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I'm so bored with my life right now.


Ginevra
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More mid-life crisis stuff from this corner of the Hive. I'm so restless, it's ridiculous. I wanted more kids, but it's time to give up on that fruitless dream. So, I do, but it also leaves me feeling like I'm so stuck in a rut with nothing much to look forward to (in the near future). I wish I could move somewhere else, or at least travel extensively, but neither of those things are practical for now. Maybe I should stop watching House Hunters International. Anyone know where I'm coming from?

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I'm sorry you're feeling bored and stuck in a rut.  :grouphug:

 

I wish I could move somewhere else, or at least travel extensively, but neither of those things are practical for now. 

 

This stood out to me, and reminded me of the saying "Wherever you go, there you are."  

 

Even if you move or travel more, after awhile the novelty will wear off.  Rather than look for excitement or distraction, maybe it would help to dig deeper and try to figure out the root of your feelings and restlessness.  I know you might just be venting, and you didn't ask for advice.  If this isn't helpful, feel free to disregard.  :)

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I'm sorry you're feeling bored and stuck in a rut.  :grouphug:

 

 

This stood out to me, and reminded me of the saying "Wherever you go, there you are."  

 

Even if you move or travel more, after awhile the novelty will wear off.  Rather than look for excitement or distraction, maybe it would help to dig deeper and try to figure out the root of your feelings and restlessness.  I know you might just be venting, and you didn't ask for advice.  If this isn't helpful, feel free to disregard.  :)

I don't mind that advice at all. I don't know what the root is, unless it's unfixable things. I wanted more kids - that's an important point. Without that, I guess my reality doesn't match my vision for my life and so I don't know where to put my energy.

 

 

Do you think you might be depressed?

Sure. Wouldn't be the first time.

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I've been in a rut before and honestly didn't realize I was until I came out of it. It took a cross country move for me to realize how helpless I felt prior... If I had to do it again; I would make myself do something extreme. Like take up a hobby I have wanted to do but didn't. Get a gym membership or schedule movie dates with girlfriends, etc... Just something to change it up and take time to focus on me a little... I know that is easier said than done though. Hope you find the ladder out of the rut soon!

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I don't mind that advice at all. I don't know what the root is, unless it's unfixable things. I wanted more kids - that's an important point. Without that, I guess my reality doesn't match my vision for my life and so I don't know where to put my energy.

 

My reality doesn't match my original vision for my life either.  I struggled with this for a few years, and then decided to change my vision because I came to recognize that my old vision/ideal was no longer realistic. Factors beyond my control had created circumstances in my life that were simply not workable with my original vision. 

 

My new vision (which is still evolving) is not "less than" my old vision.  It's simply different, and it fits with where I am at this point in my life.  But I had to let go of some of my previous dreams and hopes before I was able to move on.

 

Thinking of it in terms of the transition model (how we deal with change and transition in our lives) might be helpful.  When something ends (e.g. a dream you had) you go through denial, anger, shock, etc.  Once you've processed through all that, you find yourself in a "neutral zone" where you might feel confusion, ambivalence, restlessness, etc.  When you've worked through that, you're ready to start moving on and perhaps replacing what you've lost with something new.  What you're describing sounds like classic neutral zone.

 

There are ways to move yourself out of the neutral zone.  Taking steps to fully let go of whatever has ended for you is helpful. Also, creating ways to pull yourself forward (towards a new vision, even if you don't know what that might be yet).

 

Here's a visual:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/80557025@N08/9358340225/

 

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Oh, I feel your pain. I have been feeling stuck and, well, trapped for a number of years. We went on a three-week vacation a few weeks ago (nothing special; just to visit family in the Midwest), and I realized I needed to get un-stuck (and that my house was making me feel remarkably stuck/stagnant/stale). I'm in the middle of a huge house-purge (it started with trying to clean the homeschool room). And believe it or not, I'm going to start a business. It just seems like the right time. I just need something more/different than full-time chauffeur and homeschool teacher. 

 

So maybe... purge your existing environment. Shake things up a bit. A physical move across the country is dramatic and exciting, but you are still the same person whether in Portland, Oregon or Portland, Maine. Perhaps shaking up your existing environment will spark something?

