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Extravagant B-day-WWYD?


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Indy found out there is a 3 day Star Wars convention the weekend of his birthday about 2 hours from where we live. He desperately wants to go and asked if we could do that instead of having a party. I told him I'd talk it over with James Bond because it's expensive, but we might work something out. Indy came up with "Operation Grandparents," where instead of buying him gifts this year, they could help buy the tickets instead. JB and I agreed that was acceptable and Indy sent off his emails. In them, he mentioned how much he wanted to go and that, while he'd be happy with regular tickets, the VIP tickets would be the ultimate way to go. My mom called and asked how much VIP tickets were. I told her not to worry, because they are outrageous, but if she wanted to send him some money for regular tickets, that's fine. Apparently she called my dad (they're divorced, but get along well) and they decided to send enough between the two of them for his ticket, half of my ticket and about $200 extra for him to have spending money. I don't know what to do. This is incredibly generous (though he and Han Solo are their only grandchildren, so it's not entirely unusual), but it seems too much. The tickets, BTW, are $600 EACH. They are sending almost $1100 for this. Yes, it's their money and they can spend it however they like, but it bothers me I'd have been fine with some money toward the regular tickets ($250 total), and so would he, but because he mentioned it, they 'HAVE' to give him what he 'really' wants. It would still cost us about $600, which is about what we would have spent had we paid for the regular tickets and hotel, so we're not out any more than had we done it ourselves. I'm rambling. I'm just torn. I know this is exciting, but I don't want him to feel that he can go to my parents any time he wants something and expect extravagant things. I did agree he could ask, and had they just sent some money for the regular tickets, I wouldn't have a problem with it. I've tried telling them it's too much, but I'd probably have better luck telling it to the refrigerator, for all the good it does. I thought about buying the regular ticket and putting the rest in his bank account, but they would be furious, because it's not what they are sending it for. WWYD?

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:) I think an extravagant b-day ONCE is okay. We are generally low-key in our home, letting the kid be king for the day, choose an outing, pick dinner, 1-2 gifts total. However, for The Kid's 10th we surprised him with a trip to WDW. He loved it. We talk about doing something special for the little one when he reaches 10 now. There have been four more birthdays since and The Kid is quite happy to go back to king for the day/small outing. It hasn't changed anything except having a spectacular memory.

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I personally have never had this problem. but my Dh's Cousin has. His Cousin is the only surviving child of his mother ( DH's Tante) She lives in the same house as her son, plus his 2 children. She has her own apartment on the upper floor. She is very rich, and has nothing at all to spend her money on except her darling grandchildren children. When they were younger they would ask their dad for something, he would say no, so they would run to their grandmother who would buy it straight away whatever the price. The cousin said that what he had to do was explain reasons to the children as to why he said no. Apparently it worked. (they live in Germany). I know this is not exactly the same situation as you, but possibly a way to handle it in the future.

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You said he could ask for their help and they offered to give him what he really wanted. You are now not happy because they chose to help in a more extravagant way than you are comfortable with. In my opinion, this is your problem, not his. Let him enjoy it. There's nothing wrong with over-the-top extravagance just once or twice. If he comes back to you next year or some other time with another plan to get what he wants from the grandparents, then you should address it. For now though, assume that he is pleasantly surprised at their generosity and not on the path to being greedy. And, there is no. way. in. the. world. I would take away his joy by buying the regular tickets and putting the rest in savings. Sorry, as the gift-giver and the child, I would be furious about it too. That is not what they're sending the money for.

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If you'd had a problem with him asking for VIP tickets, why did you okay the email?

 

Since you allowed it, I say don't break sonny-boy's heart over it now. Just be more cautious going into the future and make it clear to your son that this is/should be a one time thing only. If the grands send money for a specific gift, please think extremely carefully about spending it in any other way...I know you are hesitant to give your son such an extravagant gift, but you aren't giving it. His grands are, so be very careful about refusing/rejecting the gift.

 

I think I would feel torn in this situation also, but since I'd okayed the email, I'd allow the convention/gift. It will make for spectacular memories and he'd be able to write some very nice, very heartfelt thank you notes :).

 

Aren't grandparents awesome?

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This sounds like a once in a childhood event, so if they can afford it, I'd help him get his costume together and sit back and watch his joy.

 

I just spent about four times what we normally would on a bday gift to send my college-aged son and three friends to a concert. My husband just saw the total and wasn't thrilled but he also missed out on junior walking into the house in the late night declaring it to be the best bday gift ever. No regrets here.

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From other posts, your kids sound like nice kids. Let him have this and let the grands enjoy giving it. Take pictures, have him write a great story or something about his trip and send it to the grands as a thank you.

 

My grandparents helped me to go to Europe for 2 weeks with a couple of kids from school and a teacher. Without that I would not have been able to go. I still remember it probably 25 years later now.

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I agree with most of the others. It's not your son's issue, it's not your parent's issue, it's your issue and so you need to say nothing and simply allow your son to have the joy of going and allow your parenrs the joy of giving this gift.

 

I would take lots of pictures and then have a nice photo book made up to give them as thank you.

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I understand feeling uncomfortable with the extravagance, but the gracious thing is to accept the gift. It was very kind of them to do this for your son. Be thankful that your son gets to have such a special birthday! He's excited. They're excited to be able to give him such a big gift. Next time you can make sure that he doesn't ask for something that you don't want them to give him.

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If you'd had a problem with him asking for VIP tickets, why did you okay the email?

