Youth sports question

[Alice]

We live in an area that I think is a little too intense about youth sports. Once you get to a certain age (I’d say around 9) it’s tough to find a team without kids that have played that particular sport for 3 or 4 years already even at the rec league level. Many kids play more than one sport a season, and even play a travel level sport as well as others. That’s the background....

 

Ds (age 9) plays baseball and swims. He’s dabbled in a few other things but those are the main two. He’s a pretty good swimmer and he likes it a lot. Swimming fits his personality and he will choose to do extra laps to work on a stroke or practice his flip turns outside of practice. We have a great summer team and last year he did a little bit of winter swimming for the first time.

 

He also likes baseball. But what he likes is different. He enjoys the team and the camaraderie of the other boys. He likes the games. He’s a hard worker and goes to practices without complaining. His coaches always comment that he has a great attitude and works hard. However, he is at best a mediocre player for his age. I feel like as he’s gotten older his teammates and coaches are less accepting of someone who is there mostly for the fun of the game.

 

It doesn’t really bother him which I suppose is good. However, I think I’d almost rather it did bother him. He has no desire to practice extra. Most of the boys on his team or in the area are out catching/fielding/hitting with their fathers in the off season leading up to baseball or during the season on the days we don’t have practice. My dh is the kind of Dad that would be happy to play with ds if asked but he doesn’t really like baseball and doesn’t really care that much about sports so he isn’t pushing him to practice. I have no problem with that, I don’t want dh to be one of those overly intense sports parents.

 

So what’s the point? I’m not sure...I’ve been thinking about this all season and thought I’d post here to help me work through my thoughts. On one hand, being on the team and not being the star has its own character building benefits. And having the chance to hang with a bunch of boys is fun for him. Still, it’s a lot of time spent on the part of the family for something that I see him not really trying to be better at. One answer would be that maybe it’s ok to just have fun and not try and be better. That’s just tough in the sports culture we’re in, there is very little room for just dabbling and having fun.

 

Any thoughts on my rambling post? Anyone whose kids played a sport or did an activity that wasn’t really a passion and that they were just ok at but that in the end was a good experience?

[texasmama]

I think that immense value exists on being a part of a team for the fun it brings and also in being on the lower end of the skill on the team. It will likely not hurt the team because he will be placed in a field position that suits his skills best. Most kids this age are not stellar batters, on my experience. I firmly believe that all kids should do at least one thing that they are not very good it. It build character. At this stage of the game, your ds should be all about having a good time. :)

 

My oldest son played one season of baseball when he was 11. My youngest don didn't start baseball until he was 9. They both enjoyed it, though they were not star players. They also both play basketball, which they have done on teams every year since kindy. They are always at the top of their teams, skill-wise. Being at the bottom in baseball teaches them patience and humility for being gracious at the top in basketball.

[Farrar]

No great insights, but my kids are the same with soccer. They enjoy it. One of them isn't very good at all. The other one is decent, but uneven, I guess. They're clearly not interested in making it their life passion, but want to keep playing. We're lucky to have a league that's pretty low key, but I do feel trepidation about the future as they get older. I wish there were more opportunities for kids to play sports in a for fun way.

[Χά�ων]

*GASP* You mean your child was not done exploring sports by the time he was out of diapers and hadn't committed to a sport by kindergarten and specialized in a position by second grade? How else are they going to get a college scholarship or go pro by 16? Or make the Olympic team? Shocking.

 

I agree that things are insane when it comes to sports. DS has major health issues that make his sport of choice a real challenge for him. His body just doesn't work the way it needs to for that sport. Not to mention that he has been written off for other sports he has tried because at age 7, he was "late" to start. I put him in baseball this summer in a rec league with the hope of a positive experience. He is one of the better players on the team and it nice to have found a team that has parents who just want their children to be children and have fun. There is no pressure to develop the kids into mini-pros. If DS hits a road block I am confident I will not be pulled aside and told I need to add in private lesson's or he will be removed from the team. It doesn't matter that several of the kids cannot find the batters box or scream and run away when the pitcher throws the ball (it's 1st year kid pitch, can't say that I blame them), they are there to learn and have fun.

