TraceyS/FL Posted May 28, 2013 Share Posted May 28, 2013 ETA: I changed the title... I'm sorry it came across wrong, and really I needed to vent somewhere. I'm sure this one will offend too.... I'm babysitting this week.... she goes to a charter school that let out last week. At home I have my middle schooler that is HS, and my oldest that is HSed. The PS youngest is at school for another 7 days. This child loves art - so I have a bunch of stuff on-hand to do. I almost shut her wifi off on her kindle here this morning before she got here - and I should have..... So, my DD is happily sitting here using the Deep Space Sparkle "How to Build a Castle" "lesson", and the child that wanted to do the Victorian Houses is in the kitchen watching netflix on her kindle. It is going to be a long week with that small screen. My kids don't have wifi on their Touches until 3pm, and even then don't have netflix. We limit screen time during the day here... and technically, my DD is supposed to be doing school still. Since this child still struggles with Fine Motor drawing is fine for the morning. I'm somewhat "letting off steam" - I can't anywhere else because her Dad would see it. (and I didn't find out until 8:30pm last night I had her all day instead of just 4:30-8pm, yup, I will have her for 12 hours probably every day this week) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PentecostalMom Posted May 28, 2013 Share Posted May 28, 2013 I would do whatever would make it simpler for her to be in my home, and for my dc to function in their normal environment. If that means no screen time until 1500, then so be it. There are quite a number of things she can do to occupy her time, including other things on the Kindle should you choose to let her keep it. Ultimately, you are responsible for her. I'm not sure how well you know her parents, or what she should and should not be watching, but there is a lot of stuff on Netflix that I won'et let my dc watch. You didn't say if you had discussed any of this with her parents, but when I am watching someone else's children, they have to follow the rules in my home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted May 28, 2013 Share Posted May 28, 2013 You can have two approaches and need to pick whatever is easier for you: You can say "my house my rules. No screen time during school hours". In that case, I would ask the parents not to send the device with her. Or you can decide that she is less trouble if she plays with her Kindle and assume that, if the parents allow her to take it, they allow unrestricted access - and you can focus on your own kids and school while she is occupied. Good luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TraceyS/FL Posted May 28, 2013 Author Share Posted May 28, 2013 I'm good friends with her Dad - never met her mom. It is his week with her.... I've actually been watching her since last summer, but that was after camp, and this year on Wednesday and Friday's. She knows i'm serious, and will mostly go along with my rules. I just didn't talk to her Dad about the screen time during the day last night - which is why I was hesitant to axe the wifi hours. I mentioned to her about the no screen time - and I will ease into it. There is for sure a TON for her to do here that does not involve screen time. A TON. But the dynamics of the youngest child by 7 years comes into play here too - she is very used to getting her way and I have had to walk a fine line in recent months (I suspect there are things she isn't happy with her Dad about, and I know there are some issues at her Mom's - I happen to be her "safe haven") with not calling her out on a few things. Mainly because they are parenting issues and it is not my place. She actually pouted in December when I went to Best Buy and bought Christmas presents for my kids - and didn't get her one. I think at that point she was viewing me as "step-mom" in nature, but that is far from the case. Anyway, I basically wasn't mentally prepared for this yet - oh well, we will get thru it. One week, then not again technically until July because of how her parents scheduled their vacation times! (Which, I feel selfish about - but it means I get *MY* summer back how i had somewhat planned it before I found out she was on the waiting list for camp) PS - and the kindle? i'm the one that set it up, and manage the restrictions on it for her Dad. We disagree on the netflix thing - it is a parenting difference, and there are no limits in place because it is her 22 year old brothers account. She self-restraints well most of the time rating wise. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelly1730 Posted May 28, 2013 Share Posted May 28, 2013 I watched my ps grandsons on a full-time basis last summer ( part time this summer, full time was too much for me) and the games/kindles were put up and away the minute they walked into the house. I allowed them to use them sparingly (rainy days, waiting for pick-up etc) but they had to have guidelines with them and really, there is way too much to do to have your face in a screen all day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dmmetler Posted May 28, 2013 Share Posted May 28, 2013 Can you simply turn off your wireless? "Oops-I guess it's not working..." and then let it magically fix itself say, about 3:00? Seriously, my cable modem goes down if they're working on cable at all in the vicinity, so it's not exactly a "never before happened" experience around here-and it does work wonders when there's a kid who has different rules than mine does who brings their screen over to have an unexplained "outage". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spy Car Posted May 28, 2013 Share Posted May 28, 2013 What does this have to do with public school vs home school? Bill Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
