gracesteacher Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 Thanks!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
staceyobu Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 Why does she want to be friends with someone she only sees once a year? That is bizarre to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 I think it's odd that she keeps wanting to pursue the friendship. Is it possible her husband is encouraging her in this effort? As for fb, I keep that my "happy" place and would not accept a friend request from anyone who would make me feel uncomfortable in my own space. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dandelion Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 In this case I think it would be better to respond than to ignore. Since she put you on the spot saying she feels you've been "cold" towards her and she wants to be friends, I would just address that as nicely as you can without encouraging a relationship (assuming you don't want to pursue a closer relationship with this person). Maybe something along the lines of "Thank you for the pictures! I appreciate you sharing them with me. I'm sorry you feel that I've been cold towards you. As an introvert, I sometimes come across that way. Thank you for bringing that to my attention. Have a great summer!" If she decides to keep pushing things, you might have to be more direct with her. But hopefully she'll read between the lines and get the message. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 I'd just ask point blank, " are you certain you want to pursue a friendship with your husband's ex?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 I'd just ask point blank, " are you certain you want to pursue a friendship with your husband's ex?" Lol You gotta love the direct approach. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 That (the direct approach) would certainly let you know pretty quick how much her dh has told her about you. But really - did I read correctly that this is TWENTY years down the road? Seems odd that things are coming to a head after all this time. ETA I went back and saw I had the time wrong. Still, they've been married ten years. This seems like something that would have shaken out a long time ago. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 There is no use hemming and hawing. Either she knows and is okay with it or she doesn't have a clue. Some women can be friends with the ex. Maybe this lady is one of those people. At which point our Grace can truthfully say she doesn't think it is a good idea. Some husbands leave their wives to swing in the wind. If this is the case, I hope the wife gives her dh a swift boot to the rear. At which point our Grace doesn't have to deal with it anymore. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 "Hi, I've got nothing against you and have not been deliberately cold. I'm an introvert so I'm like that with everyone; but to be honest, it's too weird being friends with an ex's current spouse. Thanks muchly for the pictures." Then go and hug your hubby and tell him he's lucky he didn't marry a crazy broad like her. :p Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 I would not pursue it. I would ignore the e-mail, personally. There are too many red flags. Your past with her husband. Your lack of anything really in common with her other than her husband. The fact that she's contacting someone who is just an acquaintance and is accusing you of being cold and wanting more. Her comment about wanting a relationship with like-minded people when there really isn't any evidence that you really are like-minded in any significant way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 I would not pursue it. I would ignore the e-mail, personally. There are too many red flags. Your past with her husband. Your lack of anything really in common with her other than her husband. The fact that she's contacting someone who is just an acquaintance and is accusing you of being cold and wanting more. Her comment about wanting a relationship with like-minded people when there really isn't any evidence that you really are like-minded in any significant way. Well, there is certainly one significant way. But that's in the OP's past. And I think, grace, that's where it should remain. You and your hubby have established your boundaries. There's nothing wrong with sticking to them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthwestMom Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 "Hi, I've got nothing against you and have not been deliberately cold. I'm an introvert so I'm like that with everyone; but to be honest, it's too weird being friends with an ex's current spouse. Thanks muchly for the pictures." Then go and hug your hubby and tell him he's lucky he didn't marry a crazy broad like her. :p I agree with Rosie,and I would definitely put in the part about being friend's with an ex's spouse. I bet she does not know the extent of your involvement. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justasque Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 She doesn't know. And you don't have to spell out the details for her. How about this: Dear X - "I'm sorry I came off as cold towards you; I didn't intend to. I enjoy our friendship, but to be honest I *am* intentionally keeping my distance a bit, because my previous relationship with your husband was complex, and I feel it's best for me if we remain somewhat distant. I'm sorry. I trust you will understand. Thanks so much for the pictures!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 She doesn't know. And you don't have to spell out the details for her. How about this: Dear X - "I'm sorry I came off as cold towards you; I didn't intend to. I enjoy our friendship, but to be honest I *am* intentionally keeping my distance a bit, because my previous relationship with your husband was complex, and I feel it's best for me if we remain somewhat distant. I'm sorry. I trust you will understand. Thanks so much for the pictures!" I think this is much better than blaming any "distance" upon being an introvert. call him your ex, say the relationship was complicated, whatever - but be clear there was a relationship there and that is why you are keeping your distance from. she's a big girl - you don't have to protect her from her husbands previous life. she will be more likely to back off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 I ignore people who attempt to foist strange friendships on me. You owe her no explanations. The wife of someone I dated was intent on starting a couple friendship with us for a long time despite me never having met her. Only trouble is that I stopped dating her husband because he grew very dull. At some point after we stopped dating, while we were still friends, he grew intolerably dull and made repeated passes at me while I was with my husband. They don't have kids. We have zero in common. I demurred from invites enough times that she stopped asking. Frankly I think she wanted to meet up so she could reassure herself that I would not be a threat or whatnot. Why participate in someone's dramarama? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gracesteacher Posted May 14, 2013 Author Share Posted May 14, 2013 Thank you for your responses. I was just thrown by this email. My hubby thought it was funny she seem hurt by us not being friends as he has no desire to be friends with him but then again he knows the story. I sent an email much like Rosie said now waiting for the aftershock. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinder Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 She doesn't know. And you don't have to spell out the details for her. How about this: Dear X - "I'm sorry I came off as cold towards you; I didn't intend to. I enjoy our friendship, but to be honest I *am* intentionally keeping my distance a bit, because my previous relationship with your husband was complex, and I feel it's best for me if we remain somewhat distant. I'm sorry. I trust you will understand. Thanks so much for the pictures!" I agree--she doesn't know. You've already told us he's lied to you in the past. I feel sure he's lied to his dw too. I like justasque's response too--straightforward yet gentle. :grouphug: ETA: I see you already responded while I was posting. I'm curious to find out how she takes it because I really do think she doesn't know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sassenach Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 My only other thought is that he's running around on her and she's reaching out to you because he knows you'll sympathize? Long shot, but a guy like that doesn't just stop. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gracesteacher Posted May 17, 2013 Author Share Posted May 17, 2013 She has never responded. Forth of july should be interesting! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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