ksr5377 Posted May 16, 2013 Share Posted May 16, 2013 DH's grandfather passed away today, his dad's father. His mom (they are divorced) called me to see about going together to order flowers to be sent. It has thrown me because in my family the only thing the immediate family usually buys is the large spray for the top of the casket that has all the ribbons saying things like "Father" "Grandfather" "Husband" etc. All the other flowers are always from more distant relatives, friends, co-workers etc. By the end of the conversation I was feeling cheap and awful for not obviously agreeing with her, it's just I was surprised by the question. If it makes any difference we will be there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KRG Posted May 16, 2013 Share Posted May 16, 2013 When my grandmother passed away all the grandkids had an arrangement made. It was one of those easel ones. My grandpa, mom and siblings paid for the red rose spray on the casket. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Lulu* Posted May 16, 2013 Share Posted May 16, 2013 The only time we have purchased flowers for a grandparent's funeral is when we would be unable to attend. The only floral arrangement the imediate family typically purchases is the spray for the top of the casket. ETA- or those wreath things Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sukale Posted May 16, 2013 Share Posted May 16, 2013 I sent a peace lily (thanks to the ladies here who recommended it) to my grandma's funeral and had a note on it give to my mom after the service. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sukale Posted May 16, 2013 Share Posted May 16, 2013 I sent a peace lily (thanks to the ladies here who recommended it) to my grandma's funeral and had a note on it give to my mom after the service. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just Kate Posted May 16, 2013 Share Posted May 16, 2013 Yes, when my grandparents passed away we purchased an arrangement from all of the grand kids (I was a bit younger). So sorry for your loss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
magnificent_baby Posted May 16, 2013 Share Posted May 16, 2013 Yes, usually it is for the closest relative. I would think two max would be the most appropriate, husband and father, for example. When we ordered for my Aunt's funeral, the floral shop eluded to it being tacky if a bunch of ribbons were placed on the casket spray, so we ordered separate arrangements for Aunt, Great Aunt, sister, daughter. Only "Mom" was on the casket spray itself. We certainly did not have to purchase any, but we wanted to. Also, IME, the spray can be included in the cost of the funeral and that is chosen by whomever is in charge of making the funeral decisions. Maybe you should ask if it has already been ordered? ETA: like a PP suggested, be firm on what you want to spend if you decide to go in with others on something. It can get very pricey. I also think it's completely fine if you don't order anything for it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted May 16, 2013 Share Posted May 16, 2013 so, if I'm understanding, your mil wants to send flowers to her EX-fil's funeral. it sounds very gracious of her. If it makes you feel better, call her back and tell her you were just disoriented and you'll be happy to contribute. I assume your dh's father/aunts? will be taking the flowers back to his house afterwards - or such. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Lulu* Posted May 16, 2013 Share Posted May 16, 2013 so, if I'm understanding, your mil wants to send flowers to her EX-fil's funeral. it sounds very gracious of her. If it makes you feel better, call her back and tell her you were just disoriented and you'll be happy to contribute. I assume your dh's father/aunts? will be taking the flowers back to his house afterwards - or such. Okay, reread OP. in this case I would try to contribute. Family stuff can get messy, going along seems the easiest way to keep things simple. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orthodox6 Posted May 16, 2013 Share Posted May 16, 2013 Go with whatever has been the norm for your husband's family over the years. There are no "etiquette rules" of which I am aware. In my husband's extended family, everybody sends flowers for everybody (either individually or in group gift) -- because ours is a closely-knit large clan with a lot of love and memories shared all around. Families come in differing "styles", so safest route is to find out what has been usual for your husband's people. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted May 16, 2013 Share Posted May 16, 2013 I send flowers if I can't go to family like that. In this case, I'd go with the family request .There is no wrong thing to do. Condolences to your DH. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TechWife Posted May 16, 2013 Share Posted May 16, 2013 We send flowers if we are not able to attend the funeral. The exceptions to this were for the sibling funerals, where we went in with the other surviving siblings to purchase the casket spray even though we were attending the funeral. The casket spray is a family thing to us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted May 16, 2013 Share Posted May 16, 2013 We send flowers, whether or not we will be attending the wake or the funeral. We send them to family, friends, as well as to clients when someone in their family passes away. We also send Mass cards if the family is Catholic. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momtokea Posted May 16, 2013 Share Posted May 16, 2013 In my experience different families have different traditions, or things they do, in these situations. On my side, the immediate family provides the spray on the casket, and other family such as aunts, cousins, etc. might choose to contribute a wreath on an easel. On dh's side, for my mil's funeral, there was just a vase of daisies from the family and a few other arrangements from other people. I think it is best to just go along with what the family usually does. In your case, OP, just agree with whatever your dh's relative wants to do. I wouldn't appreciate it if my sil decided that my family's way of doing things was wrong. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted May 16, 2013 Share Posted May 16, 2013 Well, if somebody was going to appreciate the gesture and I couldn't make the funeral, sure I would. My brother and I just had some flowers sent to my aunt's funeral a few months ago across country and we couldn't make it. If it were tradition and typical in my DH's family, I would go with it for funerals for his family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ksr5377 Posted May 16, 2013 Author Share Posted May 16, 2013 so, if I'm understanding, your mil wants to send flowers to her EX-fil's funeral. it sounds very gracious of her. If it makes you feel better, call her back and tell her you were just disoriented and you'll be happy to contribute. I assume your dh's father/aunts? will be taking the flowers back to his house afterwards - or such. Yes, this is it excactly. MIL wants to send flowers for her EX FIL's funeral. It is very gracious of her, I agree. I didn't want to bother DH with the whole thing and I still think it's wierd, but I also didn't want to offend MIL, so I just told her to go ahead and order them since she lives in the same town. This way she can pick the florist she is comfortable with. I did attempt to remind her that DH and I did not send flowers when HER father died but that wasn't working. I couldn't imagine anyone being offended so I figured it wouldn't hurt to make her happy. Thank you for all the input, it's kind of neat to see how other families do things. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crimson Wife Posted May 16, 2013 Share Posted May 16, 2013 I sent flowers to my mom, dad, or MIL (DH's paternal grandfather is still alive) that I presume got brought to the funeral mass/memorial service. I was too upset at my own grandparents' services to notice whether or not they were among the flowers at the church. DH went alone to his grandparents' funerals because they were on the opposite coast and DS was an infant. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted May 16, 2013 Share Posted May 16, 2013 Yes, we did. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted May 16, 2013 Share Posted May 16, 2013 My side of the family does send flower wreaths. Hubby side, we don't know but we will contribute with his siblings if it is expected. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pawz4me Posted May 16, 2013 Share Posted May 16, 2013 No. The casket spray is considered the flowers from the immediate family, which includes grandchildren. But . . . I think it's very nice of your MIL to want to send flowers. So if it would help her out financially, and if it's not a strain on your and your DH, I'd probably chip in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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