TranquilMind Posted May 12, 2013 Share Posted May 12, 2013 Vent: Why do I allow my one (close relative) to repeatedly hurt me so much? No one can make me feel like "Nobody Special" (like my signature) faster or more deeply. I cry after almost every encounter. It's as if this one looks for ways to hurt me, while retaining plausible deniability "Oh, no...I wasn't doing THAT...I was just doing (some other reasonably plausible thing)". But I know better. No one has ever hurt me this much and for so long, and that's saying something...if you knew my history. I am no stranger to loss, desertion, abandonment, death....you got the picture. I'm sure I'm feeling it more deeply today because 1) It's Mother's Day (and my Mom is dead and my kid can be mean) and 2) I am very isolated at home now, recovering from surgery, and 3) I'm alone now and the rest of the night, as the rest of the family is at a sporting event that could not be skipped. Feeling sorry for myself. This too will pass, I'm sure. I rationally understand that you get what you get and no more. And to suck it up. But I feel robbed. I want what other (relationship to hurtful person)'s have. I can't help myself. Facebook sucks with all of the reminders of what others have that I do not. I should delete it. I don't need to keep in contact with people who don't care if I live or die. Blah blah blah. Ok, thanks for listening, if anyone did. (Slinks back into black hole) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Excelsior! Academy Posted May 12, 2013 Share Posted May 12, 2013 ***hugs**** Know that someone is thinking of you and wishes you a happy Mother's Day! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MotherMayI Posted May 12, 2013 Share Posted May 12, 2013 ((((hugs))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TammyinTN Posted May 12, 2013 Share Posted May 12, 2013 I'm sending you huge hugs! I'm so sorry that people can be so cruel and mean. :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karmiel Posted May 12, 2013 Share Posted May 12, 2013 Aww, I'm sorry today sucks so much. I think there are valid times to feel sorry for yourself - emotions come no matter what and it isn't always quick and easy to process them. And, days like today are, indeed, a little more difficult to bear when you lack what they represent ... even if you take the cynical viewpoint that it's just a Hallmark invention. I hope your black hole has something nice for you in it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amyable Posted May 12, 2013 Share Posted May 12, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: <------Wish I could do more than just this. I hope tomorrow is better! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dandelion Posted May 12, 2013 Share Posted May 12, 2013 I'm sorry. :grouphug: Sounds like you're dealing with an awful lot right now. What makes you feel better? Can you give yourself a heaping dose of whatever that is? Can you limit contact with this relative? I hope the day gets better for you. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UmMusa Posted May 12, 2013 Share Posted May 12, 2013 I hope you feel better. Sundays always bring out the doldrums and despair in me, hopefully you'll feel better tomorrow. Cutting FB is not a bad idea! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reflections Posted May 12, 2013 Share Posted May 12, 2013 If you're so Nobody Special, why have I been worried about you and wondering you've been up to???? And I'm a perfect stranger!! People care, even if you don't know that they care. :grouphug: ETA: It could also be that I'm a sociopath stalker.... you never know.... :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted May 12, 2013 Share Posted May 12, 2013 :grouphug: I'm so sorry you have a relative you is so negative and is so hurtful. we are most vulnerable to those closest to us. that someone that close is so nasty is a reflection upon them - that deep down inside, they think they are worthless, so they seek to prevent anyone close to them feeling they have value. it really is all about the other person, not you. You ARE special. :grouphug: (I'm giving you a homework assignment of repeating "I have great worth" 10X's EVERYTIME you look in a mirror during the day. when you wash your hands, brush your teeth, brush your hair, etc. I want you to do that for two weeks - then report back.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted May 13, 2013 Share Posted May 13, 2013 Nothing is wrong with you. You're as good as anyone else and better than plenty. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted May 13, 2013 Share Posted May 13, 2013 I am sorry too. I would change your sig though, it can't help your mood. I am all for being humble, but God made EVERYONE (sorry if your don't believe that) and no one is more or less than anyone else. Honestly, you are no less than ANYONE, and when you are well and out and about in the world you need to seek out experiences that validate that you are as important as anyone else. My oldest child and sometimes even my dh, have tried to wear me down, however I have lots of people who built me up. Those people who believe in me are who should be listened to, because the devil seeks to "kill, steal, and destroy". Words that kill, steal and destroy do not come from God, (again, I apologize if you are not Christian, but even my New Age and Muslim friends believe this) so they need to be removed from your life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebecca VA Posted May 13, 2013 Share Posted May 13, 2013 You're special to me, TM. I always look for your posts because I value the wisdom that they contain. You're an important member of this forum. Even if your (grr...so-and-so relative) doesn't recognize it yet, we do. Sorry to hear about your surgery. Pain and helplessness have a way of making us feel very small. It's only an illusion that will pass; your strong, wise, true self will be back to normal in a week or so. Please post more often! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted May 13, 2013 Share Posted May 13, 2013 we are listening :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El... Posted May 13, 2013 Share Posted May 13, 2013 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebecca VA Posted May 13, 2013 Share Posted May 13, 2013 P. S. Would you be able to get access -- maybe from Amazon or Netflix -- to a really good movie this evening? Like Lonesome Dove (my go-to favorite) or something else that will take your mind very far away from your present surroundings? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyfaithe Posted May 13, 2013 Share Posted May 13, 2013 You are somebody special to me...and to us on this forum. I learned just this year that I had to be special to me! I need to nurture and care for myself...and treat me well. It was hard. I forced myself to eat good, exercise, smile in the mirror, do fun things, not let unkind words hurt me or pass by without letting the inking person know I heard them and that if they continued to be unkind to me, they wouldno longer have a place in my life...yes...I even told that to one of my children....and mean it. No one should treat another person cruelly. No one should ever treat themselves cruelly either. I hope you learn to love yourself! And see yourself as special as we see you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lilaclady Posted May 13, 2013 Share Posted May 13, 2013 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldberry Posted May 13, 2013 Share Posted May 13, 2013 :grouphug: It helps to get it out....hang in there.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jhschool Posted May 13, 2013 Share Posted May 13, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted May 13, 2013 Author Share Posted May 13, 2013 I'm sending you huge hugs! I'm so sorry that people can be so cruel and mean. :grouphug: :grouphug: Thanks for the huge hugs! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted May 13, 2013 Share Posted May 13, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: I wish I lived near you so we could go out for coffee tonight and get you cheered right up!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted May 13, 2013 Author Share Posted May 13, 2013 double post. Can't seem to figure out multi-quote with this new software. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted May 13, 2013 Author Share Posted May 13, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: I wish I lived near you so we could go out for coffee tonight and get you cheered right up!!! I would like that, Cat. I haven't been out of the house but for one short walk since I got back from having surgery. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted May 13, 2013 Share Posted May 13, 2013 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted May 13, 2013 Author Share Posted May 13, 2013 You are somebody special to me...and to us on this forum. I learned just this year that I had to be special to me! I need to nurture and care for myself...and treat me well. It was hard. I forced myself to eat good, exercise, smile in the mirror, do fun things, not let unkind words hurt me or pass by without letting the inking person know I heard them and that if they continued to be unkind to me, they wouldno longer have a place in my life...yes...I even told that to one of my children....and mean it. No one should treat another person cruelly. No one should ever treat themselves cruelly either. I hope you learn to love yourself! And see yourself as special as we see you! Thank you for your kind words. I am taking care of myself, physically at least, because I really have no choice. I do eat well, and will get back to exercise as soon as I can. I've never mastered letting the hurtful words bounce off, though, and it's easy to say that the person would have no place in your life, but it's not so easy to do, especially if you really have few in your life because they all died (and you are wary of getting close to any more who might die or leave....but that's a vent for another day). Thank you... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted May 13, 2013 Author Share Posted May 13, 2013 P. S. Would you be able to get access -- maybe from Amazon or Netflix -- to a really good movie this evening? Like Lonesome Dove (my go-to favorite) or something else that will take your mind very far away from your present surroundings? I got a couple of movies today from the family. One is a favorite because it represents a fantasy I will never live (surfing movie, where they travel and surf all over the world). Maybe I should watch it. Everyone is in bed or busy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted May 13, 2013 Author Share Posted May 13, 2013 we are listening :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Thank you. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted May 13, 2013 Author Share Posted May 13, 2013 You're special to me, TM. I always look for your posts because I value the wisdom that they contain. You're an important member of this forum. Even if your (grr...so-and-so relative) doesn't recognize it yet, we do. Sorry to hear about your surgery. Pain and helplessness have a way of making us feel very small. It's only an illusion that will pass; your strong, wise, true self will be back to normal in a week or so. Please post more often! Thank you so much, Rebecca, for your very kind words. I appreciate them more than you know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted May 13, 2013 Author Share Posted May 13, 2013 I am sorry too. I would change your sig though, it can't help your mood. I am all for being humble, but God made EVERYONE (sorry if your don't believe that) and no one is more or less than anyone else. Honestly, you are no less than ANYONE, and when you are well and out and about in the world you need to seek out experiences that validate that you are as important as anyone else. My oldest child and sometimes even my dh, have tried to wear me down, however I have lots of people who built me up. Those people who believe in me are who should be listened to, because the devil seeks to "kill, steal, and destroy". Words that kill, steal and destroy do not come from God, (again, I apologize if you are not Christian, but even my New Age and Muslim friends believe this) so they need to be removed from your life. Yes, I know those words are not from God. So I don't know why I fall for it every single time. I will change my signature, at your suggestion. Maybe I will use what you said..."no more or less than anyone else" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted May 13, 2013 Author Share Posted May 13, 2013 Nothing is wrong with you. You're as good as anyone else and better than plenty. Thank you, Rosie. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted May 13, 2013 Author Share Posted May 13, 2013 :grouphug: I'm so sorry you have a relative you is so negative and is so hurtful. we are most vulnerable to those closest to us. that someone that close is so nasty is a reflection upon them - that deep down inside, they think they are worthless, so they seek to prevent anyone close to them feeling they have value. it really is all about the other person, not you. You ARE special. :grouphug: (I'm giving you a homework assignment of repeating "I have great worth" 10X's EVERYTIME you look in a mirror during the day. when you wash your hands, brush your teeth, brush your hair, etc. I want you to do that for two weeks - then report back.) Aye, Sergeant. I will do it. In this case, I really do feel like the words are about me, though as a general principle, I understand and agree with what you said. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted May 13, 2013 Author Share Posted May 13, 2013 If you're so Nobody Special, why have I been worried about you and wondering you've been up to???? And I'm a perfect stranger!! People care, even if you don't know that they care. :grouphug: ETA: It could also be that I'm a sociopath stalker.... you never know.... :lol: Well, I've never had a stalker before.... ;) Seriously, thanks, Katherine the Great (I need more confidence so I can have a name like that!). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted May 13, 2013 Author Share Posted May 13, 2013 ***hugs**** Know that someone is thinking of you and wishes you a happy Mother's Day! Thanks very much, Excelsior! I appreciate it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted May 13, 2013 Share Posted May 13, 2013 You oughta let me send you some Tim Tams, you know. (Unless you are off gluten, coz gluten free Tim Tams are unworthy of the name.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted May 13, 2013 Author Share Posted May 13, 2013 You oughta let me send you some Tim Tams, you know. (Unless you are off gluten, coz gluten free Tim Tams are unworthy of the name.) Thanks, Rosie. I don't know what Tim Tams are, but I am 95% gluten-free now. Still working into it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted May 13, 2013 Share Posted May 13, 2013 Thanks, Rosie. I don't know what Tim Tams are, but I am 95% gluten-free now. Still working into it. Pm me your address and I'll get them to you before that last 5% dries up. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted May 13, 2013 Share Posted May 13, 2013 tim tams are just the thing to give someone http://www.google.com.au/search?q=tim+tams&rlz=1T4GGHP_enAU471AU472&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ei=64uQUdWwOafpiAeY0YCoBQ&ved=0CEAQsAQ&biw=1920&bih=930 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizzie in Ma Posted May 13, 2013 Share Posted May 13, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freerange Posted May 13, 2013 Share Posted May 13, 2013 tim tams are just the thing to give someone http://www.google.com.au/search?q=tim+tams&rlz=1T4GGHP_enAU471AU472&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ei=64uQUdWwOafpiAeY0YCoBQ&ved=0CEAQsAQ&biw=1920&bih=930 Those look like our Penguins! Do they also come with an orange flavour filling? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted May 13, 2013 Share Posted May 13, 2013 Mean people stink and words hurt; there is no bouncing off with them. Mean people use them to be mean. Did I mention mean people stink? (((Big hug))) I hope today was better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted May 13, 2013 Author Share Posted May 13, 2013 Pm me your address and I'll get them to you before that last 5% dries up. ;) Aw, thanks, but I don't eat chocolate or sweets either. Even healthy ones. You caught me a few years too late. :) But I appreciate the thought. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
celticmom Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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