s/o sports...outside activities question

[I.Dup.]

Do you think it would be detrimental for the rest of one's life if they never participated in group sports or music growing up? That is so ingrained in our culture that not doing either one seems almost sacrilegious.

 

But say there was a financial or health issue in the family or transportation or whatever issue that prevented a child from playing on a team or doing music lessons or anything of the sort. How disadvantaged would they be? Would that be terribly neglectful of the parents?

[HeartatHome]

I might be in the minority here but I defintely don't think it adds to anything to be quite honest. In fact, I think it can actually detract from home and family time and just add to the whole "rush" feeling. I think it's way overrated IMHO.

 

I never was part of group sports growing up and I LOVED, LOVED my childhood. In fact, I have sweet memories of climbing trees, riding my bike and swimming in our local pool for fun during those hot days and so on. I had plenty of exercise and activities without actually joining any particular organized sport.

 

If our children want to join something when they are older that's ok and we would encourage their interest and be there but it's really not a big deal for us one way or the other. I just don't get the whole push toward group sports at such a young age these days. Sometimes I wonder if it's more for the parents than the kids.

I take my children to the park, bike rides, trail walks, church and family gatherings, etc.. so they are not lacking in outings/activities or interacting with others so it doesn't really concern me at all. :001_smile:

 

I just want to add I think there is nothing wrong to join group sports if that's what the child and parents want and enjoy but I don't think it's necessary and defintely not neglectful if they don't.

Edited May 12, 2013 by HeartatHome

[kiwik]

I didn't really do either. I did compulsory team sports 1 hour a week at school from about 8 to 11 but I was never part of a team (for various reasons i was terrible at sports). I can appreciate why people like belonging to teams but it does seem to bring out people's inner jerk. My concept of team player seems more stringent than actual team players. Music is nice but you can do music without playing an instrument.

[Pawz4me]

Short answer: No.

 

Longer answer -- I suppose we qualify as a sports family. DH played baseball all during his growing up years. I played intramural basketball. Our boys play/played/participate in: baseball, soccer, cross country and track. We're most definitely NOT a music family. We're not even overly interested in listening to it, let alone playing an instrument.

 

And no, I don't think not participating in either one is detrimental in the least. Thank goodness people are more complex than that! Certainly there are "pros" to participating in team sports. There are also lots of cons, especially in the hyper-competitive culture we have in our society today. I'm especially against forcing a child to participate in team sports. I've seen way too much of that in the past few years and IMO it's never ever a good or beneficial thing. I suspect many kids I've watched are going to carry some emotional scars and resentment toward their parents for a long time. As far as music--as I said, we're not a musical family. Just not interested. I can't see that it's been detrimental to us in any way whatsoever.

[Kathryn]

I survived doing neither. Now, I do resent my mother for it, but that's because her reasons for not letting me were selfish and fabricated.

[lmrich]

I think music is more important to miss out on, if your child is musical. I just know some people who love music so much that it makes their life complete. I am not one of those people nor are my kids. In fact one kid hated music lessons. So know your kids.

[Farrar]

I think not having any group time with peers would be detrimental. I also think not ever having to work together with others as a team could be detrimental - that's a life skill in my opinion.

 

But not doing sports or music or even pay activities specifically? Of course that's fine. I think those activities can be enriching and are easy ways - especially for homeschoolers - to get those team skills.

[kentuckymom]

Frankly, I'm thankful that my eight year old has so far had zero interest in team sports. My parents made me play tee-ball and softball at the YMCA for a number of years because it was supposed to be good for me. I'm horrible at sports, and I hated every minute of it. I don't think it taught me anything about teamwork. They did eventually realize I hated it and let me stop. My younger brother, on the other hand, played soccer all the way through middle school and liked it. He only stopped in high school because he thought the games were become too much about winning and he just wanted to play for fun.

 

I agree with farrarwilliams that all kids need to interact with a group of peers and learn to work as team. Homeschooling parents may need to pursue this more directly, but, frankly, those skills aren't taught that well in school either from what I've seen. Building a fort with neighborhood friends could be a great way to learn to work as a team.

