Does the stress ever end?

[Jean in Newcastle]

Or is it only over once we've gotten them into college? I'm happy with the daily. I think my kids are learning. I think we are covering the bases for ds15. But then I panic. About every 3 months or whenever I spend too much time on the high school board looking at what everyone else is talking about and doing. I shouldn't panic, right? I mean, we are doing high school level books with good reputations so I won't be one of those moms who is shocked to find out that my child needed to know a bit more than just basic reading, 'riting and 'rithmetic. If ds were down at the local public school, I might gripe about this class or another but whatever he did would be considered "good enough" because it went through the hands of "experts" so I doubt I would feel as much stress. Well, unless we got to the end and he had to take remedial classes in something but even then we would just buck up and take them and move on. Why do I feel so much is riding on me (as mom, guidance counselor, teacher of umpteen subjects) getting it all right?

[retiredHSmom]

I think that the answer to that question lies with you. I have home schooled two children to college. Both have finished at least one full year away from home in full-time college classes. Both have high grades and professors have asked them to TA next year. So obviously the curriculum and methods I used work, and yet I come here and read the high school board and worry that I should be using something different, doing something more. I realized that I need to relax and let it be enough.

 

Sometimes I think that I need to stop reading the high school board.

[BlsdMama]

 

Sometimes I think that I need to stop reading the high school board.

 

 

Hmm. My anxiety usually peaks when I compare myself to others. Note I said myself not dc. You know I am very grateful for this forum and for the wide array of curriculum, but sometimes I wonder if out want more simplified thirty years ago......

[Karen in CO]

I didn't realize how stressed I had been with my ds until his first college acceptance came. When I saw that letter, I let out a huge sigh of relief and realized I had feared that I had ruined his life by homeschooling him.

 

I am more relaxed with the younger two, but that nagging feeling is still there buried deeply. I figure that in 10 years I can really relax.

[Robin in DFW]

Oh, Jean! I am right there with ya'...

 

I have been stressing over everything we've done/will do! The wisdom of some other moms here calmed me down and I feel better about things. Of course, in 3 months I will be wigging out again...but, for now...it's all good.

 

And, I think, even the most composed, well-educated, together-sounding moms here probably have their doubts too. Maybe they just do a better job of not letting on??? No one is sure of everything all the time.

 

The fact that you keep yourself in check and are worried about "stuff" means you are probably doing a pretty darn good job!

 

Robin

[Julie in MN]

No, sorry. When you stop worrying about school, you'll worry about their choices in mates or their parenting issues, their driving or their walking to work alone downtown, ... until eventually you're worrying about whether they need a pacemaker or something.

 

My grandma once told me that the older your kids get, the more you know and love them, and you worry even more.

 

At least for some of us worrying types...

[Jean in Newcastle]

Julie! Tell me it isn't so! It makes me feel a bit better (to compare myself to others!) and see that I'm not alone in this. I am glad that I can go a few months between panic attacks too.

[8filltheheart]

No, sorry. When you stop worrying about school, you'll worry about their choices in mates or their parenting issues, their driving or their walking to work alone downtown, ... until eventually you're worrying about whether they need a pacemaker or something.

 

My grandma once told me that the older your kids get, the more you know and love them, and you worry even more.

 

At least for some of us worrying types...

 

Yep, the worries bc bigger bc the issues become more serious. Careers, jobs, spouses....... Then they have children and you have grandkids to think about. Life gets put into a different perspective. :)

[Jane Elliot]

Or is it only over once we've gotten them into college?

 

I hate to be the one to tell you, but it's not even over then. I laughed when I read this question. (It was a good-willed, but knowing laugh.) I remember thinking that the stress would be over when they got into college. I remember telling a friend that when the kids were grown I'd go skydiving because they wouldn't need me anymore anyway. She laughed and said, "They never stop needing you." I didn't know what she meant. I do now.

 

The year the twins graduated from college was way more stressful than the year they graduated from high school. I was fully prepared to blame myself if they didn't get into the jobs or post-graduate schools they wanted. I went through a bit of a crisis, doubting everything I had done and was still doing with my younger kids. (I won't even go into the stress that precipitates when they call home and want to get married. LOL.)

 

Ultimately I decided that as homeschoolers we often take more blame (and credit, for that matter) than we should. We can do our best, but we're not really in control. Realizing I'm not in control relieved the stress.

 

Best wishes, Jean. Keep doing what you know to be right. It will work out, but maybe not the way you expected it would. It will probably be better than you had imagined.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Luann - not you too! It sounds like you think that we do take on more of the credit and blame (or at least fear of blame) than other parents? Or is everyone just a really good actor?

[Jane Elliot]

Luann - not you too! It sounds like you think that we do take on more of the credit and blame (or at least fear of blame) than other parents?

 

I do. We all have our joys and our sorrows. When I let my joys make me proud or my sorrows overwhelm me, then I know I'm not remembering Who's really in control.

 

ETA: I'm not sure what you're asking when you ask if everyone is just a really good actor.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Oh the actor comment just meant that all my friends seem so cool about everything with their kids - esp. my friends with kids in ps. If their kids fail a class or have trouble, they don't seem to take it as a personal reflection at all. Not to say that they should, but I know that I would!

