my oldest is leaving for college, and I am a mess

[Jen in NY]

reported...

[Jen in NY]

 

That is where I left my kid.

OMGosh --- *I* want to go to Georgia Tech now!!

 

That was the funniest thing I have ever seen.

 

*I am doing that!*

 

Love it, love it.

[creekland]

Middle son is back at school now.  We had a great 11 days together.  Next time we'll see each other is for Fall Break - and we're spending that on the beach in FL (well, also looking at youngest's FL schools).  Since the breaks are the same time, we opted to fly middle son down to be with us for the weekend part.  Now we just need great weather...

 

Youngest started his senior year at high school today.

 

Summer has officially ended... way too early IMO.  We'll be empty nesters in less time than it takes for one more lap around the sun.

 

Best wishes to all of you making transitions.

[Vida Winter]

We did it -- drop off today and all survived. To my credit, I parallel parked a *huge* truck with a bike trailer on something that was more of a sidewalk than a road. The honors college kids had to move in 3 days early for a rustic mountain retreat before school starts. It was a good thing, too, because dd will have something to do every single minute to keep her busy and not be homesick. Just moments before saying goodbye, younger sister lost a baby tooth (!) - I don't know why I was surprised, something like that always adds to the drama of a difficult transition. When my two younger daughters and I drove away we were doing fine until I flipped on the radio which happened to be playing Elton John's "Someone Saved My Life Tonight" just at the moment when he sang:

 

Sweet freedom whispered in my ear
You're a butterfly
And butterflies are free to fly
Fly away, high away, bye bye

 

(pass the kleenex - we needed it).

But then, we went shopping for school clothes and had some good cajun food before the 5-hour drive home. Sad to admit this, but the shopping really calmed us down. The hard work of being home (farm chores, animals, etc.) will hit me at 6:30 a.m. and that's a good thing.

 

Peace and love to all the other moms here who are having a tough week.

[Jane in NC]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Bfr__WhGJg

 

That is where I left my kid. 

 

I liked his first piece of advice:  Call your mother!  ;)

[texasmama]

The Elton John song got me....

 

T minus two days here.

[Lolly]

One down, two to go. That was so much harder than I anticipated. With her allergies, we had found what we thought was a nice apartment and were willing to pay the $ for it. It was absolutely, disgustingly dirty. We spent two full days cleaning. Scrubbing walls, floors, baseboards, fridge, stove...Everything needed to be cleaned. The carpet is absolutely disgusting. Got her an air purifier that seems to really be helping. Have an emergency request in for new flooring and a new light fixture in the bathroom (it is a bit dangly). We replaced a lot of stuff that was broken (small things like outlet covers and spray nozzle for sink). The blind in her room was totally missing. We were told they would replace these things as soon as they could get to them...Yeah, sleeping in a bedroom on the ground floor with no blinds....Good idea! Her roommate stopped by to meet her, but went back home (lives fairly close). She was really nice. Wish she had moved in when dd did. Dd only shed a few tears. She was tired out enough from all the cleaning that she went to bed really early after we left.

[Penguin]

It is done and we are back home.  I loved everything:  his room, his new city, the parent orientation, the vibe of the campus...It all felt right.

 

Goodbye was as wrenching (for me) as I thought it would be.  Yes, it really was.  I won't pretend otherwise!  It is a good thing that ramping up our homeschool will keep me very busy this week.

 

Hugs to all of us :)

[texasmama]

My dd has asked me not to cry because it will make her cry. I don't know that I am capable of not crying.

[ThisIsTheDay]

We are home.  I woke up this morning crying and thought I was fooling myself when I put on makeup.  But it really was a very good day. When we got to the school, we set up her room and then went off campus to eat. Her roommate was already alone, so she came along with us. (They met each other twice earlier this year at school functions.)  When we got back to campus, dd and I found each of her classrooms, chatted a bit.  We parted in the lobby and she cried a bit.

 

She texted later and said she had a good night with her suitemates. They've got all of the welcoming activities, which they are all dreading, lol.

 

I'm really doing surprisingly well!

