Do your kids know how much money you make?

[Melissa in Australia]

MY oldest knows because when he was 17 and was applying for Scholarships for University  he needed that information for the paperwork. None of my other children know as they have no need to. the do know we have no mortgage and hlive by the principle of owning things outright and not borrowing.

I don't know haw much money my parents make or their net assets. I have no need for that information.

[Melissa in Australia]

MY oldest knows because when he was 17 and was applying for Scholarships for University  he needed that information for the paperwork. None of my other children know as they have no need to. the do know we have no mortgage and live by the principle of owning things outright and not borrowing.

I don't know haw much money my parents make or their net assets. I have no need for that information.

[*lifeoftheparty*]

I don't mean this to sound snarky, I'm dead serious- but....

 

I can't even wrap my brain around the idea of keeping our income/expenses a secret from my kids- or my parents, or in laws. I don't go telling random other people b/c he makes "a lot" (though just slightly above average for our area) and I don't want to seem like I'm bragging. But as long as someone knows what GS level DH is, they could look it up online- who cares?

 

For the record, I have always been this way, even when we were making very little.

 

I'm not a secretive person though, and I just. do. not. understand secretive and/or sensitive people. We talk about finances. I ask people what they pay for car insurance. I ask about interest rates, and what they paid for their cars or what have you. I wanna know if I'm getting a good deal, or if I am overpaying, etc.

 

When I was in college and worked in a retail store I remember we were not allowed to discuss what we made b/c not everyone was getting paid the same amount for the same work. I always thought that was rather underhanded and sneaky. I knew the manager and asked for $10 an hour, so I got it; but the other girl only asked for $8, so she got $8. We did the exact same job!! I thought that was crappy. They couldn't get away with stuff like that if talking about your salary wasn't so taboo.

 

To answer the question, yes. DS9 knows how much DH makes and he knows not to go blabbing to other people. Just today I had to explain to him that we had to pay $xxxx for the table, and that daddy had to work 4 whole days just to pay for the table, so get your toys off the table and take better care of the stuff that daddy works for. It's the only way I can get him to understand that he can't just treat our stuff like the demolition derby or that money just grows on trees. And he understands it now that he gets an allowance and sees how long it takes him to save up for Lego sets ;) We had to start these money lessons with him b/c he was/is rather spoiled and was prone to saying things like, "It's ONLY $100 dollars."

[Melissa in Australia]

I don't mean this to sound snarky, I'm dead serious- but....

 

I can't even wrap my brain around the idea of keeping our income/expenses a secret from my kids- or my parents, or in laws. I don't go telling random other people b/c he makes "a lot" (though just slightly above average for our area) and I don't want to seem like I'm bragging. But as long as someone knows what GS level DH is, they could look it up online- who cares?

 

For the record, I have always been this way, even when we were making very little.

 

I'm not a secretive person though, and I just. do. not. understand secretive and/or sensitive people. We talk about finances. I ask people what they pay for car insurance. I ask about interest rates, and what they paid for their cars or what have you. I wanna know if I'm getting a good deal, or if I am overpaying, etc.

 

."

Interesting.

 I know someone who always asked me how much money we have in the bank, and how much do we get paid and stuff like that. I actually stopped contact with her because I felt she was such a nosy sticky beak. now I am wondering if perhaps it was a cultural thing ( she wasn't Australian)

[TravelingChris]

It has never been a secret in our lives.  My dad was a government employee so if my parents hadn't told me, it was easy enough to find out.  Same for my dh- he is Active duty USAF and has been their whole lives/  Everrone can know how much he makes as long as they know his rank, how many years in, and where he is stationed.  But none of the kids ever asked.  My youngest does realize that we live in a nicer house than most of her friends- maybe all, I am not sure.  We don't live in a nicer house than other people she knows but those are homes of people she knows but not families with kids her age.  OTOH, she sees our house and thinks we have more money than we do.  We bought our house with a VA no money down loan and our mortgage is less than our housing allowance, which is good since our utilities are very high.  But she was told that dh is retiring in less than a year and we have to be very careful with our money until he gets another job.

[Rose in BC]

I'm a public servant so my wage is actually published in our newspaper. Everyone in town knows! :).

[idnib]

I've been thinking about this topic lately.

 

The first time I read "The Millionaire Next Door" I didn't have kids yet and focused more on the monetary aspects. I just finished re-reading it and it's almost like a different book if you have kids.

