s/o The Secret—The Antidote

[Word Nerd]

I thought this Brain Pickings post about Oliver Burkman's The Antidote: Happiness for People Who Can't Stand Positive Thinking was interesting in light of the recent thread on The Secret and positive thinking. Here's the book trailer:

 

 

Thoughts (negative or positive ;))?

[Lisa in SC]

I think it's an interesting concept, and I'd like to read the book. What really spoke to me was his mention that goal setting can make one less likely to achieve the goal. That's true for me. The experts always say to tell others about one's goals, and I've tried that many times. Every time I do it? I fail. I finally learned to shut up and just do it. That's what works for me. So, does that make me a negative thinker? Maybe. I'm not sure. I only know that what he said in the trailer resonated with me. Positive thinking doesn't really work for me. I almost always prepare for the worst outcome. Yet, overall, I'm a pretty positive person. It sounds like a contradiction, but for me, it's how I seem to be wired.

[Word Nerd]

Here's an NPR interview with the author: http://www.npr.org/2012/11/13/162742151/antidote-prescribes-a-negative-path-to-happiness

[Word Nerd]

I can relate to a lot of what he says. I used to be rather optimistic and idealistic, but the older I get and the more experience I get at living in the real world, the more jaded or pessimistic I've become. I do try to see the bright side as I don't think it's healthy to dwell on negativity, but I don't pretend the negative stuff doesn't exist or try to positive-think it away.

 

We had to read a motivational book at a company I used to work for, and the management team went nuts trying to get the employees on board with all their new ambitious goals and plans for implementing the book's ideas. They handed out cards with a positive phrase to all employees, and we were supposed to read and reflect on it before we started working each day. They also wrote company values that we were supposed to memorize. I didn't do either, and it just felt really silly and forced. I think positive thinking can be valuable if it leads you to appreciate the little things in life, be grateful for what you have, or not take things for granted, among other things. But I have no patience for it when the positive thoughts are contrived or manufactured.

[Maus]

Interesting.  DH is seeing a therapist for his depression, but had a discussion with him recently about his diabetes care.  The therapist talked to him a lot about living in the moment, letting things be what they are, and doing what needs to be done based on what they are.

 

For example, DH has had really bad blood sugar numbers, in the 400's.  The therapist said he could get really focused on how the numbers are supposed to be 140 or less (focusing on the ideal), that he's a failure at not staying there, etc., but that isn't effective (and depression and other stress actually can mess up your numbers, making a vicious circle.)

 

What has proven effective is just focusing on the now.  Take your blood sugar reading.  Notice the number.  Don't assign value about whether it's good or bad.  Make the appropriate insulin adjustment.

 

Negative thinking, I believe (and my interpretation of what the therapist said), is overly focused on the past.  Positive thinking is overly focused on the future.  In reality, the past is what it is.  It doesn't need to influence what we do now.  The future can hold hope, but shouldn't hold expectations.  Goals have a place as long as they are used to break things down into small steps to take now, but shouldn't include expectation.  (It's realistic to say if I want $____ in 10 months, I need to save $____ per month, for instance.)

[Free]

I would not like to label this kind of thought as "Negative thinking" but rather as "Acceptance". Finally understanding what "Accept yourself" means has been a huge, huge breakthrough for me in the past couple of years or so. What I found for myself was that the more I thought about my goals and about how things should be, the more I seemed to be unhappy about the way things were right now. The more I seemed to feel like a failure and the more I seemed to berate myself for not being able to do the things that needed to be done. Ironically, it also meant that I actually got lesser accomplished.

 

Positive thinking cannot really come from a place where you hate things about yourself. You need to first find acceptance with what is.

 

There is a wonderful Zen story of a Chinese farmer which I love and which demonstrates the principle of Acceptance. It can be read here.

 

On Brainpickings I recently read another excellent article, about Bruce Lee's advice to "Be like water" - “In order to control myself I must first accept myself by going with and not against my nature.† It just completely fits with what I think on this topic.

[Elfknitter.#]

Haven't read it, first I hear of it and I like it. However, not having read it and only watched the posted YouTube on it, I feel like it confirms, to me, two sets of people I always thought existed- those willing and maybe ready to accept positive thinking and those were weren't. I'd like to be the first camp and I'm not sold on the second. When memes about the glass never being empty because it was half full of liquid and half full of air came along, I was like, "exactly!". That's the same first impression I'm getting here. (Now I'm very interested to read it.)

[Joanne]

Research supports goal setting.

Research also supports meditation (meditation has MAJOR positive life changing effects).

 

Research supports mindfullness; associated with being in the moment, "acceptance", etc.

 

I think it's myopic, limiting, and superficial to think that they can't co-exist in the lived complexity of a person's life.

I've seen appreciation, gratitude, and abundance thinking "work" in people's lives in magnificent ways. I've seen acceptance work in people's lives in magnficent ways. I have worked with addicts/alcoholics, being recovering from trauma, and now the grieving population. In all of those, I would never clinically or informally suggest making them "change the way they feel" through trite, superficial, trendy ideas.

 

But having goal setting, visualization, gratitude tools, reframing ability, and an acceptance of the now as part of a life skills tool box? Imperative.

 

I don't understand the debate. I think it's stupid.