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I must admit that right now I'm having that , " I wish I had more kids" itch. Right now my boys are sooo easy. I have plenty of time on my hands. Everything is going along perfect. I just look at my boys who are so fun and great to be along and wish I had more. But we wouldn't be having more. That is unless the Vac my husband got 4 years ago stops working. 

 

As for more shaking up then more kids. There is nothing I want to do. But I can understand where you are coming from. Often I think, "Let's do something EXCITING". Usually that means we get a new baord game, or perhaps if we are really wild walk to town to eat at a restaurant. But we usually aren't that wild. 

 

 

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More mid-life crisis stuff from this corner of the Hive. I'm so restless, it's ridiculous. I wanted more kids, but it's time to give up on that fruitless dream. So, I do, but it also leaves me feeling like I'm so stuck in a rut with nothing much to look forward to (in the near future). I wish I could move somewhere else, or at least travel extensively, but neither of those things are practical for now. Maybe I should stop watching House Hunters International. Anyone know where I'm coming from?

Ha like Bethany I am soooo there with you. I feel like I am living someone else's life most days. So much is out of my control...I was just sitting here contemplating posting, ' hi my name is Scarlett and I surf message boards to avoid my own life.' I really need to plan the fall schedule for my son. He is going to be with his dad for a few days next week so I can do it then....but wow. I need a reset button!

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I know where you are... I'm working to revamp how I view my life and what expectations I have that I need to let go and recreate.  For me, it's requiring lots of prayer.  I'm trying to take alone time, and I'm also doing some purging.  That seems to be helping some, but I still feel a recurring sadness lately.  

 

You are not alone.   :grouphug:

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I understand. There were two periods in my life that were wonderful. 0- 12 and 29-40. The first was just because I had such a great childhood, which ended with puberty. The second one was because I met my husband, married and had my beautiful children. As much as I love my children and enjoy them, I miss having little ones. I was made for that. Nurturing and caring for small children was my God-given gift. Now, especially with the homeschooling, I am in limbo. I also have a husband who can't handle any change, so I honestly don't know what I will do when the kids are out on their own. I'd love to travel or move to a new area even now, but that does not seem likely. A change would do wonders for me.

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Have you considered fostering a child?

 

Yes. Even to the point of picking the brains of my fostering friends and talking to dh about it. But he has no interest in that and he thinks it will devastate me if/when the child(ren) are taken or sent back to a parent I don't feel is up to the task. (He has a point.)

 

It could still happen, but I'm not counting on that.

 

I understand. There were two periods in my life that were wonderful. 0- 12 and 29-40. The first was just because I had such a great childhood, which ended with puberty. The second one was because I met my husband, married and had my beautiful children. As much as I love my children and enjoy them, I miss having little ones. I was made for that. Nurturing and caring for small children was my God-given gift. Now, especially with the homeschooling, I am in limbo. I also have a husband who can't handle any change, so I honestly don't know what I will do when the kids are out on their own. I'd love to travel or move to a new area even now, but that does not seem likely. A change would do wonders for me.

This is exactly a great description of me and how I feel. Same with my dh. He doesn't even travel well when I plan the entire trip because he spends the first 2 days being grumpily out of his element.

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What aspect of having more children is most appealing to you? Is there any way to get that aspect now? For example, if you really love taking care of babies, you could volunteer at the hospital to hold babies. Or if you prefer preschool age, maybe you could help out at a preschool or shelter with small children. Does this make any sense? It may not be exactly what you are picturing, but there may be another way to have some of the benefits of more kids.

 

In general, it might be a good idea to explore a project you could take on. As someone mentioned - starting a business, or it could be researching your ancestry or redecorating a room (even if it is painting it yourself, moving furniture around, etc) or another thing that is interesting to you + time consuming.

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What aspect of having more children is most appealing to you? Is there any way to get that aspect now? For example, if you really love taking care of babies, you could volunteer at the hospital to hold babies. Or if you prefer preschool age, maybe you could help out at a preschool or shelter with small children. Does this make any sense? It may not be exactly what you are picturing, but there may be another way to have some of the benefits of more kids.

