Actual conversation at CSA pickup

[UrbanSue]

An older woman whom I'd never met: I didn't notice you were pregnant! When are you due?

 

Me: November 1.

 

Woman: November?! It's only June! Are you having twins?

 

Me: No.

 

Woman: Are you sure? I mean, you're huge! Have they checked?

 

Me: I'm sure.

 

She went on with a story about her niece who had triplets instead of the twins she thought she was having blah, blah, blah.

 

Seriously, what is wrong with people? When are you due? should always be followed up with: You look great!

 

ETA: I originally included inappropriate content about the other woman's weight. It's not relevant to the rudeness.

[Forget-Me-Not]

So rude! I had similar convos with my last. He was over a pound bigger than my other babies and I was showing it and feeling it. I'm sorry :(.

[kristi26]

:( I'm sorry you had to deal with that! I've got one to share too from a couple of years ago.

 

Random dude at the church nursery scans me up and down: You're about 8.5 months, right?

Me, surprised that this guy is a good guesser: Yes, I am.

Random dude looks at his wife: You were never that big when you were 8.5 months pregnant were you dear?

Mrs. Random dude rolls her eyes: I was never 8.5 months pregnant remember?

Me: :huh: :ohmy: :crying: :leaving:

[UrbanSue]

:( I'm sorry you had to deal with that! I've got one to share too from a couple of years ago.

 

Random dude at the church nursery scans me up and down: You're about 8.5 months, right?

Me, surprised that this guy is a good guesser: Yes, I am.

Random dude looks at his wife: You were never that big when you were 8.5 months pregnant were you dear?

Mrs. Random dude rolls her eyes: I was never 8.5 months pregnant remember?

Me: :huh: :ohmy: :crying: :leaving:

 

 

Oh, my!

 

My first was a preemie and I think I tend to carry bigger with girls which was my second and she was the only one I went a full 40 weeks with. Oof.

 

I am feeling huge this time and I'll find out in a couple days if it's a girl. Dh is doing his best to convince me that I look totally great :) And I've only gained two pounds. Not sure where it's all coming from.

[Susan in TN]

Oh for heaven's sake. Where is the common sense!!!

 

FWIW, when I was 4 months pregnant with my 4th, I looked like I was due in about 2 weeks. I remember taking some easy hikes (walks along lovely paths, really) in the Cascade Mtns and people kept giving me worried looks.

[UrbanSue]

Oh for heaven's sake. Where is the common sense!!!

 

FWIW, when I was 4 months pregnant with my 4th, I looked like I was due in about 2 weeks. I remember taking some easy hikes (walks along lovely paths, really) in the Cascade Mtns and people kept giving me worried looks.

 

 

Oh, my. :laugh:

 

That makes me feel better.

[unsinkable]

Interesting.

 

Did it matter that she was obese?

[gardenmom5]

I was huge with all but my last. some people's children. just roll your eyes. if you want to confuse her, you can tell her thank you, and it's so kind of her to say that. with a sickly sweet smile as you walk away shaking your head.

 

thought you said she was obese. maybe you should have asked her when she was due. . . .. (after all, you just thought she was, and was hinting to be asked. snicker.)

[Sparkle]

I hate those types of comments. I used to lie to people and tell them I was due in a month, otherwise they inevitably made idiotic remarks like that.

[kristi26]

Maybe you should have gone with, "What do you mean? I'm not pregnant!" :lol: Can you imagine people's faces when you say THAT in response? Hehehe...

[Element]

LOL "Have they checked?" !?!?

 

I would absolutely and seriously have responded with a wide-eyed and terrified, "No, they haven't! I should probably ask them though. So weird! You'd think they would have thought of that!"

[Alexigail]

Ha! I got that "you're huge!" junk from so many people, even though I had trouble gaining weight with both my pregnancies. People are so weird. I'm not sure what it is about pregnancy that makes people think it's OK to offer their opinion on EVERYTHING. This reminded me of when my husband was trying to be encouraging in my struggle to gain weight. We were at my OBGYN appt:

 

Dr : Your measurements are good

Well-intentioned husband: Yeah, you seem really big to me this time. That's great!!

Dr : (Wide eyes and head shaking at husband ) back away slowly, son!

Husband: wha??

Dr. Trust me I have four kids. Don't go there.

 

LOL poor dh!

[UrbanSue]

Interesting.

 

Did it matter that she was obese?