 

The authors advised not letting your kids know your net worth (assuming it's high) until they are older, maybe 30 or so, and cited studies showing the differences between kids who expect their parents to help them out vs those who don't, resentment about one sibling getting more help than another, etc. I will feel more comfortable going over our monthly budget and expenses with my kids when they are older, than I will discussing our net worth. That can wait until they are older, and by the time they are middle age I think they should understand the entire estate, although neither of them will be the executor.

[elegantlion]

Ds is well aware, since I'm looking for a job and currently have NO income. However, back when things were normal, yes, he knew. I grew up knowing what my dad made, but with no guidance on budgeting or how to save or any personal finance knowledge. We've been working to instill some financial smarts in ds since he could walk. He's very frugal and has a good concept of money.

 

If I had a child that I felt would brag about our income (if I had a large one), I'd probably be more general in my discussions. 

[*lifeoftheparty*]

Interesting.

I know someone who always asked me how much money we have in the bank, and how much do we get paid and stuff like that. I actually stopped contact with her because I felt she was such a nosy sticky beak. now I am wondering if perhaps it was a cultural thing ( she wasn't Australian)

Hmmmmm. Well, lol, I would never ask someone how much money they have in the bank, nor would I ask someone how much they make. I just don't keep what I make a secret. We talk about it with my kids. When DH got his great govt. job we excitedly told our parents all about it, including how much the salary was. And if they ask what's new, and DH has gotten a raise or something, we mention it.

 

I just don't understand being all secretive about your salary, especially with your immediate family.

[Arcadia]

The authors advised not letting your kids know your net worth (assuming it's high) until they are older, maybe 30 or so, and cited studies showing the differences between kids who expect their parents to help them out vs those who don't, resentment about one sibling getting more help than another, etc.

That has happen big time in my extended family and milder in hubby's extended family. Hence the secrecy.

For example, one of hubby's many cousins expected her dad to buy her a car of the same value as what her older sister received as a graduation present. This is a mild example by comparison to other relatives.

My cousins who are over 50 years old are having cat fights over their parents estate. Maturity unfortunately does not reduce greed :( While there may never be a good time to tell, 30+ sounds like a possible age to tell for a normal family.

[Pawz4me]

Yes, our kids know DH's income (within a few thousand dollars--I couldn't tell you much closer than that).  They also have a good ball park idea of our net worth.  When they were younger they weren't really interested, but now that they're older and beginning to consider careers it has become a somewhat regular topic of conversation.   As well as discussing how much the regular monthly bills are, annual and semi-annual expenses like property taxes and insurance, etc.  I can't imagine keeping that info from kids.  I was raised with full knowledge of my parents' financial situation, as was my DH.  They both understand about mortgages and amortization schedules and interest rates and . . . everything like that.  Oldest has had his own checking account and debit card for a couple of years, and youngest of course has a savings account.  To my way of thinking I would be failing miserably in their education if we didn't discuss these things and teach them to handle finances. The exception to that would be, of course, if the kids were young (pre-teen) and the financial situation was dire.

[kroe1]

My DD13 could easily pay the monthly bills if something happened to her dad and I. She also knows about what we make.   But I can understand wanting those things private as my parents were like that.

 

 

[Guest]

Mine don't, and the whole idea of it freaks me out.  I think it's because I was raised that it's private and parents shouldn't tell their kids this stuff.  I just don't know why it's bad or good.

 

It came up because DD17 is trying to decide what she wants to do for a living, and she has zero concept of money and the price of things.  She was looking at some different careers and their average salaries, and she asked me is it good or bad if the average salary is from $29,000 - $38,000 per year.  So we started looking at some charts of income levels in the US, and she asked me where we fell on the chart.  I totally panicked!  I don't know why.  I think that's unreasonable.  So, I showed her where we fall, and said "this is where we fall, and you know how we live, so...."

 

But even that isn't accurate.  She has no idea what *I* make v. my husband, what a mortgage amount is, the amount of debt we carry or don't carry, school loans, etc.

 

I'm not sure how much I should or shouldn't disclose, and what other people do or don't do.  I also know now that I need to educate her more about these things, but I don't really know how to go about it.

 

What do you tell, or not? And how do you teach your kids about personal economies and finances?

