHILD and do not use a blanket ?". I am so angry. I have nursed many a baby of mine at Target, sometimes even just sitting cross-legged in the baby section or wherever I happen to be. I even nurse them while walking around the blasted store to save time! I've NEVER been asked to stop or "cover up". Okay, that is all. Rant over. GRRRRRRRRRR...............Oh, my dd11 was also ticked. She very loudly said, "you are feeding a baby. If somebody is that uncomfortable...then they don't have to look! Ahhhhh....the voice of reason.

 

I would call corporate and inform them what happened.

 

I was once asked to use the restroom to feed my baby at a restaurant by another customer. I was covered with a blanket. I told her that if she would eat her dinner in the BATHROOM then I would feed my baby in there too. After that, I took the blanket off and never used one again.

[Mrs Mungo]

Well, I compare breastfeeding to smoking.

 

How's that for an analogy?

 

Uhh...it stinks as an anaology. Sorry but a baby needs to eat, people do not need to smoke. Breastfeeding is good for babies and should be encouraged smoking is bad for people and should be discouraged. Cigarette smoke could trigger a deadly asthma attack in some kids, seeing a baby eating in the most natural way possible won't harm anyone. Smoking should not be the norm, breastfeeding babies should be the norm.

[Gretchen in NJ]

Uhh...it stinks as an anaology. Sorry but a baby needs to eat, people do not need to smoke. Breastfeeding is good for babies and should be encouraged smoking is bad for people and should be discouraged. Cigarette smoke could trigger a deadly asthma attack in some kids, seeing a baby eating in the most natural way possible won't harm anyone. Smoking should not be the norm, breastfeeding babies should be the norm.

You go girl! :iagree: Great post!

[nmoira]

 

Uhh...it stinks as an anaology. Sorry but a baby needs to eat, people do not need to smoke. Breastfeeding is good for babies and should be encouraged smoking is bad for people and should be discouraged. Cigarette smoke could trigger a deadly asthma attack in some kids, seeing a baby eating in the most natural way possible won't harm anyone. Smoking should not be the norm, breastfeeding babies should be the norm.

I was confused by this post until I looked back at amy g.'s previous post in the thread. I *think* what she meant was that those who go where women have the right to breastfeed have no right to complain about it.

[amy g.]

I'm sorry if I was offensive. I really was teasing.

 

Smoking is life taking, and breastfeeding is life giving.

 

I will continue to breastfeed in public as long as I can legally do so. I can also accept others' right to smoke in public as long as they can legally do so no matter how repugnant it is to me personally.

 

My point was that people may find my breastfeeding the most disgusting thing they have ever witnessed, and I still do not feel obligated to change my behavior.

[Mrs Mungo]

I was confused by this post until I looked back at amy g.'s previous post in the thread. I *think* what she meant was that those who go where women have the right to breastfeed have no right to complain about it.

 

Ah, you may be right. I guess what made me think otherwise was the last bit:

Now, there is always that considerate smoker who asks, even in designated smoking areas, "Am I bothering you? Would you prefer that I wait to smoke?" That is wonderful that they care so much about the comfort of others. It does not mean that other smokers are required to extend the same consideration.

 

Because it implies that considerate breastfeeders would wait to feed their baby if it bothered the people around them. But perhaps that's not what she meant to imply.

[Mrs Mungo]

I'm sorry if I was offensive. I really was teasing.

 

Smoking is life taking, and breastfeeding is life giving.

 

I will continue to breastfeed in public as long as I can legally do so. I can also accept others' right to smoke in public as long as they can legally do so no matter how repugnant it is to me personally.

 

My point was that people may find my breastfeeding the most disgusting thing they have ever witnessed, and I still do not feel obligated to change my behavior.

 

Sorry I misunderstood the intent of your post!!

[Storm Bay]

I think you should have covered up, AND I think the teenagers with short shorts or cropped tees should also cover up. What makes you think nobody is uncomfortable about the inappropriately dressed teenagers? People on this board complain all the time about such things, and I'm sure there are plenty of other people out there who would prefer not to see some teenage girls belly hanging out.

 

And plenty of people have no problem with a mom nursing a baby in public, but would prefer to have a blanket or something tossed over. Sure, babies need to eat, but I've never seen why it's a problem to be discreet about it. Like it or not, boobs are a sexual body part, as well as a food source, and if my DS, 12, saw a woman openly feeding a baby, you can bet he'd be staring (and later talking about) her boobs. I don't blame the man with a 10 year old son for not wanting to be flashed while they ate a pretzel.

