OK, I am looking for a major pity party...

[Mom to Aly]

Here comes a long whine--do not enter if you do not feel like it...

 

I may like to complain, but, overall I am actually a pretty optimistic person. I've had some really bad things happen in my life, from my father being killed in an absolutely horrible, painful way when I was 19, my childhood sweetheart dying just after we were engaged, my brother being disabled, horrible marriage, and breakup of said marriage, and, the worst, the death of my first child, plus lots of other probs. But, I've made it through it all, which has convinced me I can, literally, survive anything.

 

But then I have days like today, when nothing really happens, but I end up in front of my comp, crying for what feels like no reason, and wanting to whine. I'm hoping someone will answer me and tell me not to :crying:

 

Basically, someone who was horrible to me in my local homeschool group, someone I did a whole bunch of favors for, I found out was bad mouthing me because I wasn't Christian (her kids told my dd, and told her she & I were going to H---, to quote the parents), and they were just using us to do stuff for them. I told her I knew, and how very un-Christian that was, she got really nasty, and went around telling everyone I hated Christians. This was over a year ago, and I had no idea, until, one day, after I posted something in our chat room, out of the blue, one of her nasty (very nasty) friends sent me a hideous email, telling me all these people I thought were my friends couldn't stand me, and I should quit our group and make everyone happy.

 

Well, I was devastated, and finally wrote to some of the people she named to ask about it. I heard back from some (the ones I knew well) and they said it was nonsense. The ones I didn't know well, I didn't hear from, but didn't really care.

 

I pretty much stayed away from it all after that, but have recently gotten more involved again (mostly because I have a little bit of access to a car and can do some things again). I posted something three days ago, and this person replied (instead of sending a separate post) saying a whole long thing about how anti-Christian some people are, and how they have no faith whatsoever, and how nasty that is to others, etc. First of all, I am extremely religious, second of all, it was majorly nasty. And obviously directed at me.

 

I will not respond. The moderator wrote to me and apologized for me. She wrote to her because what she wrote about is something that is taboo (secular group), but the moderator, along with most of the group, knew what she was doing. But I will not lower myself to that level.

 

I have done a ton for this group, but, because of this person, when I suddenly didn't have a car, I was pretty much left out (she made it very clear, very proudly, it was because of her, naming people she had made sure wouldn't give me rides). Her kids were horrible to my daughter, which is one reason we gave up on the group after that. My daughter didn't want to get near them. It has been a horrible, hurtful experience, painful beyond belief.

 

Since this happened, I feel like everything is just... ick, for lack of a better word. Well, not everything, but, tonight, especially, it is really bothering me. Two nights ago, my dog ate my dsl wire (seriously!), so I couldn't get on since then. I bought a new one tonight, and was just checking the boards tonight from the last couple of days, and it seems I was either a thread killer, or almost anything I asked had two or three responses, or was taken badly.

 

I went to the Target "sales" a couple of days ago, and they had nothing here, but my dd needed shoes, and I had promised her we'd look. We ended up getting shoes that she loved! for $18, which, for me, on my single mom budget is outrageous, but I did, and she has thanked me and thanked me. I sat down tonight to do budgeting, and realized that that is the first time in over a year I have bought her new shoes (yes, I am ashamed to say I do buy my daughter used shoes, from Goodwill), and it made me cry and cry. Which is ridiculous. When my xh left and took everything, and when I had to give up spousal support so that he wouldn't fight me on homeschooling, I knew the compromise I was making. But it still does not assuage my guilt. Which, at the moment, is tremendous. And I have the sweetest little girl, I mean, a truly, unassuming, darling, sweet girl, who does things like tell me that it doesn't matter when I can't buy her something, because we are together, and she'd rather not have something new, she'd rather we can homeschool, stuff like that. And usually I am so happy, but right now it is breaking my heart.

