Transitioning to "school work"

[mamamindy]

I know these sorts of questions are asked all the time, and I really love gleaning the advice that others receive. Many thanks to all of you with years (months? - some learn quickly!) of experience and wisdom!! And I apologize if I've already asked this question myself... :confused1:

 

My kids are young, and I am really trying to just create an atmosphere of learning in our home. I do believe that the "home schooling" we are doing now, really is just an extension of parenting. It is my nature to follow a rule book, or someone else's guidelines, (mostly out of lack of confidence) but I have learned through this first year that that is not really benefiting us, and it is not what I want for our home. Basically (and this is especially true since my children are young, and there are several) we have a relaxed approach to "school" that includes the basics, lots of reading, and lots of outdoor play. We have a routine that we follow everyday that begins with dressing, making the bed, eating breakfast. However, I still struggle with transitioning to "school" time, aka our book work. Once we get going, my girls are fine, and really enjoy their book work. (My oldest really prefers WBs for things, actually.) It seems like while I'm cleaning up from breakfast, I lose them. Then I have to reign them in, and they really resent that. (At first anyway.) They just want to play. And I totally get that. I love for them to play nicely together, but I also have this "window" of opportunity when they are fresh for math. (That is really my #1 focus since they read and write very well.) Reading over this, I feel like I sound like a pushover mom. This is not the case. I just don't want to fight with them (really DD1) every single morning just to get her to do a little math. I've tried (and it sometimes works) giving her choices, making it fun, etc. It seems like nothing works for very long. FWIW we could finish school/book work in 1 hour with both if they had great attitudes. And that's with interruptions. I am just tired of coming up with another trick each morning. It makes me weary, and a little trepidatious (I am having a hard time finding the right word) each morning before we start our day. I would love some suggestions.

[Coco_Clark]

Some things just aren't fun, no matter what "tricks" we apply or how many choices we offer. While I totally believe in fun, free, self-directed learning, I also believe in (moderate amounts of) buckling down and learning how to do something even when it's boring, even when it's hard, even when you don't feel like it. This is a useful life skill! So my immediate reaction would probably be: schedule it into the routine, and just do it. Every day. Explain that it's good for them, that its necessary, that youll be doing it every day, and that as soon as its over you can move on with your day. Then stop feeling so guilty about it ;) they can probably tell.

 

That being said, I'm new at this too, and probably a "mean mom". My parenting style brooks little argument. It's not better or worse than other parenting styles, just who I am. I'm interested in seeing more experienced parents answers.

[PeterPan]

Is there some reason *you* are the one cleaning up from breakfast? Maybe just a logistical solution? Chore chart, someone gets assigned breakfast cleanup for the week, everyone else goes to their work locations, table cleaner joins when she's done.

 

It IS hard to keep everyone on track. I only have the 3 of us and I feel the entropy, lol. Sounds to me like you're doing great. You're exactly right to focus on ROUTINES right now. It's just that sometimes it takes a long time. My dd spent the first 8 years of homeschooling waking up EVERY MORNING asking what we were doing that day. I kid you not. And she literally meant are we going to the zoo or the park or maybe doing school work or maybe some surprise... The fact that we had done some form of school the day before and day before and day before meant NOTHING to her, lol. Then in 8th, marvel of marvels, she stopped asking what we were doing. She switched to asking if she really had to do it. :lol: :lol: :lol:

 

Just keep at it. You're doing great.

[Alte Veste Academy]

Don't let them up from the table. :tongue_smilie: Before breakfast, have their schoolwork ready to go. Then after breakfast, you could have them each clear their dishes, the older ones can rinse and load theirs into the dishwasher while the little ones put away easy toddler-safe items, whatever, but everybody works together and then back to the table. We do Morning Meeting (aka Circle Time) first thing after breakfast. This includes lots of fun stuff and lures the kids in. It is a cheerful start to the day. There are many great threads about this. If you are interested, search for circle time, morning meeting, and morning board (a nice add-on).

[Alte Veste Academy]

Oh, and one thing we did for a while before morning meeting was to walk the dog right after breakfast. Everyone wants to go and then it is an easy, scheduled transition. Breakfast, walk dog, school. We used to joke that we were "walking to school." :lol:

 

This is only helpful if you have a dog, of course. :tongue_smilie: And with a new baby coming, you may not want to introduce it until the start of the next school year.

[Incognito]

It doesn't work perfectly every day, but I tend to read to them halfway through breakfast - or we do some memory work. That gets some of our sit-down stuff started, then it is fairly seamelss to transition right to more after they are done eating. They go wash hands and brush teeth, then right back to the table. Our first thing stuff is not particularly long, then after the baby goes down for a nap we do more reading and stuff that needs my undivided attention.