[texasmama]

We are home.  I woke up this morning crying and thought I was fooling myself when I put on makeup.  But it really was a very good day. When we got to the school, we set up her room and then went off campus to eat. Her roommate was already alone, so she came along with us. (They met each other twice earlier this year at school functions.)  When we got back to campus, dd and I found each of her classrooms, chatted a bit.  We parted in the lobby and she cried a bit.

 

She texted later and said she had a good night with her suitemates. They've got all of the welcoming activities, which they are all dreading, lol.

 

I'm really doing surprisingly well!

Great report!  Thank you for sharing it.

[Angie in VA]

Ten days into our new normal:

 

Technology rocks! When we got dd her MacBook in the spring, and I knew I had to upgrade my iPad to a version w/ Facetime, I was right. I love it when dd Facetimes me! Also, texting has helped my ds deal w/ his best friend's absence. They text each other a lot. This only child loves seeing her dc stay close. I am on very good behavior by not contacting her as much as I would like to.

 

I peeked in the classroom at debate camp this week to make sure ds was behaving. I then promptly scanned the room to find dd. "Oh, yeah. She's gone." Sniff, sniff. It didn't help that later that same day the kids went to the local frozen yogurt shop. While I was sitting with the moms, I glanced over at our kids and saw a girl who had her hair like dd sometimes wears it (up in a bun, but also w/ a thin headband) and I thought it was dd. Sniff, sniff, again.

 

Weird stuff I miss: seeing dd everyday. I love her sense of fashion and her cute figure. I miss seeing what she wears.

 

Overall, she is loving it, and that makes it easier. If she were homesick or unhappy, that would do me in!

 

How is everyone else doing?

[Penguin]

Loving the reports! Keep 'em coming!

 

This is the first weekend of our new normal.  DS19 has finished orientation.  He seems to be settling in and meeting people. He found out that he has been placed in the Advanced Freshman Seminar, which is the gateway course to the Honors program. Woot!

 

Here at home:

 

• It took me two full days before I was ready to enter DS19's room.
• This summer, we visited the Pixar Art Exibition, and we are now viewing / reviewing all of the Pixar films.  Last night, we watched Toy Story 3.  The one where Andy packs for college.  Ack.
• I will see DS21 in September - yay!
• Thankfully, DS12 is getting wrapped up in school and his extracurricular activities.  It is hard for him to have both of his brothers gone.

[Angie in VA]

 

Loving the reports! Keep 'em coming!

 

This is the first weekend of our new normal.  DS19 has finished orientation.  He seems to be settling in and meeting people. He found out that he has been placed in the Advanced Freshman Seminar, which is the gateway course to the Honors program. Woot!

 

Wonderful news! Congrats to him - and to you!

 

Here at home:

 

• It took me two full days before I was ready to enter DS19's room.

Yep! I had to close the door. I just TODAY washed her sheets. I couldn't stand to go in there before today, even though I've been doing better since last weekend.

• This summer, we visited the Pixar Art Exibition, and we are now viewing / reviewing all of the Pixar films.  Last night, we watched Toy Story 3.  The one where Andy packs for college.  Ack.

OH, you are brave! I have never seen any of the Toy Story films, and from what I've heard, I can't take TS3. And not just b/c dd just left for college. I think I should never watch it!

 

• I will see DS21 in September - yay!

Yay! Planned out the menu for his favorite foods yet? ;)

• Thankfully, DS12 is getting wrapped up in school and his extracurricular activities.  It is hard for him to have both of his brothers gone.

 

Being busy really helps.

 

 

 

[Vida Winter]

Penguin, I can't watch TS3 under normal circumstances let alone drop-off week. I'm trying to stay busy too, but I find myself daydreaming a lot. Talked to dd just now and she's already got a ton of homework prior to classes starting Monday.

[Lolly]

#2 and #3 are now moved in. It went so much easier, as I anticipated. It was more like dropping them off for summer camp. Feeling like they are safe makes a tremendous difference. 

