4Kiddos Posted August 29, 2013 Share Posted August 29, 2013 First, background info: I am pregnant with my fourth child (a girl!) and am due the end of October. I am also a smaller woman being 5'3 and fairly thin. I have been measuring right on at all of my appointments with my OB. I have gained 12 lbs with this pregnancy. But, I have been noticing that a ton of people (both strangers and people I know) have been commenting on how big I am with this pregnancy. In truth, I do feel a little big but who doesn't at 32 weeks and onward? Anyway, I just have really been struggling with all of people's comments. I don't really mind the nicer comments about being due soon or "almost ready to pop" but I have been struggling with practically every person saying something. Even more, I have been struggling with the random strangers who feel entitled to ask/say the most appalling rude things. I guess I was just curious if this is the new normal? I had a few comments when I was pregnant with my boys but nothing like this. Sometimes I just struggle to not burst into tears after a rude comment. I would never tell a pregnant woman that she looks like an elephant or that she had better go home and not have a baby in the store. Have people just lost some inner sense of kindness or respecting a person's privacy? I have also been really suprised by how many super personal questions random strangers feel that they can ask. Anyway, I could definately be too emotional but I am just start to feel bombarded by all of the comments about how HUGE I am. But, I was also curious if this is normal or is just perhaps the way that I am carrying this baby girl. Have any comments? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whereneverever Posted August 29, 2013 Share Posted August 29, 2013 People are rude. It stinks and I'm sorry. I'm at the point when someone is being unkind I try to just bluntly say, "That was rude." :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted August 29, 2013 Share Posted August 29, 2013 I agree. I have said "What a rude thing to say." Sometimes people shrug. Sometimes they are embarrassed because they truly didn't mean it to come out that way. In those cases they apologize. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kroe1 Posted August 29, 2013 Share Posted August 29, 2013 People see a pregnant woman and immediately get excited and goofy. It may seem rude to you, but it's just the giddy hiccup out of the happy stranger's mouth. Just be gracious as you probably just gave a random stranger a warm fuzzy feeling for the day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kroe1 Posted August 29, 2013 Share Posted August 29, 2013 And forgot to mention that. 5'3" skinny gal who has only gained 12 lbs. at 32 weeks is going to look like all baby. I bet you do not even have a double chin yet. I wish I had been you as a pregnant person. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momto10blessings Posted August 29, 2013 Share Posted August 29, 2013 People are rude. I just give them a smile and walk away. You can't control how people act, only how you react. Unfortunately Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted August 29, 2013 Share Posted August 29, 2013 :grouphug: It's normal in my experience. There's nothing like a pregnant woman to shut down other people's language filter and make them say whatever stupid thing comes into their head. I'm 5'2" and weighed around 100 when I got pregnant with my first DD. I gained a lot of weight (more than 50 pounds) and was puffy from water retention. I was well aware that I was huge; I sure didn't need anyone to point it out to me, but a lot of people did. I had SPD and sometimes could barely walk because of the pain. I remember excusing myself from a meeting to go cry in the restroom because one more dumb comment about how I waddled like a duck was one more than I could handle. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hwin Posted August 29, 2013 Share Posted August 29, 2013 Elephant, seriously, elephant? Most pregnancy comments are absolutely fine with me. Even the "are you sure there's only one in there" that I get toward the end. But don't compare me to a 6,000lb animal. (I'm not going to google the actual weight of an elephant... you get the gist). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashfern Posted August 29, 2013 Share Posted August 29, 2013 Sorry. I live in the south and never have any rude comments. I'm only 5'2" and was overweight to begin with. I've only gained 13 lbs so far but know that I look huge. My rude remarks are from my kids. LOL! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted August 29, 2013 Share Posted August 29, 2013 :grouphug: It's normal in my experience. There's nothing like a pregnant woman to shut down other people's language filter and make them say whatever stupid thing comes into their head. I'm 5'2" and weighed around 100 when I got pregnant with my first DD. I gained a lot of weight (more than 50 pounds) and was puffy from water retention. I was well aware that I was huge; I sure didn't need anyone to point it out to me, but a lot of people did. I had SPD and sometimes could barely walk because of the pain. I remember excusing myself from a meeting to go cry in the restroom because one more dumb comment about how I waddled like a duck was one more than I could handle. I just noticed your signature. I didn't realize the topic was that important to you. It's neat that you're so invested in language! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted August 29, 2013 Share Posted August 29, 2013 There's a recent thread on countenances... You need to work on your BRF! ;) (*itchy Resting Face) The only comments I got were from pedicure ladies not from the US. If someone actually approached me in a store? Whoa. Want us to follow you around and pounce on these goobers? Congrats on your pregnancy! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted August 29, 2013 Share Posted August 29, 2013 I just noticed your signature. I didn't realize the topic was that important to you. It's neat that you're so invested in language! I didn't realize a topic has to be incredibly important to add it to one's signature! I forgot I even added it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted August 29, 2013 Share Posted August 29, 2013 :grouphug: I think it relates to the entire breakdown of the sense of appropriate boundaries in our culture at large. when celebrities willingly share the most intimate details of their lives - there are people who then think they can ask the most intimate of questions of anyone else. yes- people are rude, and I've had lectures from people on overpopulation (the first time I did I was pregnant with my third - from the gas station attendant), yes comments seem more rude/invasive than in the past - see above. I got far more last time - even when there were no indications it was anything but my first because there is such a big age gap. it is also possible hormones are affecting you a little more this time and increasing your sensitivity. doubling over "in pain" and making a loud exclamation of umph, when they touch your abdomen can at least make them think twice next time. ;p Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted August 29, 2013 Share Posted August 29, 2013 I didn't realize a topic has to be incredibly important to add it to one's signature! I forgot I even added it. Well, I think it's lovely. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted August 29, 2013 Share Posted August 29, 2013 I don't think it is anything new. I suffered through all of that 19 years ago with my oldest. Even the vice president of the company I worked for (a major national company) was clueless enough to comment on how big I was and how I must be due any day, and when I commented that I had 2 months to go, said that I must be having twins. Not knowing who he was, I went off on him and reamed him a new one. Only later did I find out that I had just chewed out a VP. Oh well, he had it coming. I think I should design a shirt that says "No, I am NOT due any day now. No, I am NOT carrying twins. THIS IS WHAT PREGNANT WOMEN LOOK LIKE!! Eyes up, mister!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MommaOfalotta Posted August 29, 2013 Share Posted August 29, 2013 I gained 60 lbs with dd and (despite walking every day, watching what I ate and being extremely active) gained 80ish lbs with ds. No one ever made comments about my weight. That might be because I was always saying things about how much I'd gained, how much it was upsetting me.. people were nice enough to lie say "You can't even tell!" Or "It's all in your belly, really. You look great!" Or the biggest lie of all "Oh, you can tell its all baby. You won't have any trouble losing it!" My best friend just had her first in July. She didn't gain nearly as much as I did but people in her CHURCH were constantly saying things like "Ohh :( , you were so tiny before.. You sure aren't anymore are you." Or "You used to have such tiny hips." I couldn't believe this and it obviously upset her. I offered to come to church with her and shut them up, but she's much more of a classy lady than I. People are rude and extremely ignorant. I'm sorry! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommymilkies Posted August 29, 2013 Share Posted August 29, 2013 And forgot to mention that. 5'3" skinny gal who has only gained 12 lbs. at 32 weeks is going to look like all baby. I bet you do not even have a double chin yet. I wish I had been you as a pregnant person. I wouldn't be so fast about saying that. I gained only a tiny bit of weight with ds. I had pretty bad issues that caused it, unlike my 40lb weight gain with my other 4. Telling someone you're jealous of them or making them feel inferior about it won't be very nice, either. Most people I know that had such small weight gain battled severe hyperemisis, etc. They already get berated by their doctors about how they need to gain more, blah blah blah. Put it this way: Darned if you do, darned if you don't. People will find any excuse to be rude or judge. OP, this is when the line "Well, bless your heart." comes in use. I've had people ask about my cervix (Use the word mucous in vivid detail as often as possible here), whether baby has dropped ("Yes, it feels like a head is lodged in my vagina."), whether or not I will get an enema (!!), and the relative...strength down there by complete strangers. Some people really just need to insert their feet into their mouths. It's one thing if it's a close friend, but the Walmart greeter-they just don't need to ask those things. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T'smom Posted August 29, 2013 Share Posted August 29, 2013 I remember people saying stuff about how I shouldn't be out in public because I could have the baby any minute. That happened a few times. Both my babies were overdue by a week. It was lots of fun to be in a store or out to eat and when asked when I was due I got to answer "yesterday" or "three days ago" it was fun to watch their shocked expressions! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted August 29, 2013 Share Posted August 29, 2013 "How rude. At least I am pregnant. What's your excuse?" Is what pops to my mind. I wouldn't have the gall to say it, but a pregnant lady can get away with it. Blame it on the hormones! Or you go ahead and burst into tears. Next time maybe they'll think before they open their face. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HRAAB Posted August 29, 2013 Share Posted August 29, 2013 Often people don't think about the words they're choosing. Rude or unaware, maybe both sometimes. What bothered me the most was when I was 40 and pregnant with my twins. I couldn't count how many people would say something about the pregnancy being an 'oops', or obviously the pregnancy must have been a mistake and how did I survive a surprise like that. Obviously, no one with any brains would ever get pregnant at 40. That pregnancy was planned and wanted - very much. Oh, and when I was about 8 mos. pregnant with no. 3, my sil told me I hardly looked pregnant - if she didn't know I was pregnant, she couldn't be sure. What the h*ll? I was huge. I guess she thought it was a compliment, but at 8 mos. I want to look pregnant because I'm ready to be done. To give her the benefit of the doubt, she never had children and probably doesn't know how crazy pregnant women can get about such things. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TechWife Posted August 29, 2013 Share Posted August 29, 2013 Have people just lost some inner sense of kindness or respecting a person's privacy? I have also been really suprised by how many super personal questions random strangers feel that they can ask. Yes. This. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monica_in_Switzerland Posted August 29, 2013 Share Posted August 29, 2013 There is only about one thing one should say to a pregnant woman: My goodness, you are just glowing! (Bonus points in August if that is followed up by, "Let me pour you a cool drink!") I'm sorry people are so rude. What is it about pregnancy that brings out the crazy in people? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
4Kiddos Posted August 29, 2013 Author Share Posted August 29, 2013 Well, I have to say that you all made me laugh and made me feel so much better. I really like trying to be polite when people are rude but I have been feeling overwhelmed when people make their comments. I guess I will just have to expect it! On the 12 lbs., I have had a rough pregnancy with hyperemesis gravidarium and really only have a few things I can eat with throwing up. So, I haven't gained as much but my doctor is just happy that I have gained something. This on top of other regular health problems probably makes me feel more overwhelmed than a normal pregnant woman. I appreciate your comments too on how people are just happy and blurting out whatever comes to mind first. That is a good things to keep in mind, especially with people I know. It was incredibly nice to know as well that it is not just me and my apparent hugeness and that you all have had people's comments as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
countrygal Posted August 29, 2013 Share Posted August 29, 2013 :grouphug: One of the things that I dreaded and kept me from wanting more children is other people's comments. How sad is that. I am small and I get "are you having twins?" often. I only gain around 25 lbs with each pg. I don't know if this is the new normal, it's always happened to me, along with the "how many are you going to have?" I get it from family as well as strangers and everyone in between. You could always return the favor: "Well you look HUGE, too!" But, that's not nice even if it feels good for a moment before the guilt steps in. You could just say "Your comments are hurtful." I know it's hard to just ignore it or shrug it off even though logically people aren't trying to be hurtful. :grouphug: If you weren't looking big people would comment on how you aren't gaining enough weight. If it's not one thing, it's another. Congrats on your sweet little girl. She'll make it all worth it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dustybug Posted August 29, 2013 Share Posted August 29, 2013 People are rude. Unfortunately, it is normal. I'm 41 weeks, 1 day pregnant with #4 and I'm so very weary of the comments. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lea_lpz Posted August 30, 2013 Share Posted August 30, 2013 Maybe because you already have 3 they are assuming you'd be huge and not taking the time to notice you actually aren't. People can make rude comments or say strange things to pregnant women, but I also notice a lot if people comment on families if 3+. When we had a surprise pregnancy for example I had a neighbor who seemed relatively sympathetic and supportive of our 3rd pregnancy, but when I lost the pregnancy and then we got pregnant again she was shockingly rude. She couldn't believe we tried. She actually said she'd never have "tried" for 3 kids...in front if her 3 kids! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathmom Posted August 30, 2013 Share Posted August 30, 2013 The last time I went out in public before my youngest was born, I must have been giving off a vibe that screamed, "You comment on my pregnancy, YOU DIE!!!" Because no one did. So maybe work on that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momacacia Posted August 30, 2013 Share Posted August 30, 2013 Welllll, "YOU look like an elephant and had better go home before you say something rude in the store!" Oh, wait . . . . :lol: :leaving: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pretty in Pink Posted August 30, 2013 Share Posted August 30, 2013 I'm also 5'3" and super tiny. When I'm pregnant it's ALL belly and it does look really big! That doesn't make it great for people to say it out loud. I really don't think most people mean any harm by it at all. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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