Michelle T

 

And if your baby removes the blanket from his or her head because s/he hates it? Or screams if you force it on? Feeding a baby this way has been done for centuries, and nothing major has to show. It's not the same as someone "strutting their stuff." I think the problem lies with a post-Victorian society that went into gung ho bottle feeding (I realize there are times when this is necessary, but I'm referring to when almost no one nursed). It's only a big deal if it's made a big deal. My brothers & nephews didn't think twice about this at 10 because they saw it everywhere. Not that they weren't interested in booKs, just not in "old" ladies feeding babies that they'd seen going on for years.

[Spy Car]

Well, I just wanted to update everyone. I called the specific Target store and spoke to the manager on duty (a man btw!). This Target is in MD where I am covered by MD law saying that a breastfeeding woman shall not be restricted or prohibited from nursing her child in public. I calmly explained the situation to the mgr. and he was very, very apologetic, saying first that he's never had an issue like this arise in his 7 yrs. of doing retail and that he would certainly get right on educating his staff about this particular issue so that it doesn't happen to somebody else. That's all I wanted to happen. So, don't boycot Target! This was simply a misunderstanding and a women employee/mgr. who was not imformed about this policy/issue and wanted to "help" this complaining customer. It still aggravates me that his comfort superceded mine of my child's...but whatever. Not worth my energy. Thanks for your support and for the "opposing" viewpoints as well.

 

Good on you Sue!

 

Hopefully your action will help ensure no other woman in this district of Target stores is harassed the way you were. I'm sorry you had to be the one to endure this kind of treatment. Not letting it go was a mark of great character. Thank you!

 

I'd be hard pressed to think of a more loving gesture a woman can show her child than to provide her infant with nourishment the way nature intended.

 

You, all and breast-feeding mothers are heroes in my book!!!

 

Bill

[amy g.]

Well, there are people on this post saying, it's okay to breastfeed in public, but I'm always considerate, and don't offend people, so you should be the same way.

 

If someone feels like giving up their own rights to make strangers comfortable, that is just a wonderful thing to do.

 

It does not, however mean that the rest of us are obligated to do the same.

[melissel]

If someone feels like giving up their own rights to make strangers comfortable, that is just a wonderful thing to do.

 

It does not, however mean that the rest of us are obligated to do the same.

 

:thumbup1::thumbup1::thumbup1:

[Kanga]

There were many comments about asking a baby to eat under a blanket when it's hot. Uh, every Target I've been in was air-conditioned. That one doesn't make sense to me.

 

I do have a question though, because I adopted and couldn't nurse. If a child doesn't like being covered by a lightweight blanket or cloth, wouldn't that same child likely object to being covered by a shirt?

 

Stores are air conditioned so that people who are wearing summer clothes will feel comfortable; it is not cool enough to feel comfortable while draped in a blanket for either the mother or baby. The blanket, even a thin one, traps body heat and makes many babies uncomfortable.

[Gretchen in NJ]

There were many comments about asking a baby to eat under a blanket when it's hot. Uh, every Target I've been in was air-conditioned. That one doesn't make sense to me.

 

I do have a question though, because I adopted and couldn't nurse. If a child doesn't like being covered by a lightweight blanket or cloth, wouldn't that same child likely object to being covered by a shirt?

It is still hot for both mother and baby no matter how thin the blanket. It is 2 bodies close together and the blanket holds the heat.

[milovany]

our 4 mo woke up from a nap and started fussing so I quickly got him latched on (in the pew) and took care of his need. Maybe if people put two and two together (fussy + quiet = nursing) they could've figured out I was nursing -- but they hardly could have known by my *actions*. I was/am very discreet, nothing shows even when baby pulls away to smile at me. I don't use a blanket because *I* don't like using a blanket.

 

All that to now describe the mother across the aisle: Her infant daughter made no noise but apparently wanted to nurse. Mama pulls out a blanket and puts it OVER HER OWN HEAD, covering both herself and the baby. It was so odd! Have you ever seen this? She's trying to be discreet (?) but is calling more attention to herself by handling it the way she did. I mean, more power to her if that's what she wants to do to nurse her baby -- but if it was for the sake of discreetness, it was MORE obvious what was going on with her WITH a blanket then it was with me without one.

 

Anyway, I've read this entire thread. I have nursed seven babies in a wide variety of places. Only once was I asked to nurse in a back room and that was b/c I was dumb enough to ask for permission of the employee to nurse out in the reading room where I was (he got flustered and I think he thought **I** wanted privacy and directed me to the employees room where I nursed while leaving all my other kids out in the store; I kicked myself for agreeing to go back there to feed the baby but it was all over before I really thought it all through). I don't recall being asked any other time to nurse elsewhere or another time or to cover up, thank God. Like most of the others, I'm discreet, I try to sit where the people I'm with sort of "cover" me (but if not possible I don't care), and I just do what the baby needs. I don't really think about it.

 

Reading this thread makes me all the more interested in continuing this -- wishing people WOULD comment so I could give them a witty reply, lol. Okay, not really (but sort of).

