Michelle T Posted August 4, 2008 Share Posted August 4, 2008 Well, okay, maybe "ruining" is too strong a word. But I have come to realize that I am not doing him any favor by making things too easy for him, not having high enough expectations, letting him get away with doing very little work, and basically doing his thinking for him. My DS is 12, with raging ADHD (he is on Ritalin LA, which helps a LOT), dyscalculia, severe fine motor deficits (tests on a 5 year old level) and severe visual/spatial processing disorder. Learning is hard for him. His comprehension is not great, his retention is poor, it is generally hard for him to put his thoughts into words. However, I've come to realize that I've made things worse by basically lowering my expectations too much. I do believe he could be working on a higher level than he is in most subjects, but I have a hard time pushing him. I don't know why it is so hard for me to push him to work harder, but it is. The moment I realize he is bored, or struggling, or having a hard time, I just stop. I also find that I spoon-feed him knowledge, and I tend to explain everything to him, rather than let him work things out for himself. As a result, he is now rather intellectually "lazy", and passively allows me to tell him everything, without doing any original thinking of his own. Believe me, I know he struggles with learning, and would be "behind grade level" regardless, but I truly think I have made things worse. Okay, finally to my questions. Having come to realize that my expectations are too low, and I am making learning too easy for DS, how do I change that? Obviously it would be unrealistic to suddenly announce that from now on, he's on his own. He is always going to need a lot of guidance and help. And of course he is going to be resistant to having to think for himself, something that is difficult for him. So how do I work on increasing his independence without blowing him away? How do I start expecting him to work on a higher level and do more than a couple minutes half-hearted study in any subject? Has anyone else gone through this? How did you change things? How do you even know what is realistic for your child, and how much you can push without going too far? Any words of wisdom for me? Advice? You'd think after six years homeschooling, I'd have a handle on this, but I honestly just recently started to realize how much I am "molly coddling" my son, and doing him no favors by making everything so easy. Michelle T Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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