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Which church? *honest question, no debates please*


Ecclecticmum
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I left the church (Church of England/Anglican) in my early teens (12-13 (had been going voluntarily to my biological fathers church since I was 7) due to questioning those in charge. I wanted to understand the why's & how's and apparently It was "just because" which is not an answer. I gave up and left.

 

I was an atheist for a while (1-2 years) , that church having made me lose my faith, and then became Wiccan, which I was until I married my husband. After marrying and being pregant, I started questioning my faith all over again. For the past 7-8 years, I have just read and researched from many different points of view. I want to believe, but I also cannot find somewhere I fit. I looked into Unitarian Universalism, and hung round that for a while, but as their is no church near me (closest UU is 3 1/2 hours away), this has lead me again, to questioning my faith.

 

I want to find somewhere I fit in. I was hoping some people here to have suggestions, since it is such a widely varied area:

 

* Belief in God (obviously)

* Freedom to question the why's and how's, to be encouraged in that ability to want to learn why. Even if it goes against something in their church, the openess and respect to listen and offer their opinions.

* Gay-Friendly (all people friendly, actually, no matter their genetic make-up lifestyle or inner conflicting emotions)

* That the bible is not the infallible word of god and is open to interpretation (that the bible can be interpreted multiple different ways, sort of like how the Rabbi's pour over the torah and discuss different interpretations)

* Encouraged to participate and add their own views.

Edited to add: Forgot an important point. Pro Theistic Evolution, and open/believes in mainstream scientific fact (how I could of forgotten that bit, I have no idea)

 

Well the list is much longer than that, but the rest a little bitty things, these are the most important ones to me.

 

Can anybody please help? :grouphug:

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I am now very happily Catholic, but was Anglican and then nothing for a long time and we accompany others to their different churches sometimes.

I have found that regardless of demonination (or Religion), some churches are true churches, as in families/communities headed by God and some are empty buildings with a group of people. So I would suggest 'taste it and see'. Visit several and don't neccessarily write off that 'brand' by experiences in one congregation.

I wish you well.

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Thanks.

 

I think I will always be a UU, but its hard to connect properly when the closest church is nowhere near here. I didn't think of Quakers! UU & Quaker cogregations often get together due to the similarities. I just feel very alone, with no-one to speak to about my faith (we are a multi-faith family).

 

I'm actually thinking there may be a congregation near me.

 

I know there is a gay-friendly Anglican church in the big town a lil while away, but after my childhood, I am sort of hesitant to start into that area again.

 

I will look into it, thank you so much *big hug*

When I was looking

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Just looking at your list, without reading your personal history, I would have suggested Episcopalian.

 

Have you considered the United Church of Christ? Here in New England, they often join with the UU church on social justice issues, and they have also created joint curriculum at times.

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I identify as Quaker and really love the faith and practice. If you find an unprogrammed meeting then you will certianly be among f/Friends. :)

 

I believe in God or the concept of God and I think the bible is full of great lessons and we can learn from the lives of others. Someone else at meeting may also believe Jesus to be the son of God yet we can still find faith and support in the same meeting together. the waiting in silence can be a little different at first and I treasure it all now.

 

Feel free to visit a Friends/Quaker meeting, everyone is so friendly.

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That the bible is not the infallible word of god and is open to interpretation (that the bible can be interpreted multiple different ways, sort of like how the Rabbi's pour over the torah and discuss different interpretations)

 

The bolded part would definitely be the Orthodox Church. You might like "The Way of the Pilgrim" and a nice translation of the sayings of the Desert Fathers.

 

There is also messianic judiasm. David Stern has a translation of the NT and a commentary on it you might find interesting.

 

But neither OC or MJ are gay friendly though going on a church by church basis might not be gay UNfriendly either.

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Were you more conservative Anglican rather than Episcopalian growing up? Because your experience really looks like the opposite of the Episcopal church. I grew up conservative Pentecostal and the ability to ask questions and get answers is one of the bigger reasons we converted. Your "wish list" describes the Episcopal church very well.