[Mrs. A]

We have run into this also. during breakfast we do memory work and Bible reading and when we're done I have dd1 clear and wipe the table while ds practices piano. Then everybody gets an hour of free time to play before school officially starts. When the weather is nice I make sure we spend that hour outside. In the beginning I set a timer so there could be no arguments about the time not being up, but now they are used to our routine and I don't have to be rigid about the start time.

[boscopup]

I agree that they should be helping you clean up after breakfast. My kids know that after breakfast, THEY are to put their dishes in the dishwasher (which THEY emptied when they got up... I ran it the night before). They are all capable of putting their dishes away, wiping the table clean (I finally thought to teach them to wipe their crumbs onto their plate before they leave the table - oh the table looks so much nicer now! :D ), and even sweeping or vacuuming the floor if needed. Every one of your children is capable of helping in some way. Give the 21 month old a wet rag to wipe the table with (while sitting/standing on a chair if necessary). Have the older three help the younger one with her dishes.

 

When we first started, I realized that if my kids got to play before doing school, I lost them as well. IF they go play, you might want to transition them with some house or yard work. Last summer, we started our morning by doing some weeding in the flower bed for 15 minutes, then we put away a load of laundry all together. These were physical activities for the kids, so it got some energy out like play does, except that it put them in work mode, so they transitioned to school work much easier.

 

Also, find the routine that works for you and stick with it. If they know that we always do school after such-and-such, they know what to expect.

[texasmama]

I start reading aloud during breakfast, which signals a transition to school. I also hand my youngest student her independent written work after this(handwriting, Spelling Workout, Explode the Code). My two olders don't balk doing school really anymore. It is a given for them. My 7 year old gives me a hard time sometimes, though. What we do here is that unless mom has assigned you written work to do or is working with you individually, you are free to pursue your own interests. Kids this age do rely on routine to give them structure so once you find a routine which works, just keep it up. :)

[kateingr]

It sounds like we have a similar start to the morning. I love having the kids play a bit while I clean up and get a jump on a couple chores for the day. I rein them in and "officially" start our school day with read-aloud books on the couch. Then, after reading together a while, there are no complaints about going straight into our seat work part of the day.

[kateingr]

It sounds like we have a similar start to the morning. I love having the kids play a bit while I clean up and get a jump on a couple chores for the day. I rein them in and "officially" start our school day with read-aloud books on the couch. Then, after reading together a while, there are no complaints about going straight into our seat work part of the day.

[mamamindy]

These ideas are golden. Thank you!! :hurray:

 

I hope I don't sound like I'm just making excuses now... I am ready for change, and to try again what we've tried before. The whole morning prep, breakfast, and cleanup is really an issue of mine right now. I am usually a morning person, alert and productive, but I have had a more difficult time getting up lately... Probably the 36wks pregnant thing. :tongue_smilie: I like to be alone, get a few chores done, and have breakfast ready for my kids. I am still able to manage this without too much trouble. But I haven't been able to manage eating before them, and during any meal really, I can't do much but wait upon them, so no reading aloud or anything. Perhaps I should figure out how they can be more self sufficient at the table at least.... We often work on memory work during breakfast, however. I think it would be a fantastic goal of mine to have school work at least ready for them before they are eating.

 

My older three have "before breakfast chores" of dressing and making their beds, but it seems I still have to be right on one of them. She seriously can't remember to use the bathroom (at nearly 6 yrs old) right away if I don't remind her. Then she's dancing a few hours later! I have tried many things with her, she's had the same consistent routine since she was about 18mnths old, but we're still struggling. I need to be helping my 3yo and baby dress, etc., and watch the stove, and she cannot stay on task at all.

 

On to after breakfast chores/cleanup.... We have tried this. I really ought to give it another try. It seemed easier to just do it myself, but I realize that there is great value in them learning how to help now. I do have DD2 help load the dishes while DD1 keeps the baby out of the way. I realize that a lot of this is a control thing with me (I don't even like how DH helps clean up) and I need to let it go. Before I go crazy. ;)

 

I really love the idea of circle time/meeting time. I need to look into that some more. I think we have gotten into the habit of waiting until the toddler was out of the way (reading in the crib, or settled with an older) before trying to call one of the big girls to do school. Problem was, by this point she was deep in squinky-land and couldn't pull herself away! :lol:

 

No dog, but a morning walk sounds awesome. We end many of our evenings with a "night" walk, and this would be fun, too. I hadn't included it yet because it seemed like it would take too much time out of the morning, but maybe that bit of energy expelled would go a long way.