warneral Posted May 28, 2013 Share Posted May 28, 2013 Sounds like different family dynamics and rules. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kentuckymom Posted May 28, 2013 Share Posted May 28, 2013 It sounds like your families have different dynamics, and I hope you find a solution that you can all be happy with. I have to say, though, that I don't see how your concerns are at all related to her being a public school student. For the record, my public schooled son has much stricter screen time and movie content limits than his two best friends, who are homeschooled. Every family is different. It sounds like this girl has a particularly difficult family dynamic to navigate as she splits time between her parents. I'd try to be understanding while not violating my own family's standards. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TraceyS/FL Posted May 28, 2013 Author Share Posted May 28, 2013 What does this have to do with public school vs home school? Bill Because in her mind, you only do "educational" stuff at school. She stated as much to me.... so my idea of "art camp" is very much to "school-like" for her. Those are the dynamics I had forgotten - because even though my kids are/were in PS, they still were open to learning at home because they knew it was "fun". THis child won't even read on her kindle, nor read at home unless it is for a school assignment. I'm sorry my title bothers you - it is primarily a difference in household dynamics and such, but there is the HS vs PS thing there from what I can see too. Anyway, now off to speech therapy - she gets her kindle time during that. Oh and yes, I will change the wifi settings tonight. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted May 28, 2013 Share Posted May 28, 2013 What does this have to do with public school vs home school? Bill Indeed. I don't think I suddenly became parenting poison when, after seven years of home educating my children, I took them to the school gates. Laura Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nwmama Posted May 28, 2013 Share Posted May 28, 2013 I watch other people's kids on occasion and I'm upfront with the parents that it's "my house, my rules". If they aren't ok with that then it's ok with me, they just need to find someone else to watch their kids. I also don't ask if my kids are being watched at someone else's house that they enforce my rules. It's not a better than/worse than judgment, just personal preference and what works at my house. It would send my stress level through the roof to try and make my house like someone else's and especially to have another child watching a movie while my kids were trying to do school, I'd never be able to get them to concentrate. My mom used the same principles when I was growing up (especially over food since we ate more unique foods than most of my friend's families). All of my friends knew better than to try to get around my mom's rules but they loved being at our house because they also knew that my mom genuinely cared about them. Hopefully if the child you're watching can see that you're willing to give other options without backing down on your rules, she'll be ok. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TraceyS/FL Posted May 28, 2013 Author Share Posted May 28, 2013 Apparently that was a poor choice is nomenclature this morning. It is more parenting dynamics and that extends to the attitudes toward "educational" endeavors at home/after hours. In this case, school belongs at school. Hanging out at home and reading isn't "fun", "fun" only occurs when you are out spending money on an activity. Trust me that I totally get her issues at home, and there is a lot at play there. I just never expected to have issues with art stuff with her - and since I found out at 8:30pm she was coming (because, you know, I'm the homeschool mom that doesn't do anything or have plans) this week and have nothing else planned. I mean my kids are excited about more history, science and art over the summer. We will survive, I will suck it up for the week walking the line of letting her lead the way vs my kids doing what they need to do. Again, I didn't mean to offend the PS parents, heck I am one, but I also admit to being a lot different than the ones in our area. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TraceyS/FL Posted May 28, 2013 Author Share Posted May 28, 2013 Nwmama- that is part of it with the movie. I knew it was going to be horrid trying to get her to do actual school work, so the art was a compromise. I will mention it to her Dad tonight, but I'm somewhat stuck because she texts him via the kindle (and her mom), and apparently she forgot the charger for her phone so turning off the Internet means cutting her off on that. Hence, I want to mention it to him first. But, I'm also good at "my house, my rules" when I have to be... :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sewingmama Posted May 28, 2013 Share Posted May 28, 2013 Why does it really matter....she is only going to be at your house for a week. She's worked hard at school all year and it seems her idea of vacation is to hang out on her kindle which she doesn't do when she is at school. FWIW... My kids are homeschooled and don't see learning as fun. Anything I assign them is viewed as schoolwork and they don't like doing it. They only ever want to do the bare essentials and then move on to their own activities. My DD absolutely refuses to do a lick of anything that looks like schoolwork and that includes reading if its vacation time....and she knows when that is because DH is a school principal and is home. It has nothing to do with being PS.... Just my child's personality. I wish I had children who wanted to do more history or such but I don't. My kids still love to learn but only on their terms...with things they choose to do and not what I assign them. It sounds to me like you are annoyed because you planned things for her and she is not interested in what you planned. Maybe explain to her that there is no screen time before 3pm and ask her how she would like to fill her time instead of assigning stuff. Public schooled kids probably get really tired of having things planned for them and then assigned....let her take back some control. Because in her mind, you only do "educational" stuff at school. She stated as much to me.... so my idea of "art camp" is very much to "school-like" for her. Those are the dynamics I had forgotten - because even though my kids are/were in PS, they still were open to learning at home because they knew it was "fun". THis child won't even read on her kindle, nor read at home unless it is for a school assignment. I'm sorry my title bothers you - it is primarily a difference in household dynamics and such, but there is the HS vs PS thing there from what I can see too. Anyway, now off to speech therapy - she gets her kindle time during that. Oh and yes, I will change the wifi settings tonight. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Butter Posted May 29, 2013 Share Posted May 29, 2013 What does this have to do with public school vs home school? Bill This. It's differences in child rearing only. Nothing to do with PS vs. HS. At all. Many many HSed kids are the same as this PS kid's opinion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leav97 Posted May 29, 2013 Share Posted May 29, 2013 Turn off the WIFI at your house. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cavscout96 Posted May 29, 2013 Share Posted May 29, 2013 - turn off you wifi at your house - put an access code on it - put an access code on it until 1500 and then remove it problem solved Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haiku Posted May 29, 2013 Share Posted May 29, 2013 Look at it from the child's perspective: her summer break has finally started and now she's being babysat by someone whose own kids are doing schoolwork. Not such a fun start to the summer! I'd say let her use her kindle as much as she wants. You are not her parent; even if your own kids have restrictions, I wouldn't impose them on this child if you only have her for a week and your kids are busy with schoolwork. Tara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TraceyS/FL Posted May 29, 2013 Author Share Posted May 29, 2013 SHe is at camp today after all - and apparently gave her dad a hard time about that and didn't want to go. Last summer if I picked her up after 1-2pm she complained about my leaving her there because she didn't like it. Things got worse by 8:30 - there are some issues going on that her Dad isn't handling great - let's just say that ELECTING to take 3 hours of overtime wasn't going to go over well (yes, it meant he dropped her off at 8am, and wasn't going to pick her up until 11:30pm). She is in need of some attention - but she needs it from her Dad, not me. His "choices" the past few weeks haven't been great - and I only see her reacting how my own kids did when their Dad did similar things. From the sound of it things have been rough at her mom's too. I didn't do anything more than say "hey, here are some cool ideas, and here are the supplies". Not forceful, not more than that.... but again, it is a dynamics thing of what she expects. She has to constantly be doing something, or going to a friends - rarely is she happy these days "self-entertaining". Her Dad is the same way - he complains all the time about not having fun because he isn't out spending money and doing "stuff" every day on the weekends. That isn't how we are here at my house at all. There are other issues at play I think - and I am thankful she is at camp for the bulk of the day the rest of the week. I'm worried about her actually, but nothing I can articulate well to her Dad. However, I have enough on my plate the next few weeks - and it is best for us that it worked out camp was open. ANyway, that is that.... again, my meaning didn't convey correctly. I'll change the title - she is peer oriented and we are family oriented. That was painfully obviously yesterday. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pen Posted May 29, 2013 Share Posted May 29, 2013 Maybe she could read whatever she wants to read during the time your kids are doing school. Hers can be free reading, not something "school" like. Or maybe she can help you do housework. That is a home activity, not school, and maybe she needs some together time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted May 29, 2013 Share Posted May 29, 2013 I didn't do anything more than say "hey, here are some cool ideas, and here are the supplies". Not forceful, not more than that.... but again, it is a dynamics thing of what she expects. She has to constantly be doing something, or going to a friends - rarely is she happy these days "self-entertaining". Her Dad is the same way - he complains all the time about not having fun because he isn't out spending money and doing "stuff" every day on the weekends. That isn't how we are here at my house at all. Wanting to be out and do "stuff" does not have to do anything with spending money , it may have to do with personality. I am extremely extroverted, and I need to be on the go and doing things all.the.time. Being off work in the summer makes me miserable because I need to interact with people. Maybe you are a family of introverts, and that is fine. But you come across as rather judgmental about the fact that some people have a need to be surrounded by others and doing things with others . ANyway, that is that.... again, my meaning didn't convey correctly. I'll change the title - she is peer oriented and we are family oriented. That was painfully obviously yesterday. No, I do not think it has anything to do with being peer oriented vs family oriented either (clearly, she wants her Dad's attention - that's family.) You are not her family, so , whatever happens at your house does not qualify as "family oriented" for HER anyway. I think this is about differences in personality and expectation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haiku Posted May 29, 2013 Share Posted May 29, 2013 She has to constantly be doing something, or going to a friends - rarely is she happy these days "self-entertaining". That sounds like my son, who has been homeschooled his whole life. I think it's a personality thing and has nothing to do with being peer-oriented or not. My oldest and my youngest are extremely extroverted; they like to be with people, and they like to be doing things. My middle child is like me: very introverted, happy being at home and doing her own thing. My oldest went through a time of being very peer-oriented (she is the only one of the three in school) until she realized that her friends' values often don't line up with hers. She still likes to be out and doing things with friends, but that is not the same thing as being peer-oriented. I have seen the difference between extroverted and peer-oriented/dependent. It sounds like this child's life is unstable. It's not surprising that she sounds unhappy. Tara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuzySparkle Posted May 30, 2013 Share Posted May 30, 2013 Honestly, it sounds like you are worrying way too much about this. From what I understand, she has two parents who should be setting the rules for her. If neither of them has given you appropriate guidance as her sitter (not her stepmother), then you should offer her a list of non-digital choices from which to choose and let that be that. Honestly, I'm not sure why you have her for 12 hours a day when it is her dad's week. If I was her (and I was years ago), I would not be content with anything short of my father's attention. Her discontent may be her way of responding to her feeling as if she is being pawned off on someone. I think it is kind of you to open your home to her, but maybe folding her into your own home and its schedule is better for her than bending over backwards to change your life around for the week. If she needs the device for texting, let her have it at set times each day to check in with her daddy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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