[texasmama]

It is done. Dd is moved in her dorm. Her roommate is very sweet and much like my dd personality-wise. It makes such a difference to leave her with a roommate she feels comfortable with. Things went very well. We both cried only a little bit. We've been texting a lot since we left her. I am at peace with where she is. It will bother me if she doesn't want to come home much (read: most weekends) since she is less than an hour away, but for today I will be happy that we had a good drop off and that she seems to be okay. :) I flooded Facebook with pictures. She was interviewed by the student TV crew about her move in, which was kind if fun. :)

[JennW in SoCal]

My baby left for his sophomore year this morning.  As per tradition the dog went along to the airport -- it is her job to see the kids off and welcome them back home.  This is the first year that the oldest is back home to see the youngest off, and he found it a little bittersweet to be the one saying goodbye for a change.  

 

Haven't heard yet whether he has gotten into his room or not.  As he was packing he commented that the only downside to attending school 2000 miles away is having to pack everything for the airplane.  He can't just pile it all into a car!!  He left all his winter gear piled up for me to box and ship it next week.  Maybe it was a ploy to hope I'd include some goodies in the box(es) too!

 

I'm glad all you moms new to this are adapting well.  Modern technology is wonderful for keeping in touch.

 

[Kareni]

As he was packing he commented that the only downside to attending school 2000 miles away is having to pack everything for the airplane.  He can't just pile it all into a car!! 

 

Just wait until after graduation!  We shipped 55 pounds of books home via media mail and traveled home with six pieces of luggage.  I was VERY GRATEFUL to see all that luggage go down the conveyor belt and have only one carry on to deal with. (I was equally grateful to see it all arrive at the airport on the other end.) I hope never again to travel with more pieces of luggage than with hands to deal with them. Our daughter's room suffered from dorm bomb explosion upon her return.

 

I hope that all of our children have a wonderful year!

 

Regards,

Kareni

[Jane in NC]

Just wait until after graduation!  We shipped 55 pounds of books home via media mail and traveled home with six pieces of luggage.  I was VERY GRATEFUL to see all that luggage go down the conveyor belt and have only one carry on to deal with. (I was equally grateful to see it all arrive at the airport on the other end.) I hope never again to travel with more pieces of luggage than with hands to deal with them. Our daughter's room suffered from dorm bomb explosion upon her return.

 

I hope that all of our children have a wonderful year!

 

Regards,

Kareni

 

Not across the country but my son does attend a college that is 700 miles from here. He asked us to pick him up at the end of his second year (he usually flies home and back) in order to help move some clutter out of his dorm room.  But I do know his library is growing...  He spent free time off the dig searching Oxfam and other charity book shop shelves for archaeology books and journals.  We wonder how many pounds crossed the Atlantic with him yesterday!

[texasmama]

Another good drop off/move in!  :)

[texasmama]

How are the college mamas doing?

 

My dd opted out of coming home this weekend.  I am only a bit sad about that (mostly because she is less than an hour away so I could visit any time).  She has been very indulgent with her mama's need for a lot of contact in terms of texting and phone calls.  I get a bit panicky inside when she doesn't respond quickly to my calls/texts (a fact which I shared with her), and she has been responding quickly.  I tried to lure her home with homemade gluten free bread, but she declined.  lol

 

I am very busy and several things are up in the air lately (included a potential work at home situation at my current part time job) so that does take my attention and energy, for which I am grateful. 

 

Dd seems pretty happy.  My biggest concern is that she has never dated and is pretty susceptible to male attention...and not all male attention is well-intentioned.  She is naïve to this, but she does not realize it.  What will save her bacon is that she is cautious.  She is not one to be impulsive or unsafe.  And she talks to me a lot about her experiences, thoughts and feelings...so hopefully I will see if things are going astray and maybe even be able to throw her a life preserver.  :) 

[AngieW in Texas]

Both of my older girls are home for the Labor Day weekend.  It's been really nice to have them back for a little while. My 17yo desperately missed the dog, but she hasn't really missed home.

