Shower gift etiquette. Is this typical or tacky (or both)?

[Doran]

Some time ago, I received an invitation to a baby shower for a good acquaintance (as it happens, I cannot attend, but still...). The invite included three gift register options. Today, all invitees received an "it's not too late" e-reminder with a detailed description of how we could still order from a particular green baby store because, on Friday, the hostess herself would be in the city where the store is located and would gladly pick up any items we order and deliver them to the shower. All we need to do is come to the shower with an empty gift bag, some tissue paper, and presto! Gift extraordinaire!! As a post script the woman added to please only choose gifts from one of the mother's three registries, because the parents have already received so many hand-me-down clothes that she's really all set in that department.

 

Is this meant as a service to us? It was addressed to all "last minute shoppers". I get the impression, lately, that gift giving has become very calculated. I guess that's better than a person getting a whole bunch of carp s/he doesn't need. But, it also indicates to me that most of us just have too darn much. Please let me know if this is how it goes with showers and such now so that when I come out from under my rock I don't die of shock. :svengo:

[newbie]

Hi Doran,

 

I think the e- reminder is tacky, its like begging for gifts. I think just for that, I would buy clothes. HEE=HEE=Hee.

 

But , thats me.

 

Jet

[jacqui in mo]

Never heard of this one. "Full service baby shower. We do the shopping so you don't have to." Strange. Jacqui

[jacqui in mo]

Actually, I'd rather they did the wrapping for me. I just do such a poor job on wrapping. Jacqui

[Beth in IN]

I just wanted to chime in to your post and say that I think there has become a sense of intitlement in all areas of life and this is included. I see people all the time having babies with no resources to take care of them, if not for all the gifts that are given to them. I personally do enjoy the idea of purchasing something for someone that they need, but it has become quite "calculated" as you suggested, with the ever loving help of corporate america.

 

just my $.02:iagree:

[sdWTMer]

Oh, that would totally get me! Ugh, the nerve.

[Doran]

Actually, I'd rather they did the wrapping for me. I just do such a poor job on wrapping. Jacqui

 

 

Maybe I should email the lady back. Explain to her that as a last minute everything kind of person, I couldn't possibly have time for a gift bag or tissue, so here's what sort of wrapping job I'm expecting, oh and a card would be great, too, and thank her very much for being so helpful.

 

Sigh.

 

I'm so glad I'll be out of town.

[Melinda]

Hi Doran,

 

I think the e- reminder is tacky, its like begging for gifts. I think just for that, I would buy clothes. HEE=HEE=Hee.

 

But , thats me.

 

Jet

:iagree:

 

Since you're not going, I wouldn't buy a gift at all unless it is someone close to you.

[Cricket]

Never heard of this one. "Full service baby shower. We do the shopping so you don't have to." Strange. Jacqui

 

:lol: Maybe the hostess is just trying to make it easy since most people are so busy these days.

 

(I'm stretching here to give the sender the benefit of the doubt.:))

[newbie]

Maybe I should email the lady back. Explain to her that as a last minute everything kind of person, I couldn't possibly have time for a gift bag or tissue, so here's what sort of wrapping job I'm expecting, oh and a card would be great, too, and thank her very much for being so helpful.

 

Sigh.

 

I'm so glad I'll be out of town.

 

Good thing you're not going. How dull would it be, when there are no gifts to open, and she knows what she got. Half the fun is gifts and cute clothes.

 

Boring,

Jet

[NevadaRabbit]

Some time ago, I received an invitation to a baby shower for a good acquaintance (as it happens, I cannot attend, but still...). The invite included three gift register options. Today, all invitees received an "it's not too late" e-reminder with a detailed description of how we could still order from a particular green baby store because, on Friday, the hostess herself would be in the city where the store is located and would gladly pick up any items we order and deliver them to the shower. All we need to do is come to the shower with an empty gift bag, some tissue paper, and presto! Gift extraordinaire!! As a post script the woman added to please only choose gifts from one of the mother's three registries, because the parents have already received so many hand-me-down clothes that she's really all set in that department.