 

One outside activity that I think is worth mentioning for parents to consider is dance. My son has taken ballet for four years, and we've found it to be a wonderful blend of musical exposure and athletic activity free of the competition aspect of sports. Of course, there are competitive dance teams out there, but if you just put your kid in a ballet class (or jazz, or tap, or whatever kind of dance would suit them) it can provide lots of exercise and no competition.

[kentuckymom]

Frankly, I'm thankful that my eight year old has so far had zero interest in team sports. My parents made me play tee-ball and softball at the YMCA for a number of years because it was supposed to be good for me. I'm horrible at sports, and I hated every minute of it. I don't think it taught me anything about teamwork. They did eventually realize I hated it and let me stop. My younger brother, on the other hand, played soccer all the way through middle school and liked it. He only stopped in high school because he thought the games were become too much about winning and he just wanted to play for fun.

 

I agree with farrarwilliams that all kids need to interact with a group of peers and learn to work as team. Homeschooling parents may need to pursue this more directly, but, frankly, those skills aren't taught that well in school either from what I've seen. Building a fort with neighborhood friends could be a great way to learn to work as a team.

 

One outside activity that I think is worth mentioning for parents to consider is dance. My son has taken ballet for four years, and we've found it to be a wonderful blend of musical exposure and athletic activity free of the competition aspect of sports. Of course, there are competitive dance teams out there, but if you just put your kid in a ballet class (or jazz, or tap, or whatever kind of dance would suit them) it can provide lots of exercise and no competition.

[Parrothead]

No, it is not detrimental.

 

More kids live in families that can't afford lessons or sports.

 

 

[RoundAbout]

No, I don't think it is detrimental. DH and I had neither and we both turned out quite well I think. I've seen no correlation between later fitness, career success, leadership, or character among the people I know who have done sports or music. BTW, my DH is 40 and is in about 10x better shape than most men his age, does Crossfit and has completed an Ironman triathlon, and never did any sports growing up. Though he did do a lot of outdoors stuff with his father. The only thing I wish I'd had as a child was swim lessons - I learned to swim as an adult but it was a lot more trouble and I missed out on a lot of fun along the way.

 

That said, I think music and sports are nice things to provide if you can manage it.

[AK_Mom4]

I think that if you fail to expose your child to music in some form, then YES, you have done them a great disservice. I think all kids need to be exposed to playing and games and fun and the outdoors.

 

Do I think you need to spend money on those things? Absolutely not. You can find a radio station or Pandora and play good music for free. You can get books/cds from the library. You can go for walks, climb trees, throw balls and stick your feet in a stream. You can go to a park and play on the playground.

 

In other words, I think you would be doing harm if you were unwilling to invest the TIME to expose them to these things. Music lessons or organized sports that cost $$$ are simply not necessary.

[Ellie]

I never did sports outside of recess or required jr. high/high school p.e. Never did dance or music (except for 2 years of choir in jr. high) until I was an adult. I would have loved dance and music, but it just didn't happen. I'm pretty sure I function pretty well as an adult even without them

 

My dds did two years of soccer, and no formal music (other than church children's musicals, and a couple of years in a homeschool choir); younger dd took choir/voice in college. Both did some dance, with younger dd doing Highland and ballet for many years (she has also taught ballet). I'm glad we were able to do that; it was worth any sacrifices we made.

 

I think dance and music enhance a child's life, but I would never say that not doing so is "detrimental" to them in any way. Sports? Meh. ::shrugs:: Today's uber-organized, parent-driven sports is too over the top for me. Kids playing ball in vacant lots and back yards and in quiet neighborhood streets...I'm all for that.

[Dahliarw]

I think as parents it's our responsibility to expose our kids to different things so they can find out what their interests/strengths are. So say you play some nice, classical music for your child and maybe study some composers. If that child is like "eh, it's ok" then you don't have to take it beyond music appreciation. If they are really into it and love music, and you can afford it or find a way to make it happen, taking that interest further is really good for them. (I often think of Handel, whose father was opposed to him studying music so his mother helped him do so in secret - what if she hadn't and they hadn't allowed it - we'd all be missing out on some really great music!)

 

Same for sports. Play catch in the yard (you don't even need mitts, just throw a ball). Play kickball. Ride bikes. Kick a ball around. If they are really into it and crave more, then look into more. If they just like to play around, that is perfectly fine.

