Goldilocks and the college selection process

[Gwen in VA]

I think Goldilocks lives at my house!

 

This college is too big.

This college is too remote.

This college is too competitive.

This college's department is too small.

This college doesn't have enough academic rigor.

This college is too depressing.

This college is in the middle of a major city -- yuck!

This college is too far away.

This college doesn't have enough opportunities to do X.

This college has too many gen ed requirements.

 

 

Does anyone else have a rising senior who has having similar problems with the college selection process?

 

I've been through this process before, and I know that a LOT of compromise is involved. but this is HARD!  Especially when the desired major eliminates most colleges.....

 

If anyone has any other "Goldilocks" statements that might add some humor to a stressful time, please share them! (Hey, at least we have three colleges that are passing muster!)

[Ravin]

I keep hearing it from DH about grad school. Except the main themes were academic rigor and cost of living.

 

As a high school student faced with all that, I opted to enlist. Much easier, only 4 choices (and 3 really because I wasn't Marine material).

[Nan in Mass]

I have a story. As I was moaning about how important it was that mine get into their first choice because the other choices (when there were any) weren't really acceptable, my sister kept smiling serenely and telling me, "I firmly believe that there is no ONE right college for each student. There are lots of good colleges out there. There are advantages and disadvantages to every college." I kept saying, "Then find me another college or two that are blank and blank because I don't think they exist." She went to a very nice LAC. There are lots of nice LACs in New England. Mine needed specific majors and something else specific about either the program or the atmosphere. They had already compromised on location, price, and size in order to get those things. Compromising further would have put it out of the realm of compromise into the realm of change-of-major or significantly-reduce-chance-of-completion-because-of-structure-of-program. She was NOT helpful.

 

Gwen, sometimes it takes awhile for kids to get used to the idea of going to college. They keep not being able to picture themselves here or there. They may not be able to articulate that and may just say a college is too hot or too hard or too big. Eventually, as they keep looking, they may get more used to the whole idea and begin to see what sort of things are really going to matter to them and which aren't. Or they will happen upon a college that is a bit different in some way - enough trees on campus to feel homey, houses instead of brick buildings for dorms, particularly tempting lab equipment or clubs, faculty that they connect with, or whatever. At that point, it might be worth reconsidering some of the more likely ones they eliminated before.

 

Or it might be that they don't really know what they want yet, despite being ready to go in a more general way. "I'll know it when I see it lets just keep looking" is a frustrating but valid way to conduct a search.

 

Have you seen the Jan Brett version of Goldilocks?

 

Nan

[GailV]

Mine will confidently declare that colleges X, Y, and Z are not worthy of consideration because they are obviously "lame" (I think this means "appears like you didn't have a sense of direction about what you wanted so you just applied where all your friends applied" and/or "too close to home").  Then she'll take another quiz at College Confidential to see if there are any other places she should consider, and the best matches for her criteria will be -- you guessed it -- X, Y, and Z.  

 

 

[NCMom]

I think Goldilocks lives at my house!

 

This college is too big.

This college is too remote.

This college is too competitive.

This college's department is too small.

This college doesn't have enough academic rigor.

This college is too depressing.

This college is in the middle of a major city -- yuck!

This college is too far away.

This college doesn't have enough opportunities to do X.

This college has too many gen ed requirements.

 

 

Does anyone else have a rising senior who has having similar problems with the college selection process?

 

I've been through this process before, and I know that a LOT of compromise is involved. but this is HARD! Especially when the desired major eliminates most colleges.....

 

If anyone has any other "Goldilocks" statements that might add some humor to a stressful time, please share them! (Hey, at least we have three colleges that are passing muster!)

I think we must have twins... Every single school (except her reach school and one of her 2 safety schools) has multiple things wrong with it. The one other school she mostly likes gives too little aid for it to be a real consideration.

 

Plus she can't pick a major, though she has narrowed it down to THREE completely.different.fields.

 

I feel for ya. One of hers was, the swim team team suit had fat straps. Argh! To be fair the school also lacked one of her 3 areas of interest. But really? Lol

 

Georgia

[Susan C.]