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You are completely and utterly UU. Have you looked into the Church of the Larger Fellowship? (Online UU).

 

 

LOL! I know :lol:

 

Its just lonely being the only UU around for miles, so I was hoping there would be something near me as a support network. I live in Country Aus, and my closest UU church is in the states city. My closest Quakers is a teeny bit closer being 2 1/2 hours away instead of 3 1/2. (rofl).

 

Actually, by coincidence I'm on the Quest site (Church of the Larger Fellowships) Learning Center. I was trying to look into some sort of Religious Studies group.

 

Maybe I can find a UU bible study program (read this passage over the week. discuss. leader gives their views, more discussion). I know in an ordinary church round here, I would not do bible study well. You're allowed to "discuss" and chat about it (in the way of "that was wonderful), but frowned upon to express your own views, thoughts, and actually want to hear other peoples :( :( :crying: I like to actually discuss, debate, theorize, analyze and ask why?.....because I have a genuine thirst for kowledge ad uderstading i.e. I'm a nosy monkey :tongue_smilie:

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As you don't specifically identify yourself as Christian, I thought I'd ask if your part of 'country Aus' is at all multi-cultural? I have a Baha'i friend (initially from Iran) who has a weekly discussion group at her house, including those of other faiths. Her religion seems to have an amazing combination of faith in their beliefs and openness to other ideas.

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I second the recommendations for Quaker, UU, and liberal Episcopalian churches. I am like tjlufkin, raised in an evangelical/Pentacostal denomination, but eventually began attending an Episcopal church, because of its openness to all groups and tolerance for differing views.

 

You don't list this as one of your reasons, but I suspect another reason you are attracted to UU is not only the ability to question, but the freedom to come to your own conclusions, instead of being bound to the dogma of others. If that is the case, even the Episcopalian church may not be as satisfying as the UU or Quakerism, because it is still a hierarchal church. Though individual parishes may vary, I would caution that most hierarchal churches are not too tolerant of individual interpretation, but expect obedience and adherence to their respective doctrines.

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I've done a quiz that would tell you what denomination you most match up with and I came out Quaker and UU. My beliefs (and struggle) are similar to yours.

 

I have recently returned to United Methodist Church. They fit your criteria, at least around here. Welcoming to all - the motto is Open Hearts, Open Minds, Open Doors. The first sermon that I heard when we went back was about there being many paths to the truth, and no one right way.

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Just looking at your list, without reading your personal history, I would have suggested Episcopalian.

 

Have you considered the United Church of Christ? Here in New England, they often join with the UU church on social justice issues, and they have also created joint curriculum at times.

 

 

This is what I was going to say. :)

 

One thing to consider is maybe finding the right community for you and then figuring out how to sort of "cope" with whatever doctrinal things don't necessarily click for you. I think that very few of us, particularly those of us who really think about and question matters of faith, will ever find a church that fits our beliefs perfectly. I grew up Mormon, had a crisis of faith seven years ago and left (during which time I explored other faiths, including UU), but I have been working on fitting it into my life for the past year. I am not, and will never be, the same Mormon that I was before, but I'm sort of just finding my own path, building my own Mormonism. I'm blogging about it at Agnostic Mormon Mom if you want to see how it is working for me. Obviously some of the details won't apply to your situation, but maybe it can give you some ideas for making something work for you.

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I've done a quiz that would tell you what denomination you most match up with and I came out Quaker and UU. My beliefs (and struggle) are similar to yours.

 

 

I actually took that quiz amidst writing my second post on here. I must of done something wrong, because it came out Reformed Judaism. Although I have a similar belief structure, I would definitely not fit in there. Probably because there were a few of what I count as the more important questions in Beliefnet, that I had to sit and figure out a suitable answer because it was either "none of the above" (because they didn't have that choice on some questions) or "I have no idea" (of which they didn't have that choice either). And the questions I struggle upon where the ones that are obviously a reason of why I need a support network.