(I have not read other replies) I think it's important for kids in their teens to start understanding these things. I was just this morning thinking of showing my dd16 my book in which I record all our expenses, all our income and all our account balances. My thoughts grew out of mail we received yesterday on which I commented to dd that this piece of mail was one of her UTMA accounts. She asked what that meant and I gave her a brief overview that this is one account I have for her to go to college, buy a home or start a business, and that I had some other accounts for her and her sibs as well.  

 

A similar matter just came up with ds13. He was doing a writing exercise where he was supposed to write a real estate ad for our house, as if it were for sale.  This exercise made me realize that he has no concept of what homes cost or what it would take to live in a house like ours. It also led to some discussion about different salaries. 

 

I think by the time they are in their upper teens, they should thoroughly understand all of these elements of personal economy. If you, as parents, have made some decisions you're not thrilled about, use that as an object lesson. If you've made decisions that worked out well, use that as an object lesson. I have not told my kids, "We make X dollars," but I don't think that is the best way to grant them that information anyway. I think it's better for them to see my book, so they can understand that these things cost this much on average, and even that these special things (a vacation, private school tuition) also take a fair amount of money. From there, it becomes clear that if they hope to live like we live eventually, they will have to expect to make at least this amount of money. 

 

P.S. My own parents are/were intensely private about finances and it was very detrimental.  I did not understand money at all when I left home. I was fortunate to learn a lot of financial wisdom from my MIL shortly into adulthood. 3 of my 4 sibs also went through bankruptcy at some point, so it's safe to say that we were all turned into adulthood with no grasp of money. 

[Guest]

This is interesting.  I would never, ever, in a million years, tell my parents how much money I make.  Ever.  They didn't even know when I was in high school.  They said it was my job, my money, my business.  Now, they're dying to know.  My mother tries to narrow it down by guessing my tax bracket.  :closedeyes:  I don't go there.

 

One of my sisters knows, and another has a ballpark idea how much I make.  Also, one of my very good friends knows, because she asked me and so I told her.  I already knew what she makes because she told me, and I trust her.  Generally speaking, I think it's personal and private and the urge to make judgments about people's lifestyle and habits is too great when you know too much.  I'm just not sure why this applies to our children.  

 

I'm not saying, by the way, that I'm going to tell them. I still it's private.  I just think we (as a society) have a hangup about this that I'm not sure exists in other cultures, and I wonder why.

 

This is the part I find weird! ;) My parents don't ask about our income or expenses. My sibs have never asked anything about what we make or spend, other than general discussions about getting something for a deal or discount. Dh's family culture is more open about money, although not in an intrusive fashion.  So, my dh will talk to his brothers, say, about how much their boat cost and/or how they are paying for it. This is not interpreted badly in his family AFAIK; it's viewed as sharing information along the lines of what we could expect if we were going to buy a boat like that. Dh is partners with one brother, so obviously, we know quite a lot about how much money they make and what sort of debts they have. 

 

I do not know the specific incomes of any friends and I would consider it immensely nosy to ask, but dh does know the incomes of some of his friends. I think he's just much more comfortable discussing that with good friends because of his family background. 

[AlmiraGulch]

This is the part I find weird! ;) My parents don't ask about our income or expenses. My sibs have never asked anything about what we make or spend, other than general discussions about getting something for a deal or discount. Dh's family culture is more open about money, although not in an intrusive fashion.  So, my dh will talk to his brothers, say, about how much their boat cost and/or how they are paying for it. This is not interpreted badly in his family AFAIK; it's viewed as sharing information along the lines of what we could expect if we were going to buy a boat like that. Dh is partners with one brother, so obviously, we know quite a lot about how much money they make and what sort of debts they have. 

 

I do not know the specific incomes of any friends and I would consider it immensely nosy to ask, but dh does know the incomes of some of his friends. I think he's just much more comfortable discussing that with good friends because of his family background. 

My siblings and I, generally speaking, are all better off financially than my parents have ever been. I think my parents somehow feel that our "successes" are a positive reflection on them.  That, and I think my mom is just curious to know. She has only flat out asked me how much money I make one time, and I didn't tell her.  With my sisters, it has just come up in conversation a time or two. We don't sit around talking about it, and we don't say "Hey, how much money do you make?"  It has just....come up somehow. 

 

I only know this information about a couple of my friends.  One of them told me because she was seeking career advice, and money was part of the discussion.  Plus, she's a commissioned sales person, and they tend to be more open about what they make.  My husband is like that, and when I was a commissioned sales person everyone I worked with knew what I made.  We all did.  It was posted on walls because we had goals and competitions and things.    The other friend just told me one night, in the context of some other discussion.  Plus, she works for the federal government so I suppose she figured it's out there anyway.