:svengo:

 

I just bruised my chin on the floor. I find this appalling.

[Scarlett]

Totally tacky. I don't mind being informed of a register if I ask, but to stick notes in the invitation is just rude. All that follow up nonsense you got in the email is just beyond description.

 

It is hard in these situations to not become so disgusted with the hostess that the mom to be or bride to be is slighted. I try to just ignore the rudeness and buy whatever I please. And btw, I often LIKE buying from registries, but I don't want to be made to feel I have to.

[ticklbee]

I'm guessing that the "hostess" is not the woman who the shower is being thrown for.

 

I didn't find it tacky...she sounds like she's just trying to be helpful and throw a successful party. Since she is not the one receiving the gifts, I didn't see it as begging for gifts. I don't think this would have bothered me although I probably wouldn't have used her "service." I prefer to do my own shopping.

[milovany]

Maybe I should email the lady back. Explain to her that as a last minute everything kind of person, I couldn't possibly have time for a gift bag or tissue, so here's what sort of wrapping job I'm expecting, oh and a card would be great, too, and thank her very much for being so helpful.

 

Heh-heh. Think she'd get it? Worth a try, lol.

[Remudamom]

My vote is that's just plain ol tacky.

[Sparkle]

There are a lot of things I'm thinking at this moment, but it wouldn't be charitable to post them :glare:

 

You know, I don't mind registries, they can be helpful guides. I guess some people just don't know when to stop.

[teamturner]

Totally tacky. I don't mind being informed of a register if I ask, but to stick notes in the invitation is just rude. All that follow up nonsense you got in the email is just beyond description.

 

It is hard in these situations to not become so disgusted with the hostess that the mom to be or bride to be is slighted. I try to just ignore the rudeness and buy whatever I please. And btw, I often LIKE buying from registries, but I don't want to be made to feel I have to.

 

:iagree: The reminder was tacky especially the part about only buying what is on the registry.

[CAMom]

I've seen some tacky gift etiquette lately but this one takes the cake for me so far.:glare:

[lighthouseacademy]

That is totally tacky. Then again I think including in the invites for ANYTHING (wedding, showers, etc) where a person is registered is tacky. I have no problem with a registry- if the person wants to know they can ask the hostess- but sheesh, this begging for gifts really gets me and I am not that old. I actually got married just as the little tags with the gift registry were becoming more commonplace. I refused to use them. All wedding invitations I have received since then, I have purposely bought something nice that the couple will like that is NOT on the registry because I can't stand those tacky cards. Sorry to hijack... rant over :lol:

[WTMindy]

Tacky, INDEED!!!! :glare:

[Grubbsfamily]

:iagree:This is not only in POOR TASTE, but completely inapproiate that she reccommends that you buy from a specific registry. How wrong that she do everything herself. I am sure she has a good heart but it goes to show how growing the lack for knowledge of what is appropriate behavior regarding social events is, we need to teach these things to our children and their friends if the opportunity arrises.

[Jennifer in NH]

Tacky, tacky, tacky! That's all.

[elegantlion]

I just wanted to chime in to your post and say that I think there has become a sense of intitlement in all areas of life and this is included. I see people all the time having babies with no resources to take care of them, if not for all the gifts that are given to them. I personally do enjoy the idea of purchasing something for someone that they need, but it has become quite "calculated" as you suggested, with the ever loving help of corporate america.

 

just my $.02:iagree:

 

:iagree: I always thought a gift was given and received without strings attached.

 

I purposely wouldn't buy from the registry just to be snarky.

 

If this is her first baby I understand you want everything you want.(I know this sentence makes no sense, but I can not reword right now) But real life is messy, you don't always get to color coordinate everything. I was just thinking the other day how much I'd like to have all of my food storage containers to match, but then i was simply grateful to have food that needed to be stored.

