Do your kids know how much money you make?

[AlmiraGulch]

Mine don't, and the whole idea of it freaks me out.  I think it's because I was raised that it's private and parents shouldn't tell their kids this stuff.  I just don't know why it's bad or good.

 

It came up because DD17 is trying to decide what she wants to do for a living, and she has zero concept of money and the price of things.  She was looking at some different careers and their average salaries, and she asked me is it good or bad if the average salary is from $29,000 - $38,000 per year.  So we started looking at some charts of income levels in the US, and she asked me where we fell on the chart.  I totally panicked!  I don't know why.  I think that's unreasonable.  So, I showed her where we fall, and said "this is where we fall, and you know how we live, so...."

 

But even that isn't accurate.  She has no idea what *I* make v. my husband, what a mortgage amount is, the amount of debt we carry or don't carry, school loans, etc.

 

I'm not sure how much I should or shouldn't disclose, and what other people do or don't do.  I also know now that I need to educate her more about these things, but I don't really know how to go about it.

 

What do you tell, or not? And how do you teach your kids about personal economies and finances?

[justamouse]

At that age, yeah, we've talked about living expenses, and 'business'. We teach them as a part of life, with their first paychecks. Why? Because they need the reality check of how much it costs to live. It doesn't grow on trees. :laugh:  We talk about budgets, why we don't spend above what our budget is and why. 

My olders were very much aware as we bought our houses, why we made certain choices, the amortization on a mortgage, why you don't want an ARM--how friend's didn't have a large enough downpayment and took an ARM which will start rising in a few years and ...wow, that's not so good. Why you have to keep and build your credit score. What percentages on a mortgage are good. that's how you build a budget and live within your means. 

If she's not one to talk to everyone about it, sit her down and share it all with her. Tell her how you do it. 
 

[LucyStoner]

We don't burden our kids with any financial worries but we do discuss means, priorities and giving in a casual way on an ongoing basis.  Although we haven't ever really had any serious financial worries by my metric as we have always had enough to eat and a clean, safe place to live.

 

When I quit my job to stay home (for a variety of reasons), we did explain that certain things we were used to doing would change.  My older son was almost 9 at the time and we felt it was a good idea to explain the changes. Ie: far less frequent ordering of takeout, 2 camping trips a year vs. 3-4 camping trips and 1-2 other bigger trips, more picnics and less lunches out.  I also explained that because we were living on less in the short term, that allowances were going to be less (instead of $1/year of age/week, we started paying allowances only every 2 weeks when my husband got paid and we trimmed the amount a touch at first.)  This was to show that we consider their allowances to be important enough not to cut outright but also a reflection of their share of the hh income and we we all in essence taking a "pay cut".   We explained that we considered trips and dining out to be less important than activities/classes for them and paying for college tuition for my husband.  

 

My older son has a savings account and I have him make a deposit regularly and check his account online and read his statement.  We have always been open about our money values- ie, we buy things used if we can, we drive one car that we paid cash for, we don't carry consumer debt, we repair things that can be repaired, we save for emergencies/future but we like to have fun with trips etc as well.  When he is older, I plan to increase his allowance using a Simple or similar bank account but shift the budgeting of stuff he needs/wants onto him.  

[AlmiraGulch]

At that age, yeah, we've talked about living expenses, and 'business'. We teach them as a part of life, with their first paychecks. Why? Because they need the reality check of how much it costs to live. It doesn't grow on trees. :laugh:  We talk about budgets, why we don't spend above what our budget is and why. 

 

My olders were very much aware as we bought our houses, why we made certain choices, the amortization on a mortgage, why you don't want an ARM--how friend's didn't have a large enough downpayment and took an ARM which will start rising in a few years and ...wow, that's not so good. Why you have to keep and build your credit score. What percentages on a mortgage are good. that's how you build a budget and live within your means. 

 

If she's not one to talk to everyone about it, sit her down and share it all with her. Tell her how you do it. 

 

I do tell her all about these sorts of things as they come up, but it's clear that it isn't enough.  My younger has a better concept of it all than the older.   She just doesn't really grasp it.  I think some of it is the Asperger's thing, but I still need to find a way to teach her.

 

So do they actually know how much money you and/or your husband make?

