Help me create a consequence!

[violamama]

My 7 yo is an absentminded little fellah. He left crayons from a restaurant in his brand new shorts pocket (the cargo pocket, or I might have caught it with my mad laundry ninja skillz). He has been warned about this before and the boys are actually not allowed to put crayons in their clothing at all because of it. Ever.

 

So...

 

He doesn't have any money saved, or I would make him pay for the shorts (which have now been washed thrice with hot water and Borax with no luck).

 

Creative consequence ideas... pretty please?!

[Catherine]

JMHo but I would not mete out a consequence for this. It's the laundry washer's job to remove unwashable stuff from pants pockets in my house-that would be me-until the child is old enough to consistently remember to empty their own pockets, around 10 maybe? In my experience, 7 year old boys don't care that much about laundry issues, so I do not have that expectation of them. OTOH, I don't ever buy 7 year old boys nice clothes so if they're ruined I throw them out without worrying too much. YMMV

[violamama]

I would normally agree, except for the no-crayons-in-clothing rule we have. Since it's a known and well-understood rule, I think it does merit a consequence.

 

He actually helps with the laundry quite a bit. Guess I lucked out there...

[phathui5]

No taking home crayons from restaurants?

[phathui5]

oops. repeat.

[violamama]

No putting them in pockets. They have lots of little treasure boxes and backpacks for carrying them.

[happi duck]

Wearing stained shorts for the rest of the summer? (if there's not some issue preventing them being worn)

 

I've never dealt with crayon but I've used Carbona Stain Devils successfully on lots of things. There is a formula for crayon.

http://www.carbona.com/sd_new_chart.pdf

[ErinE]

He's 7. He forgot. I'd talk with him. For a few minutes, I might have him scrub at the stain with an old toothbrush (no chemicals) so he could see and understand the damage. Otherwise I'd drop it. I'd also be vigilant in the future about taking home crayons. My ready response is, "We have crayons at home and we don't need more."

[regentrude]

The consequence would be that his shorts have crayon stains and he'll have to wear them as they are.

[Melissa in Australia]

The consequence would be that his shorts have crayon stains and he'll have to wear them as they are.

:iagree:

[WishboneDawn]

The consequence would be that his shorts have crayon stains and he'll have to wear them as they are.

 

Exactly.

[Trish]

My husband still forgets and leaves stuff in pockets. So, I wouldn't be too harsh on a 7-year-old who does the same. He isn't doing it on purpose. He forgot.

[Chris in VA]

Yeah, agreeing with others. He's young, he forgot, it happens. He can still wear them. But I would just call them "play shorts" and wouldn't make him wear them anywhere that he might feel embarrassed. I guess I'd be glad that they didn't melt into other clothes. I'd just talk with him. And I'd have to share responsibility on that mistake, too.

[GSOchristie]

You could go buy new shorts at Once Upon a Child where you could probably get them for $4.00 or less. Then come up with 4 $1 chores to complete. In our house for my six year old this would be wiping down the fridge, inside and out, wiping the baseboards and windowsills in one room, organizing the outside toys to their proper places in the garage, bringing in and putting away all misc items from the van, etc. You could make him pay half, so 2 $1 chores, which is what I would do for Asher if he put crayons in his pocket after he knew it was not allowed. My dh has had the consequence of having his expensive Saab key fob and important receipts washed because I never check pockets, it never crosses my mind.

 

[TheApprentice]

The consequence would be that his shorts have crayon stains and he'll have to wear them as they are.

 

:iagree: The natural consequence is punishment enough. He's 7. I would probably have a talk that sounded more like, "This is why we have this rule, so that our clothes don't get messed up. You'll just have to wear these and next time maybe you'll remember not to put them in your pocket. But there are no guarantees. ;)

[Jen in NY]

My husband still forgets and leaves stuff in pockets. So, I wouldn't be too harsh on a 7-year-old who does the same. He isn't doing it on purpose. He forgot.

 

 

My husband never leaves stuff in his pockets.

 

I, on the other hand....... :blush: (IRL I'm a trumpet player. I use Burts Bees every time I play... every day. What can I say?? It happens.)

 

OP, just chiming in to say that there'd probably be no consequence in my house, other than the nice pair of shorts no longer being wearable.

I'd probably say something like, "Oh, so sorry the crayons melted into your shorts. I really liked those shorts!" and leave it at that.

