cottonmama Posted June 25, 2013 Share Posted June 25, 2013 We stay quite a while after church is over, and the children play. There isn't anywhere to play outdoors except the parking lot, so the littlest ones play inside. I'm trying to think of ways to reel them in to be more respectful of the older members of our congregation who find this overwhelming. Is it realistic for a 4yo and a 2yo to at least cut out the running and squealing after sitting still for an hour for worship? (They have a Bible Class for an hour before worship, then they join the adults for worship. Bible Class is interactive but not very physically active.) I keep reminding them, but still we get complaints -- all of us with small kids do! I feel defeated and need some ideas for controlling the behavior better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BakersDozen Posted June 25, 2013 Share Posted June 25, 2013 Immediately after church we are all together in the main lobby visiting. Nothing was ever "taught" but for some reason my dc just knew to stay by us, say hello to those who greeted them, etc. No one runs off. If the visiting is getting long I will have the older dc take the younger outside to walk around but never run (have seen too many little ones trip/almost trip an older person). We have been in churches where there was nothing but a parking lot and it was hard, but we at least were able to find somewhere around the side of the building where the kiddos could get some energy out. It's hard because our church now has an enormous open area outside where a lot of the kids run like crazy, however there are also a lot of people visiting out there so the kids really present a concern especially for older folks. Some people let their kids tear all around the lobby, too...makes me crazy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crimson Wife Posted June 25, 2013 Share Posted June 25, 2013 Our church has a school attached with a playground so the kids go play there after Mass. Would your congregation be willing to have a playground put up if funds could be raised for it? If 25 families each donated $50, that would be enough for a basic play structure. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bolt. Posted June 25, 2013 Share Posted June 25, 2013 You could bring things to occupy them, or teach them better games (without running or squealing) but it will be an uphill battle, especially if not all the kids have the same kinds of expectations. You could 'boundary off' a kid area and your most fragile or ornery folks could choose another 'district' to enjoy. You might just want to ignore the complaints -- either a church has kids (who can be expected to act like kids = play) or it has no kids. A church that has kids but has no kid sounds or activity is a logical falacy. Grown ups might just need to accept that. Also, consider that such times often delay lunch and kids suffer from less ability to self-regulate or cope with adversity if they are not getting a meal when their bodies expect fuel -- Sunday school carbs and sugar don't help as much as you might imagine. They might need some slack (or to have that issue solved for them). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisbeth Posted June 25, 2013 Share Posted June 25, 2013 Our Church (LDS) is 3 hrs every week. Energetic young people are expected/understood. I think the complaints seem a bit unreasonable. Kindness will go a long way to keep children interested in Church. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ajfries Posted June 25, 2013 Share Posted June 25, 2013 Our congregation didn't have young ones for quite awhile, and then came 5 in the span of 4 years. I still feel bad for the oldest kid & the parents. They got a lot of grief over things that were just kid things. IMO, kids should be trained not to run inside, move in a way that is respectful of others (not weaving in & out of people at high speeds, like my kids tend to do if unaccompanied), and use voices appropriate to the surroundings. So, no, it's not too much to ask BUT it does require mom/dad to be sacrifice some of their social time for being with the kids & 'redirecting'. My DH & I usually take turns/shifts. Keep in mind that training/discipline is a work in progress. I have a 4 & a 3 year old & there is always something we're working on; trying to get better at. But it's important to keep sight of what they HAVE accomplished, too. It's a big darn deal for little kids to sit that long. And children really ARE a blessing to a congregation. Remember Jesus WELCOMED the little children. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted June 25, 2013 Share Posted June 25, 2013 ITA that it's reasonable for kids to act like kids, and that it can be dangerous to both the kids and any older or disabled adults to have little ones tearing around. It's a pet peeve of mine when folks do not provide for kids (for example, none of our clergy conferences made any provision for kids, tho we were all invited ass families), but I also don't like when kids get totally out of control and parents blithely continue on with their adult conversations and get ruffled feathers when someone tries to either alert the parents or calm the kids. No win! So, I'd say get proactive--talk to the elders or bring it up to your clergy or the proper committee-build a playground, fence off a small area and put in a playhouse and some balls, set up a corner of the room with some toys, etc. And if it's your own kids doing the disruptive activity, maybe realize you may have to sacrifice some of your chat time in order to meet the needs of your community--ALL your community, even the littles. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathryn Posted June 25, 2013 Share Posted June 25, 2013 We are in church for 2-2.5 hours and after that walk over to the parish hall to have coffee hour. Everyone eats and talks. My kids generally fill their plates and sit down and eat. Occasionally, they'll go in the gym with the older kids and run around and play with the basketballs, but not often. I haven't noticed any small children running around. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ajfries Posted June 25, 2013 Share Posted June 25, 2013 I'd also suggest having a "pass the dip" response for when others do speak to you about the kids' behavior. Something unemotional but that acknowledges the concern. "She's been sitting so well for the service, next thing we're working on is to SLOW DOWN." Or whatever the case may be. I went through a rough spot where it was like "My kid is bad and everyone hates him" but that's not at all true. Your kid is a kid and the grumpy old lady is a grumpy old lady. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted June 25, 2013 Share Posted June 25, 2013 We stay quite a while after church is over, and the children play. There isn't anywhere to play outdoors except the parking lot, so the littlest ones play inside. I'm trying to think of ways to reel them in to be more respectful of the older members of our congregation who find this overwhelming. Is it realistic for a 4yo and a 2yo to at least cut out the running and squealing after sitting still for an hour for worship? (They have a Bible Class for an hour before worship, then they join the adults for worship. Bible Class is interactive but not very physically active.) I keep reminding them, but still we get complaints -- all of us with small kids do! I feel defeated and need some ideas for controlling the behavior better. Yes, it is realistic. They can at least squeal while hanging around your feet. :-) It is also realistic for parents of young children to limit the amount of time they spend hanging out and chatting after a service, so that the young children can get home and have naps or lunch or whatnot. :-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trinchick Posted June 25, 2013 Share Posted June 25, 2013 After church, we have coffee hour in the parish hall. There is a section of the room that is informally set aside for kids. It's a little nook with a coffee table, a love seat, and a couple of chairs. Parents generally help their kids get a snack from the kids section of the buffet (usually fruit, goldfish, munchkins, juice, etc.) and then usher them to the kids nook, where they can hang out together and basically do as they'd like without disturbing anyone else. Of course, none of this is written in stone and everyone is able to eat off either buffet or sit wherever they'd like, but this informal setup works great and keeps everyone happy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dory Posted June 25, 2013 Share Posted June 25, 2013 Sometimes if you bring some small thing to keep their hands and mouths busy they won't get quite as out of control. I have always told my kids that they can run around on one side of the church out of the way of the older people. I can't expect them to behave like adults at that age, it just goes better if I tell them how to act like kids in a safe way rather than constantly telling them what they can't do and getting annoyed with them when they act their age. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tex-mex Posted June 25, 2013 Share Posted June 25, 2013 I think no situation is perfect for little ones after church. I see no wrong in supervising them in the sanctuary, but they should not be yelling or running. I recall this phase in my life as no rest and more "Recess/Yard Duty" time as I never got to socialize with adults. But as time went on, my rules with my toddler son worked and he understood how to behave in church. It is a lot of work. Bring lots of snacks, quiet books, coloring, or even the dreaded iPad as an incentive or reward after church. Or supervise them outdoors. I like the idea of a safe church playground to play if other members can donate $$. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
briansmama Posted June 25, 2013 Share Posted June 25, 2013 I think it's a lot to ask of little ones to sit in class for an hour then try to be quiet afterwards. I'd probably head to the nearest park after the children's program, though I know that isn't ideal. I there any way to section off a portion of the parking lot and bri hula hoops, balls, etc for the kids? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted June 25, 2013 Share Posted June 25, 2013 In one church that was child friendly I still hired a high school student to keep an eye on my dc so I could visit. In another church they paid the nursery worker to stay and watch the children. The kids would have something to eat and wander back to the nursery to play. Running and shrieking through the halls is rarely popular. The other option is to only stay 20 minutes until they are older and get a game table going or provide something for the group to do. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
athena1277 Posted June 25, 2013 Share Posted June 25, 2013 When our kids were little, we attended an old church that was in a not so great neighborhood. It was also bounded on 3 sides by very close streets. There was no where for the kids to play outside, even if they were supervised. The little kids would play instead on the raised pulpit area. It was only about 18 inches high and carpeted, so if they fell, they didn't get hurt. Also, the older members (there were a lot!) would be making their way to the back to leave, so there was not much opportunity to knock anyone over. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KrissiK Posted June 25, 2013 Share Posted June 25, 2013 We have a smallish enclosed courtyard, so when the weather is agreeable, ( and where we live, it generally is) the kids run around out there. If the weather is poor, then they need to stay quietly inside. There are refreshments provided after church, so it's not that bad. They are not allowed to run around in the sanctuary or other areas of our church since there are a lot of blind corners and I can just imagine one of my kids running around a corner and plowing into a little old lady. It is unfortunate when churches are unable to provide for young families in that way. I know it is not always possible, but still... We go to a small church with a lot of old people, and I mean a lot of old people (they are all dear and wonderful, but....) and they realize the future of our church is very tenuous and we need to attract young families. And the way to attract young families is to provide facilities for children. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 25, 2013 Share Posted June 25, 2013 I think anyone who knows me would admit to my kids being on the loud, rambunctious, er, wild side. :) That being said. Church is the one place we go weekly where being wild is not acceptable to me. I don't know how your church is laid out, but the sanctuary and foyer areas are definitely, to me, no rough house zones, and I have really tried to drill that in my kids since they were very little. We have always brought coloring books or small toys to play with when we are going to be there for extended periods of time before or after service. I also agree with the poster that said they take turns with their husband entertaining/watching the little kids. Many times, I would bring a snack, sandwich, or something, and set up a picnic blanket and have the kids sit down outside or in a food appropriate area and eat. My ideal scenario would be to go out to lunch with the friends or to a park. Maybe even rotate homes to fellowship on Sunday afternoons. I hope maybe your church would be willing to do something for the kids, mine does not have a playground, either and it's a bummer. Many families do let their kids run wild, but I tend to side with the older folks on this issue. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cottonmama Posted June 25, 2013 Author Share Posted June 25, 2013 Thanks, everyone, for your suggestions. I'm mulling it over... we're in kind of a unique situation, as we are part of a very small, new church that does not yet have a building of our own. We are borrowing a day care, and are not allowed full use of the facilities. Clearly I need to find out if we are allowed use of the playground! But even if that doesn't work out, I am determined to find some way to spend time around those dear old ladies, and others in our church family, without distressing them so much. :-D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeacefulChaos Posted June 26, 2013 Share Posted June 26, 2013 Well, after reading your last post I see that this may not be practical for you, but... We just don't stay. We never have, to speak of.... on occasion we have gone back up to the sanctuary after picking our kids up from children's church downstairs, but we usually just walk out the back door to the van. When we have been around for a few minutes for some reason, it's not a quiet church to begin with so no one notices the kids. We are there a lot, so that's different, I'm sure (considering that you guys don't have your own building where you can congregate and stuff more often). On Sundays we are there from 9-12 and the first half hour of that the kids run around the sanctuary and play before going to Sunday School and Children's Church. We're there on Wednesdays, too, and other times of the week depending on the time of year. :) My kids know that church building inside and out. ;) (which was unfortunate when Link decided he wanted to go hide one Sunday morning! Aish!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ajfries Posted June 26, 2013 Share Posted June 26, 2013 Thanks, everyone, for your suggestions. I'm mulling it over... we're in kind of a unique situation, as we are part of a very small, new church that does not yet have a building of our own. We are borrowing a day care, and are not allowed full use of the facilities. Clearly I need to find out if we are allowed use of the playground! But even if that doesn't work out, I am determined to find some way to spend time around those dear old ladies, and others in our church family, without distressing them so much. :-D Can you offer hospitality in your home? Invite a small group over for lunch after church (for the following week, if necessary so everyone can plan ahead). That way the kids can be in their own environment and enjoy the company. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wintermom Posted June 26, 2013 Share Posted June 26, 2013 I don't think it's realistic to expect children that age to be asked to sit quietly for a long time after they've already sat/played quietly in Sunday school for one hour, then sat quietly in worship for one hour. I'd be going crazy myself after that. Why don't either you or your dh take them to a nearby park and let them run and play as a well-earned reward, then go back and pick up the other parent later? You could take turns, though frankly my dh would be the one to take a park break with the dc and he's the extrovert. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OrganicAnn Posted June 26, 2013 Share Posted June 26, 2013 Can you have your DH take the kids home while you stay to chat? The most frustrating thing I remember as a kid was waiting while my mom talked to someone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dustybug Posted June 26, 2013 Share Posted June 26, 2013 We don't hang out for very long after church unless we are having dinner on the grounds. We go home so that the children can eat and nap. We don't allow them to run in church for any reason. For us, it's about the level of respect we'd like for them to have for the building. However, our church also has a school and you can often find children in the gymnasium or on the playground and no one says anything about that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WagsWife Posted June 26, 2013 Share Posted June 26, 2013 This is actually a pet peeve of mine. Our older girls are very close in age, so when they were little it was a lot of work...but we just did not allow them to run around or be loud at church. 1. I think it is disrespectful 2. It is dangerous for the Senior Saints 3. It just annoys the crud out of me! It takes time and dedication, but young children can be taught. If all the other kids are doing it...it can be fairly difficult, but it can still be done. Things we did: Tag Team: My husband and I took shifts with the kids. This meant that we both could not really socialize at the same time--one of us was always with the kids supervising them. This also meant that we were both on the same page as to what our expectations were. The rules were the same no matter which parent was with them. As they got older, and the training was instilled in them, we were able to gradually socialize together, but one of us always knew exactly what the kids were doing. Church Bag: We kept things in a bag for them to do while waiting--books, coloring books-- anything that was portable and not messy. They were not allowed to use these things during service, it was saved for after service. Back then we did not have Pinterest so I did not know about "Busy Bags"...but these would be perfect for situations like this. Cut Social Time Short: Those first few years we just did not stay too long after church. When the children started to get restless, it was time to go home. Consistency, Consistency, Consistency: The first rule in parenting (imo). Once you decide what your expectations are...they have to be the same every time you are at church and/or in similar situations. Our girls did not run around in stores, other peoples homes (if they did not have children), waiting rooms. Reminders: Remind the kids (every time) what your expectations are...and have them repeat it back to you. As they get older, have them recite to you what the expectations are. We did this for every situation. It went something like this: Me/Husband: Ok, Mommie is going to go talk to Mrs. Jackson for a few mins. We are at church, you will stay here and sit quietly. You will not get up, you will not be loud. You may play with your dolls/books. Do you understand? Girls: Yes Me/Husband: What did I just say? Girls: We will sit and play quietly, and not get up. It can be done...it just takes dedication and some sacrifice on the parents part. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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