[Ottakee]

Check out some Dave Ramsey or other Money courses for teens.  There is a lot she should know.  I don't think you have to give the specifics of your family income but you could always start by giving her a weekly/monthly/quarterly budget where she has to buy her health and beauty stuff, clothing, entertainment, etc. out of.  Really helps them learn budgeting.

[AlmiraGulch]

We don't burden our kids with any financial worries but we do discuss means, priorities and giving in a casual way on an ongoing basis.  Although we haven't ever really had any serious financial worries by my metric as we have always had enough to eat and a clean, safe place to live.

 

When I quit my job to stay home (for a variety of reasons), we did explain that certain things we were used to doing would change.  My older son was almost 9 at the time and we felt it was a good idea to explain the changes. Ie: far less frequent ordering of takeout, 2 camping trips a year vs. 3-4 camping trips and 1-2 other bigger trips, more picnics and less lunches out.  I also explained that because we were living on less in the short term, that allowances were going to be less (instead of $1/year of age/week, we started paying allowances only every 2 weeks when my husband got paid and we trimmed the amount a touch at first.)  This was to show that we consider their allowances to be important enough not to cut outright but also a reflection of their share of the hh income and we we all in essence taking a "pay cut".   We explained that we considered trips and dining out to be less important than activities/classes for them and paying for college tuition for my husband.  

 

My older son has a savings account and I have him make a deposit regularly and check his account online and read his statement.  We have always been open about our money values- ie, we buy things used if we can, we drive one car that we paid cash for, we don't carry consumer debt, we repair things that can be repaired, we save for emergencies/future but we like to have fun with trips etc as well.  When he is older, I plan to increase his allowance using a Simple or similar bank account but shift the budgeting of stuff he needs/wants onto him.  

I do pretty much all of these things, too.  Still, I don't know if it's enough.  At 17 I had much more financial knowledge than mine does, but then by 17 I was working 2 jobs and putting myself through college.  

 

I'm thinking about some sort of program.  I know Dave Ramsey has one, but it sometimes goes too deep into Biblical teachings on money and I don't want to go there.  Perhaps I could go around those parts?  I've read his books and I think they're solid. 

[zoobie]

I didn't know what my dad made until we were filling out the FAFSA forms for my college. I don't know what we will do with our kids.

[Julie Smith]

At that age yes.

 

Eldest is more interested in numbers and we talk about it. But usually not specific numbers. But he has been told how much Dh makes every week. How much of that needs to be put aside for mortgage, car payments, ... How much that leaves for other stuff. How much other stuff costs. ...

 

I don't think youngest knows since he doesn't care. But when he is older he will have to learn about all that and have conversations with us about how much money we have how much things costs. All those money things such as mortgages, car payments, phone bills, credit cards, RRSPs, ... 

 

 

[AlmiraGulch]

Check out some Dave Ramsey or other Money courses for teens.  There is a lot she should know.  I don't think you have to give the specifics of your family income but you could always start by giving her a weekly/monthly/quarterly budget where she has to buy her health and beauty stuff, clothing, entertainment, etc. out of.  Really helps them learn budgeting.

Ok, so everything you said here is what I'm getting at.

 

First, yeah....she needs some specifics.  Maybe I should give her what I would have spent on her myself and help her budget it so she can see what things cost and how far the money does or doesn't go.  Good idea.  

 

I just posted (before I read yours) that I was going to look into the Dave Ramsey program!  Great minds and all that. :-)

 

But, and this is what I really want to explore, why don't we go into specifics on this stuff with our kids?  I don't mean they should be burdened by financial woes or worries, if there are any, but why don't we give our kids the specifics of our family income?  What's the reasoning behind that?  Again, for me, I was just raised that way and it just makes me uncomfortable.  

[Murphy101]

The problem isn't not knowing how much you make. The problem is no concept of money.

 

I'd sit down with some simple math and budget concepts and what kind of salary will permit what kind of budget.

 

I never knew what my parents made, but I knew the value of money.

 

Her having no concept of money would make me panic more than her asking what we made.

[lynn]

It has never come up.   My oldest is a spender, living on his own, learning about money the hard way.  A DR course will not help him.  He just wants what he wants no matter if he won't have money for food for a week.  My other son is a saver and will only spend if he has $X in his savings.   We tried to teach them about money over the years and had ds show us an expense plan and helped him figure it all out but he is a "I want it now" personality.    We are hoping he catches on before to long.