I bet he feels like he let you and himself down already... which, imo, would be the reason to give a consequence to begin with.

[Starr]

This is the beginning of what all will be left in pockets. :D I would leave crayons at restaurants and keep them in a box at home to use at the table. If he's generally a forgetful guy I would set up systems for him now. You know, we use this item here and put it away there, every time. :grouphug: My ds at 7 would have happily worn his stained shorts.

[Alexigail]

Just be careful if you do decide to have him wear them again - If there's crayon on them, they shouldn't go through the dryer.

[stripe]

I agree that this is not something to be handled harshly, but you won't get crayon out with a hot wash or borax. You might be able to get it out by melting the crayon using a hot iron and having it get absorbed onto rags or paper towel, or else freezing it and chipping it off, or something like that. The issue is, it's wax. The color would be another issue.

[*Lulu*]

I wish I didn't know what you were talking about, but there is a reason I banned gum in our house twice in the past several years. Cleaning out the dryer is not my favorite exercise!

 

If it were as strongly stressed a rule as you are saying I would do the following:

 

1) tell him that I am not mad, everyone forgets sometimes. But when we slip up there are usually consequences.

 

2) tell him that the first consequence is ruined shorts. (IF you can make do with what he has, just turn these into play shorts and move on to #3. If he doesn't have enough pairs to make do without this pair being nice enough to wear out then we have to find the money for new ones by either doing chores or skipping a fun $$ activity.)

 

3) tell him that this has made me realize we must have someone checking all pockets before washing, and it looks like a perfect job for him.

 

Also, if I had to clean out the dryer, I would have made him help me.

 

[Pamela H in Texas]

I disagree that the natural consequence is enough. Or maybe my boys are weird. Consequences aren't supposed to HURT, but they should make an impression. My boys wouldn't think twice about a messed up pocket, a stain, whatever.

 

I definitely would have had him try to clean it up scraping with something like the pampered chef scraper or a non-serated butter knife. Maybe goo-be-gone? He could even google a solution. Again, the idea isn't for the consequence to hurt. It can be fun or educational even.

 

In the end, I would do like the poster above and have him work off the $4 to buy another pair at Once Upon a Child or Kid-to-Kid or whatever.

[Lisbeth]

My dyslexic son is extremely forgetful, and his doctor said it's part of the condition. He also has adhd like his mother (me). I forget tons of thing out of distraction. No punishment would change that...

 

At 7, if he has none of those conditions, I would just say, try to remember to not put crayons in your pockets in the future. And then he'd have some grubby shorts for grubby outings. That's all I would do.

[stripe]

What should the punishment have been for me when I washed my husband's checkbook?

 

I think the one doing the washing is responsible too. After all, it didn't get wet or hot until it got put in the laundry.

 

My kids have leaves and acorns and whatnot in their pockets.

[*Lulu*]

Oh, and if you are going to let these be play shorts, please. Please. Please, do yourself a favor and get all the wax off before they go through again. That stuff could ruin the other clothes in the load as well.

 

*Says the sad voice of experience*

[stripe]

Apparently this stuff from the dollar store is some sort of miracle worker

http://www.loveandlaundry.com/2012/04/how-to-remove-melted-crayon-from.html

[*Lulu*]

Double

[*Lulu*]

What should the punishment have been for me when I washed my husband's checkbook?

 

 

You had to buy a new box of checks that much sooner and clean out the mess in the washer/dryer.

 

In my house you would also have been teased for putting something that large in the washer.

 

When DH washed his driver's license he had to go spend a morning at the DMV and spend money. (And get heckled by his wife. :p )

 

Consequences happen with every action, while we often ascribe punitive intent with the word, they can also be positive. Either way, they are a part of life and I think we do our kids a disservice if we always shield them from dealing with them.

 

(To clarify, I think as they grow older, allowing them to handle increasing responsibility means allowing them to handle the consequences of their actions and decisions in an age appropriate manner.)

 

[stripe]

You had to buy a new box of checks that much sooner and clean out the mess in the washer/dryer.

 

Ha, it actually wasn't messy at all! The checkbook stayed neatly in the pocket and didn't shred. My husband, bless him, just sighed a little bit.