[BakersDozen]

May I just say how relieved I am that someone I view as rock solid on the WTM board started this thread and was so honest and open? Thank you, Jean!!! Feeling the exact same way and knowing I am not alone is reassuring. There's nothing like reading posts on the high school forum to make me doubt, question and fear. Yet at the same time the posts challenge me and introduce ideas I would not have thought of otherwise.

[creekland]

Or is it only over once we've gotten them into college? I'm happy with the daily. I think my kids are learning. I think we are covering the bases for ds15. But then I panic. About every 3 months or whenever I spend too much time on the high school board looking at what everyone else is talking about and doing. I shouldn't panic, right? I mean, we are doing high school level books with good reputations so I won't be one of those moms who is shocked to find out that my child needed to know a bit more than just basic reading, 'riting and 'rithmetic. If ds were down at the local public school, I might gripe about this class or another but whatever he did would be considered "good enough" because it went through the hands of "experts" so I doubt I would feel as much stress. Well, unless we got to the end and he had to take remedial classes in something but even then we would just buck up and take them and move on. Why do I feel so much is riding on me (as mom, guidance counselor, teacher of umpteen subjects) getting it all right?

 

I know I worried from Day 1 of homeschooling (that would be when oldest started 9th grade). When he got into a good mid-level college WITH good merit and need-based aid I was relieved (finally!). Note that he had NO AP classes or SAT II tests and only one DE class he took fall of senior year.

 

Then middle wanted a higher level college... so I stressed again. Compared to here his education was "light." He had one AP test and 2 DE classes junior year (none before) then another AP test and one DE class senior year (the AP test was taken after acceptances) - no SAT II tests. Neither he nor my oldest did any math or other competitions (we live rural - these aren't around). They did have other extra curriculars, but they were mainly associated with Christian youth groups and chess. Middle did do a local essay competition and won his junior year (senior year too, but again, that was after acceptances). I was relieved when he got in to his Top 30 school WITH merit and nice need-based aid.

 

Now youngest is in ps... my worry is magnified with him. I'm confident enough to know he'll get in to the mid level colleges he is considering (he wouldn't likely make higher level colleges), but I seriously wonder if he's doing enough for merit aid or will get enough in need based aid. I'd be far more confident if he were homeschooling to my standards - but he wouldn't do a good job of homeschooling. He hated it.

 

So yeah, I worry.

 

Unless you are looking at tippy top schools, acceptances aren't as difficult as I expected and acceptances for those tippy top schools are tough for almost anyone without a hook (b&m or hs). I marvel at how many AP/DE/SAT II some do both on here and on college confidential. I'm glad we aren't in that "rush." IME the prime thing one needs are decent SAT or ACT scores (what is "decent" depends upon the school one wishes to attend) and some outside confirmation of grades + what they enjoy for extra curriculars - and a nice personality (for interviews).

 

In hindsight, I'd worry less... but for one more year (or less), I need to worry about my b&m youngest...

 

I think we worry because they are our kids - and we decided what they could do for schooling. We feel responsible. In hindsight my only regret was somehow not making our homeschooling interesting enough for youngest to like (I'm not sure that was possible). IF he gets into a college he likes that we can afford, I'll have worried for nothing... but only time will tell on that. I do NOT regret not joining the rat race into multiple AP/SAT II, or rushing ages, etc. Some worked just fine.

[Beth in Mint Hill]

... Ultimately I decided that as homeschoolers we often take more blame (and credit, for that matter) than we should. We can do our best, but we're not really in control. Realizing I'm not in control relieved the stress.

 

Best wishes, Jean. Keep doing what you know to be right. It will work out, but maybe not the way you expected it would. It will probably be better than you had imagined.

 

Yes!

 

This is exactly what we experienced. I pretty much gave up on preparing them for the "best college" or the most successful career. I cobbled together an ok transcript for them. During my sons high school years our life was so chaotic and full of major accidents and deaths, that in a way it was freeing. Decided that if I could just keep them alive and turn out decent readers and thinkers, I'd be ahead of the game. I prayed that God would enable love to cover a multitude of "sins of omission" in the academic stuff. So we studied together, or sometimes it was just me studying; but we didn't worry about getting into college. My husband is a master electrician and so he trained them in that kind of stuff.

 

When my middle son told me he made straight A's in his semester of advanced Economics classes the other day, I found myself wondering again, "How did that happen? when I didn't do any of the things I was supposed to with him!" This is the son who was allergic to books and paper and who performed abysmally on the SAT! Did I do *something* right? I just wrote about this in my blog the other day...

[Janice in NJ]

Good Morning Jean,

 

Psychologists identify two main coping mechanisms when it comes to managing stress: problem-focused coping and emotion-focused coping. Problem-focused coping strategies aim to change the situation that is creating stress. Emotion-focused coping aims to regulate the experience of distress. I see three strategies of emotional coping already at work in the prior responses: seeking social support by talking to friends, self-control by trying to regulate one's own feeling or actions regarding the problem, and accepting responsibility by acknowledging one's role in the stressful situation.

 

I would like to offer some info that might help you see the situation a little more clearly. Another emotion-focused strategy is reappraisal; it allows you to reevaluate so you can see the situation in a new light.