 

Gosh, I must sound so materialistic. I don't mean to. I don't care for me. I've lost over 60 pounds, and my clothes hang off, and my shorts fall down, and I really don't care. But you cannot imagine how I wish I could buy my dd something new instead of things that are marked down at Goodwill, or even anything I want at Goodwill, instead of just the things that are marked down that week. Or that our only budget wasn't what we got for taking her old clothes and toys to the used clothes shop.

 

I am sorry, I know I must sound horrible, like the biggest whiner in the world. I think I'm done now, and will probably be horrible embarrassed for having posted this tomorrow, but tonight I really just want some sympathy, and someone to tell me I am doing the right thing, and that it will get better soon, someday, very soon.

 

Thanks.

[sdWTMer]

I'm so sorry. It's awful when we feel like we can't take care of our kiddos like we want to. Take care.

 

:grouphug:

[clementine]

I have no advice for you - but you are not alone in your feelings. We all need to have a shoulder to cry on and a little validation. That is not wrong - I love that you opened up here. I hope your load feels a little lighter after spilling your heart out here.

 

Many :grouphug: to you - tomorrow is a new day.

[Aubrey]

I wish I could do something. I can tell you I was raised by a single parent, & we bought a lot of used clothes, shoes, etc. The frugality I learned from my mom has helped me to feel rich in the years since dh & I have married. Don't be ashamed of that.

 

As far as other people...oh, I wish I had an answer for you. I'm so sorry. A couple of complete strangers bad-mouthed me in a bookstore the other day, & I absolutely wilted. They weren't as rude as the women you're talking about, & I'll never see them again, but...I care too much. I felt like a kid again, like I was being bullied by more popular girls, for no reason. I hate being helpless. I like having friends. I'm pretty sure that's what makes us human, you know. So don't apologize for how you feel.

 

Do you know that every time I see your name on the boards, I think, "Mom to Aly, whose daughter is her hero." You are an inspiring mom. I hope you are able to protect your heart from toxic people & continue to forge ahead w/ the beautiful work you're doing.

 

:grouphug:

[Stacia]

:grouphug: Hang in there.

 

You've been through a lot. You deserve to whine. And, as an optimist, I'm sure you'll feel better & happier very soon. But, that still doesn't diminish the need to vent once in awhile.

 

The folks in that group were behaving horribly (and that's putting it nicely). No wonder you feel hurt & offended by their actions.

 

And, no, you do not sound materialistic. You want to get some nice things for your dd -- I think that's a natural inclination for a parent.

 

Give yourself a big hug. Give yourself permission to whine. And to cry. And to vent. Then, do something nice for yourself, even if it's something as simple as googling for funny quotes & giving yourself a laugh.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Brindee]

Don't be embarrassed, we all have bad moments. Getting sympathy and support is a human need! :)

 

I grew up with not much. I don't remember ever getting anything brand new. It was hand-me-downs, or Goodwill. Didn't bother me! I liked my clothes fine! I was more into a relationship with my mom. She and I were very close! So I'm thinking, that unless you are telling her that it's bad, she won't really think that. Kids can tease, I had kids tease me, but I never felt like I needed different clothes.............well, okay, one time my mom made me some RED pants that I DID NOT LIKE and had to wear. Who wears red pants when you're 11 and 12 years old???! :glare: :tongue_smilie:

 

Anyway, you've had some bad experiences! I'm so sorry those things have happened to you! Sometimes it seems you can never win! BUT, there are others who are in worse straits than you are. Not that THAT should make you feel better, but maybe you and dd can go help at a womens shelter or a homeless shelter or food bank? Helping those as bad or worse off than ourselves can somehow strengthen you and make you thankful for what you DO have! Other people have lost babies, been molested, and have had bad things happen to them. There are support groups for those. Would that be something you'd be interested in? Sometimes it helps to be able to talk with people who are going, or have gone through, what you're going through or have gone through!

 

I would pray for you, but you may not want that. But just know that people here will support you! The other post you came across pretty strong AGAINST what some people LOVE, so the answers reflected that. But nobody here (as far as I know!) is mad at you, or holds anything against you! You ARE cared about!

 

Where is your family in comparison to where you are? Are you close to them, relationship-wise? I would do all I can to keep that bond strong, especially now, with your mom!

