Asynchronicity -- where do I start?

[Eagle]

Ds has had signs of being highly asynchronous since he was really small. Now that he is school-aged it is becoming rapidly more apparent. I'm not interested in having him tested as I don't think there would be a benefit. We are already homeschooling and able to teach to the levels he needs. But I do feel that I need some guidance going forward and I don't have anyone locally to ask.

 

What resources have you found most useful in parenting an asynchronous child? Is there a particular book that would help me deal with issues like perfectionism, the need to control everything, anxiety in children? I feel like I am somewhat ahead of the game in that I have traveled this path myself. But in a way that makes it even harder too.

 

Any time we have an outside teacher (swimming, music, skating, etc.) we always get comments about how he is a joy to teach and that he talks about such interesting things. People who are practically strangers will tell me he is special and that they hope he never changes. He tries to fit in with the children we meet through lessons, but it is clear (to me) that he doesn't. The other kids don't know how to respond when he starts talking about how scientists know how old the sun is, or about how friction and gravity were both at fault for his water cup falling off the table. In turn, he has no clue who they are talking about when they act out scenes from a cartoon -- but he is willing to jump in and give it a try anyways. He is a very social child and loves interacting with both adults and children.

 

I would really like for him to have a friend to whom he can relate. I have no idea how to accomplish that. This is a topic I avoid with people that we know or meet. Do we just keep signing up for different activities and hope we meet someone similar? Is there a way of posting a question on my local homeschool group message list without sounding like I'm boasting? Is there a way to find a national/regional group (we're in Canada) that could connect us to like-minded peers?

 

I've lurked in this subforum for a while now and have learned so much from everyone here. I really appreciate that you are all so open and giving. Please consider this my shy "hello", and I look forward to any advice you have.

[jenbrdsly]

Welcome Eagle! The Parenting the Gifted Blog tour from 2012 last year might be of comfort to you. The 2013 tour is starting this month. For anxiety, I'd recommend the book "What to do when you Worry too Much". Have you seen the SENG website?

[Eagle]

Welcome Eagle! The Parenting the Gifted Blog tour from 2012 last year might be of comfort to you. The 2013 tour is starting this month. For anxiety, I'd recommend the book "What to do when you Worry too Much". Have you seen the SENG website?

 

I found last year's blog tour valuable and have been looking forward to the 2013 version. I definitely related to some of the posts.

 

Thanks for the link to SENG. It looks like a good resource.

[Eagle]

For anxiety, I'd recommend the book "What to do when you Worry too Much".

 

This looks perfect! I've added it to my cart.

[Staceyshoe]

This looks perfect! I've added it to my cart.

 

We used another in this series (What to do When You Dread Your Bed). It was *amazing*!

[Laura Corin]

Two different tactics that we used simultaneously:

 

- we signed them up for activities where bright kids were more likely to congregate: chess club, young engineers, book group, etc.

 

- we worked very hard to talk in terms of 'what children like' rather than 'what children are capable of', so that they could learn to appreciate different aspects of other people. As an example: Calvin says, 'Little Jimmy says that he didn't manage to get through the first Harry Potter book. I'm on book three.' I reply, 'That's interesting, I wonder what Little Jimmy likes to do instead. I think I heard his mother saying that he was very interested in Lego.'

 

Hobbes was perfectionistic. We did a lot of work with 'The Little Engine that Could', talking much more about effort than achievement.

 

Calvin used to get distressed when games didn't follow rules or when others took control from him. We just sympathised with him, then talked a lot about respecting other people's ways of doing things. It was difficult, but the issues lessened over time.

 

Best of luck - things do get easier over time. At least they have for us.

 

Laura

[Eagle]

A little follow-up for anyone that stumbles upon my post some day and has the same questions:

 

I've ordered three books either based on recommendations or because the "look inside" pages were very helpful:

- "What to do When You Worry Too Much: A Kid's Guide to Overcoming Anxiety"

- "A Parent's Guide to Gifted Children"

- "The Highly Sensitive Child: Helping Our Children Thrive When the World Overwhelms Them"

 

I also discovered a Yahoo Group called "Gifted Homeschoolers Forum" where I have found some helpful information.

 

This past week has been eye-opening as I've learned more about giftedness. Suddenly so many things make sense. Reading even just the "look inside" pages of the books has been a relief. I can't wait to read the full books.

 

Thanks again everyone for your posts in this forum, which made me realize some "quirks" were really a sign of something else.

[Staceyshoe]

Is there a way of posting a question on my local homeschool group message list without sounding like I'm boasting?

 

I've posted a question before and mentioned that ds is an "asynchronous learner," inquiring whether anyone else experiences similar challenges, and inviting them to private message me. Those who haven't read up on giftedness won't think much of it. A parent who has a highly gifted child will be likely to send you a message because they understand. Support is so important. Online support is great, but IRL support is even better if you can find it. You may also want to search for local groups of gifted homeschoolers through Yahoo or even Google.