 

Sue (you were the original post-er right?? :001_smile:) ... so sorry that happened and I think you handled everything very well.

[She]

Whenever I bf'ed my younger two in public, I always had my daughter (my oldest) take a doll with her because I knew the inevitability of the situation...

 

If I started breastfeeding (whether covered or not) she would start, too. Ah... if you think I got looks, you should see the looks my daughter got!

:lol::lol::lol:

 

Distraction is an amazing thing!

 

Too funny! When I was bf'ing my second dd, my oldest would bring ALL her dolls out and form an assembly line. Pick up a doll, lift shirt, feed on left, switch to right. Continue with next doll! LOL

[Jennifer in MI]

Too funny! When I was bf'ing my second dd, my oldest would bring ALL her dolls out and form an assembly line. Pick up a doll, lift shirt, feed on left, switch to right. Continue with next doll! LOL

 

LOL My dd does this!!! Future breastfeeding moms!

[Scarlett]

LOL My dd does this!!! Future breastfeeding moms!

 

 

Yeah, well you should have seen the wild look of fear in dh's eyes when our then 2 yo ds did this with his babies. ;)

[Jennifer in MI]

Yeah, well you should have seen the wild look of fear in dh's eyes when our then 2 yo ds did this with his babies. ;)

 

Snort!!!

 

Only one of my dss ever did this with a stuffed animal. It was so cute and funny!!!! Future dads of breastfed babes!

[She]

Yeah, well you should have seen the wild look of fear in dh's eyes when our then 2 yo ds did this with his babies. ;)

 

:lol::001_huh::w00t::smilielol5:Okay!

 

My first dd, now 14 is reading this with me, and we are both rolling!

[*anj*]

:lol::001_huh::w00t::smilielol5:Okay!

 

My first dd, now 14 is reading this with me, and we are both rolling!

 

That really is hysterical. My kids did it too (well, not the youngest, but he didn't really have a model.)

Anyway, the first time I ever saw a child do this was when I worked in a day care center. There was a little girl named Allison whose mom had just had a baby, and she nursed him. Allison would sit and "nurse" dolls and if you asked her about she'd say:

 

"I'm feeding my baby with my breastesses."

 

We got such a kick out of it that we'd ask her over and over again because it was so cute and so funny!:001_smile:

[Laurie4b]

She said that she was covered up in the post when she said she was being discrete. With the right clothing, you can nurse in public without anything showing.

[Laurie4b]

That sucks! (Sorry, I couldn't help myself!)

 

I'm with you. I would have been angry.

 

I think you should write corporate headquarters and complain.

 

ITA--our society has this weird double standard about flesh. Flash it around in a sexualized way and as long as very specific areas aren't showing, no one is going to ask you to leave anywhere. Feed a baby with a breast, as breasts were designed to be used, show NO flesh, and you get asked to leave.

 

Help the culture change happen. Write to corporate headquarters, and maybe even your local paper. Call La Leche in your area. Write in your homeschool newsletter. Spread it around. Our culture needs to change. You had a bad experience that proves it. Make Target the target. :)

[Saille]

What exactly must one do to push the envelope on breastfeeding???

 

Women had to insist on their right to breastfeed when there were not laws to protect their doing so. Women had to insist that their newborns NOT be fed bottles or given pacifiers by nursing staff. When that didn't work, women had to insist on rooming in so they could monitor their infant. Women had to agitate for lactation consultants in hospitals, and for insurance to cover the use of them. Women had to contend with the attitudes of family members and coworkers who saw nursing as abnormal or unnecessary, or who didn't understand it was hard work. Women had to speak to pediatricians and obstetricians about their tendency to push formula supplies on women even after their insistence that they wanted to breastfeed. Women had to fight back against formula companies for pushing formula in third world countries with contaminated water supplies rather than encouraging mothers to nurse, and for sending cases of formula to women who'd indicated they were planning to breastfeed, but only samples to women who'd said they were planning to use formula. Women had to advocate for pumping stations and time to pump at work.

 

Women have to stop enabling others to make a fuss about how much of a breast is permitted to be visible while nursing.

[Saille]

And if you don't want to consider the needs of others in public, then don't gripe when they don't care about yours or your baby's either.:confused:

 

I do not believe that anyone has a "need" equivalent to my child's in this situation. You would not sit and stare at someone in public, regardless of how unusual they looked, b/c it's considered rude. Making a decision that someone has to cover up while nursing is tantamount to declaring you do not have the option to look away. You may briefly see something and be shocked, but for goodness sake, when it's a normal function being performed, your shock is your problem. You wouldn't ask someone with fifty piercings to go elsewhere so you didn't have to see them, even if it really, really bothered you. It would be ludicrous to do so. You might consider their choices strange, even immoral, but you would never think of asking a manager to have them cover up. Why would you do so because someone was breastfeeding?