 

We'll be here for you!

 

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

 

ETA: All 3 of my kids (which includes 2 teenagers!) LOVE to shop at Value Village! They LIKE getting decent clothes for low prices! :D

[Jean in Newcastle]

Aly's Mom, I'm so sorry that you are having such a down time. :grouphug:

My advice is this. Stay away from that group. It really does not sound like something that has been positive for either you or for Aly. If there are a few people who you consider real friends from the group - get in touch with them and get together with them privately if possible.

 

I know that money struggles are very exhausting. I've been there. I lived on food bank food for over a year (and it isn't meant to be your sole food source but it was.) I know you want to get Aly all new things but you really can get some nice, very gently used things at Goodwill and other thrift stores (my favorite is St. Vincent de Paul - they seem to have better prices than Goodwill at least around here.)

 

I know that money is so tight for you. But can you work at putting even a dollar or two aside in an emergency fund? The only way I can make that work for us is to "hide" the money by "writing" a fake check to "Emergency Fun" in my Quicken file. Then that money doesn't show up in my balance. Having even a little set aside for an emergency might make you feel a little more secure.

 

:grouphug::grouphug: I'm so sorry you're in a rough spot.

[teamturner]

I'm sorry you are having a tough time. And I am sorry this so-called Christian lady and her kids are behaving so horribly! I guess there's not another hs group to join in your town? I just hate that it hurts your daughter. I hope there are plenty of kind and supportive families in the group to make it worth your time. And I just have to say, your daughter sounds so wonderful. You've raised such an unselfish, loving, and sweet girl so far and those qualities are better than any pair of shoes! And the gift of having you and all that you do for your dd is the best blessing you can give her.

 

Peace,

[Spy Car]

I'm sorry things have been so rough for you Kiran.

 

I will speak with Ganesh, and implore him to help you over-come your obstacles :001_smile:

 

Bill

[Jen500]

I'm sorry you're feeling so bad tonight. My best friend IRL is Hindu... so not all 'Christians' are like that lady....but I know you already know that ;)

My strongest memories of being 9 yrs old are of family times, friends, good books--not what clothes I had or where they came from. I can tell from your posts that you are a loving, involved, caring mom, and that's what your daughter will carry in her heart forever!

[sunshine]

I am so sorry your were treated like that. I hate that high school stuff!! I am still amazed when I see women who still bring all that trash into their adult lives!!

Do you garage sale? I LOVE garage sales. I have been clothing my kids for years that way. I can get some really nice name brand stuff for cheaper than goodwill! Especially at the nicer subdivisions!! Check it out one Saturday or even a Friday before Sat sale.

 

Prayers to you

sunshine

[newlifemom]

I have to say that I am shocked by the behavior of those women. It makes me mad like when hs parents get arrested for abuse etc.:glare:

 

As for the other stuff, my children routinely rcve clothes etc from Goodwill. That is just the way it is. Most clothes are hand me downs from friends and family. Do what you gotta do to get the job done. BTW I think it is great that you are following your own convictions at great personal sacrifice. If your dd learns that lesson alone it will have been worth it.

 

Lastly, FWIW, if you can't whine here where can you?:D

 

Lots of :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: from this whole group I'm sure.

[Big Buckin' Longhorn]

. . . it just sounds like you really need a hug this morning.

 

Here you go :grouphug:.

 

If I were you, I'd stay as far away from that lady and that group as humanly possible. With all the negativity in the world today, there's no use just reaching out and asking for more.

 

Remember that you daughter will look back and remember how much you loved her and cared for her and how much you were willing to sacrifice for her . . . she will have outgrown any new clothes or shoes you have given her. They will be long gone and will not mean a thing. Only your love for her will.

 

And it sounds like you are giving her plenty of that. ;)

[umarider]

:grouphug:

 

I am sorry and I understand... having been on the receiving end of harsh, wrongly judgemental people.