[yoyoma]

On one hand, being on the team and not being the star has its own character building benefits. And having the chance to hang with a bunch of boys is fun for him. Still, it’s a lot of time spent on the part of the family for something that I see him not really trying to be better at. One answer would be that maybe it’s ok to just have fun and not try and be better. That’s just tough in the sports culture we’re in, there is very little room for just dabbling and having fun.

 

Any thoughts on my rambling post? Anyone whose kids played a sport or did an activity that wasn’t really a passion and that they were just ok at but that in the end was a good experience?

 

I have VERY strong feelings regarding this. My daughter has been involved in gymnastics and in dance, and while enjoying them, was not exceptionally NATIONALLY talented (as were her teammates in our competitive area).

 

My daughter decided to concentrate on ballet at age 11. She joined a pre-professional school. They were welcoming to her, even though we made it clear that we were not in pursuit of a professional career for her. As the school director said, "if she love to dance, what better use of her time, than the best training she can get?" So A)we were in a supportive place, and B)she had honed in on the activity that motivated her.

 

It is a definite two-edged sword. It has been difficult to watch the "grooming" of others as they are promoted at younger ages at astoundingly fast rates, given parts for their resume, have private and partnering lessons, and listen to the talk of nationally recognized intensives, while she attends her school's own intensive (character building, to be sure). But she has a very close group of friends that support her, and she is appreciated by the teachers as a hard worker, and leader by example. And of course, the time commitment has been huge, as she takes on the hours of the pre-professional dancers, but her organization skills and time management have matched the need.

 

So addressing your concerns in bold...my answer is ABSOLUTELY. She is "just okay" (of course, the best on the stage to me!).....and in the end, it has definitely been a good experience, and she plans to continue through the end of high school, even though it means dancing six days a week plus rehearsals on top of a challenging school workload. I find that her determination even more admirable (15yo) because she can see so clearly now what is involved in a career in dance, and that there are others better suited. She has no delusions of a career. But she loves what she does, has good friends there, and is supported by the faculty. We would do it again (with those factors) in a heartbeat.

 

I feel I have to add a caveat though--we had a fallback activity in another form of less competitive dance in case things went badly at ballet. I always had a plan in case she decided to "retire" that would support her decision to stop and still allow her to dance. Just a thought.

 

I don't know if this helped...I just wanted to let you know that we've BTDT, and decided to ride the train.

 

(FWIW, we've done the opposite with DS12. He was on a non-competitive YMCA swim team, and asked for more training, so we've just joined club swimming. He will have the same opportunity to continue with the club, or if we're not having fun anymore, go back to the Y. But again...HE is interested, and THEY are supportive.)

[RanchGirl]

It sounds like he is doing fine on the rec league. Rec league is supposed to be for enjoying the game and being on the team. If he has a great attitude and works hard during practices, that sounds perfect for rec league.

 

only you can decide if it's too much time investment for your family. My boys play travel ball so it's significant time during the season and year-round. But rec league shouldn't be nearly as much time or work (or money). IMO, without knowing your specific family calendar issues, being on a team, making friends, getting exercise, and all of it being something that my kid really enjoyed would be worth 2-3 nights a week during the summer, even if the kid isn't interested in taking it to the next level.

[Tita Gidge]

Another option might be off-season camps, or city classes (as opposed to city leagues) through the rec center -- those are ways to explore sports without the intensity some leagues have.

 

Is he connecting with some of the other kids, or you with some of the other parents? My boys love the batting cages. It doesn't feel like practice to them, especially without coach there. Coach is my brother LOL. It's just $5 and 20 minutes at the cages followed by a shake or frozen yogurt at the park around the corner. The cages help bridge the gap between teammate and friend, which is why I suggest it. The boys meet up due to their common interest, then segue to an off-field interest like the park of ice cream shoppe. I wonder if that'd be something your son might be interested in. It gives him more access to his fun part of baseball (friends) and also an opportunity to work on improving a skill.