[2squared]

Everyone leaves things in their pockets at some point in life. I'm still doing it at 39. I wouldn't have a consequence for this other than pointing out the issue and having him check his pockets when he changes clothes for a while. We don't have a no crayons in pockets rule, though, because my kids never put crayons in their pockets. We have never taken crayons out of a restaurant, so maybe that's the consequence. No more crayons from restaurants. No one needs more crayons...especially the cheap ones from restaurants.

[*Lulu*]

 

Ha, it actually wasn't messy at all! The checkbook stayed neatly in the pocket and didn't shred. My husband, bless him, just sighed a little bit.

 

That was good!

 

I have the worst trouble with tissues in pockets. (Often mine!) I cannot tell you how many times I have had to clean out the mess from that mistake.

[fairfarmhand]

I've lost count of the number of things I'v washed.

 

Once it was my dh's cell phone.

 

Several times, I've washed his entire wallet.

 

Its almost always my dh's stuff. My son's shorts don's usually have pockets. I told dh when we got married that he's a big boy and he can empty his own pockets each night.

[Miss Peregrine]

My husband leaves things in his pockets all the time. I have washed and dried bullets, pocket knives and handcuff keys numerous times. The consequence is things get ruined.

 

At most, I would make sure he didn't bring crayons home from restaurants.

[OrganicAnn]

I generally agree with the others that wear stained clothes and maybe help clean the dryer. But if you want a harsher punishment, then how about kissing him in public.

[Miss Mousie]

Wow, y'all are so kind compared to me. I think DS was older than 7, but not more than a year or two, when I had had enough of him breaking the "no stuff in pockets" rule (made a rule because he would never empty them before putting clothes in his hamper). I cut off the bottoms of all the pockets of his jeans. By the time he outgrew those clothes, he had broken the habit of putting junk in his pockets, and now has a habit of emptying non-junk (wallet, key) as soon as he gets home.

 

Now, at the ripe old age of 12, he is doing his own laundry completely, so I have no idea if he is finding Legos in the machines. And if he were to wash a marker or crayon, it's only his clothes at stake.

[Laura Corin]

To be honest, I don't think that you can punish absent-mindedness out of a dippy 7yo. I have a dippy 13yo and he has only recently reached a stage where any kind of consequence has an effect. It's taken this long for him to be able to hold thoughts in his head for long enough.

 

FWIW, if I had only had Calvin, I would have suggested meting out consequences and expected them to work; having had all my cosy assumptions blown out of the water by Hobbes, I feel very differently.

 

Laura

[Caroline]

I wouldn't do anything. It's a pair of shorts. No big deal.

[AK_Mom4]

Consequence? Absolutely no more crayons brought home from restaurants. That's simple enough for him to understand and follow through with and it's not hugely punitive.

[Chris in VA]

I generally agree with the others that wear stained clothes and maybe help clean the dryer. But if you want a harsher punishment, then how about kissing him in public.

 

HAHAHA--works better when they're 13 or so....

[Farrar]

Consequences happen with every action, while we often ascribe punitive intent with the word, they can also be positive. Either way, they are a part of life and I think we do our kids a disservice if we always shield them from dealing with them.

 

(To clarify, I think as they grow older, allowing them to handle increasing responsibility means allowing them to handle the consequences of their actions and decisions in an age appropriate manner.)

 

I agree. It's a small thing and not a big deal, but if the parent is the only one who has to do anything about it, then it shields the child from it and sends a subtle message that it's someone else's job to clean up their mess. When kids are young, a lot of the time, they can't deal with the real consequence (he doesn't have money for new shorts and he might not have the skills to clean the dryer properly) so the consequence is sort of tokenistic. And if every single time a young child was forgetful or messed up you tried to come up with a "consequence" then it would run the parents ragged. But I think in situations like this, you introduce it and you slowly up the consequences and lessen the amount of shielding as they age.

[SproutMamaK]

I agree with the poster who said to take him shopping for new shorts. Let him pick out the new shorts, see how much they cost, etc, and then make him work off that amount of money.

 

I have a 7 year old (and an autistic 9 year old who acts like a 7 year old, lol). This is absolutely something they would do. It's also something that I would do my best to train them out of. It's not a huge deal and I wouldn't be angry with them for it, but I think you have a fantastic opportunity to here to teach him about natural consequences and taking responsibility for your mistakes - and to show him that you love him even when he makes mistakes.

[ondreeuh]

Have him help you clean the shorts. You can iron a paper towel over the crayon to lift most of it up, and use goo-gone on the rest. I wouldn't do anything else. Even my dh leaves ink pens in his pockets.