Freshman year of college tends to set most of it all straight...... I just weathered my 2nd freshman year, both happened at home with both dc attending local university. Oh my!

[Laura in CA]

I just heard a funny (?) story.

 

My son will be attending college in Utah this fall. We just ran into a friend here (in CA) whose older child, a daughter, is at the University of Arizona. Unlike most people around here, who have never heard of the college in Utah that my son chose, or who are wary of the entire state of Utah (so many LDS!), our friend seemed excited about my son's Utah college and asked a lot of questions about why my son chose it. It turns out that his son refused to attend any college in a state that borders Arizona (!). That ruled out his home state (CA), NV, UT, and NM. He will be attending college in Idaho this fall.

 

The dad liked my son's Utah college because, as a practicing Jew and fairly conservative (but very openminded), he liked the generally conservative but tolerant attitudes in Utah. Oh well ...

 

 

Oh, and U of A and my son's college are about as far away from each other as they could be, for schools that are in neighboring states -- i.e., far southern AZ and far northern UT. It's not like the older sister could easily drop by -- it's a FOURTEEN-HOUR DRIVE between them ...

[creekland]

So far, we haven't hit it with my guy.  As long as the college in in FL or HI and has something related to marine and/or tropical Bio he's ok with it, not particularly caring about other details.  Anything else gets tossed (though mean ole mom is making him also consider other coastal schools - just in case).

 

If someone were to quickly build a college in the middle of the Everglades using tents and port-o-johns I think he'd be in his utopia.

[xixstar]

I'd almost take that problem though I do get it's probably very frustrating. But I can't seem to get dd to look at anything at all and time keeps tick ticking away.

[Tree Frog]

I'd almost take that problem though I do get it's probably very frustrating. But I can't seem to get dd to look at anything at all and time keeps tick ticking away.

 

This has been our problem as well. Dd wants to go out of state to get away from. In her case, she feels our last move between her soph/jr year put her at a disadvantage with other students and has discouraged her from looking at other colleges.

[memphispeg]

I had 2 dds.  So our Goldilocks were very much affected by the hormonal status of the day :laugh: .

[NCMom]

One of mine didn't like the local uni's thin strap swim suits. The Navy girl didn't like the hats at AFA! (they are dumb looking but we have to quit saying that because ds may very well end up there)

 

Only a fellow swimmer could appreciate the horror of contemplating swimming for four years with a team suit that had the wrong kind of straps... :lol:

 

 

 

I also forgot this one. My little Miss GL has only been looking at colleges on the East Coast, except for one in HI and one in CO.  I had thought this just coincidence...

 

A few weeks ago, she got a really nice personalized recruiting letter and some nice brochures and stuff from some little tiny college in CA (with the most beautiful pool I have ever seen, lol).  I asked her if she was going to consider them?  She said no because they were in Cali. I asked why this mattered and she said, and I quote -

 

"I can't consider them because THEN I would have to look at ALL of the colleges in the WHOLE Western United States."  Emphasis hers.  This was said with an eye roll to boot.  :glare:

 

Georgia (as it turns out it would have been a bad fit for her, anyway, but boy was the pool pretty, lol)

[xixstar]

Only a fellow swimmer could appreciate the horror of contemplating swimming for four years with a team suit that had the wrong kind of straps... :lol:

 

 

 

I also forgot this one. My little Miss GL has only been looking at colleges on the East Coast, except for one in HI and one in CO.  I had thought this just coincidence...

 

A few weeks ago, she got a really nice personalized recruiting letter and some nice brochures and stuff from some little tiny college in CA (with the most beautiful pool I have ever seen, lol).  I asked her if she was going to consider them?  She said no because they were in Cali. I asked why this mattered and she said, and I quote -

 

"I can't consider them because THEN I would have to look at ALL of the colleges in the WHOLE Western United States."  Emphasis hers.  This was said with an eye roll to boot.  :glare:

 

Georgia (as it turns out it would have been a bad fit for her, anyway, but boy was the pool pretty, lol)

that's funny. dd has been throwing all that stuff away for a while and it was very overwhelming. The only way we can tell if it was actually information she wanted is if it was addressed to her formal name or her nick name. I sometimes worry we've missed some neat information just tossing it all, but it is certainly information overload. But some I've see have free application deadlines (like in July or something similarly crazy). I might have thought for a moment she could take advantage of those, but at this point, I'm starting to panic about the typical deadlines.

