How do I grow my soul?(all belief systems)

[MamaBearTeacher]

Is there something I am meant to understand, something I should be learning from this life?

 

I am living a very difficult life with children who have severe special needs, great discomfort and unhappiness. I feel like a failure as a mother a great deal of the time watching them so unhappy. My efforts to improve their lives are often futile. I don't have a great desire to "take care of myself" beyond what I am already doing, though I am often told by others to do so. Really, going out and buying a new scarf for myself will not answer the "What can be the purpose to all this?" Feelings I have when I watch my children suffer. There has to be more to this universe than the suffering I see in front of my eyes everyday.

 

I have a need to grow and learn and find answers to my questions. I am not looking for answers from a particular denomination but rather anything that will help me learn on a spiritual level and develop my soul. If there is anything that really helped you that you think might help me, I am interested. I am also interested in your general advice or opinions or links.

[Twigs]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

[TechWife]

The book The Healing Path was a great help to me in a very difficult time in my life. Combined with the spiritual disciplines of Bible Study and prayer, I had a tremendous time of growth in my life in spite of the pain and disappointments of daily life. 

[Dandelion]

I'm sorry life has been so difficult.   :grouphug:

 

I have a special needs child as well, so I can relate to some of what you wrote.  You're asking a very big question that doesn't have a simple answer.  

 

But one practice that has helped me significantly with the type of struggles you're describing is acceptance.  Just accepting my reality and being at peace with it.  That doesn't mean I've given up, or no longer want to change things.  Not at all.  What it does mean is that I stay focused on "what is" and don't waste time thinking about "what isn't".  Because the latter does me no good, and only makes me resentful about what my family and I don't have.  Practicing acceptance allows me to be more positive and appreciative for what we do have.  And that puts me in a much better place spiritually, mentally, and emotionally - a position of strength from which to create positive change for my kids, my family, and myself.

 

I think our natural tendency is to avoid pain and suffering and to try to push it away.  By doing so, not only do we make it harder for ourselves to deal with it, but we miss out on the "soul growing" that can happen when we work through it.  IME, that's where acceptance can really be valuable. 

 

Here are a few good blog posts on acceptance (from one of my favorite blogs, www.zenhabits.net):

http://zenhabits.net/accept-what-is-dont-judge-as-good-or-bad/

http://zenhabits.net/12-practical-steps-for-learning-to-go-with-the-flow/

[Rosie_0801]

I pm'd you.

[SunnyDays]

:grouphug: I'm so sorry you're going through this. Some of life's burdens sometimes seem so heavy. You're right... A new scarf or a fresh haircut won't make it all better.

 

I don't have any good answers for you. But wanted you to know that we are here to listen and I hope you receive good ideas.

[Mergath]

I've learned a great deal about life and suffering from studying Buddhism.  Not only did my studies help my soul grow, but they really soothed it too, if that makes sense.  

[Chris in VA]

When suffering upsets me, I often read Kate's blog about her life with her son, Noah, who has mitochondrial disease. It's at prayingfornoah.com

I don't know if it's helpful or not, but other's experiences and wisdoms re a non-perfect life help my soul feel lighter and larger, and more at peace.

 

I hold on to the belief that God is good, even when I can't feel it, even when I think he isn't. There's somewhere in me that knows, in a stripped-down, bared-to-bedrock way, that this is true.

[Pamela H in Texas]

I very poorly try to practice acceptance/mindfulness also.  That and knowing what the Bible says about God, his ways, his purposes, etc helps a lot.  Fact is that he didn't HAVE to tell us why there is so much suffering or how he will fix it; but he did.  Many religions blame God for the evil that happens to people, that only some get the miracles that help, etc.  It is so sad.  The truth is so freeing.  But fact is that on a day to day basis, being the parent of special needs children *is* challenging at best.  And you're right, going to get your hair done isn't going to change that. I have really never understood how a weekend of respite was going to help either.  I would feel guilty for taking it and then have to pick up the pieces of everything not done (and what was done in our case also).  That sounds more overwhelming than just dealing with it, however imperfectly, on a daily basis. God gave us all a spiritual need.  I think some people may be more able to deny that; but some of us need to rely on it because what goes on day to day isn't enough to sustain us, even barely.  I think it is wise you are conscience of your spiritual need (Matt 5:3) and trying to figure out how best to meet it.

[Mom0012]

Meditation was life changing for me. Unfortunately, I stopped doing it when my kids were little because I could never find a quiet moment. I recently downloaded a loving kindness meditation onto my iPad and I'm going to search for one on mindfulness as well.

[MamaBearTeacher]

Thanks!  This is all so helpful and just knowing that others actually think these things too.

[texasmama]

(((hugs)))  I have wrestled hard with some things, screamed at the sky in the rain and such and then, after a long time, arrived at a place of peace.  I think I had to do the wrestling and the screaming in order to get to the peace.  Some people can probably skip that, but that's not how I roll.

 

You are asking common, age-old questions that so many people ask.  Keep asking.  Yell them out if necessary.  If you believe in God, yell them out at Him.  That's what I did, with a raised fist.  Nothing bad ever happened as a result, only good things, so I highly recommend it.

[J-rap]

I'm so sorry. I wrestle with these questions a lot too. I think if you believe you have a soul at all, then you have already found part of the answer. The very definition of a soul is that it is immortal, and therefore I believe it will outlive any present sufferings of this world. That is something I hold on to, daily.

 

I have gained a lot of strength from reading memoirs by people who have suffered great things, and persevered. People who survived the Holocaust, for example. The world and all of its generations is filled with pain. I personally have learned that the two things that seem to help one through the greatest trials are determination and love. Neither of those depend on our circumstances, but on something bigger and almost outside of ourselves. I do believe that God is the originator of love, and my Christian faith defines that more precisely.