[violamama]

Thanks, all. I want to emphasize that I wouldn't be giving a consequence for forgetting. Rather, I want to give a mild consequence for not sticking with our rules. Rules which exist entirely because I know that a finely crafted web of habits help forgetful people not mess stuff up all the time.

 

He comes by it honestly. I've found my own keys in the freezer, my cell phone has cartwheeled spectacularly off the hood of my car on the freeway, and I once left a very expensive instrument on a train in Tokyo. My dad dropped a cell phone in a chipper, my husband left his car keys in a locked office building with his access card two days in a row.

 

Fforgetting runs deep and wide in my family, so teaching my little punks how to establish good habits is going to be a big part of life, maybe forever.

 

I think I'll have to cut out the stain and he can buy a cool patch for it. Love the ideas, all!

[Tita Gidge]

I think I'd fix the problem shorts myself.

 

Then for the next few loads or weeks I'd have him be responsible for checking ALL pockets in ALL of the laundry.

 

Hopefully that'd get him in the habit of checking his own pockets before putting clothes into the hamper.

 

That's the ultimate goal here, right?

 

And I'd get in the practice of checking all pockets, myself, too. Especially the cargo pockets ;)

 

Consequences for the sake of issuing them seems less productive than those designed to address the real problem.

[stripe]

I generally agree with the others that wear stained clothes and maybe help clean the dryer. But if you want a harsher punishment, then how about kissing him in public.

!

 

By the way, is that the 7 year old in question in your avatar? He looks totally darling and very innocent of all charges! ;)

[ktgrok]

The consequence would be that his shorts have crayon stains and he'll have to wear them as they are.

 

yes, this.

[texasmama]

Yeah, agreeing with others. He's young, he forgot, it happens. He can still wear them. But I would just call them "play shorts" and wouldn't make him wear them anywhere that he might feel embarrassed. I guess I'd be glad that they didn't melt into other clothes. I'd just talk with him. And I'd have to share responsibility on that mistake, too.

This. I have a seven year old, and my expectations of her remembering things that my olders remember is low.

[zoobie]

My dad pulls all of his pockets out before he takes off his pants because he would leave things in the pockets like pocketknives that would clunk around and snag the clothes. If the pants pockets weren't poking out when my stepmother sorted the wash, she just dropped them in front of the hamper. My little guy has never put crayons in there, so I've only been washing cars and dinosaurs and little rocks, and it makes me a little wistful to think I've only got a short window of little boy stuff... Crayons would NOT make me wistful.

 

I'd have him be my laundry buddy and check all the pants pockets. Then make and decorate a sign (with crayon for ironic effect?) reminding everyone to check his pockets to hang over the hamper.

[annandatje]

My 7 yo is an absentminded little fellah. He left crayons from a restaurant in his brand new shorts pocket (the cargo pocket, or I might have caught it with my mad laundry ninja skillz). He has been warned about this before and the boys are actually not allowed to put crayons in their clothing at all because of it. Ever.

 

So...

 

He doesn't have any money saved, or I would make him pay for the shorts (which have now been washed thrice with hot water and Borax with no luck).

 

Creative consequence ideas... pretty please?!

 

 

At laundry time, have him help you check pockets of all family members' clothing articles.

[Violet Crown]

What should the punishment have been for me when I washed my husband's checkbook?

 

I think the one doing the washing is responsible too. After all, it didn't get wet or hot until it got put in the laundry.

.

 

Sometimes, as in this case with the crayon, the consequence is the consequence. Your consequence was getting to tell your dh and order new checks.

 

You can guess what my consequence was for The Pillbugs Incident. Boy, did that lead to some new rules about acquiring pets. And it sure taught me to check those pockets. Ick.

[beaners]

Wow, y'all are so kind compared to me. I think DS was older than 7, but not more than a year or two, when I had had enough of him breaking the "no stuff in pockets" rule (made a rule because he would never empty them before putting clothes in his hamper). I cut off the bottoms of all the pockets of his jeans. By the time he outgrew those clothes, he had broken the habit of putting junk in his pockets, and now has a habit of emptying non-junk (wallet, key) as soon as he gets home.

 

Now, at the ripe old age of 12, he is doing his own laundry completely, so I have no idea if he is finding Legos in the machines. And if he were to wash a marker or crayon, it's only his clothes at stake.

 

You are brilliant.