 

One of my sons has a friend who is not a natural athlete. He liked baseball well enough, but not enough to practice on his own. His dad would always offer to throw, but the son had no desire. He didn't fight it, but he didn't really see the point. And yet, he'd be fine tossing the ball around with my sons whenever he was at our house. We have improptu games in the backyard, and he LOVES those. It doesn't feel like practice when it's also part of hanging out with friends. If he's growing closer to any teammates, nurturing that relationship may help further his desire to practice ball off of the field - not in an intense way, but a keeping-skills-fresh kind of way.

[Alice]

I think that immense value exists on being a part of a team for the fun it brings and also in being on the lower end of the skill on the team. It will likely not hurt the team because he will be placed in a field position that suits his skills best. Being at the bottom in baseball teaches them patience and humility for being gracious at the top in basketball.

 

I like this perspective. I hadn’t thought of it in quite that way. He is a kid who mostly has an easy time in anything academic and has other things come fairly easy to him. I can see that having something where he has to work harder could be very beneficial to him later on.

 

I have VERY strong feelings regarding this. Just a thought. I don't know if this helped...I just wanted to let you know that we've BTDT, and decided to ride the train. )

 

It was helpful, thanks!

 

Rec league is supposed to be for enjoying the game and being on the team. If he has a great attitude and works hard during practices, that sounds perfect for rec league. only you can decide if it's too much time investment for your family. My boys play travel ball so it's significant time during the season and year-round. But rec league shouldn't be nearly as much time or work (or money). IMO, without knowing your specific family calendar issues, being on a team, making friends, getting exercise, and all of it being something that my kid really enjoyed would be worth 2-3 nights a week during the summer, even if the kid isn't interested in taking it to the next level.

 

I completely agree. However, in our town baseball happens to be really big. In my opinion it gets too intense and too competitive in the rec leagues. I might have steered him to a different sport back when we started if I’d known that but now we’re left with him really liking baseball. It’s not so much of a time burden most of the time now. This week was a tournament week and we had baseball every night (as well as the start of the swim season with swimming every night). That schedule might have prompted me to think more deeply about the time commitment. :) I think I’m more musing about the future. He is right now in AA and that was reasonable as a time commitment. He’ll probably stay in AA next year given his age and skill level. But if my younger kids want to start doing more activities or sports or we get to the higher levels of baseball it could become more burdensome. I should probably not borrow problems to worry about and just wait to see what happens. However, it kind of feels that the longer the does it the harder it would be to encourage him to stop if he didn’t want to.

 

Is he connecting with some of the other kids, or you with some of the other parents? My boys love the batting cages.

 

He didn’t really make friends with any of the boys beyond just that they had a good team and all got along. He was on a team with his best friend last year (they do a draft once they become 9 and he and his friends were placed on different teams this year). Even with his friend, although he loved playing with him at the ball field it wasn’t something they did in their free time. And his friend is quite intense about the sport, with an equally intense Dad. The batting cages are fun, the ones they use for practice we can’t use on our own. But there are cages around here you can go to just for fun. That’s a good idea, maybe we’ll do that some this summer for a fun activity if he wants.

[wintermom]

It sounds like your ds has a wonderful balance with an individual sport, where he can see how his effort and training can translate directly into faster and easier swims, and a team sport, where he can work together with others. I was just like your son and did both those sports growing up, preferring the swimming.

 

Nine years old is still very young, in spite of the sport culture of your area, so keep the door open to trying out other sports. I took up tennis as a teen, and am really loving it now. It's a wonderful life-long sport, with both a team (doubles) and individual aspect. I'm not great, but I'm improving, and there are people of all ages getting out and learning or improving their skills. Tennis is just one example of how people can take up sports and activities at almost any time and really enjoy them.