[cin]

I was just thinking the other day how much I'd like to have all of my food storage containers to match, but then i was simply grateful to have food that needed to be stored.

 

 

Great point. Alot of younger people need to think a little more like this today. They'd have a heckuva lot less debt! And probably be a lot happier.

[Ellie]

:thumbdown:

 

Just when I think I've heard it all, someone comes up with some new way to be tacky. Poor Miss Manners...how does she keep her sanity??

 

ITA with elegantlion; I'd probably go to some random store *not* on the list...*if* I decided to buy a gift at all.

[Stacia]

It is tacky. And rude. Because, imo, the hostess is showing that she considers the guests who are coming to be inadequate as far as knowing what to give, how to give, etc.... Even though she's trying to come across as oh-so-helpful, it seems like a rather passive-aggressive power play to show the upcoming guests that she's the one in charge & running the show. You'd better toe the line & bring the right presents to my party!

 

I vote for anarchy. :D And for taking a hostess gift to her of a Miss Manners book on hostessing, with an oh-so-helpful card attached that you realize she could definitely use it.

[Doran]

All of you will be there to greet me, right?! :D

 

 

I guess I'm glad to know I wasn't alone in being a little put off by that email. As mentioned in the first post, I am not going to be in town to attend the shower. I do not plan to buy a gift at all, and frankly I'm not ashamed of that decision. I know this mother-to-be from our homeschool co-op and from my food buying co-op. We have had some lovely discussions in those venues, but we've never been to one another's homes, I can't remember her husband's name, I've only once socialized with her outside of our co-op settings, at a party given by a mutual friend. Not that the items I just listed are necessary for joining in on a baby shower -- but the truth is, I feel as if I hardly know this woman and yet I've been asked to attend a baby shower. This is her second baby -- but in her defense, her first child is eight years old, so she and her husband did not keep any of their baby gear. Still, I feel as if we are simply good acquaintances. If I were having a baby, she is not someone I would have invited, not out of any feeling of dislike, but out of feeling not enough familiarity. Does that make sense? There were 27 names on the reminder email that came yesterday. Clearly, the invitation went to a large group (and I have already declined in my rsvp). I think a card when the baby is born is sufficient. Our financial situation is not such that I can spend freely right now, so this option doesn't make the list. That may be wrong or uncharitable, but I'm not losing sleep over it.

 

Thanks for your feedback.

[Ellie]

most people would agree with you.

 

I think that the Internet is really, um, valuable in helping people be tacky, don't you?

 

Maybe we should all have a party under the rock:D

[beansprouts]

Totally tacky. I don't mind being informed of a register if I ask, but to stick notes in the invitation is just rude. All that follow up nonsense you got in the email is just beyond description.

 

It is hard in these situations to not become so disgusted with the hostess that the mom to be or bride to be is slighted. I try to just ignore the rudeness and buy whatever I please. And btw, I often LIKE buying from registries, but I don't want to be made to feel I have to.

 

I agree, it is nice to have an idea of what a person wants/needs, but I would still buy or make them whatever *I* want to give them. This arrangement would take all the fun out of gift-giving for me. I would rather just send cash and be done with it.

[beansprouts]

I think a card when the baby is born is sufficient. Our financial situation is not such that I can spend freely right now, so this option doesn't make the list. That may be wrong or uncharitable, but I'm not losing sleep over it.

 

Thanks for your feedback.

 

I agree I do not think you are obligated to send a gift.

[laylamcb]

Another vote for "totally tacky." I felt like registries themselves were just right on the edge of tacky--but the fact is that they really CAN be very helpful. But this? A new low. I really hope that the showeree doesn't know anything about this.... :001_huh:

[sdWTMer]

I wouldn't send a gift either.

[Tammyla]

Tacky, with the trend moving towards typical.