 

First of all, I agree that folks who send their kids to school seem less stressed about college. I see it too. I think the calmness that we see in them is primarily due to a lack of information. Most parents really do think that their kid is attending a pretty good school. We all know that half of the schools have to be less than average; that's a statistical requirement. Few parents I have spoken to really know the actual stats about their schools. I have yet to meet a parent whose child is taking an AP class who knows the pass rate for her school. (I consider the pass rate a 4/5. I realize that the CB lists the pass rate at a 3; however, kids who are taking AP's are doing it to impress upper-tier schools. Those schools usually require a 4/5 in order to be impressed.) In our neighborhood, parents just sign their kids up for the course and the test; here folks are confident that the school will handle things. When their kid doesn't achieve a passing score, they just assume that the problem lies with their student. (After all, our generation was raised to believe that all academic failure was a personal failure. When I was in school, no one would consider blaming the teacher, the curriculum, or the test for a failure.)

 

This problem is compounded by the fact that few parents understand the college admission process. They know that the really "smart" kids with the impressive extracurriculars get into the ivy league schools. Beyond that, most parents I speak to figure that the rest of the kids kind of filter down into the rest of the tiers. The assumption is that their school is probably not prepping most kids to get into the top ten, but they bet that plenty of kids from their districts end up at pretty impressive schools. No one tracks (or brags about) what happens next - after the kids leave the district. Who graduates? How long does it take them? How many of them have to switch to less challenging majors because they can't handle the one the high school says it prepped them for? How much debt does the student carry? How much debt did the parents pick up?

 

Next time a parent proudly tells you that their child is going to school X in the fall, ask him what the school's four-year graduation rate is. (If you want to completely wreck his day.) I will bet you that he doesn't even know that such a number exists, or he will assume that most kids graduate in four years. Right? Otherwise it would have come up during all of those discussions and presentations? Right? After all, it's an expensive school with a good reputation. My point is this: most folks don't know the stats before they drop their kid off - that's why there is so little stress. They trust the system. The system might not have placed their kid on top, but certainly they are running somewhere towards the top. Their kids will be fine. Right?

 

For many, many parents, the stress comes later. It's a private affair.

 

=======================================================

 

The Common Core will be rolling out soon. Most states have signed up. I have linked to the test drafts for Language Arts and Mathematics below. Smarter Balanced is one of the two agencies developing tests aligned with the standards. These folks ARE the experts. The test drives the curriculum, and it will drive the classroom. Period. The test dictates where the money goes, so it is king.

 

For the LA, slide on down to page 21. Note that one of the core standards for fourth grade writing is "Observe conventions of grammar and usage." Read the first sentence for the first source on page 23. Try not to scream. Remember that this is a long-awaited draft of sample test questions. The entire educational community has been waiting for this document so they can start prepping their kids to meet these benchmarks. This article about sharks is not being distributed as a proof-reading exercise. It is being offered to fourth graders as source material, something to read, study, and emulate. Continue reading the rest of the document developed by the "experts" in the educational community at your own risk.

 

 

http://www.smarterba...-Appendices.pdf

 

Then you can move to the math questions. My personal favorite? The water tank problem on p. 97. It is important to recall that the common core reduces mathematics to a handful of goals. One of them is attend to precision. Ms. Olsen's sidewalk on p. 106 is good for some head-shaking. The sports-bag question is an exercise in reading comprehension and sewing. The voice-bubble coming from Sally's mouth on p. 121 encourages kids to "add up the two numbers I get"; apparently "get" is a new math term. I asked my 10th grader to read some of these problems aloud. He paused and had to go back and re-read the problems in the exact locations I predicted. Remember as you read, these documents represent the work of the "educational experts"; these testing agencies are the folks who are driving the next ten years of education in America. This is their expert work.

 

http://www.smarterba...cifications.pdf

 

Common Core is new. The companies that have sprung up to develop these tests are new companies; their goal is profit. They know that like No Child Left Behind, there is a lot of $$ to be made from the Common Core legislation. And they know that there is no real way to raise the scores of economically disadvantaged children by testing them. Any test that is developed will just rank the kids. The kids from the good districts will come out on top; the adults in their lives can figure out how to push them in any direction that is chosen by the experts. The kids from the failing districts will just keep failing; they have poverty issues, not testing issues. The companies that are developing these tests and the curriculum to match it are looking for short-term profits. Period. They won't be held accountable when things don't go well. Neither will the political leaders be around to take the blame when this initiative fails too. No Child Left Behind claimed that it was going to achieve 100% proficiency in reading and mathematics. 100%! At the time, did you hear about parents challenging the political establishment by laughing hysterically at such a claim. That's like saying, "New York will be 100% crime free five years from now" or "We are going to eliminate obesity in American by 2018. There will not be ONE obese person in the United States in 2018. We will achieve 100% proficiency in weightlessness." Huh?