[regentrude]

DD has made a spreadsheet for the 21 schools she is investigating (those got picked based on the quality of the academic program in the field she is interested in) and now fills the columns with pertinent information that will be the basis of her decision where to apply. So, all in all a very rational process.

 

Then she'll first has to see where she gets *accepted* before making any further decisions. No use in pondering now.

[Laura Corin]

DD has made a spreadsheet for the 21 schools she is investigating (those got picked based on the quality of the academic program in the field she is interested in) and now fills the columns with pertinent information that will be the basis of her decision where to apply. So, all in all a very rational process.

 

Then she'll first has to see where she gets *accepted* before making any further decisions. No use in pondering now.

 

Calvin has been quite rational too.  He wants a small, in-town (but not in-city) university/college with a cosy, enclosed feel, preferably with old buildings.  It has to be very highly regarded in general and very highly regarded in his field (he's a bright kid and wants to find intellectual peers and stimulating lecturers).  He doesn't want to bump into me on the street (so that cuts out our nearest university, which is in the town where he and his brother go to school).

 

We just looked at the league tables for his subject(s) and I ticked the ones that met his location needs (because my UK geography is better than his).  One university was thrown in that didn't meet the location criteria, just because he had heard good things about it.  He's visited Oxford, Cambridge, Durham, York, Warwick and plans to visit Exeter.  He's also interested in UEA (also not conforming to his strict criteria, but he is interested in the course).  He can write a maximum of five universities on his common entrance form and he can choose Oxford or Cambridge (not both - that's not allowed) so he is pretty close to the five.

 

L

[Nan in Mass]

Youngest set some of his criteria having looked at older clan members and what happened to them.  He picked ONE college and then pretty much refused to look at anything else.  I had to persuade him to widen his circle, in case he didn't get into his top choice.  So - pretty rational AND pretty I-can't-deal-with-this-right-now GRIN.

 

Gwen - I suddenly remembered middle one shooting down everything we looked at.  Eventually he confessed that he had chosen, he just thought we might not like his choice.  So there is that to consider, also.  I have to admit, his choice took a bit of getting used to, especially when oldest, who had said he wasn't going to college, decided that college was something that might work for him as well.

 

Nan

[Gwen in VA]

" I suddenly remembered middle one shooting down everything we looked at. Eventually he confessed that he had chosen, he just thought we might not like his choice. So there is that to consider, also."

 

Interesting thought. I can see how a teen who is sensitive and wants to avoid what he/she thinks might cause a tempest might do that. Goldilocks is currently away at camp, but when she comes back we will definitely ask her some of those "if you could do absolutely anything...." types of questions to try to see if dh and I have been inadvertently shutting off a possibility.

 

I appreciated those of you who posted that one reason why a kid might exhibit Goldilocks tendencies is just because he/she is 17 and honestly has NO IDEA. That is such an obvious possibility!

 

We will be visiting one of the only three schools remaining on her too-short list next week, and hopefully seeing that school will help her define what she is truly interested in.

 

I thought having an unusual major would be a blessing -- it eliminates about 90% of the thousands of U.S. colleges right off the bat. Oddly enough, because the unusual major requirement eliminates SO many, the ones we are left with tend to not fit her "oollege mold." (And all are way too far away from home for my taste!) But we shall survive this process too! And my bet is that in hindsight the choice will appear "obvious"!

 

Thank you for all of your words of wisdom, insight, and commiseration. (I particularly enjoyed the swimsuit strap issue!)

[8filltheheart]

I appreciated those of you who posted that one reason why a kid might exhibit Goldilocks tendencies is just because he/she is 17 and honestly has NO IDEA. That is such an obvious possibility!

 

 

 

I have one of these right now......it fits him to the T.   We moved 14 hrs across the country and now every school he had on his list is "too far away."   This is a kid a yr ago that believed if he could travel the galaxy that he wanted to.   I guess the move unnerved him more than I would have thought possible. 