[angela in ohio]

They could simplify things and just take VISA cards at the shower... :glare:

[newbie]

All of you will be there to greet me, right?! :D

 

 

I guess I'm glad to know I wasn't alone in being a little put off by that email. As mentioned in the first post, I am not going to be in town to attend the shower. I do not plan to buy a gift at all, and frankly I'm not ashamed of that decision. I know this mother-to-be from our homeschool co-op and from my food buying co-op. We have had some lovely discussions in those venues, but we've never been to one another's homes, I can't remember her husband's name, I've only once socialized with her outside of our co-op settings, at a party given by a mutual friend. Not that the items I just listed are necessary for joining in on a baby shower -- but the truth is, I feel as if I hardly know this woman and yet I've been asked to attend a baby shower. This is her second baby -- but in her defense, her first child is eight years old, so she and her husband did not keep any of their baby gear. Still, I feel as if we are simply good acquaintances. If I were having a baby, she is not someone I would have invited, not out of any feeling of dislike, but out of feeling not enough familiarity. Does that make sense? There were 27 names on the reminder email that came yesterday. Clearly, the invitation went to a large group (and I have already declined in my rsvp). I think a card when the baby is born is sufficient. Our financial situation is not such that I can spend freely right now, so this option doesn't make the list. That may be wrong or uncharitable, but I'm not losing sleep over it.

 

Thanks for your feedback.

 

As much as cards cost nowadays, that is enough. You were nice enough to think about her. You could be a little teensy weensy snarky and send an e-card. Just kiddin.

 

Jet

[laylamcb]

They could simplify things and just take VISA cards at the shower... :glare:

 

 

Now my screen is all covered with spewed iced tea! Thanks a million! :lol::lol:

[Gwen in TX]

The mother of the bride was throwing a shower (Okay, I am from the south, where that would be considered tacky. Immediate family doesn't give shower for family member - aunt, cousin, etc. okay, but...).

 

It was a Pampered Chef shower, and the mother is a pampered chep rep. She had the website where the couple had registered all their preferences, and all I was supposed to do was go to the website, choose my gift, pay, and she would make sure it showed up at the shower for me.

 

The shower was being held 2.5 hours away. I replied that I would be unable to attend (for many reasons - my dh works in a university environment and we get invited to 20-30 weddings every year -- we only go to 1 or 2 whom we are especially close to. We were close to this couple and did attend the wedding). I received a second invitation for another shower (also given by family) being held BEFORE the Pampered Chef one (I guess there was a long time between to give us the opportunity to order a gift and get it there??), also 2.5 hours away, also having the opportunity to order online for gifts. I think they figured I didn't have to be able to attend in order to give a gift.

 

The couple had put a Wii on their registry and an expensive coffee maker. They had seen the coffee maker at our house, and thought that would be cool to have, so they said, Hey, we'll put that on our list and see if anyone gets it for us! I said to them, Remember when you look around you, we have been working 30 years, saving money for 30 years. When we started, we began with Salvation Army furniture, no microwave, a second hand frige. (Yes, I actually said that to them). Kids today (boy, do I sound OLD!) don't understand that people have been working up to what they have. They think in terms of PRESTO! I can now have it all in one fell swoop (and from other people's hands).

[jacqui in mo]

The mother of the bride was throwing a shower (Okay, I am from the south, where that would be considered tacky. Immediate family doesn't give shower for family member - aunt, cousin, etc. okay, but...).

 

It was a Pampered Chef shower, and the mother is a pampered chep rep. She had the website where the couple had registered all their preferences, and all I was supposed to do was go to the website, choose my gift, pay, and she would make sure it showed up at the shower for me.

 

 

Oh boy, the mother of the bride giving a Pampered Chef party for her when she is the rep is Extremely Very Bad Tacky. "Hey, let's have a party for my daughter & I'll profit off it too. A win win for EV-rybody!!!!!!!" Sheesh.