[ThisIsTheDay]

I thought it would be good for my dd to stay at school.  We went up and visited today, and the campus was really, really empty!  I was surprised. Her roommate ended up leaving for the weekend, and I know dd is happy to have some serious down time for the next few days.  She likes her roommate a lot, but she'll also enjoy staying up all night and sleeping all day tomorrow.  :)

 

Her classes have all gone well, and she had a great first week.  Her biggest learning curve has been how the meal plan works. They've had lots of information thrown at them, but this is something they've had to figure out on their own.  ???

[creekland]

Oldest still hasn't answered an e-mail asking him what he wants to do about an important piece of mail that came here.  I assume he's doing well.

 

Middle should call later today.  We almost always talk via phone or Skype on Sundays.  He's with freshmen, so is likely still busy showing them around the place and city.

 

Youngest (senior in high school) is out of the house so much (school, work, friends) it almost feels like he's gone.  He comes home to sleep, but often after I've gone to bed.  It's a different world than with my other two who were here all the time. Youngest always had close in age brothers here.  I think he gets lonely at home alone.

 

It does help me envision our empty nest - and we'll do ok.  I'd still rather they all be home and in their earlier teens years, but since that can't happen, I'm glad the adjustment looks do-able.

[texasmama]

Creekland, I felt panicky inside hearing how your oldest has not answered you regarding the mail.  lol  Then, I looked at your siggie and realize that he is graduating this year so you have had some practice letting go.  I aspire to be there.  :)  I also wonder if it is a different mental process to let go of boys versus girls.

 

Thisistheday, my dd has struggled with the meal plan as well.  She is gluten free, and this is not easy for her.  She seems to be eating a lot of beef patties, which makes me cringe.  She can't seem to figure out exactly where the cafeterias are in the different dorms so I tried to help her with this.  (This is the university I earned my undergraduate degree from so I am very familiar with the campus.)

 

Angie, I see that both of your girls are at UT Dallas.  Are they together?  I would feel more secure letting my kid go with sibling support, I think.

 

DD and her roommate are joined at the hip right now, and this is what is helping her along.  Her roommate is even shyer than she is.  They don't even speak to their suitemates. 

 

 

[AngieW in Texas]

Both my girls are at the same school.

 

My oldest is in a private apartment on campus. She can't live with a roommate because of her OCD and has a medical exemption for a private apartment on campus.

 

My middle dd is in the dorms and loving it. She has Asperger's, but she is MUCH more competent socially than her sister (who also has Asperger's). She gets along with her suitemates really well and I don't forsee any problems. Right now one of her suitemates is helping her with her techology issues and she is helping that suitemate with math. She loves the social atmosphere of the dorms and thinks she would like to stay in the dorms the entire time she's in school.

 

My girls plan to get together 1x/week to go shopping. The oldest has a car and is much better at driving than my middle dd (primarily because middle dd has no internal map at all). My middle dd is more directionally challenged than anybody I've ever heard of. She managed to find her way to her classes last week after much practicing the week before (with her sister's help), but she regularly got lost going between her dorm and the dining hall the week before classes. Fortunately, she has an app on her phone that maps all the buildings on campus and that helps a lot.

 

 

[texasmama]

Made a last minute decision to ask to visit dd today, and she acquiesced.  :D  It was great to see her, and we spent three nice hours together.  She is happy and doing well.  :)

[creekland]

Creekland, I felt panicky inside hearing how your oldest has not answered you regarding the mail.  lol  Then, I looked at your siggie and realize that he is graduating this year so you have had some practice letting go.  I aspire to be there.  :)  I also wonder if it is a different mental process to let go of boys versus girls.

 

Not only is he a senior, he also got married this past summer, so yes, he is quite independent (and could easily be busy this weekend with his wife).  It was not easy letting him go... and I do wish he would return e-mails or calls in a more timely manner, but he loves being independent and I think this is one way he asserts it.  I'm pretty sure he'll think a little differently after they have kids of their own and he sees life from "the other side."  But maybe not.  Who knows?

 

Middle son called yesterday as predicted and all is going VERY well where he is.  He has a great hall of freshmen (not the loud partying type) which gives both of us a sense of relief as one never knows.  One of his freshmen is from the same African school his original intended roommate from last year was from (that roommate died in a swimming accident over the summer before they started college).  Tomorrow he starts his lab job again.  Wednesday he starts classes.  He's already restarted his involvement in various clubs.  He's happy.  I'm happy for him - and VERY glad he's willing to share his life even as he flies.