 

Some sort of pre-recorded session I am okay with, but the online church seems to be live. I'm not sure what time that would equal to here, plus live streaming usually doesn't work here.

 

I will look at the rest of the answers in the morning with a clear head (I'm a bit woozy on painkillers & antibiotics tonight (I think I rattle when I walk, also just started taking Champix tonight, so fingers crossed on that goal), I managed to jar my tooth and now have a golf ball size tooth abcess in my jaw (yuk and owie) which means in the next couple of days I also have to go to the dentist (local anesthetic doesn't work on me, which no one believes, so dentists & doctors visits involving local usually end up reminding me of those asylum horror torture movies......) I'm in that completely childish mode where I just want my mum :( Or a general anesthetic....either will work ;)

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Just looking at your list, without reading your personal history, I would have suggested Episcopalian.

 

Have you considered the United Church of Christ? Here in New England, they often join with the UU church on social justice issues, and they have also created joint curriculum at times.

 

I agree. I was going to suggest United Church of Christ. They are very big on social justice issues and are gay friendly. :)

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Quakers condone homosexuality?

 

From the American Friends Service Committee:

“We believe that sexuality is governed by the same New Testament ethic that guides every other conduct choice for faithful Christians. Responsibility, mutuality, love, justice, non violence, non domination, and non exploitation characterize what Jesus called the “Kingdom of God.†How will sexual expression of love be judged? “By their fruits you shall know them†(Mt. 7:20). Does this relationship create an environment of love and justice? Does it further the creation of loving and sustaining community? Loving relationships stand on the Friends testimony of equality. As people of faith, we celebrate all loving relationships and decry those relationships based on the exploitation of the young, poor and powerless of whatever gender, orientation or age.

 

From the UCC General Synod:

“Lesbian, gay and bisexual people are often scorned by the church, and devalued and discriminated against both in the church and in society. We commit ourselves to caring and concern for lesbian, gay and bisexual sisters and brothers by affirming that:

 

“We believe that lesbian, gay and bisexual people share with all others the worth that comes from being unique individuals;

“We welcome lesbian, gay and bisexual people to join our congregation in the same spirit and manner used in the acceptance of any new members;

“We recognize the presence of ignorance, fear and hatred in the church and in our culture, and covenant to not discriminate on the basis of sexual orientation, nor any other irrelevant factor, and we seek to include and support those who, because of this fear and prejudice, find themselves in exile from a spiritual community;

“We seek to address the needs and advocate the concerns of lesbian, gay and bisexual people in our church and in society by actively encouraging churches, instrumentalities and secular governmental bodies to adopt and implement policies of non-discrimination. …

“[This resolution] encourages a policy of non-discrimination in employment, volunteer service and membership policies with regard to sexual orientation; encourages associations, conferences and all related organizations to adopt a similar policy; and encourages the congregations of the United Church of Christ to adopt a non-discrimination policy and a Covenant of Openness and Affirmation of persons of lesbian, gay and bisexual orientation within the community of faith.â€

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Too bad there is not a UU church closer! That has been a great fit for our family. We do know plenty of very UU types attending our local UCC also. The Quaker community local to us is also a similar community feel. Their school is one we looked at very closely when we were considering school choice vs. homeschooling.

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Test out the Uniting churches? They run the entire spectrum from conservative to liberal.

 

Otherwise, perhaps look for a philosophy in the pub type meeting? Not sure there are too many of those in woop woop though. I'm pretty sure the predominant religion here is Eat McDonalds, But Make an Effort on Sundays and Buy Chinese Takeaway.

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For me personally, the reason I went UU and not Episcopalian or UCC or Anglican is Christianity. I don't know how you could pick a Christian church is your belief system is not Christ-centered, since that is such a critical spiritual aspect to those faiths.