 

The people who are writing these test questions are not the educational experts with the advanced degrees and a ton of experience working in the classroom. Those people already had good jobs. These are folks who signed up to cram square pegs into round holes. It's messy looking when they finish, but there it is. (Seriously? Where is the expert in English composition with experience teaching fourth graders who would allow that run-on sentence to pass through in a source-material document? No math expert would allow anyone to talk about the "height of the surface of the water" without a reference to something ELSE! Is the height of SURFACE being compared to the floor, the ceiling, the bottom of the tank, or the bottom of my chin? Note how the graphs are precisely labeled. Remember, that "Attend to Precision" is on the short-list of goals. I think the test generators are getting a C-. )

 

Now, how are you doing, Jean? Jean - seriously? Are the experts really doing a better job than you are? Would you hand that Shark Source to your fourth grader? Or would you politely step over it and move on? My advice? Ask yourself, "Am I more stressful when I am awake or when I am asleep?" In the end, I have learned that while it's more stressful to be awake, it's probably a better way to handle this problem.

 

Peace,

Janice

 

Enjoy your little people

Enjoy your journey

[G5052]

Yes, it is hard. I've watched friends graduate theirs and agonize over their mistakes. It goes with the program, I'm afraid.

 

I guess it's the professor in me, but the academics don't scare me. it's the rest. Will they be good spouses? Good employees? Not long ago I was stressing over finding time to get them involved in more volunteer hours, and then I realized that we were already doing a lot. I could add a monthly trip with the nursing home ministry at church to give them experience with that, and we're really pretty well-rounded.

 

So hard though. And no, I'm not convinced the "experts" do any better.

[Mommyfaithe]

Julie! Tell me it isn't so! It makes me feel a bit better (to compare myself to others!) and see that I'm not alone in this. I am glad that I can go a few months between panic attacks too.

 

Sorry, it is so.....so, do your best to be in the " now" with your kids. Don't forget to have fun, laugh, explore and above all, don't forget to be yourself and grow yourself too. Worrying doesn't change a thing. There will always be gaps, there will always be some kind of thing you might have done.

 

Just so you know, Jean....I have graduated 4 kids so far. My 5th is in High School now. My program looks NOTHING like so many other here. We are just in a different social strata. It will be up to my kids to climb or stay...or sink. Hate to say it, but it is true. We are a working class, do not have much experience with higher education in our family. My niece was the first to have a college degree....my daughter the first in our family. My 2 nd dd is working on her masters now.

My sons, well....they are a whole 'nuther can of worms. 2nd ds will start CC in the fall just taking a class or 2. He is brilliant!! Seriously, but not really school minded. How will things work out?? I have NO FLIPPING IDEA!!!! BUT, he has enough money to pay for his first 2 years of college...cash. He has enough for a car too....a nice one. he is 19. He has a retirement account ( something we never, and still do not have....grrrrrrrrr, because we had no guidance in that area....and then we had a houseful of kids to support.). He is a trained and certified HVAC tech. Means, he can always get a job and make ok money. Will he be an engineer?? Will he invent something in the garage?? Who knows? BUT, he is the most educated plumber I know next to my husband. he holds his own with teachers, lawyers, judges, engineers etc., all of which are friends of our family or clients. He can talk poetry, literature, or computer coding. Brilliant, yet, we are who we are....and we did not aim Ivy league....due to his Lyme disease all throughout high school, and our lack of knowledge in the college game.

 

Now, my dd's went to and graduated college...both with close to 4.0 GPAs....and I think you have read my struggles through the years. What I have learned, with all we have been through, is that homeschooling, especially through high school, is NOT about catapulting our kids into "real life". It is about relationship, relationship, relationship! We have a history, we have shared experiences, we have shared sorrows, losses, wins, gains, blessings , MEMORIES. We have learned and struggled and survived together. My kids have become awesome adult friends. So, maybe we do not have Harvard or Princeton educations, and my kids do not go to college at 12 ( I am always intrigued and in awe of those kids and parents who pull that off!) We are regular people trying to do the extraordinary: raise 7 kids, homeschool, run a business, get through chronic illness and smile, smile, smile.

 

So, anyway.....instead of worrying, do your research, ( which I am so sure you have) and then remember to enjoy the journey. No one is guaranteed a sparkly future. All we can do is prepare and work toward our goals....but remember, in the end it is about relationships. What does it profit a man to gain the world, yet lose his soul?

 

I think, just from your nature, you are doing an incredible job. Write down your son's goals.....or better yet...have HIM write them, or dictate them to you. Post them where you study. Keep your eye on the goal....then get there while you build your bonds. Make sure you talk a lot, hug a lot, smile a lot, laugh a lot.

 

faithe

[klmama]

As a good friend told me years ago, comparison kills contentment. How true! I'm not looking for contentment, though, I'm looking for the best education for my dc. That means that when a friend tells me about a wonderful curriculum, I go home and research it. That means when I read here about how deep your dc go in their studies, I look at my own and wonder if we've gone too wide and not deep enough. After reflection, though, I almost always come away with the conviction that the decisions I've made have been the right ones for my own dc's education. And that leads to contentment... for about three months, LOL.

[FrogMom5]

Jean,

Yes, I'm in this boat with you and everyone else. If we didn't stress about our dc education, we wouldn't be homeschoolers. That being said, Tension Tamer Tea has helped me a lot. 2 cups before bed or anytime you feel you need it. For me, it takes the edge off so I can focus.

 

Hang in there. We'll all get through this together.