[Arcadia]

My kids know about mortgage, HOA and credit card bills.  We did not tell them how much hubby make but will give them a ballpark figure when they are teens.  They see me doing the taxes and they do ask questions.  I was raised that salary information is private as in you do not tell anyone outside your parents kind of private.  We do have nosy relatives who compare salary which is why we were told not to blab.  I did learn to fill up my parents income tax form at a young age.  Legal age of work is 14 years old back home and we have compulsory equivalent of 401K once we start work (just to give a perspective).

[AlmiraGulch]

The problem isn't not knowing how much you make. The problem is no concept of money.

 

I'd sit down with some simple math and budget concepts and what kind of salary will permit what kind of budget.

 

I never knew what my parents made, but I knew the value of money.

 

Her having no concept of money would make me panic more than her asking what we made.

Yes, I agree what the problem is.  No question. 

 

As an aside, though, I'm wondering about the "how much" part, and why we don't share this information with our kids.  I wonder if it's cultural?

[Carrie12345]

We like the Dave Ramsey stuff (and we are not religious.)

 

If you're truly uncomfortable sharing your own numbers, have her write her own.

 

Is $28-39k good?

Well, let's look up the type of home you want to live in. Let's find out the taxes. Let's get health insurance quotes. What might car insurance run? What kind of car do you plan to drive long-term? What are grocery prices? How much do your jeans cost? What's your favorite toothpaste? How much should you put aside for repairs/replacements of home, car, electronics, etc.? Which cell phone plans make the most economical sense.

 

Add it up.

Is $28-39k good? Clearly that depends on how you spend it.

[Jennifer in MI]

We've always been VERY open with our kids about our budget.  I think it stems from the fact that I never knew how much my parents made or what a budget was at all!!  We very openly talk about what dh makes and how much goes toward mortgage, electricity, gas, cars, etc, etc, etc.  

 

I'm a bit nervous because I'm the executor of my parents' will.  I have NO flipping idea what is in there!!!!!

[AlmiraGulch]

My kids know about mortgage, HOA and credit card bills.  We did not tell them how much hubby make but will give them a ballpark figure when they are teens.  They see me doing the taxes and they do ask questions.  I was raised that salary information is private as in you do not tell anyone outside your parents kind of private.  We do have nosy relatives who compare salary which is why we were told not to blab.  I did learn to fill up my parents income tax form at a young age.  Legal age of work is 14 years old back home and we have compulsory equivalent of 401K once we start work (just to give a perspective).

This is interesting.  I would never, ever, in a million years, tell my parents how much money I make.  Ever.  They didn't even know when I was in high school.  They said it was my job, my money, my business.  Now, they're dying to know.  My mother tries to narrow it down by guessing my tax bracket.  :closedeyes:  I don't go there.

 

One of my sisters knows, and another has a ballpark idea how much I make.  Also, one of my very good friends knows, because she asked me and so I told her.  I already knew what she makes because she told me, and I trust her.  Generally speaking, I think it's personal and private and the urge to make judgments about people's lifestyle and habits is too great when you know too much.  I'm just not sure why this applies to our children.  

 

I'm not saying, by the way, that I'm going to tell them. I still it's private.  I just think we (as a society) have a hangup about this that I'm not sure exists in other cultures, and I wonder why.

[Miss Peregrine]

I think the older ones know a roundabout. They also see me doing taxes and probably see DH's pay stubs lying around.

[AlmiraGulch]

We like the Dave Ramsey stuff (and we are not religious.)

 

If you're truly uncomfortable sharing your own numbers, have her write her own.

 

Is $28-39k good?

Well, let's look up the type of home you want to live in. Let's find out the taxes. Let's get health insurance quotes. What might car insurance run? What kind of car do you plan to drive long-term? What are grocery prices? How much do your jeans cost? What's your favorite toothpaste? How much should you put aside for repairs/replacements of home, car, electronics, etc.? Which cell phone plans make the most economical sense.

 

Add it up.

Is $28-39k good? Clearly that depends on how you spend it.

That's good to hear (about DR).  I also like his books.  I think the advice and techniques are solid.  I may just go that route for her, too.

