Mango Posted June 12, 2013 Share Posted June 12, 2013 We dutifully went to their 2nd dd's graduation party. Didn't want to go but we went, gave a card and $$ and were there for a hour or so. Her in-law family, who I know from childhood and one of the girls was a nominal friend, was positively arctic. It would seem my sister has been saying nasty stuff about us. Sigh, my sister will outlive me and it makes me sad that the next generation's only going to hear trash about me. I guess I shouldn't buy clothing, makeup, coach for job interviews, celebrate new jobs with my nieces. It would seem that I need to be a scrappy and a liar to make a good impression. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted June 12, 2013 Share Posted June 12, 2013 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tita Gidge Posted June 12, 2013 Share Posted June 12, 2013 It sounds like there's some history there that I'm not clued into ... but what I share from personal experience is that time tells all. She may be talking smack about you now, but in time people will see her comments and insights through their own filters (and not just hers). You keep being you, and nurture your aunt-neice relationships independent of your sister-sister relationship. Don't give her the power to run and rule your relationships; even if it seems to be working not, it probably won't always. You may be dead and gone long before then LOL but at least you die knowing you did all you could on your end to foster good relationships. Her actions are on her. I think we've all known someone like this ... who seems able to turn others against us. But more times than not, I've seen that person's rallying supporters slowly enlightened. They begin to see the poisoned filter through which the witch is speaking. And that's on consolation now, but it's one of those lose-the-battle, win-the-war situations. And that has to be enough for you, hard as it is, since the enlightenment won't likely be disclosed to you. But seriously, be the aunt you ought to be and want to be. The impression you're trying to make goes beyond the here and now; it's the one they'll look to when she turns on them or their spouses/kids/friends/whomever. Don't let her win by letting her poison that relationship. Let her try, let her maybe even succeed for a spell. But don't let her have that kind of influence on you, your choices, and your relationships. She may outlive you, but so will her character flaws. Your descendents will know you through her eyes, but will know it's through her eyes. By then they'll all have taken a turn being her target LOL, so you're better off being dead and getting to be the martyr. Boy howdy, that'll tick her off! Sorry your sister sucks :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hunter's Moon Posted June 12, 2013 Share Posted June 12, 2013 I can tell you this --- If someone continually speaks badly of someone else, especially family, I seriously question their own character. A truly good-hearted person would not waste their breath continually talking trash. In time, her true colors will shine through. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applethyme Posted June 12, 2013 Share Posted June 12, 2013 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted June 12, 2013 Share Posted June 12, 2013 :grouphug: Be true to what you know is right. Helping your neices, assuming they are welcoming it, is a good thing. It sounds like there's some history there that I'm not clued into ... but what I share from personal experience is that time tells all. She may be talking smack about you now, but in time people will see her comments and insights through their own filters (and not just hers). You keep being you, Sorry your sister sucks :( :iagree: :iagree: :iagree: :iagree: :iagree: I can tell you this --- If someone continually speaks badly of someone else, especially family, I seriously question their own character. A truly good-hearted person would not waste their breath continually talking trash. In time, her true colors will shine through. It can be a reflection upon them being a nasty person, OR it can be a reflection of the damage that person inflicted upon them and they are trying to get it out so they can heal. (those with a personality disorder count on such opinions and it's one more way the victim is revictimized because no one believes them.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted June 12, 2013 Share Posted June 12, 2013 Who people really are usually come out in the wash. I am sorry that you have invested in people who have not returned your investment with gratitude, (and boy do I know that feeling :glare:) but you did not waste your time with your nieces. Whether you believe you did it for God, or you did it for the Karma, or just flat out to serve humanity, helping them was a good thing to do for all of society. Clearly your sister is not mature enough to "finish" them, and you helped. You helped more people than them by helping them move into adulthood. You rock! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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