AlmiraGulch Posted June 25, 2013 Share Posted June 25, 2013 My brother was unemployed for 2.5 years. He was on the absolute precipice of losing his house. He'd sold basically everything he had of any value. He took every small job he could find, but it just wasn't enough. Then he got a job. His dream job, really. And now he's lost it, after only about 2 months. He's devastated (and hasn't actually even told me about it...I heard from his wife). My sister-in-law is at her wits end. I don't know or really even care about the reasons right now. I know he's ashamed and I'm sure embarrassed, for not being able to support his family right now and because my sisters and I all gave him money to prepare for this job (fix a car so he could get there, buy gasoline, buy a suit to interview, buy work clothes, etc.). Honestly, I don't care about any of that. I just want him to know that I love him and want the best for him and that I have faith in him to get through this, even if he doesn't. I'm "here" for him, whatever that means. I don't have any more money and he wouldn't ask for it anyway. It's just that everything I think of to say sounds....trite. What exactly do you say to someone who was so defeated, was finally getting himself to a good place, and then just lost it again? Everything is at risk. His home, his marriage.....everything. Please tell me what to say. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted June 25, 2013 Share Posted June 25, 2013 Tell him what you said--you love him and believe in him you're there if he wants to talk. I don't know what else you could say beyond that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alexigail Posted June 25, 2013 Share Posted June 25, 2013 " I just want you to know that I love you no matter what and I'm rooting for you" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dandelion Posted June 25, 2013 Share Posted June 25, 2013 I just want him to know that I love him and want the best for him and that I have faith in him to get through this This exactly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlmiraGulch Posted June 25, 2013 Author Share Posted June 25, 2013 Tell him what you said--you love him and believe in him you're there if he wants to talk. I don't know what else you could say beyond that. I guess that's about all I an say, but it just rings empty to me. I don't know. Doesn't anyone have any MAGIC words to offer up? :o Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlmiraGulch Posted June 25, 2013 Author Share Posted June 25, 2013 " I just want you to know that I love you no matter what and I'm rooting for you" This is good. Thank you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlmiraGulch Posted June 25, 2013 Author Share Posted June 25, 2013 This exactly. Really? I suppose. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted June 25, 2013 Share Posted June 25, 2013 Hugs. It really does stink. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Candid Posted June 25, 2013 Share Posted June 25, 2013 I guess that's about all I an say, but it just rings empty to me. I don't know. Doesn't anyone have any MAGIC words to offer up? :o Love is the greatest magic there is. Haven't you read Harry Potter? Or for that matter the Bible? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted June 25, 2013 Share Posted June 25, 2013 Gently, you want words that would fix it, or fix his feelings and enable him to fix his situation. Words can't do that. "But love is stronger than death." I agree that loving him and, if you are so inclined, praying for him, can be powerful help. I'm sorry he's in such troubles. He's blessed to have you, even if you can only offer support and not a solution. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tita Gidge Posted June 25, 2013 Share Posted June 25, 2013 If this were my twin I could probably go a bit deeper and say the whole I love you and have faith in you thing. We've had those kind of conversations. But for my other brothers that'd feel ... weird. They know I love them and have faith in them, but the wording doesn't reflect our dynamic. I'd probably just try to be there in person for the announcement, give a big and long hug and whisper "I don't know what to say. This just totally sucks," because that's what'd be in my heart. And that'd be one damn long hug because when I can't think of what to say with my words I let my arms speak for me. If we didn't have a hugging relationship I'd probably put my hand on his, hold it tight, and say the same thing. Either way, I'm not letting go first. I really am so sorry for him. It's hard to feel like life is always kicking you down, and I can't imagine adding to that the stress of being a man who feels he can't support his family. That's something no woman can talk a man out of feeling, as it's so central to their identities as husbands and fathers. I hope this is one of those silver lining things that will seem so much more clear and better once the dust has settled :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlmiraGulch Posted June 25, 2013 Author Share Posted June 25, 2013 Thank to everyone. You helped. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halftime Hope Posted June 25, 2013 Share Posted June 25, 2013 You are not your circumstances. I'll be here to remind you of that every time you need to hear it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Strawberry Posted June 25, 2013 Share Posted June 25, 2013 I guess that's about all I an say, but it just rings empty to me. I don't know. Doesn't anyone have any MAGIC words to offer up? :o It doesn't ring empty to me at all. Those are some magical words. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted June 25, 2013 Share Posted June 25, 2013 I agree with the others, just tell him you love him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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