 

I really like your idea about letting her use her own numbers based on her research.  A lot.  Thanks for the idea!

[Guest inoubliable]

I have no idea what my parents make. I never did. I've had to learn about money, credit, paying bills on time, etc. on my own. It's been an expensive education. 

 

My oldest (month shy of 13) does know what DH makes. He knows roughly what our expenses are. He knows some of our short term and long term goals are. He knows that I monitor our credit reports and he sits with me on Thursday mornings when I pay the bills. We talk about what it costs to live here vs the city/state that we're planning to move to. He manages his own small savings account (ING, which has a debit card attached). He helps meal plan. He hangs out while I shop for car insurance once every three or four months. The younger boys know slightly less details. 

[Aelwydd]

 

Is there a reason you're afraid of her knowing how much you make or your dh? When I was a teen, I knew how much my parents made, because they showed me how they did their bills.

 

My ds is 10, and he knows about how much we make (I get a lot of OT, which means base salary is not really accurate). He thought it was a lot of money at first--he's 10, after all--but then when we started breaking down how much money goes to pay taxes, how much goes to rent, how much goes to utilities, health care, and so on, it became a whole lot less impressive, lol.

 

He doesn't dwell on it. Nothing's changed, as far as I can tell, about how he looks at us. Am I missing something...? I don't understand the panic.

[Annie G]

Our kids don't know exactly what we make. Part of this is that we're in our 50's and what we earn now is MUCH more than what we earned starting out. And expenses are quite different now than when we were first married. Our oldest is married with three kids and I know they have to budget carefully. 

We don't want our kids to think they have to earn our income, and I honestly don't want our kids to choose a career based on income. Do what you love---if the money doesn't follow, at least you'll be doing something you love.  Dh and I both love our jobs- his pays really well...mine does not. 

 

Having said that, our kids know a good bit about our expenses- what we spend for cable, food, etc.  That's really our goal- for them to know that there are a lot of expenses to pay out of a salary. 

 

 

[Tap]

Yes, my 18yo and 14yo do.  They know in general terms.  We are very open about expenses, budgets, savings, retirements, medical expenses, and luxuries.   They haven't seen it on a spread sheet or anything but they have a very good idea of the finances in our house. 

[regentrude]

My children are now teens, and they know roughly how much we make. They know how much our mortgage is, what our cars cost, what utilities cost. I find it important that young people have an idea what the lifestyle they grow up with cost, what expenses are, what salaries are. My DD will be moving away next year - how is she supposed to deal with money if she has no sense of family finances?

 

When my kids were little, of course they did not know these things. they learned more about the finances as they became mature enough to now that this is private information not to be share with their friends. But I think a 17 year old should definitelyhave an idea of cost of living and salaries.

 

ETA: I also find it important that they have a realistic idea how our financial situation compares with the one of their friends. Some friends come from less advantaged circumstances, and I want them to be aware that some things we can afford are a luxury for other families. We are not rich, but some friends are really poor. I want my children to be sensitive and, for example, not suggest that their friends buy something or participate in an expensive activity and bring them in an uncomfortable situation. So, we have been talking about finances for years.

 

ETA: we also have had ongoing discussions about debt, credit cards, mortgages, etc for years. I think financial literacy is acquired over years, not through one single talk or class.

[Arcadia]

I just think we (as a society) have a hangup about this that I'm not sure exists in other cultures, and I wonder why.

I am chinese and grew up in asia. For my family environment, it was because household income is seen as a status symbol. Being able to be a SAHM is considered affluent especially of you are staying in a relatively pricy house.

I know the american born in my neighborhood are also close-lip about household income but open about household debt. I dont know why though.

 

ETA:

My kids do know a big chunk of pay goes to state and federal tax. How much we pay in property tax too. My parents just ask if hubby's pay is enough or we need a bail out from them.

[Joanne]

Yes. My kids know my budget; income and expenses.

 

My 14 year old recently took my budget and tried to work it out . He decided he wanted to do that for a living.

[AlmiraGulch]

Is there a reason you're afraid of her knowing how much you make or your dh? When I was a teen, I knew how much my parents made, because they showed me how they did their bills.