 

In general, it might be a good idea to explore a project you could take on. As someone mentioned - starting a business, or it could be researching your ancestry or redecorating a room (even if it is painting it yourself, moving furniture around, etc) or another thing that is interesting to you + time consuming.

It's having another person come into the family; someone else to invest in. It's not much met by things like volunteering. It's not, IOW, like just holding a baby or just playing with train sets with a kid. It's the whole aspect of growing another person and all aspects that go along with that.

 

I don't know...it's not as though I haven't being *doing* anything else. I've been going to college. I work P/T for dh's businesses. I grow a garden. I got chickens. I'm writing a book. I opened an Etsy shop for bracelets. I sell books through Amazon. I also painted most of the rooms in my house over the course of last year. In some ways, I feel that all of these things are part of my attempts to distract myself. Even the car I bought in 2007 was partially an attempt at "reveling in" not having more kids. I guess those things should work, but they don't last for me.

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It's having another person come into the family; someone else to invest in. 

 

Since your DH isn't open to fostering, how about volunteering with a program like Big Brothers, Big Sisters?

 

I was a Big Sister for awhile (before I had kids).  Mentoring a child might meet your need of wanting to invest in a child's life, and you can even bring them into your family in a sense (you can take them on outings, invite them to your home for dinner, etc.).  Some people develop life-long relationships through that program, and stay in touch with the kids once they become adults. 

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Hmm... It does sound like you have a lot of projects going. So is it really boredom? Or just lack of fulfillment with the things going on?

 

What percentage of your feelings do you think are attributed to not having another child? Do you think the urge to travel would be to fulfill a deep down need to explore the world or as a distraction?

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You could get a puppy.

 

Ha. Funny you say that. That's what dh said when I kept trying to talk him into a baby.

 

 

You could travel without your dh.   You could travel with a friend, with your children or by yourself.

 

Anne

Yes. And I expect to. DD is studying French and so am I. I expect we will go on a trip when she graduates.

 

 

 

Hmm... It does sound like you have a lot of projects going. So is it really boredom? Or just lack of fulfillment with the things going on?

 

What percentage of your feelings do you think are attributed to not having another child? Do you think the urge to travel would be to fulfill a deep down need to explore the world or as a distraction?

It's lack of fulfillment I guess.

I would say 90% of my feelings are attributed to not having another child. I don't know about the other part of your question. What I do like about travel is the stimulation of a new experience. Obviously, the downside of that is that when you come home, you don't have that anymore (except as a memory). While I'm planning a trip, it is a distraction. If I had a baby or was going to, I wouldn't be planning a trip, so in that sense, it is a distraction. But actually having the experience is fulfilling; I don't come home disappointed that I'm home because it's over, if that makes sense. So, in that sense, it does meet a need.

 

Seeing my mother and father's health decline does make me want to experience things because one never knows when their hiking possibilities (or whatever) will be over. So, that is another way in which travel seems to meet a need. It makes me feel like I'm experiencing many things while I have the health to be able to.

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I would think, then, if you for sure aren't having another child, it is just going to take time to get through those feelings. It is hard!

 

Have you ever heard of Barbara Sher? She is on PBS sometimes. She once said that around midlife nature tries to get at least one more child out of you. :) Maybe it is a nature survival of the species instinct (?). She also says when you are a bit past that age, there is a new freedom where you no longer worry about how you look and what other people think of you, so you are free to pursue your passions freely. I thought it was interesting.

 

It sounds like travelling would be worthwhile - even if it isn't the ideal, extensive travelling you have in mind. What amount of travelling is possible? Would you enjoy the planning as well? Even if it takes some time for it to work out, it might be a great experience and helpful.

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:iagree:   Me too. Me too. Me too.

 

Know that you are not alone...  

 

me too!  I'm right there in the rut with everyone else.  The best years of my life were when the kids were little.  Now they're growing up, going off to college, getting married and starting families of their own.... it's just not the same. 

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I can completely identify with your post.  Life just isn't the same now that my kids are getting older.  I hate knowing that the best years of my life are in the past (or are on their way there).  I spent my whole life looking forward to certain things (graduating college, getting married, having children, having a family to raise).  I still have a few more years of my kids being home, but after that... sigh, I'm not looking forward to that at all.  It is strange to not have anything to look forward to.