 

I've bf in public for the better part of 14 yrs and it's NEVER been much of a problem. No one on either side of our family ever nursed. I don't exaclty live in a huge progressive or liberal region either.

 

IME, you've lucked out. I've been asked to move multiple times, though I'm quite discreet. I've never capitulated, but I've been asked. I had a friend who realized she was being viewed with binoculars by someone across a lake.

 

 

I also don't get the whole references to magazines, cable (which we don't have btw), and how teens dress. That has nothing to do with this issue. Just because one can point to other examples of improperity does not mean one should follow down the same path to whatever degree. :confused: Good grief my oldest sister likes to dance naked in the woods, but I don't take that as an okay for me to dance or be naked to any degree. (Not that I think there's anything wrong with dancing or being naked in some situations - unless it's ME doing it.:lol:)

 

 

No no no. The point is that impropriety is tolerated, whereas a completely legitimate, proper behavior is sexualized and maligned. If I were owned by Scripps-Howard, no one would say boo even if I were standing there naked with my fingertips over my nipples.

[Spy Car]

Women had to insist on their right to breastfeed when there were not laws to protect their doing so. Women had to insist that their newborns NOT be fed bottles or given pacifiers by nursing staff. When that didn't work, women had to insist on rooming in so they could monitor their infant. Women had to agitate for lactation consultants in hospitals, and for insurance to cover the use of them. Women had to contend with the attitudes of family members and coworkers who saw nursing as abnormal or unnecessary, or who didn't understand it was hard work. Women had to speak to pediatricians and obstetricians about their tendency to push formula supplies on women even after their insistence that they wanted to breastfeed. Women had to fight back against formula companies for pushing formula in third world countries with contaminated water supplies rather than encouraging mothers to nurse, and for sending cases of formula to women who'd indicated they were planning to breastfeed, but only samples to women who'd said they were planning to use formula. Women had to advocate for pumping stations and time to pump at work.

 

Women have to stop enabling others to make a fuss about how much of a breast is permitted to be visible while nursing.

 

:iagree: I'd march arm in arm with you any day sister!

 

Well said!!!

 

Bill

[lwilliams1922]

Um, wow. I have nursed my babies without ANY breast showing. My shirt would cover everything. I am a VERY modest person and would not be able to nurse any other way. But, I will absolutely NOT cover up with a blanket. My children wouldn't allow it. I also think that people need to get over it. She was feeding her baby!!!! Sue said she was being discreet - I highly doubt she "flashed" the man and his 10 yo son.

 

 

:iagree:

 

None of my kids would/will stay under a blanket to nurse. I don't like to flash so I keep my shirt down as far as possible.

 

I hate to think someone is uncomfortable but breast milk keeps my kids happy and healthy. I used to try to carry pumped milk in a bottle but it just wasnt feasble. My 3 year old will track down ANY bottled breast milk before the baby knows what's going on.

 

 

write to Target and then find another place to spend your money

[dirty ethel rackham]

I tried to find the link for this, but one of my favorite pictures is of a woman mayor or representative in South America meeting with her constituents. She is breastfeeding her toddler with the full breast showing. The caption discusses the political issue at hand and doesn't even mention breastfeeding. That is what I would love to see - for breastfeeding to be seen as so normal no one bats an eyelash anymore.

[Scarlett]

I tried to find the link for this, but one of my favorite pictures is of a woman mayor or representative in South America meeting with her constituents. She is breastfeeding her toddler with the full breast showing. The caption discusses the political issue at hand and doesn't even mention breastfeeding. That is what I would love to see - for breastfeeding to be seen as so normal no one bats an eyelash anymore.

 

Oh, wow. Me too. That is so cool.

[dirty ethel rackham]

I'm pro-bf even though I could not do it myself and yet it doesn't seem OK to place your "right" above other parents' right to protect their pre-teen/teen sons from nudity of any kind.

 

What about the rights of the baby? So the baby who is formula-fed has more rights that the baby who is breastfed? that women who are feeding their children in the biologically normal way are seen as exhibitionists? It is this particular attitude that is partially responsible for the low breastfeeding rates we have in this country. The more obstacles we place on women breastfeeding, the sooner they wean. The message is that it is okay to use boobs to sell beer and chicken wings than for them to be used for their God-given purpose - to feed a baby. I would definitely want my children exposed to the proper purpose of breasts, not the media-created purpose. I do whatever I can to shield my children from the purient type of attitude, I but am thankful for women who stand their ground and refuse to have their rights walked upon.

 

I have a dream - where breast will be seen primarily as for feeding, where public breastfeeding will cause no more stir than scratching one's chin, and where recreational use would be banished to private venues.