[kirstenhill]

At younger ages I think it does no harm at all to not do those things. I think it might be tough if the kid, as Farrar said, never get ANY type of group interaction or activity with kids outside their family. But that could be church, neighborhood friends, etc -- not necessarily something organized.

 

As kids get older...while I don't think it has to be music or sports, per se...I think it is good to broaden horizons by participating in activities. I think it would be a much more limited education if a child did absolutely no group activities of any sort. I can't imagine leaving home for work or college without some kind of experiences working together with others. But as kids get older, they can seek out their own transportation (walk, bike, bus), apply for scholarships to participate in activities that have a cost or seek out free activities, etc.

[Snow]

I think as parents it's our responsibility to expose our kids to different things so they can find out what their interests/strengths are. So say you play some nice, classical music for your child and maybe study some composers. If that child is like "eh, it's ok" then you don't have to take it beyond music appreciation. If they are really into it and love music, and you can afford it or find a way to make it happen, taking that interest further is really good for them. (I often think of Handel, whose father was opposed to him studying music so his mother helped him do so in secret - what if she hadn't and they hadn't allowed it - we'd all be missing out on some really great music!)

 

Same for sports. Play catch in the yard (you don't even need mitts, just throw a ball). Play kickball. Ride bikes. Kick a ball around. If they are really into it and crave more, then look into more. If they just like to play around, that is perfectly fine.

 

At younger ages I think it does no harm at all to not do those things. I think it might be tough if the kid, as Farrar said, never get ANY type of group interaction or activity with kids outside their family. But that could be church, neighborhood friends, etc -- not necessarily something organized.

 

As kids get older...while I don't think it has to be music or sports, per se...I think it is good to broaden horizons by participating in activities. I think it would be a much more limited education if a child did absolutely no group activities of any sort. I can't imagine leaving home for work or college without some kind of experiences working together with others. But as kids get older, they can seek out their own transportation (walk, bike, bus), apply for scholarships to participate in activities that have a cost or seek out free activities, etc.

 

Yes, I agree with these two above. I think it's our job to give them exposure to a wide variety of experiences and opportunities so they can find what they love and to feel a part of a group. Sports is an easy way to do it, but not the only way. I would imagine it just takes more thought and creativity to find and provide those experiences outside of organized sports/clubs.

[Sunshine State Sue]

I have some natural musical ability but I had zero music education growing up. Is it a detriment? Maybe that's too strong of a word. I do wish I had had some music education as a child. I learned how to read music as an adult, but I will never be fluent. I sing in a community choir, and I am at a disadvantage compared to those who had a music education.

 

I say I am athletically challenged. The truth is I had very little physical education growing up as well. I don't think I have a natural ability for it either. I would probably not be so self-conscious about my athletic abilities (or lack thereof) had I had some sort of physical education growing up. I am very physically active though. I prefer individual, non-competitive physical activities.

 

My son has natural athletic ability. Sports are his passion. I believe it would have been a detriment not to allow him to develop his talents.

 

My son has had a music education. He did/does not seem very interested in music though. At least he is able to read music. It may come in handy some day.

 

That said, if there are extenuating circumstances, all you can do is the best you can do. I think teamwork is easily learned living in a family - the larger the better. ;)

[Ellie]

That said, if there are extenuating circumstances, all you can do is the best you can do. I think teamwork is easily learned living in a family - the larger the better. ;)

 

:iagree: :iagree: :iagree: especially about learning teamwork in a family. :-)

[SunnyDays]

 

That said, if there are extenuating circumstances, all you can do is the best you can do. I think teamwork is easily learned living in a family - the larger the better. ;)

 

Just to agree with and expand on Sue's point... :)

 

Teamwork, social skills, and the like ARE definitely learned in families, neighborhoods, and community settings. And in a large family, you have a lot of opportunities to share, delegate, do group projects, and interact with different personalities.

 

I don't feel a child *needs* art, music, or sports classes specifically. But one of the reasons I'm diligent about pursuing them for my son is that we have a very small family: Mommy, Daddy, and Baby. ;)

 

Now, that still doesn't mean we need anything formal in those areas... like someone else said, you can play good music and play in your own yard or a nearby park. For us, the formal sports and classes are good because in my mind, they kind of kill two birds with one stone, so to speak: the education/practice of whatever topic, as well as interaction and social time.