[texasmama]

Being married changes things, too.  It would be nice to be able to reach a spouse if I truly needed something.

 

I'm glad that your younger son has landed well and is keeping up his communication with you.

 

Even though I have a lot of feelings about this transition (and got a bit teary yesterday when I said goodbye to dd), I realize that this is the best scenario for us.  She is close enough that I was able to spontaneously decide to visit yesterday, and she agreed.  I don't think she really misses us too much (she's too busy settling into her new life at college), but I really appreciate that she is sensitive to my separation anxiety and allowed me to visit.  My plan if she did not want me to come was to site home and cry.  Seriously!   (I would have been alone in the house, as dh was gone most of the day with the other three kids.)  So I am glad that I don't have to do that.  Also, her dad is putting some pressure on her as a result of his need to control, so I was able to offer her some perspective on that, which she expressed appreciation for.  She did drop statistics, which I think was the right decision for her.  She now has 12 hours, which seems like enough as she adjusts to everything else.

 

You mamas who have BTDT are exuding some calm about this, and I can kind of imagine that it will all be okay, which I appreciate.  :)

[creekland]

Oldest did call today and gave us a fantastic update.  His school is not off today, so he called before classes.  He's doing great, his business is doing well, and his marriage is doing well - all things that make this mama happy inside (papa too) along with the call itself.

 

Life changes, but so did ours as we grew up.  It's the natural progression of things.  I just wish it didn't make me feel so old...

 

Hubby and I have been having fun watching some episodes of House Hunters International and pondering our future together.  I don't know if it will include anything international beyond travel, but it's fun to ponder again - just as we did when the young'uns were small (or even before young'uns...).

[texasmama]

^{Well, dd is making it easier to let go.  ;)  I asked her if she could commit to coming home (less than an hour away) and staying with her siblings while dh and I use a free hotel night gift certificate at some point in the future.  She said maybe in a couple of months, if she hadn't been home since she left.  Okay, no problem,  I'll find someone else.  So then she said, "You have to understand that I have a new home now.  I hope this doesn't affect our friendship."  I had to laugh.} 

 

^{I find this separation and individuation stage into young adulthood to be kind of awkward, as does she, I'm sure.  She is trying to be such a grown-up.  Affect our friendship?  Well, I'm still your mom, right?  What an odd and off-putting thing to say, but it had the fabulous benefit of making me not miss her nearly as much.  :D  I think I felt the umbilical cord snap. lol I know she will navigate through being in this particular stage, and I will be there on the other side (and all during the middle), but the best way I can explain it is that I don't quite have a front row seat anymore and I'm feeling pretty okay with that. :)}

 

^{How are other mamas and students doing?}

[ThisIsTheDay]

We're hanging in there! I'm not stalking dd's meal plan usage as much as I did the first week or two.  ;)

 

Ds starts school tomorrow, and that may be a good way to continue distracting from the fact that she's gone.  She's coming home next weekend. I'm so excited, even though it means driving 6 hours round trip both Friday and Sunday!   

 

:party:

[texasmama]

How are my fellow college mamas doing?

 

Dd is navigating the world of "creeper guys"  (new teen word lol) asking for her phone number and how to deal with that.   She called me on Monday crying, expressing regrets about going to college, homesickness and the fact that nothing is as she had expected.  I talked to her quite a while, and she felt better.  She seems to hear my advice at this point in life, and I don't take that for granted. :)  I encouraged her to come home more (read: any) and get involved with some campus organizations with life-minded folks rather than trusting that the people she bumps into in the dining halls or class will be a great match as friends for her.  She asked all of us to come up this Saturday night to have dinner with her, and she is coming home weekend after next.  She finds classes difficult and feels like she is the only non-smart person in the class.  Not true.  lol  Since we talked, she has made some strides towards getting plugged in.  Go, college girl!  :)

[Angie in VA]

I tried to prepare dd for creeper guys. She says the guys are really nice and often hold the door for her and other girls, but one evening she was in the dining hall waiting to meet a (female) friend. She was on her laptop and had her headphones in (= universal "Leave me alone!" sign) when a guy started talking to her. He asked the usual "What's your major?" stuff, but then wanted her to guess his. *eye roll*

 

Then he asked about her hobbies. Struck dd as odd. Gotta love my girl's response: "Tae Kwon Do!" She didn't lie. She will work on her black belt on school breaks. :)

 

I must confess, I asked dd to wear her TKD uniform to classes the first week, but she refused, lol.