[MIch elle]

Are you parents and your dh's parents still alive?  Who will/did take care of them and who will take care of you when you are too old/ill to take care your health and finances?  My parents are long gone. My mil & fil are ill and my dh jointly owns his parents home at this time.  We NEEDED to know the financial details.

 

Yes, my dc know it all - our family income, expenses, savings and investments.  We see no reason not to include them in the family financial picture.  We trust them to understand why we live the way we live, work, spend and save.  It behooves us all that they understand money early rather than later.

[AlmiraGulch]

Are you parents and your dh's parents still alive?  Who will/did take care of them and who will take care of you when you are too old/ill to take care your health and finances?  My parents are long gone. My mil & fil are ill and my dh jointly owns his parents home at this time.  We NEEDED to know the financial details.

 

I know my parents' financial situation now, for the very reason you stated.  I didn't know when I was a child/teen.

[maize]

I would share details at that age, ideally I would be sharing in an age appropriate way all along. Overall I believe a culture of openness is healthier than one of secrecy.

[speedmom4]

We have always been very open about our finances. I am a big Dave Ramsey and Suze Orman fan and the kids sometimes listen with me especially in the car. I have a budget book that I work out all the numbers in. Not only do I have our income and expenses written out but savings amounts, retirement, HSA account balances, etc. I also have goals written in my budget book. I leave it laying around and open all the time. My husband and I talk openly about the budget/expenses/money frequently. My family was very open about money as well. I think it helped give me a good understanding of money concepts as well as a healthy relationship with money. We are paying our dd's college tuition as well right now and I am keeping her very well informed about the costs of her education. I don't want her to take it for granted. I want my children to have a very practical relationship with money. I don't want them to be afraid of it or overemphasize it's importance. We talk about it just like we would any other subject. 

 

Elise in NC

[Parrothead]

Currently dd has no idea. As she gets older and needs money we will discus things with her more openly. Right now she can't be trusted to not tell others about our finances.

[Jane in NC]

Another aspect: how are kids supposed to evaluate the cost of college if they are not informaed about family finances? How can they make informed decisions about which school to attend, what their parents can afford, what loans to take out in relation to what kind of income they might expect with their degrees?

Indeed. A friend told me that her son was shocked that his parents had not saved $200K to attend a private college. Other kids from school had parents or grandparents who had saved. Why hadn't his? Obviously the parents had not clued the lad into the state of his family finances. 

 

I do think that at some point, it is good for teens to understand how much you make. And of course all those budgeting, savings, etc talks and real life examples should start long before then and continue forever.

 

I handed my then twelve year old son two years of utility bills to have him track usage. Funny, after he saw what we were paying, he became diligent about turning off lights, etc.

 

P.S. My own parents are/were intensely private about finances and it was very detrimental.  I did not understand money at all when I left home. I was fortunate to learn a lot of financial wisdom from my MIL shortly into adulthood. 3 of my 4 sibs also went through bankruptcy at some point, so it's safe to say that we were all turned into adulthood with no grasp of money.

My father in law managed finances for the family. After a stroke, my mother in law landed in the position and had to give herself an education. She decided to have me join her. I shall be forever grateful since my parents too were intensely private.

 

When my son began 10th grade, we had a family meeting in which I pulled out our financial information. I wanted him to see what we could afford to pay for college, namely that we could afford a state university but if he wanted to attend a private college he would need to seek merit aid. I wanted him to understand how student loans (subsidized/unsubsidized) worked if that became part of his plan.

 

FAFSA is written to the student but I doubt if many students complete it. I thought that it was wise to let my son see the numbers so that he could understand our Expected Family Contribution (EFC).

[justamouse]

I do tell her all about these sorts of things as they come up, but it's clear that it isn't enough.  My younger has a better concept of it all than the older.   She just doesn't really grasp it.  I think some of it is the Asperger's thing, but I still need to find a way to teach her.

 

So do they actually know how much money you and/or your husband make?