 

 

 

Not really. It would have been just as rude no matter what she looked like. But since I'm sure part of why I look so huge is that I was somewhat overweight beforehand, it did add a touch of irony.

[bettyandbob]

 

thought you said she was obese. maybe you should have asked her when she was due. . . .. (after all, you just thought she was, and was hinting to be asked. snicker.)

 

 

Or you could ask her when she got so fat next time you see her and when she was starting her diet.

 

I thought the polite thing to do was not to ask at all unless information that the woman was actually pregnant was offered. And once you about the pregnancy you say "congratulations." Because going about the pregnant woman's size, her tired looks or any labor nightmares is not helpful.

[UrbanSue]

Maybe you should have gone with, "What do you mean? I'm not pregnant!" :lol: Can you imagine people's faces when you say THAT in response? Hehehe...

 

 

 

Someone in my old mom's group once got yelled at while in line at Starbucks for drinking coffee while pregnant. She said, "It's not a baby, it's a tumor, and the caffeine really helps."

[UrbanSue]

Or you could ask her when she got so fat next time you see her and when she was starting her diet.

 

I thought the polite thing to do was not to ask at all unless information that the woman was actually pregnant was offered. And once you about the pregnancy you say "congratulations." Because going about the pregnant woman's size, her tired looks or any labor nightmares is not helpful.

 

 

 

I'm not the "give as good as you get" type. At least not in public. I always think I'm going to give a zinger back but, in the moment, I'm so dumb founded at the comments some people will make that I can't say anything.

 

And I never say anything about pregnancy unless the expecting mom brings it up but she might have overheard me talking with the coordinator about how late in the season I could volunteer so I'll give her the benefit of the doubt there :)

[Alexigail]

Someone in my old mom's group once got yelled at while in line at Starbucks for drinking coffee while pregnant. She said, "It's not a baby, it's a tumor, and the caffeine really helps.

 

LOL! I knew someone who hated when people would touch her pregnant belly without permission. Whenever someone did it, she would rub their belly right back and if they gave her a strange look she'd say "oh sorry I thought it must be inappropriate touching day or something."

I would never have the guts to say that, but it cracked me up.

[unsinkable]

 

 

 

Not really. It would have been just as rude no matter what she looked like. But since I'm sure part of why I look so huge is that I was somewhat overweight beforehand, it did add a touch of irony.

 

 

I'm sorry she hurt your feelings.

 

I wouldn't have been offended. Some people have no filter.

 

I don't see the relationship between her being obese and what she said.

[beaners]

I'm sorry she hurt your feelings.

 

I wouldn't have been offended. Some people have no filter.

 

I don't see the relationship between her being obese and what she said.

 

 

I might hope that someone who is large would see the lack of wisdom in calling someone else huge.

 

Just like I'm short, so I know better than to walk up to someone and say, "Wow, you sure are short!"

[Laurie4b]

:( I'm sorry you had to deal with that! I've got one to share too from a couple of years ago.

 

Random dude at the church nursery scans me up and down: You're about 8.5 months, right?

Me, surprised that this guy is a good guesser: Yes, I am.

Random dude looks at his wife: You were never that big when you were 8.5 months pregnant were you dear?

Mrs. Random dude rolls her eyes: I was never 8.5 months pregnant remember?

Me: :huh: :ohmy: :crying: :leaving:

 

 

My word! Does that mean she delivered premie or didn't ever have a baby? And to you, my goodness. How rude!

[bettyandbob]

 

 

 

I'm not the "give as good as you get" type. At least not in public. I always think I'm going to give a zinger back but, in the moment, I'm so dumb founded at the comments some people will make that I can't say anything.

 

And I never say anything about pregnancy unless the expecting mom brings it up but she might have overheard me talking with the coordinator about how late in the season I could volunteer so I'll give her the benefit of the doubt there :)

 

 

Oh I don't give zingers back either. Mymind goes blank because I can't believe someone said THAT. If I did come up with something I wouldn't say it either(but a little part of me would want to).

[Laurie4b]

A co-worker once asked me about 2 months after I got married:

 

You're gaining so much weight so fast---are you pregnant?

Me: No.

 

There was just no way for her to get out of that! She couldn't say, "Oh, it must be the dress you're wearing." Nope. I can't imagine how embarrassed she must have been! :lol:

[unsinkable]

 

 

I might hope that someone who is large would see the lack of wisdom in calling someone else huge.

