Jump to content

Menu

wwyd


gracesteacher
 Share

Recommended Posts

I think it's odd that she keeps wanting to pursue the friendship. Is it possible her husband is encouraging her in this effort?

 

As for fb, I keep that my "happy" place and would not accept a friend request from anyone who would make me feel uncomfortable in my own space.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

In this case I think it would be better to respond than to ignore. Since she put you on the spot saying she feels you've been "cold" towards her and she wants to be friends, I would just address that as nicely as you can without encouraging a relationship (assuming you don't want to pursue a closer relationship with this person).

 

Maybe something along the lines of "Thank you for the pictures! I appreciate you sharing them with me. I'm sorry you feel that I've been cold towards you. As an introvert, I sometimes come across that way. Thank you for bringing that to my attention. Have a great summer!"

 

If she decides to keep pushing things, you might have to be more direct with her. But hopefully she'll read between the lines and get the message.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

That (the direct approach) would certainly let you know pretty quick how much her dh has told her about you.

 

But really - did I read correctly that this is TWENTY years down the road? Seems odd that things are coming to a head after all this time.

 

ETA I went back and saw I had the time wrong. Still, they've been married ten years. This seems like something that would have shaken out a long time ago.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

There is no use hemming and hawing. Either she knows and is okay with it or she doesn't have a clue.

 

Some women can be friends with the ex. Maybe this lady is one of those people. At which point our Grace can truthfully say she doesn't think it is a good idea.

 

Some husbands leave their wives to swing in the wind. If this is the case, I hope the wife gives her dh a swift boot to the rear. At which point our Grace doesn't have to deal with it anymore.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

"Hi, I've got nothing against you and have not been deliberately cold. I'm an introvert so I'm like that with everyone; but to be honest, it's too weird being friends with an ex's current spouse. Thanks muchly for the pictures."

 

Then go and hug your hubby and tell him he's lucky he didn't marry a crazy broad like her. :p

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I would not pursue it. I would ignore the e-mail, personally. There are too many red flags. Your past with her husband. Your lack of anything really in common with her other than her husband. The fact that she's contacting someone who is just an acquaintance and is accusing you of being cold and wanting more. Her comment about wanting a relationship with like-minded people when there really isn't any evidence that you really are like-minded in any significant way.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I would not pursue it. I would ignore the e-mail, personally. There are too many red flags. Your past with her husband. Your lack of anything really in common with her other than her husband. The fact that she's contacting someone who is just an acquaintance and is accusing you of being cold and wanting more. Her comment about wanting a relationship with like-minded people when there really isn't any evidence that you really are like-minded in any significant way.

 

 

Well, there is certainly one significant way. But that's in the OP's past. And I think, grace, that's where it should remain. You and your hubby have established your boundaries. There's nothing wrong with sticking to them.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

"Hi, I've got nothing against you and have not been deliberately cold. I'm an introvert so I'm like that with everyone; but to be honest, it's too weird being friends with an ex's current spouse. Thanks muchly for the pictures."

 

Then go and hug your hubby and tell him he's lucky he didn't marry a crazy broad like her. :p

 

 

I agree with Rosie,and I would definitely put in the part about being friend's with an ex's spouse. I bet she does not know the extent of your involvement.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

She doesn't know. And you don't have to spell out the details for her. How about this:

 

Dear X -

"I'm sorry I came off as cold towards you; I didn't intend to. I enjoy our friendship, but to be honest I *am* intentionally keeping my distance a bit, because my previous relationship with your husband was complex, and I feel it's best for me if we remain somewhat distant. I'm sorry. I trust you will understand. Thanks so much for the pictures!"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

She doesn't know. And you don't have to spell out the details for her. How about this:

 

Dear X -

"I'm sorry I came off as cold towards you; I didn't intend to. I enjoy our friendship, but to be honest I *am* intentionally keeping my distance a bit, because my previous relationship with your husband was complex, and I feel it's best for me if we remain somewhat distant. I'm sorry. I trust you will understand. Thanks so much for the pictures!"

I think this is much better than blaming any "distance" upon being an introvert. call him your ex, say the relationship was complicated, whatever - but be clear there was a relationship there and that is why you are keeping your distance from. she's a big girl - you don't have to protect her from her husbands previous life. she will be more likely to back off.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I ignore people who attempt to foist strange friendships on me. You owe her no explanations.

 

The wife of someone I dated was intent on starting a couple friendship with us for a long time despite me never having met her. Only trouble is that I stopped dating her husband because he grew very dull. At some point after we stopped dating, while we were still friends, he grew intolerably dull and made repeated passes at me while I was with my husband. They don't have kids. We have zero in common. I demurred from invites enough times that she stopped asking. Frankly I think she wanted to meet up so she could reassure herself that I would not be a threat or whatnot. Why participate in someone's dramarama?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you for your responses. I was just thrown by this email. My hubby thought it was funny she seem hurt by us not being friends as he has no desire to be friends with him but then again he knows the story.

I sent an email much like Rosie said now waiting for the aftershock.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

She doesn't know. And you don't have to spell out the details for her. How about this:

 

Dear X -

"I'm sorry I came off as cold towards you; I didn't intend to. I enjoy our friendship, but to be honest I *am* intentionally keeping my distance a bit, because my previous relationship with your husband was complex, and I feel it's best for me if we remain somewhat distant. I'm sorry. I trust you will understand. Thanks so much for the pictures!"

 

I agree--she doesn't know. You've already told us he's lied to you in the past. I feel sure he's lied to his dw too.

 

I like justasque's response too--straightforward yet gentle.

 

:grouphug:

 

 

ETA: I see you already responded while I was posting. I'm curious to find out how she takes it because I really do think she doesn't know.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...