 

The older ones, yes. Because they need to see how it works. We make a lot, but we also have a big family, so we don't live as you would expect people in our bracket to live--and it's a real rubber meets the road lesson. We have to pay a lot to Uncle Sam, you have to have that money saved to pay it by April. We pay large water bills quarterly, so when we yell that they are taking 40 minute showers--they know why. We pay a lot of property taxes, we have to have that money saved. When the pool gets opened in the summer, it's a 500 monthly bill that has to be added in. They have to know how to juggle it. And, because they know, and they see how hard their father works and what sacrifices we make--they have more respect for what we do and how we live. 

 

And, for the younger ones it's things like, "No, we can't go to the fair, we're going on vacation in a few weeks, which would you rather do more? Play skiball at the boardwalk, or go to the fair?" Those small decisions all add up to lessons in finance. 

[sparrow]

No, they don't know the numbers on household income, but they know how much our mortgage and bills are. We own a seasonal business, so they know how we have to budget during the season to have money in the off-season. They have grown up price comparing. At this point, I don't see any reason to disclose our actual income.

 

 

[justamouse]

In finance, as with most things, knowledge is power. You want them to have that power, to not be a slave to their financial ignorance. 

[Murphy101]

Hmmmmm. Well, lol, I would never ask someone how much money they have in the bank, nor would I ask someone how much they make. I just don't keep what I make a secret. We talk about it with my kids. When DH got his great govt. job we excitedly told our parents all about it, including how much the salary was. And if they ask what's new, and DH has gotten a raise or something, we mention it.

 

I just don't understand being all secretive about your salary, especially with your immediate family.

There is a difference between being secretive and simply not telling people stuff that is none of their business. I'm not secretive about my sex life, but I'm not sharing details with the immediate family either. ;)

 

My kids know we don't have much money compared to a lot of people they know, but that we manage what we have as best we can to meet our family priorities, which might not be the same priorities as us.

 

My kids have learned how to set aside half of what they make while they can and to avoid debt whenever possible.

 

My kids have sat next to me while I paid bills and seen what is left and how quickly it disappears for food and such. I have sat the older ones down and looked at apartments and utilities and such for a single person starting independent today. They have been with Dh while he spent months shopping for the vehicle he needs that is also within his limited budget.

[justamouse]

This is the part I find weird! ;) My parents don't ask about our income or expenses. My sibs have never asked anything about what we make or spend, other than general discussions about getting something for a deal or discount. Dh's family culture is more open about money, although not in an intrusive fashion.  So, my dh will talk to his brothers, say, about how much their boat cost and/or how they are paying for it. This is not interpreted badly in his family AFAIK; it's viewed as sharing information along the lines of what we could expect if we were going to buy a boat like that. Dh is partners with one brother, so obviously, we know quite a lot about how much money they make and what sort of debts they have. 

 

I do not know the specific incomes of any friends and I would consider it immensely nosy to ask, but dh does know the incomes of some of his friends. I think he's just much more comfortable discussing that with good friends because of his family background. 

 

That's the way finances are talked about in our circle. 

 

But to walk up to someone and ask how much they make? Big no. 

[Tita Gidge]

Lots of people knew what my husband made because it was published information LOL.  It was a community where everyone knew what everyone else made, or could easily find out.  I'm sure my older kids knew, even though we didn't expressly tell them.

 

My family is open about money, including earnings. I don't know if the kids know my full income, but they know our bracket.  And my brothers' that live near us.  And my parents.  Money is an open topic. We discuss the great-aunt back home who had no kids and how much each of us need to send her each month. We discuss our younger siblings away in college and how much each of us need to send each semester.  We discuss the cost of grandma's meds and how much to send her each month. We discuss money a lot in my family, usually at meals, and the kids are either present or running around the room and in earshot of it all. 

 

My husband's family kept money issues private (to them) - no kids, even once those kids were adults. It's just a different family culture. I think they'd have had the same reaction as the OP were the kids ever to ask!  If it's something you grew up with as being private, it's hard to just feel open about sharing that information.  I think that's okay, too. 

 

I imagine there's probably a fabulous middle ground between the two :)

[Spryte]

Going to throw this out there... A different scenario: our oldest DS does not know our income.  I should say he's my DSS.  He knew several years ago but he does not know the specifics now (they've changed).  Neither DH nor I think he needs to know, especially because he tends to share the info freely with friends and very extended family (actually, his extended family, not ours).  He is a young adult, finished with college.  There is no need for him to know our income, nor is there a need for him to share the info (as he has in the past).  So we keep it private.

 

I do think it's important to teach kids about budgeting, about managing money, about household and life expenses.  I even think that in most cases it's fine to share basic financial info with kids.  If that is out of the question, then sample budgets and hypotheticals could come in handy.