 

Just like I'm short, so I know better than to walk up to someone and say, "Wow, you sure are short!"

 

 

If it's rude/inappropriate/offensive to comment on someone's size, then it goes both ways.

 

[FaithManor]

Dear America,

 

SHUT UP! Enquiring minds might want to know, but you.do.not.have.the.right.to.ask.

 

This reminds me of the check-out clerk at our local Walmart who upon seeing the box of tampons on the conveyor belt, attempted to get me to answer intrusive questions about my monthlies. :ack2: :blink: Apparently, she honestly thought I'd discuss this with a total stranger while two young men stood in line behind me waiting to purchase a DVD.

 

OP, a couple of years ago I became very, very tired of the rude, nosy behavior of many individuals in this culture and began actually saying one of two things, "No comment", or "Wow, I can't believe you asked such a personal question!". Both work. The ears turn maroon, the face blushes, and the comments and questions end. I say it very calmly and sometimes I even smile while doing so. But, I refuse to answer the question or dignify the comment with any other response. It is bliss. So many conversations just deterioriate into total strangers giving unwanted medical advice, spewing opinions no one else wants to hear, and the like. By refusing to engage in the conversation from the minute a personal question is asked, I'm saved the fallout of giving them any tidbit of my life to go off about.

 

Faith

[UrbanSue]

If it's rude/inappropriate/offensive to comment on someone's size, then it goes both ways.

 

 

You're right. I apologize for mentioning her weight. I'll put a note on the original post. I'm very strict about this in real life but . . . do we have a word around here for when we're posting on the boards and all our normal social conventions go out the window? Someone should coin a term, if not.

[unsinkable]

Sometimes, at Walgreens, I'll buy condoms, KY intense effects, and tampons at once.

 

And I tell the clerk, "obviously, I'm not using all these at the same time. Just so you know. It's possible, but just not my thang."

[unsinkable]

 

 

 

You're right. I apologize for mentioning her weight. I'll put a note on the original post. I'm very strict about this in real life but . . . do we have a word around here for when we're posting on the boards and all our normal social conventions go out the window? Someone should coin a term, if not.

 

Thank you. Not that you need to please me or anything. Weight is such a complicated issue.

[UrbanSue]

Thank you. Not that you need to please me or anything. Weight is such a complicated issue.

 

Not trying to please you--I'm also thicker skinned here than in real life ;) But you are right. This is obviously a sensitive issue for me and I should have been more careful.

[FaithManor]

Sometimes, at Walgreens, I'll buy condoms, KY intense effects, and tampons at once.

 

And I tell the clerk, "obviously, I'm not using all these at the same time. Just so you know. It's possible, but just not my thang."

 

Awesome! :smilielol5: :smilielol5: :smilielol5:

 

This should get a "post of the year" nomination.

 

Faith

[Samiam]

At least you are actually pregnant, lol....last week at Costco, a lady walked by and quickly jumped over to load the case of water for me...I was stunned...she said. "you shouldn't be picking up heavy things"...I thanked her but still thinking WT?!?!?....then it dawned on me.....Oh yeah...she thought I was pregnant......not the first time over the years that has happened to me.

[kristi26]

 

My word! Does that mean she delivered premie or didn't ever have a baby? And to you, my goodness. How rude!

 

 

I'm really not sure? I'm guessing she delivered several weeks early. I was so upset by "Random Dude" that I didn't really think to ask why she never got that far along...lol.

[kristi26]

At least you are actually pregnant, lol....last week at Costco, a lady walked by and quickly jumped over to load the case of water for me...I was stunned...she said. "you shouldn't be picking up heavy things"...I thanked her but still thinking WT?!?!?....then it dawned on me.....Oh yeah...she thought I was pregnant......not the first time over the years that has happened to me.

 

 

So that reminds me of yet ANOTHER story...it was right after I had ODS (he was 6ish weeks).

 

Different Random Dude (here after referred to as DRD): When's your baby due?

Me, in an irritated tone: What baby?

DRD: The one in your belly.

Me: There IS NO baby in my belly.

DRD just stood there with a stupid look on his face while I ran away and cried.

[plath]

No one believes me when I tell them I'm due in September. I *always* get a shocked, pitying look with a "REALLY?"

[Laurie4b]

Dear America,

 

SHUT UP! Enquiring minds might want to know, but you.do.not.have.the.right.to.ask.