 

 

FTR, I did not okay him asking for the VIP tickets. I told him he could ask them to help buy the tickets (meaning regular tickets). I guess I should have read the email before I let him send it. I only know he mentioned it because my mom sent him a reply and copied me on it.

 

I've decided to go ahead and let this be a ONE time thing (she says now) and go with the crazy expensive tickets (even though I think it's nuts). I haven't told him yet, he just knows we're going. I think I'll let the type of tickets be a surprise and he can go wild when he calls my mom and dad when we get back. He is a good kid and this is my problem, not his, so who am I to take it away?

 

If you're curious, this is what the VIP tickets include:

 

VIP Package contains:

- Jedi Master VIP Badge with exclusive artwork (Allows for 3-Day access to the show)

- Exclusive Jedi Master VIP Star Wars Celebration Europe Lanyard

- Reserved Seating for all sessions in the Celebration Stage

- One Daily Reserved Screening in the Digital Stage (VIPs seated before public)

- VIP Only Q&A with Star Wars: The Clone Wars Director Dave Filoni

- Separate Entrance to the Convention Center

- Private VIP Lounge (Including Coat Check, Bag Drop, Refreshments, and Concierge)

- Celebration Store Pre-Order Program (Reserve show exclusives before the show begins and have them waiting for you in the VIP Lounge)

- Celebration Store Thursday Preview (Shop one day before the public)

- Half Hour Early Access to Celebration Exhibition Hall

- Half Hour Early Access to the Celebration Store- Fast Pass to skip the queue for up to six Autograph Hall celebrity signings (Price of autographs not included)

- (1) Official Star Wars Celebration Europe poster (Rolled/complete with poster tube)

- One Official Star Wars Celebration Commemorative Guide

- Original, Signed Art Print by Dave Filoni

- Exclusive Jedi Master VIP T-Shirt

 

Carrie Fisher will be there, as will Jeremy Bulloch (original Boba Fett), Anthony Daniels (C-3PO and the only actor to be in all 6 movies), Peter Mayhew (Chewbacca), Ian McDeirmid (Palpatine/Emperor), and about 15 others. There will be a Return of the Jedi 30th anniversary outdoor screening (30 years? REALLY?), a first look at the new animated series, Star Wars Rebels (this will replace the Clone Wars, as Disney does not own that franchise), and loads of other stuff I can't even begin to think about. I think we're going to be exhausted and overloaded.

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I have very generous parents and I sometimes struggle with the same things. One thing that has helped over the years is to see it as somewhat of a gift to them to allow them to give great things to the kids. That may sound weird and I don’t mean that we or the kids should expect gifts from them. But for my parents it’s often great joy for them to know that they were the ones that gave the kids something, especially when it is something very special. It’s a form of grace to be able to accept a generous gift as well as to give it.

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We can't afford to do that kind of stuff for our kids but it is one of our goals to be able to do it for our grandkids. Let them have the joy of making him happy! Instead of a thank you card, make them a cute little photo book with pictures from the weekend.

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:) I think an extravagant b-day ONCE is okay. We are generally low-key in our home, letting the kid be king for the day, choose an outing, pick dinner, 1-2 gifts total. However, for The Kid's 10th we surprised him with a trip to WDW. He loved it. We talk about doing something special for the little one when he reaches 10 now. There have been four more birthdays since and The Kid is quite happy to go back to king for the day/small outing. It hasn't changed anything except having a spectacular memory.

Let him enjoy (and write AWESOME thank you notes). Don't invite a problem that might not exist by generalizing this to the future.

This sounds like a once in a childhood event, so if they can afford it, I'd help him get his costume together and sit back and watch his joy.

 

I just spent about four times what we normally would on a bday gift to send my college-aged son and three friends to a concert. My husband just saw the total and wasn't thrilled but he also missed out on junior walking into the house in the late night declaring it to be the best bday gift ever. No regrets here.

 

I agree with those who say to accept the gift. I think you will have a great time, and Indy will remember it for years, if not forever. It sounds like an amazing time!! (Do you have room for me in your luggage? I promise to behave! :D )

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Yeah, your son is going to be such a pleasure to watch at this thing! I'm telling you, some of my happiest moments were when I joined Anime or other Niche student clubs at meetings and events. It is soooo FUN!!!

 

Conventions are a totally different kind of thing, there is so much passion and fun at these types of events that you can smell it in the air!!! Get a new memory card for your camera, you're going to want to remember this!

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My kids are the only grandkids on my husband's side and my parents have a ridiculous amount of money. I've let go of worrying about it. My kids are sweet, funny, well behaved kids who have grandparents who love to make them happy. As long as it isnt trips to Aruba every three months, I'm not worried about it.

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That's exactly the kind of thing I hope to do if I ever have grandchildren. I will try not to be so obnoxious that my children get angry, but yes , I think it fine for grandparents who can be extravagant to be extravagant.

 

I know wealthy grandparents who fund trips abroad, buy cars as grad presents, pay private school tuition etc. Enjoy the Star Wars convention, you geeks. :)

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I think that one of the joys of being a grandparent is that you can spoil your grandkids in ways that you never would have as a parent. :) I know that my parents let my kids get away with stuff that they NEVER would have let me do! So long as it doesn't happen every day, I think it's fine. We only see my parents once or twice a year, so the spoiling doesn't have much long-term affect. And I think that one of the joys of being a grandparent is that you get to do a lot of the fun parts of parenting (such as buying an extravagant gift to make them happy) without having to worry about the boring nuts and bolts of the job.

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