 

The downside to DSS knowing our info through his teen years (he had the knowledge, and he had our thoughts on budgeting, etc, but he had another influence about money in his life obviously): he had unrealistic expectations based on knowing numbers without understanding budgets and life expenses.  For example, he expected to have 2 cars given to him (one from each household - we had 50/50 shared custody).  Based on knowing his grandparents' financial info, he expected that he would never have to work or have a job (!!!!).  I could go on here, but you get the idea.  He still struggles with money issues.  So yes, I think it's imperative that we give our kids a foundation in how to handle money, where it goes, and how to manage it.  

 

We haven't decided how to approach this with DS and DD.  Clearly it's time to start making a plan.  This thread is full of great ideas, and I'm glad you started it, Q!  

 

 

 

 

[mom2bee]

I didn't read any of the replies but heres my experience being raised by the child of parents whose degrees were in accounting and finance and who came from hard working, poor families also.

 

My parents never hid the money stuff from us. We were raised to respect that many things are private and not to be shared outside of the family and we never told anyone our parents personal matters. My dad taught me to do ledgers and budgets from the time I was about 6 or 7. (I remember because we could only help him with the books after we were introduced to place value--which happens at the beginning of 2nd grade.)

 

(Sorting the bills from the mail, opening the bills and hole-punching them and reading the amounts before they went into the bill book, adding up the bills and comparing the bills to the paychecks, that sort of thing when we're young)

 

We did a little more as time went on, until somewhere between the age of 11-13, each child had an extensive hands on training period with the family "Bill Book" were we did the bill book each month for about 3 or 4 months and my dad checked it after us to be sure that it was correct.

 

We would sit near him when he called to pay various bills. We also knew what the weekly grocery budget was and so we knew when we could and couldn't have things like popcorn or candy at the store once we got to the register. My mom taught us to never be ashamed or embarrassed for having to put things back if the total was too much at the register, be ashamed if you steal, be embarrassed if you are too lazy or too undisciplined to find a way to get what you want, not for having restraint to stay within a budget.

 

I intend to do the exact same thing with my children. Money doesn't grow on trees and our family tradition is that everyone not just know it--they are aware of and experience it! My mom and Dad both worked from the time that they were in grade school, they come from poor, rural families where everyone had to pull their weight or the whole family was going down.

[AlmiraGulch]

I love this thread.  I so appreciate everyone's experiences and points of view.

 

It makes me very uncomfortable, but I think I'm going to sit down with my oldest and show her the budget.  Just my stuff, not my husband's, because he's just not that comfortable with it.

 

I'm going to show her a version of our budget (we use YNAB), how to use it, how we categorize it, just leaving out DH's stuff.   I'm going to show her my gross pay, everything that has to come out of it, and then what's left.  

 

I was a financial idiot when I went into this world on my own at 17 because my parents never taught me anything.  I knew that they didn't have much.  I knew that they lived paycheck to paycheck.  I knew how I did not want to end up, if at all possible, but I didn't know how NOT to.  Like I said before, I learned some very expensive lessons.  Not to knock my parents, by the way.  They had 6 kids and worked incredibly hard and did the best they could with what they had.  I just wish they'd been more proactive in discussing these things with us.  I know my grandmother (mother's mother)  budgeted religiously, and my grandfather (father's father) was a Navy man, very disciplined in all things, including finances.  I would think they each would have picked something up from their respective parents.

 

I think it's time. 

 

Then we'll segue into the conversation about what she can expect to make right out of school, and go from there.   This is a big deal for me.

 

 

[Sun]

I read Stephanie Z's post, and I found myself nodding along.

 

I do think that this varies somewhat depending upon your family income now. In my experience, parents with relatively high household incomes do consciously talk about these issues for exactly the reasons that Stephanie Z said. Most parents want their kids to do at least as well as they have financially, if not better. If your family income is substantially past the average, then for your children to do as well as you have, you need to have conversations about the type of income it takes to support the lifestyle that you enjoy. To this end, I know many upper-middle-class professionals tell their kids all along that such-and-such job won't earn you very much money or that going into certain fields will make it harder to live the lives they may want to lead. In some families there's a lot of pressure to choose certain high-status and/or high-income fields. I've found that my friends from more modest backgrounds don't report having these same types of conversations with their families as they were growing up--or at least not about the same types of jobs.