Kelli in TN Posted August 5, 2008 Share Posted August 5, 2008 Grace's first memory thread got me to thinking.... Was anyone else the contested child in a custody battle? Was it a big one, or easily settled? Do you think it was settled correctly, or did the judge blow it? Just wondering if I am the only one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KS_ Posted August 5, 2008 Share Posted August 5, 2008 Grace's first memory thread got me to thinking.... Was anyone else the contested child in a custody battle? Was it a big one, or easily settled? Do you think it was settled correctly, or did the judge blow it? Just wondering if I am the only one. Well, I don't think mine ever went to court - my dad was going to go for full custody and my grandparents on his side had the means to pay for an attorney and such, while my mom didn't. She knew she didn't have the resources to fight him in court, so she pleaded with him to let me live with her while I was little (they got divorced when I was 2), and then later on, if he got remarried and wanted me, then she'd let me go live with him. He got remarried when I was 6, and I went to live with him and my stepmom. My mom regrets this immensely - my dad and stepmom moved me out of state when right before I turned 10, which made seeing her very difficult. Now on the other side of the coin, my mom contemplated moving out of state with me when I was 5, but didn't end up doing it. Divorce is just hard - I hated having 2 separate lives that I couldn't ever really merge into one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GraceinMD Posted August 5, 2008 Share Posted August 5, 2008 Grace's first memory thread got me to thinking.... Was anyone else the contested child in a custody battle? NO, no, no! It was supposed to be a happy thread, engendering HAPPY thoughts..... Sorry you had to go through that! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pamela H in Texas Posted August 5, 2008 Share Posted August 5, 2008 Yes, I was a child in a custody battle. I don't think there was a right party at the time. Judge just automatically left us with my mother. My brother went to live with my dad a short time later. I joined him 3 years after that. My stepmom was great and we loved her dearly (though somehow she never got that message and still hasn't). She really was what both of us needed during our teen years. She was a great mom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelli in TN Posted August 5, 2008 Author Share Posted August 5, 2008 NO, no, no! It was supposed to be a happy thread, engendering HAPPY thoughts..... Sorry you had to go through that! No, it's okay! That is why I moved these musings to a new thread!!! And it was all so long ago. I am so over all that. Now it is just a story with no sting, a cautionary tale if you will. God took the sting out of it a long time ago. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnTheBrink Posted August 5, 2008 Share Posted August 5, 2008 I wasn't, but my brother was. My mother wanted custody of him, didn't want custody of me. I was 16 when they divorced. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelli in TN Posted August 5, 2008 Author Share Posted August 5, 2008 Well, I don't think mine ever went to court - my dad was going to go for full custody and my grandparents on his side had the means to pay for an attorney and such, while my mom didn't. She knew she didn't have the resources to fight him in court, so she pleaded with him to let me live with her while I was little (they got divorced when I was 2), and then later on, if he got remarried and wanted me, then she'd let me go live with him. He got remarried when I was 6, and I went to live with him and my stepmom. My mom regrets this immensely - my dad and stepmom moved me out of state when right before I turned 10, which made seeing her very difficult. Now on the other side of the coin, my mom contemplated moving out of state with me when I was 5, but didn't end up doing it. Divorce is just hard - I hated having 2 separate lives that I couldn't ever really merge into one. Mine was similar. My beloved grandparents, who acted out of a fear of somehow getting pushed out the picture themselves, financed the whole shebang. My mom lost custody but had some unenforced visitation rights. They apologized to me when I was about 10. The ironic thing was that my mother would have moved heaven and earth to assure that they had access to me. But when my dad remarried they had very little access to me for years. By the way, my mom forgave them even when I was young. She forgave my father when I was a young adult. I forgave everyone. We are all cool now. I love my parents and I loved, no adored, my grandparents to the very end. My parents were so young when they got married and so immature. Then I came along just before their first anniversary. When it all fell to pieces I was just collateral damage. There just wasn't anyone to look out for me. I was 8 years old before my mom had the resources to go back to court and fight. And did she ever fight! It was fierce and dragged on for over a year. But she won, she was determined to win. She is my hero. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelli in TN Posted August 5, 2008 Author Share Posted August 5, 2008 I can't tell you what an encouragement it is for me to hear someone say they really love their step mom. It gives me hope. :001_smile: Ah, can I add that my stepmom and I are very good friends!! And my second stepdad and I are good friends too. That first stepdad, not so much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
autumndivona Posted August 6, 2008 Share Posted August 6, 2008 Nope. When my parents divorced in '77/'78, my mother wanted to move across the country to Cali. My family was all in Mass. The judge said you can't take these girls away from their father, so my mom said, "Alright." And then my dad was granted full custody (without even trying) of me and my younger sister. And my mom went on her merry way to Cali, not to be heard from again until I was 19, and not to be seen again until just this year. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kris Posted August 6, 2008 Share Posted August 6, 2008 Grace's first memory thread got me to thinking.... Was anyone else the contested child in a custody battle? Was it a big one, or easily settled? Do you think it was settled correctly, or did the judge blow it? Just wondering if I am the only one. Nope -- there was no one fighting over me. "You take her!" "No! YOU take her!" "That's okay -- YOU can have her!" :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
E_Edgerton Posted August 6, 2008 Share Posted August 6, 2008 It was settled with my sister and I always at separate places....this didn't make for very good bonding between sibs. We have only recently been able to forge a meaningful relationship. Overall, there were a lot of mistakes! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KS_ Posted August 6, 2008 Share Posted August 6, 2008 I can't tell you what an encouragement it is for me to hear someone say they really love their step mom. It gives me hope. :001_smile: I really love my step-mom, too - it took time for us to have a good relationship (she had her own issues from childhood and didn't really know how to be a mom), but we're very close now and dh thinks she's a great mil :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.