[Dory]

I think that if you have a child that is musical, that no music lessons is detrimental. There is something about music that is fulfilling to a soul that feels it. Sports on the other hand I don't feel is a necessity to life. I love sports, my kids are in sports, but the life lessons that they learn from it, can be learned in other ways. Working together, losing well, winning maturely, and being competitive without being mean or nasty are things that can be taught in other settings. I will say it was the easiest way to teach my oldest how to really work hard for something he wanted. He is very competitive, and sports is a clear win or lose which made him dig in more. In many other areas the skills needed didn't take a lot of work from him, or the people around him were the type to pat him on the back regardless of whether he really did well or not. I saw my oldest ds's self confidence skyrocket when he found something that he felt like he had truly earned recognition with. Again though, those are all things we could have helped him find in other places. Sports was just the easiest choice for us here.

[Julie Smith]

I think it's important to do something. It doesn't have to be sports, or music but it has to be something.

 

When dh was 12? his parents moved the family to a different town. Very little to do in the town. The parents didn't take them anywhere. So till he was later teens and joined air cadets they did nothing. No sidewalks for biking. Not country enough to own horses. No pool. No swimming in the river. No hockey. Not even taking the family skiing at the ski hill down the street. No ice skating. And due to the long bus ride he couldn't join school stuff because he would miss the bus ride home. Oh, and no neighbors with kids. So no neighborhood games of any kind. So basically his options other than hang out at the house were; work in garden with Mom or work in garage with Dad.

 

He resents it BIG time.

[brownie]

I do believe it provides benefits to character and social development, as well as the confidence that comes with having a variety of skills and knowledge in many areas. On the other hand I don't think this HAS to come from sports and music. These are just the most frequented paths. It depends partly on personality too. If you have a social bubbly kid; one that picks up things like sports easily...well it probably is not as useful as for those kids who need a way to connect with others on common ground and don't have the talent to just "pick up a sport" at age 12. Things have gotten so competitive anymore.

 

Also, I do see a connection between sports and future success. I have been trying to figure this out. Is it personality? Type A tendencies? Confidence? Teamwork mentality?

 

We are not an athletic family. We live in a very upper middle class town. SO MANY of my friends or their husbands played college sports. Some in super-strong programs. You hear the statistics on how unlikely it is to play sports in college...but not among the people I know! Baseball, football, gymnastics, basketball, swimming,....and I certainly don't gravitate toward athletes since I don't even like sports myself. There's got to be something to it. Maybe there is a study...off to look.

[AnIslandGirl]

Do you think it would be detrimental for the rest of one's life if they never participated in group sports or music growing up? That is so ingrained in our culture that not doing either one seems almost sacrilegious.

 

But say there was a financial or health issue in the family or transportation or whatever issue that prevented a child from playing on a team or doing music lessons or anything of the sort. How disadvantaged would they be? Would that be terribly neglectful of the parents?

 

 

I am of the opinion that yes, it would be very detrimental for a child to not experience outside activities. Certainly they do not have to be expensive sports or lessons, but some type of group/ team-building activity is essential for instilling a common goal mentality that is vital to so many careers.

I'm not sure if I'd use the word neglectful, but I would certainly wish that parents sought out any means necessary to get their child involved in as many experiences as possible, creating a broad interest base. Although circumstances can certainly change over time, I believe having the financial ability to provide children with a well-rounded upbringing (including quality education, activity opportunities & adequate transportation) is not only vital to a child's success in the future, it is our responsibility as parents.

We apply the "If you can't afford them, don't have them" mentality to all aspects of our lives. This includes homes, vehicles, and even children. If I wasn't able to support my child's interests, I'd find a way to do so. Be it a second job, generous relatives that could help with an activity fee, scholarship availability, etc. Where there's a will there's a way.

[Rebecca VA]

Most children are exposed to these things in their schools. When I was growing up, we learned the rudiments of many sports in P.E. class, we sang and read music in music class, and did art in art class. I didn't take many lessons outside of school -- it wasn't the usual thing back then to take out-of-school lessons, except maybe piano lessons -- though I did participate in the church choir and bell choir. In high school, obviously, there were many, many more opportunities, such as the school paper, the yearbook, musical groups, sports, and clubs.