 

I also need to utilize my timer again. It's been forgotten, and it was so helpful to keep them (and me) on track.

 

What sorts of things ought I give my big girls to start on (they don't really have "independent" work yet) that is educational while I'm finishing up the kitchen or settling the 3yo and baby? A game? I know there are things - I just need to brainstorm a bit and be ready. I am struggling being proactive in this area!

[boscopup]

I hope I don't sound like I'm just making excuses now... I am ready for change, and to try again what we've tried before. The whole morning prep, breakfast, and cleanup is really an issue of mine right now. I am usually a morning person, alert and productive, but I have had a more difficult time getting up lately... Probably the 36wks pregnant thing. :tongue_smilie: I like to be alone, get a few chores done, and have breakfast ready for my kids. I am still able to manage this without too much trouble. But I haven't been able to manage eating before them, and during any meal really, I can't do much but wait upon them, so no reading aloud or anything.

 

Ok, 36 weeks pregnant is a plenty good excuse! :lol: I didn't fall into my *good* pattern until I was sleeping through the night, and I know I don't sleep well while pregnant (up a gazillion times to pee - I sleep more when baby arrives!). So I'm proud of you for even having breakfast ready for the kids. :D

 

As far as waiting upon them during meals... I wonder if you're underestimating what your kids could be doing now. Once we sit down, I don't get up again. My kids can get more food on their own, or they can get a drink, or they can get an apple and the slicer and bring them to me. They stand on a chair to get a plate for the apple. In fact, my kids fix their own breakfast unless it involves cooking. If they're getting a bowl of cereal, they can do that themselves. Even the 3 year old (almost 4) is able to do it. If there is something my youngest can't do, his big brothers do it for him.

 

So maybe sit down and really think about what your kids might be able to do on their own. I know it took me a while to realize that my kids could pour their own cereal and get their own drinks. I had an aha moment one day, and it's been so nice ever since! :)

 

I completely understand the losing control issue over chores, and also the babysitting issue. I have to babysit one of my kids when he does chores. He just isn't ready to do them on his own (and he's 6). But I do find that putting the work into teaching the kids to do chores properly (my way ;) ) is worth the effort. And if we are all working together on the same thing (ie, all cleaning up the dining room after breakfast), they aren't off getting into "play mode". They're working alongside me, engaged in work. And I'm right there to make sure they're doing it correctly, and doing it at all. ;) Same goes for laundry... My kids can fold and put away all their clothes all by themselves. It took me a while to realize that. They'll do it pretty quickly if I'm right there working with them, too, and again, I can supervise and make sure they're doing it and doing it correctly. The first week or two that you start having them do chores with you, expect it to take a little extra time, but as they get good at it, it should go very quickly and take less time than you doing it yourself.

[mamamindy]

I wonder if you're underestimating what your kids could be doing now.

 

I think this is it. I am trying to run the house by myself (ie. do everything) and starting to feel the wear. Thank you so much for your suggestions. And maybe we should start having an easier breakfast. We love breakfast here, and it's such a big ordeal that I'm worn out when it's over. :sad: I appreciate this reality check. :)

[twoxcell]

Why are you using tricks? If it is time for seat work then it is time for seat work. Tell them to come to the table and sit down and if they don't comply then there will be a consequence(whatever one you choose). I would sit them down and explain this to them first and agree on an appropriate consequence.(i.e. no screen time after school). Habits need to be taught and learned. ;)

[Kelly1730]

 

What sorts of things ought I give my big girls to start on (they don't really have "independent" work yet) that is educational while I'm finishing up the kitchen or settling the 3yo and baby? A game? I know there are things - I just need to brainstorm a bit and be ready. I am struggling being proactive in this area!

 

 

How about educational puzzles or Timberdoodle carries some neat logic type games for your children's ages.

[mamamindy]

Why are you using tricks? If it is time for seat work then it is time for seat work. Tell them to come to the table and sit down and if they don't comply then there will be a consequence(whatever one you choose). I would sit them down and explain this to them first and agree on an appropriate consequence.(i.e. no screen time after school). Habits need to be taught and learned. ;)

 

 

I do get what you're saying here. And we have done something like this: "Come let's do math." (whiiiine) "If you're not going to have a good attitude, I am not going to work with you. You will have to finish math during your normal playtime." (sulking) I really do not feel like she learns much at all if I try to continue to teach with her bad attitude, and if I wait until later it likely doesn't go well then either. Neither of us is fresh, it's not a good time for me, etc. I have tried other discipline measures, but they don't seem to get to the root of the issue. I know that everyone is having the same problem as me - I see it on this board all the time - and I'm so thankful to be learning along with everyone. I really do think that a consistent routine that does not require me calling her back to the table repeatedly is what would be best for her. She really does want, and like, to do "school", she just likes things on her terms. It seems as though we're always dealing with the same issues, eventually smoothing out with consistency and routine, and then they manifest again anytime something "new" comes along. This has just been her way since birth.