 

Take a deep breath, a loooonng shower, curl up on the couch and watch a tear-jerker movie like "Steel Magnolias" or "Rudy". The crying, for something other than what is eating at you, will release the tension and let you see things more clearly.

[elegantlion]

:grouphug::grouphug: First of all do not be ashamed because you buy clothes and used shoes at Goodwill. The majority of my clothes come from second hand and extreme clearance prices. After shopping there I have a hard time paying full retail for anything, shoes included.

 

I am sorry you've had a rough time. I am a christian and my God says to love people as your neighbor. It doesn't say to simply love your christian neighbor, it includes everyone. It does not say my job is to JUDGE you.

 

It's okay to whine from time to time. It sounds like you have a great dd. :grouphug:

[Sweetpeach]

Ahhhhhhhhh, I don't think you're looking for a pity party . . . maybe some validation that those women are beyond unkind. I agree!

 

I too can speak to the single mom, *very* limited income, Goodwill everything and I can sincerely say that as a child, I was very happy and like Aubrey, I feel like a Queen in her castle based on the life I'm blessed to live. Certainly, my life isn't flamboyantly and outrageously prosperous, but I'm happy and a big part of it is understanding that my identity doesn't depend on stuff. This is a gift from my childhood.

 

You are a tenacious, unstoppable woman and I hope you can wipe off the slime, put your chin up and find those friends who can love and respect you for you. You deserve nothing less than mutually respectful relationships.

 

Press on.

T

[MyThreeSons]

:grouphug:

 

I'm so frustrated to hear of someone claiming Christ behaving in such a decidedly unChristlike manner.

[8filltheheart]

Hi Kiran,

 

After reading this thread, I think you actually live near me. (the name Kiran jumped out at me. I can't imagine there are that many single moms with the name Kiran,a dd named Alyssia, and with an eaten DSL cord ;) ) I am new to our area and I don't know about any of the stuff you wrote about and I don't know which email loop all of that occurred on, but I think you are doing wonderfully. The new girls club you are trying to start, offering to babysit to earn extra money.......your love for your dd shines through in your writing. :)

 

Kids don't view the world the way we do. I remember with our oldest fixing up a nursery. My OB was an elderly man that attended our church and I was talking to him about it and he said,"you know, the baby doesn't care. All it needs is you and a place to sleep." Gosh, he was so right. It was the only nursery we ever prepared. Young kids really only pay small attention to the basic necessities of life (food, shelter, and clothing)......they are really more interested in being surrounded by love and support. It appears you are definitely providing your dd that.

 

It appears from the email loop that we are both on that a lot of nice women are reaching out together. Maybe you need to surround yourself with new friends and simply let go of the past. It is a big city. I know IRL the wonderful lady sponsoring the cookies and lemonade. She is incredibly sweet. I don't really know very many others, but if the group brings together women like her, you'll be fine!

 

I am guessing we will be meeting IRL fairly soon. :) Hugs to you. It sounds like you have been through a lot. Somedays are simply hard to survive. Hopefully today will be better.

 

ETA......ok, I went back through the loop's email and I now see what you are talking about. Gosh, I didn't connect you to any of that. I guess it is b/c I don't know the history and the people. I thought it was aimed at the moderator. I simply ignored the posts and the entire conversation and originally I had only skimmed hers b/c it was obviously vitrolic.

 

I don't know that many people will have a clue she was directing it at you. I wouldn't take it personally either way. The way I view life is that that email was a reflection on her, not on anyone else. I would suspect most other people see it that way as well. :grouphug:

[GailV]

I am so sorry. :grouphug: No great words of wisdom from me, but I think you've found a safe place here to blow off some steam -- and that's so important.

[Jenny in Atl]

:grouphug:

[Sophia]

I hope you're feeling better this morning :grouphug:

 

It sounds like you are doing a wonderful job with your daughter.

You are teaching her people are more important than things and she will keep that lesson forever. Honestly, some people never learn that! (despite a closet full of shoes!:001_smile:)

 

As for the mean ladies; they really should know better:glare:.

Stay away from them.

Hope you find some encouraging friends soon :grouphug:.

