FaithManor Posted June 5, 2013 Share Posted June 5, 2013 I tried, my sister tried, my brother tried...the surgeon wouldn't listen, and my dad always does what the doctor says. So, he had his lobectomy yesterday. They nearly lost him on the table when his heart, obviously rather traumatized by a quadruple bypass only 42 days ago, became bradycardic. They pulled him through, finished the surgery - admitting that he was touch and go several times but they'd reached a point in the surgery where they couldn't just close him up...point of no return. He started crashing in the CCU one hour post-op and in front of us - we'd just been let up to briefly see him - and GOD BLESS THE NURSE, because had he not started running that code, pushing albumen fluid in both IV's WIDE OPEN, giving meds he probably wasn't authorized to prescribe as an RN, etc. dad would be dead. There were four very unstable critical care post-op patients in that unit, three nurses, and NO DOC on the floor. Took the #^$#&^$#*& physician five minutes to get to the unit. I shudder to think what would have happend if the nurse had not run the code, and I've demanded an investigation into where the darn resident was much less the attending. I am so heart broken and yet angry all at once that I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't think. I've decided to go burn off some excess nervous energy at the gym, but dh said I had to wait until he has a break in his schedule so that he can watch me. Sigh...I think he believes I'll push myself too hard and get injured. Maybe he's right. Normally we don't have this "do what I say, obey me" kind of marriage. Never.have.! But, my husband's face seemed to indicate that for the first time ever, he was expecting me to do as he requested without argument, so I've decided I'm too tired and possibly too jaded to argue. I'll wait though I don't want to do so. The surgeon is very lucky there was a hospital chaplain between he and my brother. Egotiscal jerk would.not.listen. when we, the caregivers, told him dad was not strong enough to have this surgery yet so when dad coded and there was no doc in sight, well, I have to wonder what my brother would have done. I grabbed him by the arm and pulled him down to the waiting room and had our pastor sit with him. That said, I am really struggling with my attitude towards the surgeon. Those of you in the know, do male nurses like to get flowers? I mean, I don't know what to give, but I do know that I want Nick to have something waiting for him when he comes on shift tonight. Chocolate, a fruit basket - I wondered if maybe something like an actual fruit platter might be better so that it's all pre-washed, chopped, and ready to eat...the other nurses could share with him and they are all so wonderful that they should be pampered too. I know it's all in a day's work - dd is a medic and in the 18 months she's been working only ONE family has said "thank you" for her services and that's just normal; they don't expect it - but, I don't like to take these things for granted or see people give of themselves in this way day in and day out and not receive some thanks for what they do. I am wondering if Nick and company would even be allowed to have a floral bouquet on the floor since there could be allergy issues to consider. These patients are definitely ones that would suffer great pain if they started sneezing! I know we'll do a card, but that just doesn't seem like enough and I'm not certain if hospital policy will allow him to receive a personal gift such as a gift card. I just need to do something. Ideas???? Thank you to everyone who has upheld me in your thoughts, best wishes, and prayers. It is such a comfort! Faith Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sassenach Posted June 5, 2013 Share Posted June 5, 2013 I'm so sorry, Faith. I'm sure it's one time that you wish you weren't right. I'll pray for your dad this morning. I think the fruit platter sounds great. I wouldn't do flowers in the icu. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Granny_Weatherwax Posted June 5, 2013 Share Posted June 5, 2013 ((hugs)) I am so sorry this happened to your family. I second the fruit platter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsheresomewhere Posted June 5, 2013 Share Posted June 5, 2013 Nurses really like things that are individually wrapped so if you go with candy, please make sure it is individually wrapped. Male nurses love a thank you as much as anything. The best thing is for you to write a note about how great the nurse was with your dad and send it to the hospital. It will go in his file and that can mean more than you think especially during reviews. Make sure any complaint you have is in writing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just Kate Posted June 5, 2013 Share Posted June 5, 2013 I'm so sorry, Faith. I'm sure it's one time that you wish you weren't right. I'll pray for your dad this morning. I think the fruit platter sounds great. I wouldn't do flowers in the icu. Agreeing on the fruit platter. I will keep your family in my prayers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melmichigan Posted June 5, 2013 Share Posted June 5, 2013 I am so sorry there were complications and so glad you had a nurse that knew what they were doing. We loved getting fruit platters when I worked the floor, that would be my suggestion. You might want to check if the same nurse will be working when you send it and add a card so it can be shared with anyone that might be off shift. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bobbeym Posted June 5, 2013 Share Posted June 5, 2013 I'm so sorry Faith. I'm keeping your family covered in prayer. Before sending fruit, I would encourage you to check hospital policies. Many hospitals don't allow any food or drinks in employee areas on the unit, so if there isn't a breakroom nearby for them they wouldn't have anywhere to enjoy the fruit. If fruit is allowed, what about an edible bouquet for the nurse? Still fruit but a little more cutesy. We have several RNs/NPs in my non-clinical department and they love those. Otherwise I think a small gift card would be just fine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twigs Posted June 5, 2013 Share Posted June 5, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GailV Posted June 5, 2013 Share Posted June 5, 2013 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dandelion Posted June 5, 2013 Share Posted June 5, 2013 I'm so sorry. :grouphug: Agree that a thank you card is probably what would be most appreciated, and to check on hospital policy before giving fruit as a gift. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted June 5, 2013 Share Posted June 5, 2013 I have a couple friends who are male nurses. I think they would love a thank you. Anything else would just be gravy. Perhaps a chocolate bouquet? The fruit platter sounds lovely too! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shelly in IL Posted June 5, 2013 Share Posted June 5, 2013 I am so sorry to hear what has happened to your family. Would someone please link me to what happened, or the original post? Thank you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
