Reading aloud to my 4- and 5-year-olds drives me nuts

[blondeviolin]

I do it because I believe it's good for them. I do it because I want them to enjoy reading. My 4yo will only listen to the same book over and over again. If I attempt to read anything different, she does everything she can to NOT pay attention and NOT look at the pictures.

 

My 5yo on the other hand, thinks it's funny to ask me to read a book and then not pay attention at all to the story so that I'm reading for seemingly no reason. When I ask him a question or have him look at the pictures he grins at me in a way that lets me know he's not been listening and he doesn't really care to listen. It's literally a control game/joke in his head.

 

The 5yo is better than the 4yo. I know part of it is age and personality. It just drives me absolutely bananas trying to read to them when they don't want to be read to. I don't want to discipline them into being read to. I want them to want to listen. I just can't seem to make it fun enough or something.

 

(And yes, I use voices, we read different types of books - picture books, nonfiction, board books, chapter books, etc).)

[mama25angels]

Have you tried audiobooks?  My 5yo. loves them and he often gives the appearance of NOT listening, but he actually really is, could that be what's happening with your ds?

[pitterpatter]

I would check your library for audio books, and also Scholastic Storybook Treasures on DVD.

 

http://www.amazon.com/Scholastic-Storybook-Treasures-Treasury-Packaging/dp/B002PTBSE6/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1373985552&sr=8-1&keywords=scholastic+storybook+treasures - There are various sets.

 

 

Here are a bunch by Rabbit Ears Entertainment available free to watch with Amazon Prime.

 

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Dinstant-video&field-keywords=Rabbit+Ears+Entertainment

[MotherOfBoys]

audio books are great!

[blondeviolin]

The same thing happens with audio books in the car: "This is SO BORING!" "Why do we have to listen to this?!" And other various forms of whining, eye-rolling, and complaining. We have made the rule that if a story's is on, your mouth must be quiet, but these two don't actually retain any tidbit of story. When something funny happens in an audio book, the 7- and 2-year-old laugh and the other two are glaring into space.

[Ellie]

How long at a time do you read to them? How often during the day?

 

I read aloud to my dds daily, but only one chapter a day, right after lunch. My younger dd didn't enjoy it as much as the older--she just had too many things she Needed To Do, lol--so I read aloud during lunch (still only one chapter).

 

I don't see a problem playing your 4yo's game. :-) OTOH, *I* wouldn't try to elicit responses from the 5yo. Just read it and enjoy the moment, KWIM?

[Mom2TheTeam]

This may not be popular, but I don't think all kids are created equal in their ability or desire to sit quietly and listen to (or look at) books at a young age.  I read of moms reading to their young children for hours and I just don't get it.  My kids have never been interested in reading a lot until slightly older.  I couldn't read chapter books to my 5 year olds and barely to my 6 year old.  He is 7 now and loves them, but the 5.5 year olds still aren't very interested.  Audio chapter books are a complete no-go for them.  My son and I like to listen to those in the car, but they complain. :(

 

For our family, reading aloud is tough.  The kids don't listen.  They wiggle and giggle and play around.  I have a 7 year old (who gets frustrated too), 2 5 year olds, 2 3 year olds and an 8 month old. (2 sets of twins)  My 7 year old loves me to read and always has, though I feel like I remember him going through a phase around 4/5-ish where he wasn't as engaged.  The 2 5 year olds are pretty hit or miss, mostly miss.  One of my 3 year olds loves to be read to.  The other will rarely sit and listen.  I don't try to read more than one or two books a day to them because it's just too difficult.  I often try to do it while they are eating a meal...or snack.  I do try to engage them.  I usually pick picture books with no more than 3-5 sentences on each page unless I'm reading specifically to the 7 year old and the others happen to be listening in (like at a meal).  I engage them in the pictures....meaning, at each page, I ask questions, "Who can find the butterfly?" "What color is the bird?" and on and on I go.  Then, I let them ask me questions too sometimes.  Of course, while this sounds nice, it doesn't always help and sometimes they fight over who gets to answer....you know how that goes.  :glare:

 

 

Bottom line, I don't believe all kids are developmentally ready to sit and listen.  But, I still think it's important to try a get a little in each day.  I also think it is still beneficial for them just to be hearing it even if they aren't engaged.  So, even if only one child is listening (or even none), I'll often just keep reading.  One thing I don't do...I won't read books that I don't like, find annoying to read (Cat in the Hat) or I find tough to read.  I'm not going to bother with those if they aren't interested.

 

Anyway, I would just keep trying and give it time.  I know it's frustrating.  :cursing:

 

[mama25angels]

This may not be popular, but I don't think all kids are created equal in their ability or desire to sit quietly and listen to (or look at) books at a young age.  I read of moms reading to their young children for hours and I just don't get it.  My kids have never been interested in reading a lot until slightly older.  I couldn't read chapter books to my 5 year olds and barely to my 6 year old.  He is 7 now and loves them, but the 5.5 year olds still aren't very interested.  Audio chapter books are a complete no-go for them.  My son and I like to listen to those in the car, but they complain. :(

 

For our family, reading aloud is tough.  The kids don't listen.  They wiggle and giggle and play around.  I have a 7 year old (who gets frustrated too), 2 5 year olds, 2 3 year olds and an 8 month old. (2 sets of twins)  My 7 year old loves me to read always has.  The 2 5 year olds are pretty hit or miss, mostly miss.  One of my 3 year olds loves to be read to.  The other will rarely sit and listen.  I don't try to read more than one or two books a day to them because it's just too difficult.  I often try to do it while they are eating a meal...or snack.  I do try to engage them.  I usually pick picture books unless I'm reading specifically to the 7 year old and the others happen to be listening in (like at a meal).  I engage them in the pictures....meaning, at each page, I ask questions, "Who can find the butterfly?" "What color is the bird?" and on and on I go.  Then, I let them ask me questions too sometimes.  Of course, while this sounds nice, it doesn't always help and sometimes they fight over who gets to answer....you know how that goes.  :glare:

 

 

Bottom line, I don't believe all kids are developmentally ready to sit and listen.  But, I still think it's important to try a get a little in each day.  I also think it is still beneficial for them just to be hearing it even if they aren't engaged.  So, even if only one child is listening (or even none), I'll often just keep reading.  One thing I don't do...I won't read books that I don't like, find annoying to read (Cat in the Hat) or I find tough to read.  I'm not going to bother with those if they aren't interested.

 

Anyway, I would just keep trying and give it time.  I know it's frustrating.  :cursing:

I agree, my 5yo. is in and when i'm reading.  I read shorter books to him and allow him wiggle time or let him leave the room when i'm reading to my older one.

[blondeviolin]

This may not be popular, but I don't think all kids are created equal in their ability or desire to sit quietly and listen to (or look at) books at a young age. I read of moms reading to their young children for hours and I just don't get it. My kids have never been interested in reading a lot until slightly older. I couldn't read chapter books to my 5 year olds and barely to my 6 year old. He is 7 now and loves them, but the 5.5 year olds still aren't very interested. Audio chapter books are a complete no-go for them. My son and I like to listen to those in the car, but they complain. :(

 

For our family, reading aloud is tough. The kids don't listen. They wiggle and giggle and play around. I have a 7 year old (who gets frustrated too), 2 5 year olds, 2 3 year olds and an 8 month old. (2 sets of twins) My 7 year old loves me to read and always has, though I feel like I remember him going through a phase around 4/5-ish where he wasn't as engaged. The 2 5 year olds are pretty hit or miss, mostly miss. One of my 3 year olds loves to be read to. The other will rarely sit and listen. I don't try to read more than one or two books a day to them because it's just too difficult. I often try to do it while they are eating a meal...or snack. I do try to engage them. I usually pick picture books with no more than 3-5 sentences on each page unless I'm reading specifically to the 7 year old and the others happen to be listening in (like at a meal). I engage them in the pictures....meaning, at each page, I ask questions, "Who can find the butterfly?" "What color is the bird?" and on and on I go. Then, I let them ask me questions too sometimes. Of course, while this sounds nice, it doesn't always help and sometimes they fight over who gets to answer....you know how that goes. :glare:

 

 

Bottom line, I don't believe all kids are developmentally ready to sit and listen. But, I still think it's important to try a get a little in each day. I also think it is still beneficial for them just to be hearing it even if they aren't engaged. So, even if only one child is listening (or even none), I'll often just keep reading. One thing I don't do...I won't read books that I don't like, find annoying to read (Cat in the Hat) or I find tough to read. I'm not going to bother with those if they aren't interested.

 

Anyway, I would just keep trying and give it time. I know it's frustrating. :cursing:

Thank you! I'm sure there are others out there who have non-listeners. I think for these two it is directly related to both personality and learning style. I keep trying, but it's not that warm, fuzzy moment many envision. Nor has it ever been.

[texasmama]

At this age, I would let them play with legos or other quiet toys while you read aloud.  My three youngest still like to do things while I read aloud.  It might appear to the casual observer that they are not listening, but if I randomly ask them what I just read, the vast majority of the time they are able to give it right back to me.

[mama27]

Just keep reading. Even if they don't pay attention. They will eventually. Some part of it will get in their brains. Some vocab or something.

I promise.

lol

I have had the same issue with 3 of my 7 kids. And the youngest boy now 8 has FINALLY started to not get in trouble every time I read. Finally. After years.

My now 9yo boy can finally answer a few questions about what I've read or narrate back to me a little.

Think of reading, for now, as training. Making them sit. Making them be quiet.

Read books YOU like as often as possible. I won't read books I don't like unless I know they are going to listen so I let them pick, then I pick, and as soon as I see they aren't listening, I stop reading the the one they pick and start mine instead. But that I didn't start till about a year ago.

[mama27]

BTW, I totally understand the control thing!!!! I have a couple of those. I just decided I would be more stubborn than them. lol

[Lori D.]

Fidget toys might also help them focus and keep them occupied. You might want to set out a basket of both "chew" fidgets and hand-manipulating fidgets, and a sensory cushion or even try letting them sit/lay/sprawl on a yoga ball while doing read alouds. Below are past threads with fidget toy ideas. BEST of luck! Warmly, Lori D.

 

S/O Fav Hand/Finger Fidget Item

Fidget toys and ADHD

Favorite fidgets?

Boy activities while listening to read-alouds

Fidgeting

 

[Tanikit]

I agree - keep reading. Choose books that interest you so you are not completely driven mad by reading to yourself, but could appeal to them if they actually listen. I read to my DDs in the bath as my older one is easier to contain that way - the 2 year old will sit and listen, the 5 year old needs to be doing something else - like jumping on a trampoline or bouncing off the walls.

 

Something does go in even if they pretend not to be listening or won't answer questions. You can also try telling them stories that you make up - this has always gone done well with my children for some reason (and I don't feel like I tell good stories - I think my DDs just like being in the the stories).

 

Don't worry if they do not look at the pictures - in fact you might get them to listen more if you tell them no pictures - they can look at them afterwards - the novelty of the fact that you are limiting pictures might make them actually want to see them (Tell them: "nope these pictures are for me only right now" :))

 

You can also always read to your other children and just expect them to be in the same room and keep the noise level down so the other two can hear - then just ignore them and while they may carry on playing they also may hover or sneak a peak at some point and something will go in whether they try to ignore you or not.