 

My ds is 10, and he knows about how much we make (I get a lot of OT, which means base salary is not really accurate). He thought it was a lot of money at first--he's 10, after all--but then when we started breaking down how much money goes to pay taxes, how much goes to rent, how much goes to utilities, health care, and so on, it became a whole lot less impressive, lol.

 

He doesn't dwell on it. Nothing's changed, as far as I can tell, about how he looks at us. Am I missing something...? I don't understand the panic.

No, you're not missing anything.  The panic comes from it being so completely ingrained in my from birth that you just do not tell people how much money you make.  Period.  I just can't figure out why not.  I mean, not just anyone, but your kids?  I don't know.  I'm starting to think this would be quite useful.  I also can't imagine the words every coming out of my mouth.  Irrational, I know. 

 

I'm really looking for people to convince me that there is some viable reason not to share this information. 

[HRAAB]

We've always been pretty open with our kids about finances - income, debt, everything.  We don't want them to worry because that's not their job, but we are honest with them.  When they're little, they could care less.  By the time they're interested, we share with them.  So yes, our children know what we make, what our debts are, how to budget money, etc.  This is really due to dh, but he is adamant that they understand money, how to budget, etc.  Not that they follow all his advice, but they can't say they were never taught.

[Sparkle]

My oldest does. I sat him down a while back and went over our total budget with him and explained our income and what all our expenses are, etc. etc. I want him to have an idea about budgeting. He also took a College Success class this summer, in which designing a budget was one of the assignments.

 

As far as our income being private...dh is a government worker. His salary is public information. Anyone can go to our local newspaper's website and type his name in the state worker database and his salary will pop up. No privacy there!

[AlmiraGulch]

Our kids don't know exactly what we make. Part of this is that we're in our 50's and what we earn now is MUCH more than what we earned starting out. And expenses are quite different now than when we were first married. Our oldest is married with three kids and I know they have to budget carefully. 

We don't want our kids to think they have to earn our income, and I honestly don't want our kids to choose a career based on income. Do what you love---if the money doesn't follow, at least you'll be doing something you love.  Dh and I both love our jobs- his pays really well...mine does not. 

 

Having said that, our kids know a good bit about our expenses- what we spend for cable, food, etc.  That's really our goal- for them to know that there are a lot of expenses to pay out of a salary. 

This is part of the reason I don't want her to know.  I don't want her to think she's going to have to earn what I do right away, or ever, really.  Not that there's anything extraordinary about my income. I just think it's unhealthy to compare.  

 

On the other hand, I think it could be a really good teaching tool for what to do and/or not to do with your money.

[Aelwydd]

No, you're not missing anything. The panic comes from it being so completely ingrained in my from birth that you just do not tell people how much money you make. Period. I just can't figure out why not. I mean, not just anyone, but your kids? I don't know. I'm starting to think this would be quite useful. I also can't imagine the words every coming out of my mouth. Irrational, I know.

 

I'm really looking for people to convince me that there is some viable reason not to share this information.

Oh, okay. I think it's really just a cultural thing. We don't have social classes like the Old World, where people are born into aristocracy, the ruling class, the middle class/ common/ etc. The way we classify ranks is according to income. Of course, we have divisions according to race, religion, sex, etc., but I think income is probably one of the most sensitive.

 

I'm like you, though, I don't really get the hang up about telling your kids, as long as they know they're not to make public your financial matters. Now my neighbors? I don't feel comfortable with sharing my income or finances with them, and maybe that's just my hang up!

[AlmiraGulch]

We've always been pretty open with our kids about finances - income, debt, everything.  We don't want them to worry because that's not their job, but we are honest with them.  When they're little, they could care less.  By the time they're interested, we share with them.  So yes, our children know what we make, what our debts are, how to budget money, etc.  This is really due to dh, but he is adamant that they understand money, how to budget, etc.  Not that they follow all his advice, but they can't say they were never taught.

This is my fear for my kids.  

 

I talk about it all the time, in practical terms.  I just refinanced my house, for example, and I showed them how much I'll save over the long haul by doing so.  We look at stuff at the grocery store, we look at saving for our vacations, we talk about finances in general terms often.  

 

Now, though, I think specifics may be in order.  Particularly for my eldest, who has a harder time grasping some of these things anyway.  Maybe I just need to bite the bullet.  My parents never, ever taught me about any of these things, and I learned some very expensive lessons on my own because of it.  I don't want them to have to learn the same hard way.

