An Epiphany!

[AlmiraGulch]

Yesterday I had an epiphany of sorts, thanks to the "Ask an Atheist" thread.

 

I've been pretty much in a funk (aka suffering from mild depression) for about three months now. Longer than that, really, but it took a noticable turn for the worse in early March.

 

All this discussion about religion or lack thereof made me realize what I'm really missing lately in my life. No, not religion. A community.

 

I've always made good friends and had a community of like-minded people at work, but I've worked from home now for more than 5 years so that no longer exists. I've had a great, small group of local girlfriends but life happens (people move, some grow apart, others have kids where they didn't previously) and that has fallen largely by the wayside. I don't go to church. I don't have any real hobbies. There just isn't any part of my life, outside of my immediate family, that would lend itself to community, and I miss it. My husband has a men's group he's part of, and his band, and a large community of musician friends. That's just not my world.

 

I've decided to go find one.

 

I've been considering joining a cycling club (not that I even have a bike!) but there isn't anything particularly close to my house. I even just yesterday looked into attending a UU church, based on some responses in the Ask an Atheist thread, but I don't understand it enough to be comfortable with that since it still sounds, based on the website, very much like the organized religion I reject.

 

I think maybe I'll go on MeetUp and see what's in my area and if anything interests me.

 

Where does anyone else find their community of people? What am I not thinking of?

[Tita Gidge]

Most of my community comes from my family. We're big and always up in each other's business LOL.

 

Church and work, too, some.

 

Also my kids' extracurriculars. I have a wide net of friends (all "levels" of friendship from very close to acquaintance - sp?) from years of shuffling my kids to sports and scouts. I have a big brood so I had to make friends for the sake of logistics and getting every kid to where he needed to be.

 

But really, the people I'm closest to I've chanced upon. I'm a regular fixture at a few places, and I get to know the other regular fixtures and employees :) My homeschoolers and I do Starbucks every Friday after Mass. We see the same people every week, and have a great little Friday Morning Group. There are six of us weeklies and a few more that show up less often. We're an unlikely crew, but that's what makes it kind of fun and interesting. I love Fridays! A few of us have branched off into smaller side relationships as well. Win-win. Community and close friends.

 

But it's not just Starbucks - it can be a gym, a restaurant, the park (walking, cycling), a store. Become a fixture somewhere and your community will reveal itself LOL. The beauty of this approach is that it can be a superficial community if that's all you need (being recognized, friendly wave or short conversation) but has potential to become a deeper community (going the next step and getting to know some of the other fixtures) if that's what you need.

[Dandelion]

Community is so important.

 

Three of my best friends are women I met through Meetup groups several years ago (two from a women's social group and the other from a homeschooling group).

 

I've also found community through volunteering. If that interests you, check out http://www.volunteermatch.org to find volunteer opportunities in your area.

 

I think the key is to figure out what your most important interests/passions are, and then regularly go places where others who share those interests congregate.

[milovany]

Agreeing on the importance of community, especially in our times when family is not always nearby (either physically or emotionally). When my husband and I would start attending a new church, the question would be in the back of my mind, "Are these our 'people'?" I wanted a "people." It wasn't until we converted to Orthodoxy that we found that lifelong, soul/spiritual-level connection. Yay for that. I really believe in the need to have a 'people' about you. I can more easily see, now, how people who are raised in a religion, who don't feel particularly religious themselves, stay in that religion because of the community that exists there. I'm thinking of our own tradition, and how there are many people in what are thought of as "Orthodox" countries like Greece and Russia who would say they're Orthodox but who are not necessarily religious with their faith. Whether they attend church or not, they still want to be a people.

[Seasider]

There used to be Newcomers Clubs in some southern cities I've lived in. Perhaps your local chamber of commerce would know if any are in existence in your area. Also, Toastmasters. Your local parks and recreation department may offer some class or activity you are interested in studying, that could lead to community. Or maybe a class at your local community college or university.

[AlmiraGulch]

Thanks for all of the suggestions! I've found a couple of groups on MeetUp with events coming up that I plan to attend. I feel very relieved and energized, as I think this really is the missing link.

 

I know that it takes time to become a part of something, but it's not going to come find me. I'm excited about the search.

[poppy]

I'm happy for you!

 

UU churches vary wildly. Some are pronouncedly atheist and are a gathering spot for well read liberals, some really mimic Christian church ceremonies, some make a determined effort to equally represent different faiths, some are really focused on social justice instead of spirituality...... if you have any in the area I encourage you to check them out to get a better sense of the community.

 

I'd also recommend your local Junior League, Rotary Club, Woman's Club or similar service and volunteer oriented group as a way to make some new friends.