Denise

[Robin in DFW]

Good Morning Jean,

 

Psychologists identify two main coping mechanisms when it comes to managing stress: problem-focused coping and emotion-focused coping. Problem-focused coping strategies aim to change the situation that is creating stress. Emotion-focused coping aims to regulate the experience of distress. I see three strategies of emotional coping already at work in the prior responses: seeking social support by talking to friends, self-control by trying to regulate one's own feeling or actions regarding the problem, and accepting responsibility by acknowledging one's role in the stressful situation.

 

I would like to offer some info that might help you see the situation a little more clearly. Another emotion-focused strategy is reappraisal; it allows you to reevaluate so you can see the situation in a new light.

 

First of all, I agree that folks who send their kids to school seem less stressed about college. I see it too. I think the calmness that we see in them is primarily due to a lack of information. Most parents really do think that their kid is attending a pretty good school. We all know that half of the schools have to be less than average; that's a statistical requirement. Few parents I have spoken to really know the actual stats about their schools. I have yet to meet a parent whose child is taking an AP class who knows the pass rate for her school. (I consider the pass rate a 4/5. I realize that the CB lists the pass rate at a 3; however, kids who are taking AP's are doing it to impress upper-tier schools. Those schools usually require a 4/5 in order to be impressed.) In our neighborhood, parents just sign their kids up for the course and the test; here folks are confident that the school will handle things. When their kid doesn't achieve a passing score, they just assume that the problem lies with their student. (After all, our generation was raised to believe that all academic failure was a personal failure. When I was in school, no one would consider blaming the teacher, the curriculum, or the test for a failure.)

 

This problem is compounded by the fact that few parents understand the college admission process. They know that the really "smart" kids with the impressive extracurriculars get into the ivy league schools. Beyond that, most parents I speak to figure that the rest of the kids kind of filter down into the rest of the tiers. The assumption is that their school is probably not prepping most kids to get into the top ten, but they bet that plenty of kids from their districts end up at pretty impressive schools. No one tracks (or brags about) what happens next - after the kids leave the district. Who graduates? How long does it take them? How many of them have to switch to less challenging majors because they can't handle the one the high school says it prepped them for? How much debt does the student carry? How much debt did the parents pick up?

 

Next time a parent proudly tells you that their child is going to school X in the fall, ask him what the school's four-year graduation rate is. (If you want to completely wreck his day.) I will bet you that he doesn't even know that such a number exists, or he will assume that most kids graduate in four years. Right? Otherwise it would have come up during all of those discussions and presentations? Right? After all, it's an expensive school with a good reputation. My point is this: most folks don't know the stats before they drop their kid off - that's why there is so little stress. They trust the system. The system might not have placed their kid on top, but certainly they are running somewhere towards the top. Their kids will be fine. Right?

 

For many, many parents, the stress comes later. It's a private affair.

 

=======================================================

 

The Common Core will be rolling out soon. Most states have signed up. I have linked to the test drafts for Language Arts and Mathematics below. Smarter Balanced is one of the two agencies developing tests aligned with the standards. These folks ARE the experts. The test drives the curriculum, and it will drive the classroom. Period. The test dictates where the money goes, so it is king.

 

For the LA, slide on down to page 21. Note that one of the core standards for fourth grade writing is "Observe conventions of grammar and usage." Read the first sentence for the first source on page 23. Try not to scream. Remember that this is a long-awaited draft of sample test questions. The entire educational community has been waiting for this document so they can start prepping their kids to meet these benchmarks. This article about sharks is not being distributed as a proof-reading exercise. It is being offered to fourth graders as source material, something to read, study, and emulate. Continue reading the rest of the document developed by the "experts" in the educational community at your own risk.

 

 

http://www.smarterba...-Appendices.pdf

 

Then you can move to the math questions. My personal favorite? The water tank problem on p. 97. It is important to recall that the common core reduces mathematics to a handful of goals. One of them is attend to precision. Ms. Olsen's sidewalk on p. 106 is good for some head-shaking. The sports-bag question is an exercise in reading comprehension and sewing. The voice-bubble coming from Sally's mouth on p. 121 encourages kids to "add up the two numbers I get"; apparently "get" is a new math term. I asked my 10th grader to read some of these problems aloud. He paused and had to go back and re-read the problems in the exact locations I predicted. Remember as you read, these documents represent the work of the "educational experts"; these testing agencies are the folks who are driving the next ten years of education in America. This is their expert work.

 

http://www.smarterba...cifications.pdf

 

Common Core is new. The companies that have sprung up to develop these tests are new companies; their goal is profit. They know that like No Child Left Behind, there is a lot of $$ to be made from the Common Core legislation. And they know that there is no real way to raise the scores of economically disadvantaged children by testing them. Any test that is developed will just rank the kids. The kids from the good districts will come out on top; the adults in their lives can figure out how to push them in any direction that is chosen by the experts. The kids from the failing districts will just keep failing; they have poverty issues, not testing issues. The companies that are developing these tests and the curriculum to match it are looking for short-term profits. Period. They won't be held accountable when things don't go well. Neither will the political leaders be around to take the blame when this initiative fails too. No Child Left Behind claimed that it was going to achieve 100% proficiency in reading and mathematics. 100%! At the time, did you hear about parents challenging the political establishment by laughing hysterically at such a claim. That's like saying, "New York will be 100% crime free five years from now" or "We are going to eliminate obesity in American by 2018. There will not be ONE obese person in the United States in 2018. We will achieve 100% proficiency in weightlessness." Huh?