[Momling]

I had one voracious reader and one book-hater.  She simply didn't enjoy being read to.  And honestly, with a few exceptions, at 9, she still doesn't like reading.  No amount of my reading to her has increased her love of reading.  She sees it as a chore and doesn't understand the appeal.  I give my kids a chance to go to bed at 8:30 or read in bed for a half-hour and go to bed at 9.  She'd rather sleep or just lie in bed with the light off not reading.  If I ever have another child like that, I'd probably not bother with torturing her with children's literature.  That said, she is a competent reader who will do it when necessary.  The one time I got her to really pay attention to a story was on a road trip with the Harry Potter series on audio book.   You might try something like that...  Just save up all your "reading" for audio books in the car when they're fastened into their seatbelts and can't do anything else. 

[SereneHome]

First, I have to completely agree with Mom2theTeam.   We as parents are so bombarded with "you have to read to your child from the day of conception" mantra, that I think anytime it's not happening, parents think they are failing.

 

I love to read.  But I HATE being read to.  I think that was one of the reason I learned to read fairly early.

 

My kids - well, my oldest wouldn't even consider being anywhere near "book-reading" until he was....hmmm....I think he was 3 or something.   He knew all his letters and numbers, but wouldn't sit to listen to a book.  Now, at 5 he can't get enough.

 

My DS2 will be in the room, but unless it's something that he picked out - wouldn't listen either.    I don't force it. 

 

We have plenty of books everywhere, they know where to find them and I NEVER say "no" to reading if they ask.

 

I think that's all I can do.  Well, that and hope and pray for the best :)

[sewingmama]

None of my kids were great listeners till they were older...they were too fidgety. Even now when I start reading they run and grab their colouring things or little cars lol.

 

Your 4yo wanting to read the same book over and over is normal. My 3 yo does the same thing. I get around it by reading his choice first and then my choice and then his again lol. He has a chart and everytime he listens to a book he gets a little sticker and a prize after a certain amount.

 

I know he even listens into the big kids books because he will look up from his play and answer questions I am asking them.

 

Have you tried reading to them in the bath. I did that for a while when my kids were at their worst. They thought the novelty was hilarious and would beg for more books just so they didn't have to get out. The acoustics are great in the bathroom too....really made my voice boom and grab their attention lol.

 

Keep persevering... It's worth it in the end. Despite the struggle I had getting them to show interest or listen they were all early readers themselves. My 3 yo just read his first few sentances this week.

 

They are listening more then you know.

[Rosie_0801]

With my kids, it all depends on the time of day. Audiobooks in the car are fine, bedtime is fine, and ds used to only listen while he was in the bath. If I want dd to listen to anything during school time, I have to keep it short or give her a colouring page.

 

I don't read anything that makes me want to chew my own ears off, because I don't want to make it any more tedious than it is. My dd has a language disorder so seems not to care what I read. She's actually more enthusiastic when I read chapter books than picture books, perhaps because there is no pressure to sit still and look. *shrug*

[craftyerin]

I have a squirmy just-turned-6yo who hates chapter books. He tolerates some picture books.  It's a chore.  I have the most success if I don't try to do the snuggle-on-the-couch thing.  If I go sit on the floor near blocks or cars and read while he plays or if I sit us all at the table with play doh or coloring, we get WAY more cooperation.  Of course, my twin 5yos are happy to cuddle on the couch and read, so sometimes, I just don't make it mandatory and let him skip out.  It frustrates me, because I WANT him to like it, but he doesn't.  I'm slowly making peace with that.  

[pitterpatter]

This is interesting. So, what happens when it comes to schooling? I read tons of book to DD during school. She wouldn't learn much of anything without them. What do you do? Use curriculum that doesn't require kids to listen to much of anything? Wait it out and start school at a later age?

[MotherOfBoys]

This is interesting. So, what happens when it comes to schooling? I read tons of book to DD during school. She wouldn't learn much of anything without them. What do you do? Use curriculum that doesn't require kids to listen to much of anything? Wait it out and start school at a later age?