[regentrude]

Another aspect: how are kids supposed to evaluate the cost of college if they are not informaed about family finances? How can they make informed decisions about which school to attend, what their parents can afford, what loans to take out in relation to what kind of income they might expect with their degrees?

[HRAAB]

I know for our older kids showing them our finances made it real.  They got it.  I think working with numbers they pull out could teach a good lesson (how do you live on $9 an hour), but showing them the real scoop really brings it home.  They know dad is making 30% than he was 5 yrs ago.  They know food, insurance etc. has increased.  They're involved in the conversations when we are shopping, how we look for value.  This family is a group project - we're all in it together.

 

I'm referring to my older children here; probably 15 and up.  My twins could care less.

[AlmiraGulch]

I am chinese and grew up in asia. For my family environment, it was because household income is seen as a status symbol. Being able to be a SAHM is considered affluent especially of you are staying in a relatively pricy house.

I know the american born in my neighborhood are also close-lip about household income but open about household debt. I dont know why though.

 

ETA:

My kids do know a big chunk of pay goes to state and federal tax. How much we pay in property tax too. My parents just ask if hubby's pay is enough or we need a bail out from them.

How interesting!  

 

I wonder if it's because they don't want people assuming they have more than they do.  Honestly, I've done something similar.  I've caught myself saying  "I don't have any money for that" to my sister, who knows my income, and then started spewing about unexpected expenses or whatever.  It's ludicrous, because a) I don't make that much money, and b) she wouldn't care anyway.  I think I just go into this automated mode of trying to justify why I can or can't do something because subconsciously I think they're doing mental calculations themselves to figure out why I wouldn't have the money.  It doesn't really make sense. 

[regentrude]

As far as our income being private...dh is a government worker. His salary is public information. Anyone can go to our local newspaper's website and type his name in the state worker database and his salary will pop up. No privacy there!

 

Same here. And house prices are public information as well.

[PinkyandtheBrains.]

We are not secretive about our income, or finances. While I don't think they know all the details, they are learning as we go what is good and bad financially. We struggle at times, both due to the economy and due to poor past decisions. I want my boys to know how to manage finances so they don't make the same mistakes.

[peachskittles]

My oldest is only 10, but he has a general idea of not only what we make, but what both of his aunts make as well. Money isn't hidden in our house. He realizes what each level of income can get you and is quite aware of the fact he has to start on the bottom and work his way up like my SO is doing. My parents never told us how much they made. I fear for when they die and I'm left figuring out whatever mess they leave me. My SO's parents (not living together), on the other hand, do tell him how much they make in a general sense (one owns a business, the other works from home), what goals they are trying to work towards (like a specific amount in savings), etc. As my children get older, I will include them more into our budgeting.

[Annie G]

This is part of the reason I don't want her to know.  I don't want her to think she's going to have to earn what I do right away, or ever, really.  Not that there's anything extraordinary about my income. I just think it's unhealthy to compare.  

 

On the other hand, I think it could be a really good teaching tool for what to do and/or not to do with your money.

 

I believe our kids have been raised to know how to spend money wisely- but knowing exactly what we make hasn't been information they needed in order to learn that.   They've grown up helping me make grocery lists, shopping sales, using coupons, and putting up a summer bounty to use in the winter when fresh veggies are more costly.  They hear me negotiating with Comcast to lower our cost for our internet/cable/landline.  They know we put money into a 401K and savings accounts. They don't need to know our income to learn these lessons.

 

In fact, I think it would be a distraction to them because we make more than we need to pay our bills. When they were younger and wanted us to buy them clothes or video games, knowing we had excess disposable money was just going to beg the question of why we won't spend our money. Instead, they heard the phrase, 'I didn't budget for that' or "I hadn't planned to spend money for that this month'. Which was true- and it's something they now have to incorporate into their spending since they're adults. 

 

We all have a limited budget.  Teaching how to live within your means is generally the goal- but we are fortunate enough to live below our means and I'd love for our kids to strive for that.  It's not about how much we make, or how much our kids make, or how much their friends make.   Now that mine are all adults, I wouldn't care if they knew how much we make. Other families have good reasons to share that info- it just hasn't been necessary in ours. 