 

The people who are writing these tests questions are not the educational experts with the advanced degrees and a ton of experience working in the classroom. Those people already had good jobs. These are folks who signed up to cram square pegs into round holes. It's messy looking when they finish, but there it is. (Seriously? Where is the expert in English composition with experience teaching fourth graders who would allow that run-on sentence to pass through in a source-material document? No math expert would allow anyone to talk about the "height of the surface of the water" without a reference to something ELSE! Is the height of SURFACE being compared to the floor, the ceiling, the bottom of the tank, or the bottom of my chin? Note how the graphs are precisely labeled. Remember, that "Attend to Precision" is on the short-list of goals. I think the test generators are getting a C-. )

 

Now, how are you doing, Jean? Jean - seriously? Are the experts really doing a better job than you are? Would you hand that Shark Source to your fourth grader? Or would you politely step over it and move on? My advice? Ask yourself, "Am I more stressful when I am awake or when I am asleep?" In the end, I have learned that while it's more stressful to be awake, it's probably a better way to handle this problem.

 

Peace,

Janice

 

Enjoy your little people

Enjoy your journey

 

Ok. Maybe it's just me and I'm daft...but, I don't even GET some of the those questions. I read through them several times and felt there was information missing...or something...

 

Robin

 

 

[swimmermom3]

I didn't realize how stressed I had been with my ds until his first college acceptance came. When I saw that letter, I let out a huge sigh of relief and realized I had feared that I had ruined his life by homeschooling him.

 

I am more relaxed with the younger two, but that nagging feeling is still there buried deeply. I figure that in 10 years I can really relax.

 

 

This flying in the face of the status quo is nerve-wracking no matter how deep you try to bury the nagging feeling. Sometimes you have family members who don't help the issue. My mother likes to play the "don't you wonder what would have happened if you had left them in public school?" game.

 

Karen, you have done a great job with your son and I love seeing the updates in your signature. When I am talking about the board, dh will ask about "the young man in Japan." My dh and his international school friends enjoyed being young adults and living there.

[swimmermom3]

Janice, ack!

 

I have to start school, but there is enough in your post to panic a person. It also reminded of a recent conversation with a neighborhood mom who is pulling her twins from our local elementary school. They are both advanced and are able to participate in a reading group. The rest of the students are subjected to the new Common Core standards. What does this look like in a third grade classroom? The children get to read and listen to excerpts from non-fiction.

[Sisyphus]

My big worries (not that they ever really stop, lol) came to head this past October. Wed taken the plunge to keep on home schooling through high school, and family members (and even dh) were very taken aback by that, as we moved back to the us and live in an area with some of the best schools in the country. And high school is an all or nothing proposition here- no putting them in half way through. We did us history and I planned for Ds to take the ap us exam in spring.

 

Document based questions were not going well. Ds was super stressed at the thought of the test, at the thought of the PSAT the next fall, at pretty much everything. Me too. One day he practically burst into tears and said he was so worried he'd never get into college. I sat him down and we talked about options. Option 1- drop out now, goof off, get it together in a few years, take the GED (which he could pass now), go to cc, maybe take remedial classes, but whatever, transfer to a 4 year school, no ap or sat required, graduate with bachelors. Option 2- finish high school, tank all aps and sat, go to cc for a few years, transfer to 4 year college, graduate with bachelors. Option 3- finish high school, do well at aps or sat, go to 4 year college, graduate with bachelors.

 

At the end, they all have the same result.

 

They ALL have the same result!

 

I was even more struck by my little pick me up speech than Ds was. We can do this. It will be ok. There are many roads to Rome, and he will get there. We dumped taking the us ap (and in retrospect, by years end, I think he would have done well but it wasn't worth the stress). He is shooting for 4 ap tests total, that's enough. Maybe more, maybe less. He is going to do his own interests for history and literature, and we aren't going to worry there is no ap test for that and it isn't like ps.he is going to be ok.

 

I feel practically giddy at handing over the reins and letting Ds work on his goals, his way. Probably most smarter parents than I have already done this, lol.

 

Now my youngest Ds...I've got enough worry there for 3 parents. But like Scarlet Ohara, I'll think about that tomorrow!

[Jean in Newcastle]

Wow, I woke up to find so many good replies to this thread that I just don't have the time to reply to all of them. I do appreciate them all.

[Jean in Newcastle]

As a good friend told me years ago, comparison kills contentment. How true! I'm not looking for contentment, though, I'm looking for the best education for my dc. That means that when a friend tells me about a wonderful curriculum, I go home and research it. That means when I read here about how deep your dc go in their studies, I look at my own and wonder if we've gone too wide and not deep enough. After reflection, though, I almost always come away with the conviction that the decisions I've made have been the right ones for my own dc's education. And that leads to contentment... for about three months, LOL.

 

 

 

This reflects my own experience the most I think.