 

All that said, we have a nice consistent routine for our daily life, and have since she was small. I am just still trying to figure out how to include our school work into our life in a way that is very consistent. I mean, there are lots of interruptions, and I suspect there will be for some time. :) There are so many things to try - checklists, charts, workboxes, etc - that I have sorta tried, to help give her a visual. Perhaps I need to stick with something simple to see if that gives her some comfort as to what to expect each and every day where school is involved.

 

How about educational puzzles or Timberdoodle carries some neat logic type games for your children's ages.

 

 

I am not familiar with Timberdoodle. Thanks for mentioning it. I will look into it. :)

[mamamindy]

Adding to say, I think it's so funny (and fitting) that I'm having such a difficult time transitioning with this child because as a small baby it was transition that she struggled with. And I mean transitioning to being awake, to eating, to dressing, bathing, you name it. She was fine once we were doing something, but a big ordeal to move to something else. Of course she does not struggle to this extreme now, but it is still very uncomfortable for her.

[twoxcell]

I do get what you're saying here. And we have done something like this: "Come let's do math." (whiiiine) "If you're not going to have a good attitude, I am not going to work with you. You will have to finish math during your normal playtime." (sulking) I really do not feel like she learns much at all if I try to continue to teach with her bad attitude, and if I wait until later it likely doesn't go well then either. Neither of us is fresh, it's not a good time for me, etc. I have tried other discipline measures, but they don't seem to get to the root of the issue. I know that everyone is having the same problem as me - I see it on this board all the time - and I'm so thankful to be learning along with everyone. I really do think that a consistent routine that does not require me calling her back to the table repeatedly is what would be best for her. She really does want, and like, to do "school", she just likes things on her terms. It seems as though we're always dealing with the same issues, eventually smoothing out with consistency and routine, and then they manifest again anytime something "new" comes along. This has just been her way since birth.

I totally get what you are saying I have a stubborn 7 year old myself. ;) Our days go much smoother when I am consistent and not distracted. Especially when it comes to meaning what I say. My dd pouts too quite frequently when she has to sit down. That fades pretty quickly once she knows I mean business.

[Incognito]

Do you call her on the pouting? My DS can be like that. I remind him that it is important to have a good attitude. Then I have him say what he wanted to say with a better attitude/nice voice. I also will wait him out on the attitude. I won't do things with him if he is going to be sour. He can go sit or rest until he is ready to come with a decent attitude. Some days it gets a little tiring to remind him, but it does actually work quite well and the actual time we spend together doing something is usually pleasant then. It is a rare day when I actually do have him sit somewhere for a few minutes to fix his attitude - he is usually willing to fix it right away since he knows he doesn't want to just sit doing nothing. HTH.

[kitten18]

You've gotten a lot of good advice.

 

 

I just wanted to give you some hope that you may see improvement with age. My DD used to whine and complain about school EVERY DAY. Last year, when she turned 8, I saw a pretty big improvement in her attitude. This year, when she turned 9, I have seen a HUGE improvement. She never complains about school anymore and she's pleasant to work with.

I didn't do anything different, it was just a maturity issue for her.

[twoxcell]

You've gotten a lot of good advice.

 

 

I just wanted to give you some hope that you may see improvement with age. My DD used to whine and complain about school EVERY DAY. Last year, when she turned 8, I saw a pretty big improvement in her attitude. This year, when she turned 9, I have seen a HUGE improvement. She never complains about school anymore and she's pleasant to work with.

I didn't do anything different, it was just a maturity issue for her.

:iagree:

So far for my kids 6-7 has been the worse for whining and complaining about school work. From 3-5 they are generally eager to do school and excited about new things. It seems that around 6 school gets a bit harder and they realize that it is work. My ds improved a lot around 8 and this year at 9 for the most part he really enjoys school. He still complains occasionally but no where near as much. My dd is also a bit better than she was a few months ago. I'm hoping that after summer break she will be even better. :)

[Kelly1730]

 

 

 

 

I am not familiar with Timberdoodle. Thanks for mentioning it. I will look into it. :)

 

 

Well then, you are in for a treat:)

[mamamindy]

THanks for the encouragement!! It appears as though I need it on a daily basis so I don't get a bad attitude! :)