 

This reminds me of the check-out clerk at our local Walmart who upon seeing the box of tampons on the conveyor belt, attempted to get me to answer intrusive questions about my monthlies. :ack2: :blink: Apparently, she honestly thought I'd discuss this with a total stranger while two young men stood in line behind me waiting to purchase a DVD.

 

OP, a couple of years ago I became very, very tired of the rude, nosy behavior of many individuals in this culture and began actually saying one of two things, "No comment", or "Wow, I can't believe you asked such a personal question!". Both work. The ears turn maroon, the face blushes, and the comments and questions end. I say it very calmly and sometimes I even smile while doing so. But, I refuse to answer the question or dignify the comment with any other response. It is bliss. So many conversations just deterioriate into total strangers giving unwanted medical advice, spewing opinions no one else wants to hear, and the like. By refusing to engage in the conversation from the minute a personal question is asked, I'm saved the fallout of giving them any tidbit of my life to go off about.

 

Faith

 

Those Walmart cashiers are something! Dh once had a female cashier ask him questions about the condoms he was purchasing ! :ohmy:

[SarahW]

 

So that reminds me of yet ANOTHER story...it was right after I had ODS (he was 6ish weeks).

 

Different Random Dude (here after referred to as DRD): When's your baby due?

Me, in an irritated tone: What baby?

DRD: The one in your belly.

Me: There IS NO baby in my belly.

DRD just stood there with a stupid look on his face while I ran away and cried.

 

I don't think most people realize that the womb doesn't immediately deflate like a balloon after childbirth.

 

I realized that was one of the things my dh was never told after our kid was born. He went home from the hospital that night, confused and convinced that at any moment the hospital was going to call him back for the birth of an unknown twin. We still get a good laugh over that one.

 

Honestly, though, I think a lot of the weird/rude behavior has to do with pregnant women being a bit rare - at least, with an average of two kids per family, rarer than they used to be. When I went to the clinic to sign up for Medicaid the security officer there correctly guessed how many weeks I was, and I was only about 10 weeks then. But he sees dozens of pregnant women every single day. Most people though, not so much.

[bolt.]

I think it was probably just her age. It wasn't that long ago when the only reasonable reason to "check for twins" was noticeable weight gain, and that the methods for said "checking" were not terribly reliable. She's probably just behind enough to think she's being helpful by letting a lady know that the possibility of unexpected twins exists... Even though it largely isn't a possibility with appropreate care these days.

 

I think the "you might be in medical trouble" motive is the exception to the "don't bring up personal stuff in public" rule. We don't talk about strangers' gross hairy moles in public -- unless we really have the idea that they need a biopsy and should think about getting one... I think she probably thought she was doing something like that.

[UrbanSue]

I think it was probably just her age. It wasn't that long ago when the only reasonable reason to "check for twins" was noticeable weight gain, and that the methods for said "checking" were not terribly reliable. She's probably just behind enough to think she's being helpful by letting a lady know that the possibility of unexpected twins exists... Even though it largely isn't a possibility with appropreate care these days.

 

I think the "you might be in medical trouble" motive is the exception to the "don't bring up personal stuff in public" rule. We don't talk about strangers' gross hairy moles in public -- unless we really have the idea that they need a biopsy and should think about getting one... I think she probably thought she was doing something like that.

 

Well, that's a nicer way to think about it. And she did have the experience of someone in her family with the unexpected triplets.

[AndyJoy]

Dear America,

 

SHUT UP! Enquiring minds might want to know, but you.do.not.have.the.right.to.ask.

 

This reminds me of the check-out clerk at our local Walmart who upon seeing the box of tampons on the conveyor belt, attempted to get me to answer intrusive questions about my monthlies. :ack2: :blink: Apparently, she honestly thought I'd discuss this with a total stranger while two young men stood in line behind me waiting to purchase a DVD.

 

I witnessed a clerk in a small-town supermarket asking personal questions of the lady in front of me buying a pregnancy test! "Were you planning this? Are you happy?" etc. The poor woman was obviously embarrassed and did NOT look happy about buying it but the clerk just rambled on and on obliviously. I couldn't believe her gall!

 

Then there was the jerk-clerk whose comment to my friend with horrible psoriasis on her hairline and forearms (which left dandruff-like flakes on her shoulders) was: "I didn't know it was snowing outside." (in June)