[3lilreds in NC]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I am so sorry. I cannot imagine what has possessed that woman, the women in that group, to be so unkind to you. It is hard to picture someone so vindictive that they would actively seek to make others be unkind as well. I am sorry you're on the receiving end of this kind of behavior. There is something seriously wrong with that ringleader.

 

I hope you can find another, kinder group of people. Surely there is another homeschool group that you could belong to. The one with the mean people is not worth your time and effort.

 

Oh, Kiran. If I were there, I would be having some WORDS with some people and possibly kicking a few in the knee. (I'm a Christian, you know, and that's how I solve problems - by displaying grace and mercy, gentleness and self-control. :lol:)

 

You're doing such a good job with your daughter. She will have survival skills that many people don't possess, and she will know how to get by on whatever she has. That's invaluable. Plus, she has a close, loving relationship with you that is worth more than anything you could give her monetarily.

[8filltheheart]

I hope you can find another, kinder group of people. Surely there is another homeschool group that you could belong to. The one with the mean people is not worth your time and effort.

.

 

Hmmmm.......I'm wondering if I should take this personally or not. ;)

(I just made the connection this morning that we are on the same loop and probably only live 15 mins apart. :) )

[mysticamethyst]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:There is not to much to say that hasnt' all ready been said. I just wanted to let you know that you are not a bad person, in fact you sound like a great person who puts her dd before her own needs. I was raised by a single mother my whole life, I cannot remember the stuff she couldnt' buy me but I do remember the things she did with me.

 

YOU ARE DOING A GREAT JOB!!!!!!!:grouphug: And, congrats on the weight loss, keep up the good work.

[Dayle in Guatemala]

The fruit those women are displaying is not the fruit of someone who follows Jesus. It angers me that these women can call themselves Christians and act like that--such drama, unbelievable.

 

I understand the money thing. It's really hard right now for a lot of people. I've always garage saled or done thrift stores for my dc, too. It's what we do. Mostly, I don't care and I'm thrilled with what we can find, but, there are times I wish I could buy new for them. Here it's really difficult because new is super expensive!:001_huh:

 

It sounds to me like your dd feels so blessed. I would say she is blessed to have a mom like you. You have given all to her--not many other kids can say that.

 

:grouphug:I hope today is better.

[WTMindy]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

I am sorry you are going through such a down time right now. You have made hard choices and sacrifices so that you can homeschool. You have worked hard to lose weight and get where you are. You should hold your head up high and be proud.

 

For the record, I can afford new clothes and shoes for my kids, but I proudly shop at garage sales and Goodwill!! I love finding great deals and cute clothes for my kids for cheap!! I am happy that my kids are learning the value of money and to be frugal. I know that it must feel a little differently when you *have* to shop that way, but I just wanted you to know that you aren't the only one who buys used!!

[kalanamak]

Your unhappy group-mate is merely picking up the nearest stone to throw. All in all she sounds like a seriously weak person who thinks she gets bigger by knocking others down. It has been said that patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel, and that may be so with "prominent" people, but in day to day life, unfortunately, it seems that religion is the last refuge of a scoundrel.

 

Personally, life is too short, and I'd leave that group. Even if they "apologize" if they put up with this, your flanks are still exposed.

 

Hey, I shop goodwill, too. I buy "new" stuff when it is a present for some other child. My son was a bit wide-eyed when I bought new notebooks, recently, to give to the "school supplies for foster kids" program out here. I reminded him these children didn't have mummies or daddies, and he didn't say a peep from then on.

[Saille]

I think 2lilreds and Jean are spot on. This woman sounds like the worst kind of bully, and there are clearly several women who are happy to follow her. I agree that it's utterly un-Christian of her (and we've got a few like her here, as well), but honestly, I think if she wasn't the sort of person who made this about Christianity, she'd make it about something else. She's just plain nasty and out looking for victims, and the fact that you're mostly on your own makes you an safe target. She wouldn't do this to someone who had lots of family backing, or a larger church community that overlapped with her social circle. It's not about you, although that probably doesn't help.