[Janice in NJ]

Ok. Maybe it's just me and I'm daft...but, I don't even GET some of the those questions. I read through them several times and felt there was information missing...or something...

 

Robin

 

Hi Robin,

 

You're not daft. The test questions need major revision.

 

Peace,

Janice

[Kinspired]

What I have learned, with all we have been through, is that homeschooling, especially through high school, is NOT about catapulting our kids into "real life". It is about relationship, relationship, relationship! We have a history, we have shared experiences, we have shared sorrows, losses, wins, gains, blessings , MEMORIES. We have learned and struggled and survived together. My kids have become awesome adult friends. So, maybe we do not have Harvard or Princeton educations, and my kids do not go to college at 12 ( I am always intrigued and in awe of those kids and parents who pull that off!) We are regular people trying to do the extraordinary: raise 7 kids, homeschool, run a business, get through chronic illness and smile, smile, smile.

 

So, anyway.....instead of worrying, do your research, ( which I am so sure you have) and then remember to enjoy the journey. No one is guaranteed a sparkly future. All we can do is prepare and work toward our goals....but remember, in the end it is about relationships. What does it profit a man to gain the world, yet lose his soul?

 

 

 

Thank you so much for this. What an encouraging post.

[jpklehm]

What I have learned, with all we have been through, is that homeschooling, especially through high school, is NOT about catapulting our kids into "real life". It is about relationship, relationship, relationship! We have a history, we have shared experiences, we have shared sorrows, losses, wins, gains, blessings , MEMORIES. We have learned and struggled and survived together. My kids have become awesome adult friends.

 

This reminds me of one of my favorite quotes, "The purpose of the task is to strengthen the relationship." This means that whatever you're doing and with whom ever you're doing it, it's not just about completing the task, it's about strengthening the relationship. Whether you're washing dishes with your husband, or reading out loud with your child, or teaching a child to do a chore...it's all about building and strengthening the relationship, the task will get done.

 

Thanks for the reminder.

 

Pam

[Nan in Mass]

Or is it only over once we've gotten them into college? I'm happy with the daily. I think my kids are learning. I think we are covering the bases for ds15. But then I panic. About every 3 months or whenever I spend too much time on the high school board looking at what everyone else is talking about and doing. I shouldn't panic, right? I mean, we are doing high school level books with good reputations so I won't be one of those moms who is shocked to find out that my child needed to know a bit more than just basic reading, 'riting and 'rithmetic. If ds were down at the local public school, I might gripe about this class or another but whatever he did would be considered "good enough" because it went through the hands of "experts" so I doubt I would feel as much stress. Well, unless we got to the end and he had to take remedial classes in something but even then we would just buck up and take them and move on. Why do I feel so much is riding on me (as mom, guidance counselor, teacher of umpteen subjects) getting it all right?

 

 

I'm pretty sure my mother would tell you the stress never ends. And personally, I can attest to there being a good bit of stress when they are in college. They are judged going into college, but the real proof that you educated them well is not what admissions people think judging from a transcript. It is whether or not they can manage their college classes and whether or not they make good decisions, and whether or not they can manage a job, and a family. I have one who graduated and I can't honestly say that I am not stressed out about him. As of yesterday, I can be pretty sure he isn't going to drown in an icy river in Alaska this week because he's flying back home tonight, but it's bound to be something else later.

 

And about the homeschooling - I think it is only sensible to panic. We are carrying an awesome amount of responsibility with very little community support.

 

Nan

[Jean in Newcastle]

 

And about the homeschooling - I think it is only sensible to panic. We are carrying an awesome amount of responsibility with very little community support.

 

 

Hey, I'm being sensible! I like that! Honestly, all of you are the best. You make me feel so much better.

[Jen in NY]

 

Hey, I'm being sensible! I like that! Honestly, all of you are the best. You make me feel so much better.

 

 

Ditto, that.

 

And to learn that it's only sensible to panic!! Priceless!! : )

[Gwen in VA]

1) I was so worried about getting my first into college that my reaction to her first letter of acceptance was to sit down and cry!

 

2) The worrying never completely goes away. After they have been accepted to college, they will have roommate problems, difficult problems sets, stolen bicycles, challenges setting up internships, relationship problems, etc.

 

3) The worrying DOES shrink over time. At some point I realized that my kids are living their own lives. I am no longer in charge, not that I ever really was! When they have problems, my job is to be a support, not a problem-solver. And my worrying can actually hurt them instead of helping them, so now I try to pray for them and let them go to lead their own lives!

 

4) And after getting 3 kids into college, my feeling with #4 is -- 1) Colleges will happily accept her; 2) Any college that doesn't see how wonderful she is doesn't deserve to have her on its campus for the next four years; 3) And if worse comes to worse and she ends up at the local CC, the world won't end!

 

So yes, I am truly worrying less now than I did with #1!

[Vida Winter]

The stress changes (sort of) later on. First the stress of preparing transcripts and applying to college. They get into college, and then there is a big push to apply for scholarships. Then there is what may be the worst of all, the stress of waiting to hear about those scholarships. Then it hits you that your child is leaving home in a few weeks. And so on.... so while the stress changes every so often, there will always be stress (and that's not always bad -- it often helps you get things done). For your own sanity, relax a little and make numerous to-do lists -- that ought to help you feel a sense of accomplishment and control.