[AlmiraGulch]

I wasn't completely clueless.  I knew my parents could not afford to send my to college.  But yeah they were weird about the details of money and income.  I think it is a typical attitude here with a certain generation.  My grandfather refused to fill out financial aid forms for my dad because he refused to let anyone know what his income was.  Thankfully my dad at least got past that and gave me the information so I could fill out the forms.

I think we may be long lost sisters.

[StephanieZ]

I do think that at some point, it is good for teens to understand how much you make. And of course all those budgeting, savings, etc talks and real life examples should start long before then and continue forever.

 

It is easy to think that earning a thousand dollars a week must make you rich. Let alone earning five thousand dollars a week. If they understand that you can earn a 'lot' but still have to budget, make choices, etc, it can help them appreciate the choices you do make as well as be an important reality check about their own future careers.

 

I think it is important for kids whose parents earn a 'lot' to understand just how much it is. If it is normal to them to have fancy vacations, tons of activities, eating out, mom staying home, etc, and essentially never want for anything important or ever have to worry about basics, they think that is normal. In fact, what is basic to them is luxury to most Americans, let alone most human beings. And, they probably don't realize that to achieve what is normal for them, you had to earn an income that is far from normal. We don't live a lifestyle of the rich and famous, but we live one that no one could afford without a statistically high income. I need to make sure that the kids realize that if they want to keep living this way when they have their own families, they will have to study hard, work hard, etc.

 

I realized at some point that my kids thought we lived a 'normal' life. And that we must earn a "normal" income. I decided then that the teens needed to know that, nope, this is not average. We didnt go to school for average lengths of times, nor did we work average hours or make average choices or take average risks. We worked much harder, longer, smarter than average. It is not average to be able to spend 10k/yr on music lessons, not average to have a parent home full time, not average to go to the beach for a month each year . . . Nope, nope, nope. May seem normal to them, but it is not a given, and if they think it is, then they might easily think that they could get an average job and duplicate this life. And, they already know that we often decline to do things because of expenses, that dad doesn't order sodas, that we eat leftovers, etc, etc. So, when we finally revealed to them what our income is, and how that relates to 'normal', I think they got a little bit of a wake up call that they will need to achieve more than normal to have what they now see as normal.

 

So, yes, I don't think you need to give exact dollars, but I do think kids need this kind of real life understanding of real life economics.

[zoobie]

Another aspect: how are kids supposed to evaluate the cost of college if they are not informaed about family finances? How can they make informed decisions about which school to attend, what their parents can afford, what loans to take out in relation to what kind of income they might expect with their degrees?

Well, I knew my dad was going to contribute $X and the rest was up to me with scholarships or loans. We will do something similar.

 

Our kids are still younger, but they know we are comfortable and grateful because we did not grow up with this level of income. My oldest has gone to mediations with DH and has calculated what he would make on the particular case based on each settlement offer. She now does it in her head almost faster than I can if he's telling me about an offer or a settlement. I don't think they need to know the particulars to understand budgeting. As QValencia said, our income now or 5 years from now is not going to be relevant to a struggling student. They're not going to be making experienced lawyer salaries while they're in college, or potentially ever, depending on their chosen path. We will address budgeting, just probably not using our income as the example. Even filling out FAFSA forms or looking at our personal income tax filings wouldn't give them an exact figure due to our S-corp. Heck, I can't figure how that works and I took Federal Income Tax in law school. ;)

 

Edited: when they are older (and have a developed social filter), they'll know ballpark. We already talk about making choices on things that are age-appropriate.

[Joker]

I grew up in a very open family in regards to this stuff. I know how much my mom makes and I know how much my siblings make. They know how much dh makes but he's becoming uncomfortable with it. Dh grew up in a very private home in regards to finances. I just don't get the secrecy. It's not something I consider a big deal.

[magnificent_baby]

Nope. Mine are only elementary age, so there is absolutely no need for them to know. They also feel the need to repeat any bit of information they hear in our house to their friends and neighbor friends.

 

Probably won't tell them unless it ever becomes necessary (ie, college paperwork). I never knew my parents income though when it came time for FAFSA. If I did, I must have forgotten about it.

[Lawana]

My son has pestered and pestered me to find out how much dh makes. He knows a bracket, but not the exact amount. If it were up to me, I would tell him an exact dollar figure, but dh has the intense privacy "none of your business" gut reaction.