 

On the other hand, I get really frustrated when larger groups fail to shut this kind of thing down. That group needs a participant agreement with a code of conduct, and clear consequences for violations...warnings, followed by being asked to leave the group. It should never be permissible to shun someone on the basis of their faith, slander someone, deliberately encourage others to isolate them, etc.. Frankly, even if all her minions left with her, what loss is that to the group? The worst lessons of the public school playground are being modeled by ADULTS, and children are being encouraged to participate! That's reprehensible. It sounds like the leadership of this group is hesitant to get into conflict with her, and frankly, that's wrong.

 

As far as the living on a shoestring goes, you're not alone. I know how much it must be exacerbated by feeling that your ex gave you a duo of cruelly impossible choices. That said, I'm in a stable marriage, my dh works full time, I work two part-time jobs, and we're both degreed professionals. We buy almost all of our clothes second-hand, from thrift stores and garage sales, and I see absolutely nothing at all wrong with that. It's easier on the budget, the clothes are still nice quality and in good shape, it's more environmentally responsible, and the money goes straight into the pocket of a family or charity. Having the financial stability to buy things new when you need to is wonderful, but there are very sound values behind buying things used. Besides, when I see all these back-to-school ads with teens doing dance routines in the latest fashions (b/c school is all about the clothes, right?), I am very, very grateful to be out of that loop.

 

Big hugs to you. And you know what? If you keep going to this group, and she keeps being obliquely nasty, I'd just start looking her in the eye and saying, "Wow, that was really rude!" right out loud. People like that count on non-confrontational peers, but you can publicly confront and still be polite.

[Remudamom]

What a nasty poisoned woman. Really makes you want to fit into that group, huh?

[Doran]

I am sorry, I know I must sound horrible, like the biggest whiner in the world. I think I'm done now, and will probably be horrible embarrassed for having posted this tomorrow, but tonight I really just want some sympathy, and someone to tell me I am doing the right thing, and that it will get better soon, someday, very soon.

 

Thanks.

 

 

Please don't ever feel embarrassed for asking for a little support or sympathy. We all need that at times - and sometimes more than others. You have borne a lot in your life which has made you wiser, and stronger. But, like all of us for our reasons, we are fragile at times. The world seems heavy and unfair and relentless in its suffering. I know that it is through suffering that we grow and learn - that is the human condition. But, dang if it doesn't stink when it hits!

 

I've been experiencing some pretty emotional days myself lately and have also come here for support. It's good to be able to do that -- these are good people who can remind you that you are going to make it, that the darkness will pass.

 

Peace,

[Twinmom]

:grouphug: to you...I am so sorry you have had such a hard time. IMO, unkind people come in all shapes and sizes, from all religions and walks of life, but they do have one thing in common...they are insecure and need to find a reason to put others down in order to boost their own self-esteem. Please remember this about the "mean lady" and her friends. It isn't about you, it is about them. You are a target because they've found something different about you that they can throw darts at (different from them, not different from the world in general). Again, not your problem but theirs. If you were here, I'd welcome you into our home school support group with open arms. Please hold your head up high, be proud of who you are and pity them if you can. They truly need help.

 

As for the clothing deal...be PROUD, oh so proud, of your weight loss and go buy those clothes, whether they are from Goodwill or not! Here in my little town, the rich are at GW right along with the poor. There are bargains there! ;) Here, anyway, I don't think anyone would assume badly of you because you'd shop at GW, they might just applaud your frugality! Kind of like buying a used car...someone else took the depreciation! :D

 

:grouphug: to you...wish we lived nearby, since you'd be welcome as my IRL friend anyday.

[fosterisacoolcat]

Oh, no. I am sorry you have been harassed like that. I dont have much to offer other than a :grouphug: but I did want to say that you ( a general 'you') cannot let people like that have too much of an impact on your life. those who are toxic are best kept at arms length and keep it so they have very little, if any, impact on how youfeel. Dont give them that much power over you. Surround yourself with people who support and love you. It is all about mind over matter - you dont mind because they dont matter. Oh, and I shop at goodwill and garage sales as well. There were times we could not afford otherwise but at times it is because clothes and 'things' are just irrelevent. Being thrifty and trying to be a responsible consumer are things to be proud of. Your children will learn the value of a dollar and hardwork. I hope you feel better soon.