 

I had a terrible time when she first left, then I was OK. Now I just miss her. I just want to do girly stuff with her. The novelty has worn off for ME. She is fine, but swamped w/ 18 credits plus the 14+ hours/week of required practice time that comes with being a music major. She survivied her first cold at college, and more importantly, so did her roommate. ;)

[texasmama]

I tried to prepare dd for creeper guys. She says the guys are really nice and often hold the door for her and other girls, but one evening she was in the dining hall waiting to meet a (female) friend. She was on her laptop and had her headphones in (= universal "Leave me alone!" sign) when a guy started talking to her. He asked the usual "What's your major?" stuff, but then wanted her to guess his. *eye roll*

 

Then he asked about her hobbies. Struck dd as odd. Gotta love my girl's response: "Tae Kwon Do!" She didn't lie. She will work on her black belt on school breaks. :)

 

I must confess, I asked dd to wear her TKD uniform to classes the first week, but she refused, lol.

 

I had a terrible time when she first left, then I was OK. Now I just miss her. I just want to do girly stuff with her. The novelty has worn off for ME. She is fine, but swamped w/ 18 credits plus the 14+ hours/week of required practice time that comes with being a music major. She survivied her first cold at college, and more importantly, so did her roommate. ;)

This is all great stuff. :) 

 

Dd has been very sheltered, and she just doesn't understand the undercurrent of those male-female interactions.  We are working on it, though, and her instincts are good.  I'm encouraging her to trust them. 

[Starr]

We're hanging in there! I'm not stalking dd's meal plan usage as much as I did the first week or two.  ;)

 

Ds starts school tomorrow, and that may be a good way to continue distracting from the fact that she's gone.  She's coming home next weekend. I'm so excited, even though it means driving 6 hours round trip both Friday and Sunday!   

 

:party:

 

 

:auto:  Drive Mama Drive!

[ereks mom]

Right there with you. 'D' day here is Aug 18th.

 

Feel like I am drowning half the time... but I know it is more about me than her. She's going to be great! I am concerned for her, but she's a strong girl. She'll come out the other side. I, on the other hand, feel like I am waking up from an 18 year long dream where I had a clearly defined purpose in life and I was doing a great job. Now that I am awake, what do I do?

 

Weird.

 

A confluence of events (my other two at camp) have made this last week hard.

 

Hugs all the way around. We'll get through it.

 

This. Me too. :(

I can tell you that when my oldest went away to college, I was a basket case. I went through months of severe anxiety & depression. The ladies here at WTM were a Godsend for me. Several of them PM'ed me to ask how I was doing and to offer prayers and encouragement. As I said, it lasted for months (just search for some of my posts from fall & winter of 2008!), but I gradually adjusted, and life returned to a new normal. 

 

I feared that it would be even worse when my youngest went to college.  But it was surprisingly easier.  Now, I did NOT say "easy", but "easier".  She moved into the dorm 5 weeks ago today.  And I'm making it pretty well.  Most of the time.  But then there are those days, like Wednesday of this week, when I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown.  (Yes, I really did think that.)  I miss my kids SO much.  But just like Jen in NY, I feel like I'm just waking up from a long, happy dream, and now I have to "find myself", but I don't know quite where to begin.  Dh & I are reconnecting with each other, and I have more time for those projects I didn't have time for when my kids were home. Trouble is, now I don't really have the motivation--yet--to tackle any of them. Maybe when I get more settled in and have gone through the grieving process and come out the other side.  I think the key is just to not rush it.  Grieving is normal, and we have to allow ourselves time.