I was wondering this too. It says in your signature that you do SoTW which is reading the spine plus reading other books on the topic. At least two hours a week right? If they sit for that then maybe do SoTW five days a week. :)

[blondeviolin]

I was wondering this too. It says in your signature that you do SoTW which is reading the spine plus reading other books on the topic. At least two hours a week right? If they sit for that then maybe do SoTW five days a week. :)

With SOTW, they listen and color while I read. Then, I needed, we discuss what I just read. I'm not beyond acting out important points with Lego figures. We build replicas. And we repeat the audio in the car. Somehow some of it sank in last year. Even with all of that, he still doesn't care for history most of the time. And it can be tedious too. And there is little return from him because of that. But he's only 5 and I'm aiming for exposure, not mastery.

 

Science is a completely different story. My 5yo actually LOVES science. And will happily sit with nonfiction books. Eventually I do want him to be okay with stories too.

[Walking-Iris]

I have rules about Drop Every Thing And Read Time. Every day. Maybe I'm a mean mommy, but unless they get into the habit of books, the only habit they'll have is a screen or radio doing all the work for them. Technology needs to have limits, books are limitless. 

 

Way too many adults have this screen habit as well. I also read a lot myself. I'm always randomly chatting to my kids what my book is about. "Hey see this book, I'm reading about ...I really like it. I've learned..." My kid ssee the adults with books in their hands, our books (all of them, including adult books) are available for them to look at. I don't over control where books need to be on a shelf. They have a lot of books on a shelf in their room. They can stack, organize, play with, even build forts with any of them. 

 

All that being said, my 6 year old did not like story time at 3, 4 and 5 years old. He still doesn't. He's just too energetic! I did however have the rule that like it or not, a read aloud is non- negotiable one short period (short book) a day. I hope to extend that time this year.  It's also expected that they will play quietly or at least go in the other room if my oldest (who does enjoy read alouds and needs to hear them or read them for his school) is listening. 

 

After all we are homeschooling. I don't believe a child can just decide he doesn't want to do it. 

 

I used Peak with Books with my ds as a preschooler. It helped that he knew there was going to be a planned book and it REALLY helped that he knew there was going to be some activity right after, usually a movement or dramatic acting out. The dramatics helped more than anything to get him to listen. Act out Caps For Sale, even if it's just imaginary hats, act out Give A Mouse A Cookie, and so on and he was sold! Making it interactive kept his attention. If he just had to sit, listen, and answer a comprehension question without "playing" out the book in some way  (or having some follow up project), he was bored. My oldest never needed that. He enjoyed sitting on a lap and talking and reading. 

 

I also allow wiggling while I read, but no walking out of the room or starting to make loud noises and completely tuning me out. For me, personally, it's not a reading thing so much as a discipline thing when those behaviors start. 

 

I've been able to read an impressive collection of chapter books to my youngest ds by making them bedtime books. Bedtime books are his favorite thing in the world. It delays the time he has to go to sleep....which is so boring!!! LOL. 

 

To address the SOTW extra reading. I usually just allow those to be available to look at if they want. I may pick one (two) that I would like to read to them. But those are just look at on their own books. 

 

 

 

 

[blondeviolin]

I have rules about Drop Every Thing And Read Time. Every day. Maybe I'm a mean mommy, but unless they get into the habit of books, the only habit they'll have is a screen or radio doing all the work for them. Technology needs to have limits, books are limitless.

 

Way too many adults have this screen habit as well. I also read a lot myself. I'm always randomly chatting to my kids what my book is about. "Hey see this book, I'm reading about ...I really like it. I've learned..." My kid ssee the adults with books in their hands, our books (all of them, including adult books) are available for them to look at. I don't over control where books need to be on a shelf. They have a lot of books on a shelf in their room. They can stack, organize, play with, even build forts with any of them.