 

For background, I grew up Catholic, another church whose main focus is New Testament/Christianity.

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Congregational/UCC, depending on where you live (I have several gay friends who are also UCC pastors). Also, some PC(USA) churches will fit your statements - again, depending on where you are and the local church. Both my husband's congregation and mine would welcome you and your beliefs. We are of the liberal end of the PC(USA) and have worked for full inclusion of GLBT folks since high school. If there's a PC(USA) congregation close to you and you want help figuring out if it would be a good fit, feel free to pm me and I can do some sleuthing out for you.

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I left the church (Church of England/Anglican) in my early teens (12-13 (had been going voluntarily to my biological fathers church since I was 7) due to questioning those in charge. I wanted to understand the why's & how's and apparently It was "just because" which is not an answer. I gave up and left.

 

I was an atheist for a while (1-2 years) , that church having made me lose my faith, and then became Wiccan, which I was until I married my husband. After marrying and being pregant, I started questioning my faith all over again. For the past 7-8 years, I have just read and researched from many different points of view. I want to believe, but I also cannot find somewhere I fit. I looked into Unitarian Universalism, and hung round that for a while, but as their is no church near me (closest UU is 3 1/2 hours away), this has lead me again, to questioning my faith.

 

I want to find somewhere I fit in. I was hoping some people here to have suggestions, since it is such a widely varied area:

 

* Belief in God (obviously)

* Freedom to question the why's and how's, to be encouraged in that ability to want to learn why. Even if it goes against something in their church, the openess and respect to listen and offer their opinions.

* Gay-Friendly (all people friendly, actually, no matter their genetic make-up lifestyle or inner conflicting emotions)

* That the bible is not the infallible word of god and is open to interpretation (that the bible can be interpreted multiple different ways, sort of like how the Rabbi's pour over the torah and discuss different interpretations)

* Encouraged to participate and add their own views.

Edited to add: Forgot an important point. Pro Theistic Evolution, and open/believes in mainstream scientific fact (how I could of forgotten that bit, I have no idea)

 

Well the list is much longer than that, but the rest a little bitty things, these are the most important ones to me.

 

Can anybody please help? :grouphug:

 

 

I've run the gamut of different churches over the last 10 years. Methodist, Catholic, Non-denom, Anglican, Unitarian, United Church of Christ, Presbyterian. One thing I've learned is that a churches political and social stance can vary WIDELY even within denominations. I almost fell over when I heard so many people say the United Church was gay-friendly. The two or three connected UCoC churches that I was familiar with (and still am, my hubbys family are all there still) are by FAR the most socially conservative I have ever attended (I once sat thru an entire sermon on how wonderful sarah palin was...seriously...that was the sermon).

 

Right now I'm very happily Eastern Orthodox (we even have a social group here). It's got your *belief in God. *freedom to question whys and hows. *that the bible is not infallible and can be interpreted and *encouraged to participate. But I'm not sure it would go all the way to "gay-friendly", as I'm assuming by this you mean that they support gay marriage. I can not imagine any Orthodox church ever encouraging people to be unkind to gay people (we are fairly mind-your-own-business about things) or for that matter anyone. But the church does hold a "traditional" view of marriage and sex- ie man, woman, married. I think it would be a smooth transfer from your Anglican and Wiccan backgrounds (about half my parish is ex anglican, and we have an "earthiness" that reminds me of Wiccan), but it seems like UU is where your heart is. And unfortunately UU is a whole thing of its own. I don't think there is much comparable. Sounds like maybe Quaker is close, I cant speak for that.

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Oh I second the recommendation for the United Church of Christ (UCC). I visited a UCC here because they were vocal about being open and affirming and hosting community LGBT/PFLAG meetings. For someone looking for something more traditional church like, compared to the Quaker meetings I mentioned, it would probably be a great option.