 

I am learning to accept it though.  It used to bother me a lot more.  Now I've just accepted that that is just the way it is.  

 

((Hugs)) 

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(Can't quote so forgive the "" marks)

 

"It's having another person come into the family; someone else to invest in. It's not much met by things like volunteering. It's not, IOW, like just holding a baby or just playing with train sets with a kid. It's the whole aspect of growing another person and all aspects that go along with that." Yes...110 times over, yes. For me there is nothing - no hobby, other baby, volunteer position or animal (especially a puppy, good grief) - that even begins to reach the deep longing for another child. Nothing.

 

" I wanted more kids - that's an important point. Without that, I guess my reality doesn't match my vision for my life and so I don't know where to put my energy." Living in a society where the norm is to plan your family and choose when you are done having dc, to have the choice made for you can leave you staring at a future that doesn't make sense. It's like you are trying hard to focus on what is to come and DO something, yet you are unable to do anything and feel...stuck. And lost.

 

" Life just isn't the same now that my kids are getting older. I hate knowing that the best years of my life are in the past (or are on their way there). I spent my whole life looking forward to certain things (graduating college, getting married, having children, having a family to raise). I still have a few more years of my kids being home, but after that... sigh, I'm not looking forward to that at all. It is strange to not have anything to look forward to." Even with "littles" at home I find myself thinking this way and it is not pleasant at all. This time of life has been so forward-moving, so much to plan/prepare for; I struggle with accepting that things are going to change, especially when it isn't my choice to have that change just yet.

 

OP, if you ever decide to take a trip let me know...I'd go with you. I won't go by myself and I won't go with my dh, lol, but I'd hang out with you and just listen. I'm sad for you. I'm sad for every woman who doesn't feel excited and happy at the changes in life or the way life is going. Thank you for sharing your heart.

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After my third child, I knew we wouldn't have anymore so I knew I would have a little more time to focus on myself. I didn't have time for the gym so I started running with a couch to 5k program. That was 3 years ago, and now I run races and am considering a triathlon. All this provides a little excitement and adventure to my life and something to look forward to. My dh and kids even started racing. My ds8 is loving kid triathlons and running a few 5ks with me. Also, you don't have to be in excellent shape to start. Anyone can do it.

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What about a pet?  Little dog maybe?  Something you could dote on and baby? 

 

Yes, get a puppy.  No, don't baby it.  Train it!  Work towards obedience and try agility.  It's fun and you do get to see something grow and learn.   IT's not quite like having a child, but it's something like it and very time consuming.

 

If you take classes, practice at home, and begin competing, you end up with a whole network of 'dog-people' friends. 

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I get this so much.  However, I know from previous restlessness and boredom that moving doesn't solve the issue.  Moving furniture doesn't solve the issue.  Buying stuff doesn't solve the issue.  I am still in a funk place right now but basically b/c I have nothing for me.  I know the problem lies with my day being all about giving to others.  I don't give to myself.  And in the end...it's my own fault.  Dh would encourage me to get out and do a class or hobby weekly.  I don't.  I feel there is too much going on and I am needed.  But they would be fine. I just don't ever go do it!  I think we need to push ourselves out of our boundaries and just try new things.  And one day I hope to take my own advice.  But I think that is the issue.  I have made dh move before....but nothing changed but the scenery around me.  And my opinion....but I think we also need to grasp the idea that this time is temporary.  When mine were little it was chaos and I was miserable.  Now they are independent and I am bored.  I finally have more time but I don't do anything good with that time for myself!  

 

So right there with you.  Hopefully I will make the effort to try something soon....a class or hobby.  Something for me!

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If you don't want to do full time fostering----it can be very hard when the kids leave (but some you are glad to say good by to) what about doing respite care for foster kids?  or those with special needs to give the bio parents a break?  There is a huge need for respite care---most of it is just 1-2 overnights at a time, sometimes up to 1-2 weeks.