 

All that being said, my 6 year old did not like story time at 3, 4 and 5 years old. He still doesn't. He's just too energetic! I did however have the rule that like it or not, a read aloud is non- negotiable one short period (short book) a day. I hope to extend that time this year. It's also expected that they will play quietly or at least go in the other room if my oldest (who does enjoy read alouds and needs to hear them or read them for his school) is listening.

 

After all we are homeschooling. I don't believe a child can just decide he doesn't want to do it.

 

I used Peak with Books with my ds as a preschooler. It helped that he knew there was going to be a planned book and it REALLY helped that he knew there was going to be some activity right after, usually a movement or dramatic acting out. The dramatics helped more than anything to get him to listen. Act out Caps For Sale, even if it's just imaginary hats, act out Give A Mouse A Cookie, and so on and he was sold! Making it interactive kept his attention. If he just had to sit, listen, and answer a comprehension question without "playing" out the book in some way (or having some follow up project), he was bored. My oldest never needed that. He enjoyed sitting on a lap and talking and reading.

 

I also allow wiggling while I read, but no walking out of the room or starting to make loud noises and completely tuning me out. For me, personally, it's not a reading thing so much as a discipline thing when those behaviors start.

 

I've been able to read an impressive collection of chapter books to my youngest ds by making them bedtime books. Bedtime books are his favorite thing in the world. It delays the time he has to go to sleep....which is so boring!!! LOL.

 

To address the SOTW extra reading. I usually just allow those to be available to look at if they want. I may pick one (two) that I would like to read to them. But those are just look at on their own books.

We do Quiet Time where they are on their beds for a time in the afternoon. They can read or nap or stare off into space. Lol

 

I also limit TV and iPad time. They see me reading.

 

I tell myself that in doing everything "right," but it still drives me bananas. I think it's a "nibbled to death by ducks" thing for me.

[duckens]

Read to them when they are a captive audience.

 

1) Lunchtime -- Parent eats before or after.  If kids are not eating because of the reading, then at the end of each page, say, "Time for everyone to take one bite."  And turn the page.

2) Bathtime

3 ) Bedtime --  Child can stay up a little past lights out if Mom or Dad is reading them a book.  If the child is not being respectful during reading (talking, jumping around, not helping to read or responding to questions), then finish the page, kiss them goodnight, and turn off the light.

 

Select a pile of (library) books that need to be read.  Let one child pick a book to read, then let the other child pick from the pile.  Take turns during lunch.  Mom gets a turn picking, too.  On odd days, 5yo picks the first book.  On even days, 4yo picks the first book.  (You can remember this because 5 is and odd number, and 4 is an even number).  Mom picks the first book if there is a 31st of the month. 

 

After a book has been read, it is put in a separate pile, OUT OF REACH.  If child asks to read a specific book, then read it once per session or once per day.  If child asks to read a book a second time, then tell them that, "We already read that one today; I am willing to read it again to you tomorrow.  If you want to read it to yourself after reading time, that would be GREAT!!!"

 

 

Blondeviolin says:

My 5yo on the other hand, thinks it's funny to ask me to read a book and then not pay attention at all to the story so that I'm reading for seemingly no reason. When I ask him a question or have him look at the pictures he grins at me in a way that lets me know he's not been listening and he doesn't really care to listen. It's literally a control game/joke in his head.

 

This would prompt a discussion of rudeness in our household, and how the worst thing you can do to someone is to waste their time.  If a child did this with his turn to choose a book, then he would lose the privilege of choosing for the rest of the day.  Mom and Sister would get to choose books for the rest of the day.  Natural consequences to not valuing Mom's time.

[Tracy]

Dd8 has always loved reading, but ds5 is taking a lot longer to come around. I read to him at bed/nap time. I offer him several choices of books that I think might interest him, and which I know I will enjoy reading. Then he can either listen to the story or go to sleep. It is our routine, and there is no getting out of it (though he doesn't really try very hard). Lately, he has started to ask for more on occasion, so I think it is working.