 

If my parents had kept me home to educate me and not exposed me to those experiences, I would have been far poorer for it. I'm glad to have received the exposure at school.

[happypamama]

A large family provides many of the benefits of team sports -- cheering others on, taking turns, working together, etc., so I wouldn't worry about that sort of stuff. I do think there can be benefits to team sports, or sports in general, but I think there can be other ways to achieve physical activity as well.

 

Music, I think, is harder. I would dearly love to get music lessons for my children, but it's just not in the budget. At the very least, we're going to try the Adventus MusIQ program ($11 a month for the whole family and a bit for a MIDI-capable keyboard, which we already have, so very reasonable) and see if it gets us anywhere. I figure something is better than nothing, and if we can get more lessons later, or if they want to learn more later, they'll have at least a step up. But if that wasn't an option, I would still do music study at home and attempt to teach them something about the music scale and such. I don't think lessons are strictly necessary at all.

[Ellie]

 

I am of the opinion that yes, it would be very detrimental for a child to not experience outside activities. Certainly they do not have to be expensive sports or lessons, but some type of group/ team-building activity is essential for instilling a common goal mentality that is vital to so many careers.

 

I'm not sure if I'd use the word neglectful, but I would certainly wish that parents sought out any means necessary to get their child involved in as many experiences as possible, creating a broad interest base. Although circumstances can certainly change over time, I believe having the financial ability to provide children with a well-rounded upbringing (including quality education, activity opportunities & adequate transportation) is not only vital to a child's success in the future, it is our responsibility as parents.

 

We apply the "If you can't afford them, don't have them" mentality to all aspects of our lives. This includes homes, vehicles, and even children. If I wasn't able to support my child's interests, I'd find a way to do so. Be it a second job, generous relatives that could help with an activity fee, scholarship availability, etc. Where there's a will there's a way.

 

I tried to provide as many opportunities as possible for my children. This did not, however, include organized sports (except for the two years of soccer). (And two years was all we could bear, lol.) It is why we did 4-H, and Camp Fire, and Highland dance and marching band; it is why we left the house weekly for field trips. We didn't have the finances for private music lessons as well as Highland dance, but for many years we attended a large church that put on children's musicals every year, so at least we had that, and dds were in a very good homeschool choir for a couple of years.

 

I'm not buying the whole thing about organized sports being so vital to many careers, though. In the history of the world, people have worked together toward common goals, long before there was such a thing as organized sports.

[heritagelearningacademy]

I don't think not playing sports or not doing music would be detrimental. And, I don't think all parents choose those paths to relive through their children, although some do. And, I don't think participating in sports brings out the jerk in someone. If they are a jerk...they would have been regardless of what they do. Here is what I have experienced.

 

We are a very sports minded family, not so musically inclined. For us, that is a part of who our children are. That is what they desire. If they came to us and said I don't want to play such and such, we would talk about it with them and be okay if they chose not to. For us, our approach was to expose them to different things.

 

Are we busy? Yes. But I imagine if it was not sports in our family, it would be something else. We have very socially and active minded kids who like group activities. My husband, not so much, but he sees how much the kids desire it. One of our favorite activities has actually been a local homeschool co-op. That has been great and we have been with other Christian families.

 

I think it comes down to what your children's interests are, what needs they have, how activities would benefit them. Add that all to the most important thing....what balance does your family need (budget, health, time, etc.) and then that should guide you in any endeavors. That is the approach we have taken and we have said no to things and yes to others. As my oldest is getting older, we are finding we are limiting more. With a junior high student, school takes longer so he has to be more selective in his activities because of school time commitments and activity time commitments.

 

And, if social connection is a key desire, there are ways to do that besides a sports team.

[Georgiana Daniels]

Detrimental? No. But the benefits of being able to participate in sports or music are HUGE. They go beyond the actual activity because a child can gain confidence, self-expression, poise, teamwork, learn how to overcome obstacles, goal setting, etc. Of course you can learn those things in other ways, but if a child is musically or athletically inclined, then it's important to give them the opportunity.

 

Also, just because a child doesn't "show interest" doesn't mean they aren't. How does a child know if they're interested if they're never exposed to different activities?