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Have you considered literacy tutoring?  I went to a informational meeting about it, planned to do it, and something came up and it has been set on the back burner for years. I recently started thinking about it again.  I know how much I enjoyed teaching my children to read. Imagine giving that gift to an adult and the doors it could open.

 

Wildlife rehab has also been good for me. It lets me nurture something that HAS to go back to the wild. I don't need more pets ;) .

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Quill,

 

I wouldn't say I ever feel bored or want more children, but i have had that longing for the early years to come back and sadness over my Dc not being little anymore.  I've also wanted to kick myself for not enjoying them more when they were younger.  I know there were times when Dd wanted to come & lay with me and I said no b/c I was just absolutely burned out.  Wish I could go back and have a do-over on that.

 

I read a book a couple of years ago (can't remember the title now) and it talked about those feelings and the feeling of wanting more children and that sometimes we need to remember to focus on developing a relationship with our children at the stage they are in presently instead of focusing on those feelings and activities from the early years.  Finding ways to be closer to them as young adults and learning to appreciate the special times we can have with them in the present instead of in the past.

 

In keeping with those thoughts, a PP mentioned taking up running and now the entire family has developed an interest.  Is there anything you could explore that might develop into an interest for the entire family?

 

Also, something to look forward to, though it may be a ways off, you will probably have grandchildren in the future.  Then you will have babies to dote on again!  

 

I apologize if I've said anything off base or misunderstood any of your original post. 

 

 

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I have this weird thought that the day I don't have some sort of dream, plan, or thing to look forward is the day I'm going to drop dead.  So I live in fear of having that moment where I say to myself, "Oh my Thor I don't have anything to look forward to." 

 

 

 

This is a very big thing.  I don't consider it having to have a "distraction" in my life, I consider it LIVING.  Having something to be invested and interested in is what makes up living. 

 

A trip to plan, something like that, gives us something to look forward to and invest our energy in. 

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Quill have you considered setting some longer term goals? Our time raising little ones is so short overall. If our (women) only goal is having and raising babies we miss out on the after. Even if we have a later life child at age 50. By the time he is 15-18 there are still possibly another 30-40 years left if one stays healthy. That is another lifetime. If one is young when one has kids one may have 50-60 years. So one needs a focus and numerous goals.

 

What did you see for yourself after children when you were younger?

 

Your youngest is still quite young. Surely you don't consider him grown and having no more need of you. Seems to me there is still quite a lot of investing you can, and need to, do with your children. Don't short change them just because you don't have a baby or toddler around anymore. Their needs may have changed, but they still have a great many needs they look to you to fulfill.

 

If you truly feel you need to invest yourself in more/other children set your goals for helping children. You say you are in school now. Are you working toward a degree in a field that will fulfill your need to work with children? If not, consider changing your education plan.

 

Have a very serious talk with yourself. Set some goals so you have something to work toward and then get to work.

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So much good advice and so many good thoughts.

 

I, too, hear you. :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

Yes, get a puppy.  No, don't baby it.  Train it!  Work towards obedience and try agility.  It's fun and you do get to see something grow and learn.   IT's not quite like having a child, but it's something like it and very time consuming.

 

If you take classes, practice at home, and begin competing, you end up with a whole network of 'dog-people' friends. 

 

Sorry if the rest has been mentioned--- I read the thread quickly.

 

Another thing is you can train your dog to be a therapy pet. I thought about doing that and visiting nursing homes. 

 

You *can* travel if you have a dog (we board ours), but if you want to TRAVEL (meaning frequently or for long periods of time), then I wouldn't get a dog. I used to entertain the thought of traveling, but I have pared it down to travel I can do by car. I hate to fly (the expense, rules & regs, the TSA stuff, the cramped seats, etc-- I can't stand ANY of it), so I want to travel by car.

 

If I'm honest with myself, though, I want to be a homebody. Seeing new places is neat, but at the end of they, it's still just pretty trees, great mountain views, unique buildings, restaurants, etc. I guess I'm just not as enchanted with the idea of 'travel' as I once was.

 

Something else I have considered is becoming a master gardener. I don't have a deep interest in gardening, per se, but I sort of like the thought.