[Mandy in TN]

and I should quit our group and make everyone happy.

 

Gross. Leave that group. Start a new one and keep yourself happy.

 

 

The moderator wrote to me and apologized for me. She wrote to her because what she wrote about is something that is taboo (secular group), but the moderator, along with most of the group, knew what she was doing.

 

The moderator should have deleted the post and the poster should have been told in an off list e-mail (that you were copied on) to stop or that she would be banned from the loop.

 

I have done a ton for this group, but, because of this person, when I suddenly didn't have a car, I was pretty much left out (she made it very clear, very proudly, it was because of her, naming people she had made sure wouldn't give me rides). Her kids were horrible to my daughter, which is one reason we gave up on the group after that. My daughter didn't want to get near them. It has been a horrible, hurtful experience, painful beyond belief.

 

This person doesn't control these other people. They made their own choice to exclude you. Instead of choosing to give up on the group decide that your well-being (and your daughter's) is worth finding or starting a new group.

 

Yuck. That is just disgusting. If y'all don't care for each other, fine- don't hang out together, but to target someone to gang up on is just petty, little, yuck.

 

Hope you feel better today. :grouphug:

Mandy

[Jacquelyn in NC]

No words of wisdom to offer, only a big hug

 

:grouphug:

 

I'm sorry you are going through all of this, and I hope you eventually see some light at the end of the tunnel!

[2cents]

I'm sorry you are going through all of this. That group you are in sounds very toxic and I'd seriously do whatever you can to get away from it. Those nasty people will only drag you down.

 

As far as the 2nd hand clothing goes...my folks were basically a one income family and with medical bills for a disabled sibling it was very tough. Mom used to buy all our clothes at the Goodwill and we loved it. She let us pick out our own stuff and we always came up with cool finds! She used to tell us that we were lucky because we could buy unique clothes and not the same stuff everyone could get at a store. We felt like we were trend-setters of a vintage variety. I don't know if shopping there bothered my mom...I never thought it did until reading your post and now I wonder. All I know is that as a kid we loved going to the thrift shops and shopping with our mom. :)

[Fourmother]

:grouphug: I can't add any wisdom to what has already been said. You are a phenomenal mother. I believe that your daughter will look back on this time not with regret for the new clothes, but with joy for the time you spent together.

[Jennifer in NH]

:grouphug: Hugs to you...Don't ever feel like your just whining....what that woman did what horrible! Sorry you had to go through this...just more hugs headed your way:grouphug:

Jenny

[Katie.Louise]

I am so sorry you were treated that way by someone that calls herself a Christian. If I remember correctly, Jesus tells us to love our neighbors as ourself. I am a Christian and hope that you don't get the impression that all Christian are like that.

 

It sounds like you are doing a wonderful job raising your daughter. I think that children that grow up without being spoiled grow up to be much more responsible adults. They learn not to overspend beyond their income and are not materialistic. They tend to be the kind of people that are kind to everyone and are willing to do things for others. That sounds like the kind of adult I hope my children turn out to be.

 

I will pray that the Lord brings you and your daughter some wonderful new friends. And keep up the great work!

Katie

[Laurie in CA]

