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Nice. Real nice. Kids. Why can't having the neighbor kids over just be fun?


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Why when I can't get to the door fast enough, do you stop knocking and kick the door?

Why when you bring candy bars or water bottles over and eat in my yard do you throw those items on the ground?

Why when you are told you can't play by my children, you swear at them and call them names?

Why when I tell you that is unacceptable do you look in my eyes and tell me you didn't say anything?

**Sigh**

 

I can handle the trash, the rearranging of plants in my yard, even the squabbles but swearing at my kids...that just gets me. Unacceptable. I don't know what to do. Confronting the child doesn't work. Talking to the parents doesn't work.

What to do, what to do.

Yeah summer and neighbor kids. Let the games begin.....

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You just made me grateful that none of the neighborhood kids want to play with my crew.

 

Thank you for that.

 

And I hope you figure out a way to deal with the behavior that is disruptive and rude.

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And I hope you figure out a way to deal with the behavior that is disruptive and rude.

 

Yes, this is the hardest thing. It has been a constant source of stress for over three years now. Some of the kids have drifted off because they are involved in sports or the like, But, than a new crew comes over and it is still the same story.

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"I'm sorry, we don't tolerate swearing or lying. You will have to go home now. You can return tomorrow if you can control your behavior."

 

Every single time. Neighbor kids are just like any other kids, they are testing boundaries. Lay them down hard and fast, and usually the problem solves itself. The kid straightens up or doesn't come back.

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I don't think some kids are just "testing boundaries." I think there are some out there who are just angry, feeling entitled and nasty when they don't get what they want because that is what their parents model to them. I'd seriously consider reporting such children and parents to authorities.

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"I'm sorry, we don't tolerate swearing or lying. You will have to go home now. You can return tomorrow if you can control your behavior."

 

Every single time. Neighbor kids are just like any other kids, they are testing boundaries. Lay them down hard and fast, and usually the problem solves itself. The kid straightens up or doesn't come back.

It is true that with most kids this works. I have done it and it has been fine.

 

But, with most kids in my neighborhood that hasn't been my experience. They look at you and say "I never said that" Than what? You tell them "I heard you" or "I saw you". They still stick with "Nope, it wasn't me." Talking with the parents doesn't help. The behavior still continues. My kids see this behavior, and as adults we wouldn't put up with someone treating us this way. There would be a point where we would walk away after trying to work something out. After trying for months to make it work, sometimes I am wondering if the healthy thing to do is not allow certain children over to play. When do you cut the ties? Trust me. We have tried moving from playing 4 times a week, to 3 to 2 to 1 time a week. Sometimes just because we have been busy with activities, it has been once every several weeks.

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It is true that with most kids this works. I have done it and it has been fine.

 

But, with most kids in my neighborhood that hasn't been my experience. They look at you and say "I never said that" Than what? You tell them "I heard you" or "I saw you". They still stick with "Nope, it wasn't me." Talking with the parents doesn't help. The behavior still continues. My kids see this behavior, and as adults we wouldn't put up with someone treating us this way. There would be a point where we would walk away after trying to work something out. After trying for months to make it work, sometimes I am wondering if the healthy thing to do is not allow certain children over to play. When do you cut the ties? Trust me. We have tried moving from playing 4 times a week, to 3 to 2 to 1 time a week. Sometimes just because we have been busy with activities, it has been once every several weeks.

Don't argue. "It's time for you to go." Wash, rinse, repeat.

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Yeah, I wouldn't be able to put up with the swearing at my child either. If we EVER did encounter a child that was nice/kind, I'm sure EMTs would have to be called because I would pass out from sheer disbelief. I'm exhausted from the search for such a child. I'm wondering what this summer will be like, too. :confused1: SIGH

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You might want to investigate what the common denominator is, then...

 

Yep! I know what it is. It isn't just one thing either. Some of those things aren't in my power to change. The one thing that I could change was helping my children to be clear and set good boundaries and be able to tell kids to leave when they don't follow the rules. My kids, at the beginning, would not say anything. Just to be clear, I have modeled this with the kids and helped them do this. I haven't left them hanging nor have I been overly intrusive. It definetly has been stressful trying to balance this out. Also, this boundary setting stuff was a lot of work for me too since growing up my boundaries never counted. I was also raised that you just keep trying and trying and being nice to people no matter what. I am friends with a lady in our neighborhood who is a retired social worker. She has coached me in how to deal with the situation and how my children should respond. What a blessing she has been. She actually went with me to talk with a parent and told me I shouldn't go without her because of other issues.

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Don't argue. "It's time for you to go." Wash, rinse, repeat.

 

Yes, this.. I need to write this down and memorize it. Thanks!

 

I have trouble when I say what I know, someone tells me what I know isn't what I know because they know what I said isn't true for them (I know this sounds like a crazy statement), so than I get stuck. This is what happened to me growing up all the time. I know what I saw, said or heard. My parents would be like, you are so sensitive, that was never said, you didn't hear right etc.

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It is true that with most kids this works. I have done it and it has been fine.

Talking with the parents doesn't help. The behavior still continues.

 

 

 

I think there is your common denominator. If the parents won't do anything it's really hard for an 'outsider' to correct the behavior.

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It is true that with most kids this works. I have done it and it has been fine.

 

But, with most kids in my neighborhood that hasn't been my experience. They look at you and say "I never said that" Than what? You tell them "I heard you" or "I saw you". They still stick with "Nope, it wasn't me." Talking with the parents doesn't help. The behavior still continues. My kids see this behavior, and as adults we wouldn't put up with someone treating us this way. There would be a point where we would walk away after trying to work something out. After trying for months to make it work, sometimes I am wondering if the healthy thing to do is not allow certain children over to play. When do you cut the ties? Trust me. We have tried moving from playing 4 times a week, to 3 to 2 to 1 time a week. Sometimes just because we have been busy with activities, it has been once every several weeks.

 

I think that's a completely healthy thing to do if the kids don't respect boundaries. And it's good for *your* kids to see how to deal with others who don't respect boundaries.

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Happiest day of my life was when we got our "killer dog" and no one wanted to play with my kids anymore. The neighbor kids were okay 1 or 2 at a time but when they were in a pack forget it. One kid went out of her way to get anyone else in trouble. If they were all together someone would be the punching bag that day. It always seemed to be mine (although I do know everyone had a turn it felt like it was always one of mine).

 

Plain and simple-kick them out and tell them why. Calmly explain the house rules at the beginning and when they break the house rules calmly explain why they need to leave.

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Don't argue. "It's time for you to go." Wash, rinse, repeat.

 

This.

 

My DH is a teacher, and this direct, no nonsense approach works very well in his classroom. No place for excuses, no whining, lying, or wheedling. Your house, your rules.

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Good news! The child who swore at my son came over to get his ball pumped. Since I have been pondering what I should say, I decided that I would go with going over our house rules first. Then, I just said I heard what was said, I don't care who said it, but it was unacceptable and if it happens again, they will not be allowed to play for awhile. I asked him if he would like it if a friend of his talked to him that way. He said no. That was it. We pumped his ball but had another committment we had to leave for so there was no playing.

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