 

I'm at the point where I'm trying to figure out what to DO.... I have one kid at home, and only two years of hsing left before she heads off to school. Dh is seven years older than me, so I have to decide if I want to work, go back to school (which would mean three of us in college at the same time!!), or just volunteer until he retires. We do want to do a spot of traveling, but we also talk about vacationing in the mountains, or at the beach. If I'm in school or working, we'll have to work around that. I still have many years ahead of me to consider, so it's hard. It's always on my mind.... what to do, what to do...

 

Some more :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: .

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I'm coming back to post some more now that I have reread the thread more carefully. Things you, OP, and others said led me to a revelation about my own situation.

 

OP, my kids are a bit older than yours, and one thing I noticed is once my oldest was 13-17, I felt restless. I think it was partly seeing the 'end' of the school years, knowing he would go off to college, the stress of getting him through high school, etc, etc, and knowing dd wasn't far behind. They were independent with their education (i.e. I didn't have to "teach" much of anything), and didn't 'need' me as much. I felt like I just sort of wandered around the house cooking and cleaning and not leaving home much so I could be available if they had questions.

 

Once my ds got through his first semester of senior year, it suddenly changed. I saw light where there was fog before. I can't explain it, but it's as if my 'limbo years' are coming to a close. I am looking ahead to *my* future. One that will most likely include grandkids (if I'm honest with myself, I'm too 'old and tired' for another of my own, but I have the energy to spoil a grandchild!).

 

I'm looking ahead and thinking of what sounds 'fun'.  Long weekends with dh in the mountains or at the beach. Working in the yard. You said you 'garden', but is it food or fun? I have a very, very small food garden, but it doesn't produce much. I have flowers, but they haven't bloomed this year. I don't know what I'm doing. The master gardener class I mentioned in my earlier post might help me with that--- and it will allow me to talk to other adults, which is something sorely lacking for me these last several years. Don't get me wrong, dh is fabulous, but the last thing I want to do when he comes home is yap his head off--- he has enough of that at work. Spending time with other adults, I think, will help ME.

 

me too!  I'm right there in the rut with everyone else.  The best years of my life were when the kids were little.  Now they're growing up, going off to college, getting married and starting families of their own.... it's just not the same. 

 

No, it's not the same, but it's the next 'season' of life. I have come to accept that and am looking forward to my next 'season', even if it means the season I'm leaving behind will make me a bit sad. I also don't feel like I'm leaving my best years behind me. I'm thinking that I am now able to begin doing things for ME without the guilt, and knowing I gave my kids a fabulous childhood & education makes me feel great.

 

I can completely identify with your post.  Life just isn't the same now that my kids are getting older.  I hate knowing that the best years of my life are in the past (or are on their way there).  I spent my whole life looking forward to certain things (graduating college, getting married, having children, having a family to raise).  I still have a few more years of my kids being home, but after that... sigh, I'm not looking forward to that at all.  It is strange to not have anything to look forward to.

 

I am learning to accept it though.  It used to bother me a lot more.  Now I've just accepted that that is just the way it is.  

 

((Hugs)) 

 

See my reply above re the best years being in the past. Once I started thinking about life being 'seasons', my outlook changed for the better and I started feeling better.

 

 

I get this so much.  However, I know from previous restlessness and boredom that moving doesn't solve the issue.  Moving furniture doesn't solve the issue.  Buying stuff doesn't solve the issue.  I am still in a funk place right now but basically b/c I have nothing for me.  I know the problem lies with my day being all about giving to others.  I don't give to myself.  And in the end...it's my own fault.  Dh would encourage me to get out and do a class or hobby weekly.  I don't.  I feel there is too much going on and I am needed.  But they would be fine. I just don't ever go do it!  I think we need to push ourselves out of our boundaries and just try new things.  And one day I hope to take my own advice.  But I think that is the issue.  I have made dh move before....but nothing changed but the scenery around me.  And my opinion....but I think we also need to grasp the idea that this time is temporary.  When mine were little it was chaos and I was miserable.  Now they are independent and I am bored.  I finally have more time but I don't do anything good with that time for myself!  

 

So right there with you.  Hopefully I will make the effort to try something soon....a class or hobby.  Something for me!

 

True this. I so totally relate to the part I bolded.
 

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