Mom to Aly,

So sorry this happened to you esp. from Christians. I am a Christian and just want to apologize on behalf of the thoughtless people that treated you this way. It seems like homeschool people should know better but from the threads I have been reading about involvement in homeschool groups, this seems to happen a lot. I have been homeschooling 20 years and have been involved in several groups and have experienced cliquishness and competative behavior. I have come to the conclusion that I am just not a group person and no longer care if I fit with them. I try to reach out to individuals and relate to them on that level. We used to go to the park or coffee shop for two years with some moms/kids but the girls ignored my daughter. I got along great with the moms but decided it wasn't benefitting my daughter so I stopped going. I took my daughter to a group writing class for 2 years and the girls were so quiet/shy she didn't make any connections there either. My daughter isn't assertive so I told her to be a little more assertive and she would probably make more friends. I can't do it for her but I can protect her from unkind people and bad behavior. She has done surprisingly well in a public school orchestra setting for the past two years. We will see how it is this year at the high school level because generally freshman are low on the totem pole and she will be with mostly upper classmen. I have found the music kids to be easy to get along with even with some friendly competition. It sounds like you may have to "start over" but it's better than spinning your wheels with people who don't want your company. I have actually taken the initiative and invited some people over that seemed stand-offish and they have accepted. I think people are sometimes a little passive or shy and if you make a move they will jump in your direction. Group dynamics can be quite icky, but individuals within that group can actually be nice away from the group.

[autumndivona]

Life seems so unfair sometimes; it also feels like we have no control over it. But I personally feel that we do have control over the choices we make, including how we deal with things. Sometimes we need a day like this, so the next morning we can wake up and say to ourself that we won't let it happen again.

 

Sometimes that "pity party" is just what we need to help us gain perspective. I think we've all been there. :::encouraging smile:::

 

It is also awful to hear what happened with your homeschooling group. All people are deserving of kindness and respect. You are no less deserving than anyone else. I know how it feels to be treated badly for being non-Christian. But I have learned that the "true" Christians are those who treat me with kindness and respect, regardless of the fact that my beliefs are different than theirs.

 

I simply want to say that you are in my thoughts, and that I hope you will have better days in the weeks, months, and years to come.

[Mom to Aly]

Hmmmm.......I'm wondering if I should take this personally or not. ;)

(I just made the connection this morning that we are on the same loop and probably only live 15 mins apart. :) )

 

You're new, you're not one of "THEM"! ;)

[Mom to Aly]

for the thoughtful, kind, and so helpful replies!

 

I feel I need to clarify a few things. I am not ashamed of buying things for my daughter from Goodwill--just shoes, because I can't stand the thought of used shoes (I have a total anti-foot thing anyway, and it just seems so dirty to me--something I swore I would never do--totally creeps me out). I've never been to garage sales, and I don't have a car, but now I wish I could.

 

I would go to Goodwill even if we had more money. I have always loved getting a good deal, and I think kids clothes are outrageous. I just wish I had a choice :001_smile:.

 

And, yes, I wish I could give my daughter the world! Like every parent, I am sure! When xh & I got divorced, and he gave me that ultimatum, I had no choice (if you haven't read this before, when I first walked into divorce court, the judge said, "Homeschooling, is that even legal?", and I knew I was done for). So, it was get him to agree to it, or give it up. Plus, him having taken all of our money, he had a lawyer and I didn't. But, I have always known, he did what was right for him, and I did what was right for dd--it wasn't a hard choice for either of us, I'm sure.

 

Most days I'm fine; this isn't a life I am used to, though. I grew up in a 24 room, 8,000 house in the suburbs of NYC, I have several degrees, worked on Wall St, have always had money, never had to worry, until now. & I hate that the one time in my life I am like this is when I have my precious daughter. But I knew what I was doing when choosing to homeschool over sending her to school and working. And having this time with her, giving her the best education I can, and seeing her grow up, guiding her through her life, instead of letting others do it, while I spend almost no time with her, and almost none of the little time I could spend with her being quality time, well, again, it was a very simple choice for me.

 

So, yes, I am thrilled that I could choose, that I can be with my darling daughter. That she is the kind of child who is happy with whatever she gets. That she doesn't care about what is popular now, doesn't have a fit for anything. Doesn't get disappointed (well, almost never--she is human, after all) over my not being able to buy something she would like.

 

Just once in a while, something pushes me a bit too far, and I have a day like yesterday. It was still here today. Until I read the wonderful posts here, and pm's I received. And I feel like a different person now.

 

Thank you all, so very much. I do love this board. And all of you. And, of course, my smilies :001_wub:.