 

So now I feel like his choices are a map with our current location in the bullseye and simply aiming at schools fairly close to us.   He has been at camp for the past month (a long way from here!), so I am hoping that when he gets back that he will have a slightly different perspective.    I'm sure by fall of next yr location won't see like a big deal.   But, that doesn't help when we need to start on applications as soon as he gets home from camp. 

[Barbara H]

Another factor I see with a lot of students is that they've bought into a kind of Hollywood idea about love. They expect they will find "the one" and little bluebirds with flowers will dance around their head and it will be magical. Thing is, even they do fall "head over heels" with a college it is tough to admit that again and again when you don't know if you will be accepted or if you can afford it. It is a lot of putting yourself out there. So, finding faults can be a self-protective device too. Obviously there is a point where that becomes a problem when they can't get colleges on their list and that's the time to revisit what are the most important factors in making the decision.

 

 

[GailV]

Plus she can't pick a major, though she has narrowed it down to THREE completely.different.fields.

 

 

 

Imagine my surprise to discover that the two of the unrelated fields dd is interested in (engineering and theater) are sometimes combined, and the resulting combo is a hot new thing to major in under the guise of "entertainment engineering".  

[Laura in CA]

Interesting thought. I can see how a teen who is sensitive and wants to avoid what he/she thinks might cause a tempest might do that.

 

Oooh, I caused a tempest ... I remember exactly where I was when I told my father I would be applying not to UC Berkeley (as my backup school) but to one of the "lesser" UCs ... (My father is an immigrant from a country that places a lot of importance on the prestige of a school.) Looking back, I am rather amazed at my self-confidence ... I must have been only 16 ! But I knew Berkeley was too big and impersonal for me, and I knew I'd have to break it to my dad ...

 

Anyway, my husband and I are trying to be less "scary" :)

[Nan in Mass]

Anyway, my husband and I are trying to be less "scary" :)

 

We try to be un-scary, too, and have obviously succeeded pretty well (grin seems like too well sometimes, sigh), but for us, this turned out to be one of those find-the-right-balance point issues.  On the one hand, we think it is important to have high standards and hold our children to them, to create a relationship with our children where they will let older and presumably wiser heads offer guidance.  In our clan, parental disapproval is a strong deterent throughout one's entire life.  (LOL It still is detering my husband and me from doing things.)  On the other hand, we try to hard, the whole clan tries hard, to let our children determine their own paths and be themselves, provided that self is a good, upright self, and we try hard to be people our children can talk to honestly about anything.  Sometimes these are mutually exclusive situations rather than overlapping situations.  Going-to-college/choosing-a-career turned out to be much more mutually exclusive than we realized.  We SHOULD have known.  We struggled a bit with this ourselves, when we were college students.  We caved in to parental expectations and have been grateful ever since lol.  But anyway, for anybody who isn't there yet, beware - this particular "fine line" can be trickier than it seems.  As are so many of those now-you-are-grown-up, letting-go-but-hanging-on issues.  Fortunately, families grow and change (or ought to) as well their younger members grow and change, and part of growing up is being able to present a good argument for something and part of letting children grow up is listening to them and believing them.  There are many advantages to the paths that our children have chosen, advantages that are easy to be enthusiastic about.  Once we got used to the idea, all was well.

 

Nan

[dirty ethel rackham]

Funny.  We are having the opposite problem.  Ds wants to go to the "last school we saw." Each time we visit a school, he tells us that this is is his favorite.  Unfortunately, one of the schools that he really liked does not seem as strong in his major as we thought.  We had lunch with a senior in the department and she was lamenting about not getting into grad school and that she knew others in the same boat.  That had us wondering. 

I have done some pre-selecting for him, knowing his personality and what he wants in a school, running that by him, of course.  He agrees with my choices and has not wanted to take any of my suggested schools off the list.  I have told him my concerns about a couple of schools (not enough merit $$ to make it even doable for us.)  He listened.  He may apply anyway, but he knows that he cannot fall in love with a school without vetting affordability.