[lewelma]

Jean, please come over to the logic board and offer us all advice. It will remind you how much you know about this whole education thing.

 

Ruth in NZ

[Jean in Newcastle]

Jean, please come over to the logic board and offer us all advice. It will remind you how much you know about this whole education thing.

 

Ruth in NZ

 

LOL - everything I thought I learned with ds15 has gone out the window with dd11!

[creekland]

I'm pretty sure my mother would tell you the stress never ends. And personally, I can attest to there being a good bit of stress when they are in college. They are judged going into college, but the real proof that you educated them well is not what admissions people think judging from a transcript. It is whether or not they can manage their college classes and whether or not they make good decisions, and whether or not they can manage a job, and a family. I have one who graduated and I can't honestly say that I am not stressed out about him. As of yesterday, I can be pretty sure he isn't going to drown in an icy river in Alaska this week because he's flying back home tonight, but it's bound to be something else later.

 

And about the homeschooling - I think it is only sensible to panic. We are carrying an awesome amount of responsibility with very little community support.

 

Nan

 

Ditto - except that I don't have to worry about Alaska - my guys have other things, but ditto!

 

I breathed a sigh of relief when mine could handle the academics (well), but even then I kept asking them how well they felt prepared compared to their peers. I sighed a big sigh of relief when both told me they felt VERY well prepared. (If they lied to make me feel better, I appreciate it.) Their grades substantiated it too, but a good part of that is work ethic in college more than how well they were prepared foundationally. (Did I teach them work ethic well enough - CAN one teach work ethic?) Now oldest is getting married. I am far less stressed than before, but I still really want the two of them to do well together. (Did I do my part ok?)

 

I'm not sure it ends... even when signs coming back are positive.

 

I think it goes with the "mom" job description.

[Nan in Mass]

Ditto - except that I don't have to worry about Alaska - my guys have other things, but ditto!

...

I think it goes with the "mom" job description.

 

 

Creekland - Somehow, I wound up defining "successful" as having all of my children alive at the end of the day. Pretty basic. Pretty stressful lol. Sometimes the stress is because *I* have to decide what to do to make that happen, and sometimes the stress is just there, a result of hoping and praying that they will make wise decisions or that whatever they are doing goes well. As they get older, I trade more and more of the first sort of stress for the second sort of stress, but that doesn't seem to lessen it. At least for me. (They have been working in areas beyond my ability to make wise decision ever since they were quite young, so fortunately I seldom have the problem of wishing the stress would stay the first sort.)

 

Gwen - Thank goodness there is such a thing as prayer, eh?

 

Nan

[8filltheheart]

Creekland - Somehow, I wound up defining "successful" as having all of my children alive at the end of the day. Pretty basic. Pretty stressful lol. Sometimes the stress is because *I* have to decide what to do to make that happen, and sometimes the stress is just there, a result of hoping and praying that they will make wise decisions or that whatever they are doing goes well. As they get older, I trade more and more of the first sort of stress for the second sort of stress, but that doesn't seem to lessen it. At least for me. (They have been working in areas beyond my ability to make wise decision ever since they were quite young, so fortunately I seldom have the problem of wishing the stress would stay the first sort.)

 

Gwen - Thank goodness there is such a thing as prayer, eh?

 

Nan

 

All of the above and then some.

 

It is hard when they live so far away and you can't physically be there to support them even though they really need you to be there. Or, the issues are life/death and you have to watch them suffer (like when our ds was diagnosed w/lupus while living 7 hrs away and almost died or when our dil went into premature labor at 27 1/2 weeks). Or when the issues are disabling and there is no way to help them "fix" them. Or they make really, really stupid mistakes that have lifelong consequences and will always be there in the shadows.

 

Now that I have adult kids, grandkids, and still have little ones running around, I finally (I am obviously a slow learner!!) have this perspective on life that I didn't have when I was just focused on surviving the moment. (like trying to survive high school with our headstrong oldest.) It really is a surrendering of control that was really only an illusion anyway.

[swimmermom3]

 

LOL - everything I thought I learned with ds15 has gone out the window with dd11!

 

:tongue_smilie: I always thought that this was cruelly unfair. I can handle one steep learning curve, it's the two others that followed that unnerved me at times. My oldest one loved being in the bouncy seat as an infant and forever urped if you put her in the swing. The second one cooed with delight in the swing and howled in frustration in the bouncy seat. I have no memory of the third one's preferences.

[Professormom]

Jean, please come over to the logic board and offer us all advice. It will remind you how much you know about this whole education thing.

 

Ruth in NZ

 

 

:iagree: I actually came over to these boards because it is cloudy and my dishes aren't done and I have a headache. All of these posts to Jean (especially Janice:-) are awesome and I just want to send you all some love! :wub: I still have a headache, but my heart is happy:-)

[creekland]

:iagree: I actually came over to these boards because it is cloudy and my dishes aren't done and I have a headache. All of these posts to Jean (especially Oh Elizabeth:-) are awesome and I just want to send you all some love! :wub: I still have a headache, but my heart is happy:-)

 

I hope your headache is gone now... ;)