 

Also Church of Chris and UCC are two totally different churches. I grew up in a Church of Christ and it was very limiting and conservative and just not something I would recommend. I was actually worried when attending a PFLAG meeting at the UCC that maybe there was something underhanded going on to get people in but then not really be supportive or something. I am so pleased I was wrong. The pastor and congregation members I've met from the UCC have all been wonderful to interact with. But it still catches me off guard because of my experience with the Church of Christ, totally different than UCC.

 

ha: just found this you tube of an ad by them, interesting:

 

edited to add link and try to get it to stop embedding itself too.

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I left the church (Church of England/Anglican) in my early teens (12-13 (had been going voluntarily to my biological fathers church since I was 7) due to questioning those in charge. I wanted to understand the why's & how's and apparently It was "just because" which is not an answer. I gave up and left.

 

I was an atheist for a while (1-2 years) , that church having made me lose my faith, and then became Wiccan, which I was until I married my husband. After marrying and being pregant, I started questioning my faith all over again. For the past 7-8 years, I have just read and researched from many different points of view. I want to believe, but I also cannot find somewhere I fit. I looked into Unitarian Universalism, and hung round that for a while, but as their is no church near me (closest UU is 3 1/2 hours away), this has lead me again, to questioning my faith.

 

I want to find somewhere I fit in. I was hoping some people here to have suggestions, since it is such a widely varied area:

 

* Belief in God (obviously)

* Freedom to question the why's and how's, to be encouraged in that ability to want to learn why. Even if it goes against something in their church, the openess and respect to listen and offer their opinions.

* Gay-Friendly (all people friendly, actually, no matter their genetic make-up lifestyle or inner conflicting emotions)

* That the bible is not the infallible word of god and is open to interpretation (that the bible can be interpreted multiple different ways, sort of like how the Rabbi's pour over the torah and discuss different interpretations)

* Encouraged to participate and add their own views.

Edited to add: Forgot an important point. Pro Theistic Evolution, and open/believes in mainstream scientific fact (how I could of forgotten that bit, I have no idea)

 

Well the list is much longer than that, but the rest a little bitty things, these are the most important ones to me.

 

Can anybody please help? :grouphug:

 

 

 

I'm going to be honest. Not hostile, I assure you. The Episcopal church (not the spin-off "Anglican" groups) stands for everything you list. One can believe anything one wants to believe. Everybody is "right".

 

(That situation is, however, what propelled me out of the Episcopal church in the mid-1970s. I could not adjust to an environment in which polar opposites both were accepted as correct. I was in college, and found that to be philosophically untenable.)

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I wouldn't rule out the Episcopal church, if you can find a liberal one. They are very different from Anglican types of churches -- one reason for the many split offs in the Episcopal Church in the U.S.

 

Another group to look at is the Metropolitan Community Church. They were started as 'inclusive' churches. Not sure about Theistic Evolution, though.

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Metropolitan_Community_Church

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We are UCC, and i am a lay minister who occasionally preaches at churches nearby. Here in Western Colorado, all the UCC congregations that i know of would fit exactly what you stated. I think the East Coast might be a bit more conservative. Our selection of the UCC was quite intentional, for all the reasons you mentioned...I wanted a thinking faith that allowed for all to be welcomed, particularly my gay friends. I wanted to be able to ask questions, to recognize the validity of other paths to God that might be different than my own, and to not be forced to pretend an acceptance of infallibility which would be completely inauthentic to me. I am a very UU leaning UCCer, and I know that many in our own Congregation are as well.

 

I'd try one out if there is one nearby, it fits the bill nicely for what you are looking for!

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We are UCC, and i am a lay minister who occasionally preaches at churches nearby. Here in Western Colorado, all the UCC congregations that i know of would fit exactly what you stated. I think the East Coast might be a bit more conservative. Our selection of the UCC was quite intentional, for all the reasons you mentioned...I wanted a thinking faith that allowed for all to be welcomed, particularly my gay friends. I wanted to be able to ask questions, to recognize the validity of other paths to God that might be different than my own, and to not be forced to pretend an acceptance of infallibility which would be completely inauthentic to me. I am a very UU leaning UCCer, and I know that many in our own Congregation are as well.