 

As a senior in high school, I balanced my father's checkbook and wrote out the checks to pay the bills each month. I knew his exact income and the exact amounts of everything he spent. I found it an extremely useful exercise. From the time I left home at just turned 18 to attend college (on my own dime, including all living expenses (ok, this was the 70's)), I have never had even the slightest difficulty living within my means. Despite the many things my parents did to mess us up, teaching us the way to live within our means was the one thing they got right.

[Garga]

I would have zero problem telling my kids how much we make, especially as a way to show them how money works. The idea of keeping it secret is a new one to me. When I first read the OP I thought, "Well, the OP is being silly!" But apparently, there are a lot of people who keep that private, so I guess it's not silly after all. I just never knew people kept their income private from their kids--or at least not to the degree of feeling anxious at the question or that the kid has no clue how far money stretches in a household.

 

Learn something new every day.

 

Now, I wouldn't tell my friends or extended family about our income. Only my kids.

[Catwoman]

I would have zero problem telling my kids how much we make, especially as a way to show them how money works. The idea of keeping it secret is a new one to me. When I first read the OP I thought, "Well, the OP is being silly!" But apparently, there are a lot of people who keep that private, so I guess it's not silly after all. I just never knew people kept their income private from their kids--or at least not to the degree of feeling anxious at the question or that the kid has no clue how far money stretches in a household.

 

Learn something new every day.

 

Now, I wouldn't tell my friends or extended family about our income. Only my kids.

Same here -- unless my kid was really blabby and I thought he would share the information with other people. Then, I probably wouldn't give him too many specifics.

[Lilaclady]

My kids are young and right now don't know but we do talk with them about planning and budgeting etc. last school year, I pulled up the labor statistics on average salaries for some jobs in our area and went over it with dd1. I told her how much he median cost of house in our area is and we kind of calculated how much you need to earn to live in this area. This year, we will go over how much we spend on expenses for a month. This is an ongoing discussion that I hope will stick with her as she is growing. I am not sure if we will tell her how much we actually make. It will depend in the child but we will go over what things cost etc over and over again till it sticks.

[Catwoman]

I grew up in a very open family in regards to this stuff. I know how much my mom makes and I know how much my siblings make. They know how much dh makes but he's becoming uncomfortable with it. Dh grew up in a very private home in regards to finances. I just don't get the secrecy. It's not something I consider a big deal.

We share financial info with our ds, but I wouldn't tell anyone else about it.

 

Your family may be fine with it and not consider it to be a big deal to have everyone know everyone else's financial situation, but in many families (or friendships,) people can get very competitive about that sort of thing, and it can lead to gossip and resentment -- or unwanted pity or gloating, depending on the people involved.

 

We never share info with anyone, but it's because we were raised to believe that you don't tell anyone how much money you have or how much money you make. Both my dh's family and mine were the same way, so it has never been an issue.

[lmrich]

How much I make? Yes. My dh no. I discuss how much I charge for tutoring. I recently did a math camp (fraction boot camp) and my middle dd complained that I had kids in the house etc. So I showed her how much I would make and then showed her how much her dance tuition is... She got quiet and asked if she could help. I also shared with my kids the difference in income between two different but similar jobs.

[Lawana]

This is part of the reason I don't want her to know. I don't want her to think she's going to have to earn what I do right away, or ever, really. Not that there's anything extraordinary about my income. I just think it's unhealthy to compare.

 

On the other hand, I think it could be a really good teaching tool for what to do and/or not to do with your money.

I knew that my father started out making minimum wage, and the lifestyle we had at the time. One old, used vehicle, 2 bedroom rent house, no entertainment budget, "make do or do without", hand-me-downs, extremely frugal food budget, no eating out, ever, etc. By the time I was involved in family finances, my father's salary had risen dramatically, due to completing his BS, and my mother had started working part time as an RN. I know that one minimum wage job would not be able to go even that far now, but at the time, I had a reference point for what income level supported what lifestyle.

 

I fear that my children will have no such knowledge, since we do not budget. Dh makes a good living for an engineer, we have no debt (even our crappy home is paid off), my van has 225,000 miles, but we have cash for whatever we decide we want, which is usually a spur of the moment thing, not well planned.