********* Posted June 5, 2013 Share Posted June 5, 2013 Oh Faith! First of all, I'm so glad your dad pulled through. And unfortunately, I am all to well acquainted with doctors and surgeons who have something of a God complex. :glare: We've had some fantastic ones, to be sure, but we've had our share of horrendous ones, too. For the nurses, when dad finally left the ICU, I made up a big basket. I baked cookies, got a package of really good chocolates, and then lots and lots of fruits; apples, oranges, grapes, bananas, pears, plums, peaches, etc. All washed, of course. It was a big basket. :D Added a card. All the staff on shift at the time stopped by dad's room to say thanks, which gave mom and I a chance to tell them each thank you personally as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted June 5, 2013 Share Posted June 5, 2013 :grouphug: I am hoping for very uneventful healing for your father. I'm so sorry. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cricket Posted June 5, 2013 Share Posted June 5, 2013 I hope your dad's recovery goes well. I'm getting to this stage of life with my father and I am dreading it. I think a fruit basket/platter would be a great thank you and I'm sure the nurse would appreciate any kind of thank you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted June 5, 2013 Share Posted June 5, 2013 I'm so happy and relieved your dad pulled through, and yes bless that nurse with a thank you. Fruit sounds good to me along with a card and possibly a call and letter to his supervisor that could be added to his file. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cera Posted June 5, 2013 Share Posted June 5, 2013 I would do a personal thank you note and a note to his supervisor that could be added to his personnel file. I wouldn't do fruit because it is perishable and he might not be able to enjoy it if they are really busy and also because it might not be allowed depending on the rules for open food on the floor. I would probably go with a nice basket of individual treats that the nurses could grab when they are hungry...granola bars, individual packets of trail mix, individual packets of dried fruit, fun size candy bars, etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted June 5, 2013 Share Posted June 5, 2013 How about a card with a nice note, and a gift card to a local restaurant? Or to the movie theater? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted June 5, 2013 Share Posted June 5, 2013 1. Listen to your husband! This does not sound like "you obey me or else" track but the "I can see alarming signs and want to protect you" stance. 2. Male nurses (when I was a patient) like chocolate! :laugh: Deep breath. Pray, take walks, take care of yourself...and listen to your husband. Praying for you all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eagle Posted June 5, 2013 Share Posted June 5, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lilaclady Posted June 5, 2013 Share Posted June 5, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: praying for good recovery for your dad. That must have been scary Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lara in Colo Posted June 5, 2013 Share Posted June 5, 2013 I like the edible arrangements idea (it is more than just a grocery store pick up-- but not as foo foo as flowers)-- add some chocolate too!! I am a huge fan of nurses and think that the good ones deserve attention and rewards. Lara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moki4 Posted June 5, 2013 Share Posted June 5, 2013 Thank you card and Starbucks gift card? He was doing his job:) nurses start codes and run codes until the physician arrives. Esp in CCU/ICU. He is an excellent nurse and saved your dads life. Hugs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted June 5, 2013 Share Posted June 5, 2013 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted June 5, 2013 Share Posted June 5, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JuanitaL Posted June 5, 2013 Share Posted June 5, 2013 Is it ethical for a nurse to accept something like a gift card? Wouldn't that be pretty similar to accepting cash or a check? I would probably give something that could be shared with the rest of the unit staff to make sure I didn't put him in a potentially awkward position. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted June 5, 2013 Share Posted June 5, 2013 Fruit bouquet to share with the shift and a card with a Starbucks card for your male nurse? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted June 5, 2013 Share Posted June 5, 2013 DP Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama Geek Posted June 5, 2013 Share Posted June 5, 2013 Faith :grouphug: and prayers. Your husband loves you and knows you are really having a hard time, he wants what is best for you so please lean on him now and let him lead. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
celticmom Posted June 5, 2013 Share Posted June 5, 2013 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HollyDay Posted June 5, 2013 Share Posted June 5, 2013 Check the hospital policy about food. Gift cards are always good. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spy Car Posted June 5, 2013 Share Posted June 5, 2013 Oh Faith, I fervently hope things go well for you and your dad. Savor the time. Bill Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lllll Posted June 5, 2013 Share Posted June 5, 2013 :grouphug: and praying for you and your Dad and your family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted June 5, 2013 Share Posted June 5, 2013 (((hugs))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan C. Posted June 5, 2013 Share Posted June 5, 2013 Faith, So glad he pulled through! Can you stay w/him? I can't believe how many mistakes he has endured... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted June 5, 2013 Share Posted June 5, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: You've really gone through the gamete of emotions recently. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halftime Hope Posted June 5, 2013 Share Posted June 5, 2013 praying for you and your Dad. God bless him and you, and your sweet dh for watching out for you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted June 5, 2013 Share Posted June 5, 2013 Thinking of both of you. I'm so sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted June 5, 2013 Share Posted June 5, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Lulu* Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 We just recently did a two week stint in the hospital before losing my grandfather. We had some of the best nurses ever while he was in ICU; they were truly fantastic and tended to our family with so much compassion even as they tended to thier patient. The ICU staff had a small break room so we brought a basket of fruit, nuts, packaged cookies, and hard candies in to the staff. We have a fantastic local doughnut shop, and my dad brought fresh doughnuts in at shift change every few mornings. We also wrote letters of commendation for the two nurses who went above and beyond every shift. (((Faith))) I hope your Dad's condition improves and your interaction with twit physicians and surgeons is minimal from here on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted June 6, 2013 Author Share Posted June 6, 2013 Thank you everyone. I'm home for the night. He's doing better, more stable, more alert, and pain under control. He is, as ever, INTENSE! My dad has always been a, uhm, presence, on top of which, he responds very strongly to meds, any meds, all meds...dad trips like he's on acid for just about anything stronger than asprin, alka selzer, or amoxicillan. It is a genetic trait that my grandmother had, and I'm ever so thankful I dodged that bullet! He is currently being very nasty, very cruel to my sister and while she can intellectually understand this is not him talking, it is very hard to take. I know why he doesn't do it to me. Sis has always been a people pleaser and a peacemaker. I have always been a rather rational, upfront, don't take it person though I can usually do it diplomatically. Somewhere deep in his drug induced psyche, he seems to know which one to pick on. Sigh....he's a nice guy when he's not taking meds. Whatever goes on in his brain, I have to spell her so she doesn't have an anxiety attack or something. We opted for personal thank you notes, but not the fruit basket because their break area is not very conducive to much and the fridge is ubber tiny. But, I did find out that they like speciality creamers and syrups for their coffees and have a cupboard to house them in so I bought them some yummy coffee additives. The hospital also has this "stargram" thing you can fill out and it goes directly to the nurse manager, so we filled out glowing ones for Nick and company which I hope means good treatment at personal review time. I've decided that in order to distract him from making my sister crazy tomorrow or from wanting EVERYTHING done by my mother who looks rather done in, to take my copy of All Creatures Great and Small and read aloud. He used to LOVE when I would read these books or similar ones on our family camping trips. It is a favorite memory - sitting around the campfire while I read some hilarious story. We've covered Mr. Popper's Penguins and the Bunnicula series when the kids were little, but James Herriot or those crazy woodsman stories by Pat McManus are his favorites. I'm going to avoid the McManus ones because they might make him laugh too much and that would hurt. But, maybe now that he's alert and cranky, the Herriot stories will help the time pass and keep some of the morbid talk down. Right now, he and mom are making us slightly batty by regaling us with the blow by blow account of everyone they've ever known who has died. I don't know if this is some psychological processing thing that's considered normal, but I know it's really getting to me, and I don't know how this is healthy. He made it through the touch and go part, he's stable, and it's time to think positive imo. Anyway, thanks so much for your support. Hivers are the best!!!!! Faith Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 Faith, you are a devoted daughter. What a blessing to your family. My dad reacted that way and we learned he could not be given any morphine based drugs. He had to be restrained (ie, lashed to the bed) once in the CCU. Scary but so true, it is the drug's fault. Wishing you all a restful night. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tampamommy Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 Faith, your idea of the Herriott stories is wonderful and I think your father will love it. I am so sorry...praying for strength, comfort and wisdom for you and your family, and for your dad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caroline Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 Faith, my parents did the same death stories thing when my mom had her arterial valve replaced last fall. My mom also insisted my dad learn how to find the weather on her iPhone and other strange things. It seems, these nine months later, that the biggest remaining weird thing is that she doesn't like anyone to drive the speed limit with her in the car. So it is taking them longer to get everywhere. My dad, amazing man that he is, trudged the 1200 miles home from Ohio in the right lane going 55 all the way to South Florida earlier this week. It took three days, but she felt safe. All this to say, you are doing a great job, and your dad and your whole family are in my thoughts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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