 

I'd try one out if there is one nearby, it fits the bill nicely for what you are looking for!

 

I think the OP is from Australia, but for the benefit of others reading this thread, I have not found the bolded to be true in Rhode Island or Vermont. I do think there might be regions of the country where the UCC congregations might be more conservative, but New England, in my experience, is not one of them.

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Episcopal church is the American Anglican church, I believe. We don't have them here in Oz. :)

 

If only that (bolded above) were true! But Anglican is frequently used in opposition to The Episcopal Church. 'The Episcopal Church' is the name of the the U.S. province that is in communion with the Archbishop of Canterbury, attends the Lambeth Conferences, etc.

 

But there has been a cascade of schisms since the 1970's as parishes and, more recently entire dioceses have broken away from The Episcopal Church. Most of the breakaway groups use the word Anglican in their names: Anglican Church in America, Anglican Catholic Church, Anglican Church in North America, etc. The breakaway churches have oversight of bishops from other provinces (in South America, Africa) of the Anglican Communion. There are continuing lawsuits over who owns church property.

 

So, in the U.S., Anglican and Episcopalian can be quite different (though Anglo-Catholics might be in either group).

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For future reference sake, the UCC is the union of 4 separate denominations that were all regional, congregational churches. Much of how liberal the UCC congregation is close to you is dependent on which preceding denomination the individual congregation was a member of. This doesn't hold true across the board, of course, but is helpful. If anyone really wants to know more, I'll dig out my church history notes. The north-east UCC is very liberal (all of my UCC gay clergy friends are in the northeast), but there is a large, gay-friendly UCC church in Texas, and 2 in Southern Illinois. I imagine there are more not-so-gay friendly UCC churches in places like Texas and the rural midwest and south, but there are others. With any congregational church, you have to understand that their polity means that the local congregation has total control over the life of the congregation - so individual congregations can be as liberal or conservative as they want - the statements of the denomination are guiding but not anything a congregation has to agree with. (The same is generally true of Baptist congregations - there are still a few quite liberal Southern Baptist congregations - although the SBC and more local associations have been trying to drive them out. The American Baptists are more liberal - not as much as some UCC and PC(USA) and Episcopal, but there could be exceptions.) In relation to the OP, this means that in congregational or baptist churches, they can ordain who they want (the UCC does require more approval from the district in this regard for pastors) - in other polity systems (bishops, for example - Methodist, Catholic or presbyterian - PCUSA) the larger governing body must agree to a change before new groups can be ordained. This means that changes are slower to come - but are more widely accepted when they happen.

Anyway, also wanted to post and say I am sorry I have no idea about denominations in Australia. So, OP, I am not much help! I do know that the PCUSA's partner church in Australia is the Uniting Church in Australia. You might look into their congregations in your hunt, although I can make no guarantees. Best wishes in your search!

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I did write out a post last night, but my computer closed the window and I was too lazy to re-write it. Yes, I am in Aus, and not near a city which limits my options.

 

Thank you to the person who mentioned the online UU, I am slowly going for membership.

 

It looks like if I want a local place in the future, I will be looking at Anglican or Uniting unless something else opens.

 

There is actually apparently a church in my suburb, in town (the town we never go to, as its a blink and you miss it type one, mainly consisting of a bar, and corner shop) I had no idea about it. I can't find out what type, but considering when it was established and the area, it would probably be very conservative and either christian or catholic. DH says we'll have a drive-by just in case.

 

I'm glad I found somewhere for support, not only that, but I found another UU site that has book study guides, and I can't wait to get started on those.

 

I'm sorted now :) Although I do need to ask another religious question, but I'll post a new thread for that

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