Trying not to compare - when did your child "play act"?

[AimeeM]

My sister's son is the same age as my own middle child.

Her son is constantly "pretending" to be someone else... and it seems very normal to do this - most of the other children we know their age do the same... spiderman, batman, etc... play acting.

 

My son just doesn't do it. More than not doing it, he becomes visibly upset if anyone so much as SUGGESTS he "is" or "act like" someone other than "Nico" (his given name). He doesn't really pretend play at all. He builds, he asks me to read, he watches his favorite shows, builds again, eats, builds again. I'm not sure that I've seen him really PRETEND like all the other children his age do. In fact, he names his stuffed animals and playmobile pieces "man *our last name*", "girl *our last name*"... today I asked him his dragon's name and he said "dragon *our last name*". When his cousin is playacting and says "I'm a beyblade!", my son gets upset and yells "no you're not - you're A**** (cousin's given name)".

 

I know I'm being ridiculous, but is this something to be concerned about? The pedi asks about "pretend play" like it's some kind of milestone to be met...

 

ETA: Nico will be 4 next week.

[EKS]

No pretend play is a red flag for autism, which is why the pediatrician asks about it.

[lizbusby]

Oh my gosh, I thought my kids were the only ones! It takes us several weeks every year to talk my oldest (4yo) into wearing a costume for Halloween and he gets rid of it as soon as possible. My younger (2yo) hates to be called anything but his name; not "smart Sailor," "cute Sailor," "super Sailor" or any other adjective, much less a completely made-up identity. "I'm just Sailor," he insists, even when wearing a superhero cape or other costume. This also applies to their very creatively named stuffed animals: Dog-Dog (1 & 2), Robot, Monkey, and Bear-Bear.

 

I'm not sure exactly what the deal is, but maybe it's a gifted thing? I would differentiate between this desire for things to be what they are and an actual lack of pretend play: my kids do sometime play store, or Star Wars, or pretend blankets are cars or whatever, but for some reason they have no desire to be known by alternate identities and go out of their way to assert this. I've always thought it was interesting, but I don't think it's anything to be concerned about.

 

Additionally, pretend play is much more common in girls than boys. A lot of boys don't go through as dramatic a pretend play phase as girls, and it's completely normal. Pretend play is overemphasized in our current culture, and so a lot of boys who don't prefer it are diagnosed as having something "wrong" with them. This is all according to this awesome book I read called The Way of Boys: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0061707821

[ktgrok]

My son didn't pretend play, and he does have Aspergers. I wish we had known what to look for, as he wasn't diagnosed until he was 11 years old. But I'm sure not all kids that don't pretend have aspergers.

 

My daughter does pretend play and it was really strange, after him not doing it.

[Coco_Clark]

There is no pretend play, and then there is NO pretend play, kwim? I think it's perfectly normal, especially among boys, to not prefer imaginary play and spend most of their time in other pursuits. And many children like to identify as who they really are, instead of being "characters". You say he likes blocks, are his block creations then imagined as buildings, or as trains, ect? Does he act out "scenes" with his play mobile people? Does he make his dragon fly? All of this would be considered imaginary play. It is a developmental milestone and a red flag for being on the spectrum, though NOT a diagnosis. If he truly is NEVER imagining, I would look into other autism signs, personally, just be ause early detection can make a HUGE difference. But I also wouldn't panic.

[AimeeM]

He builds castles, buildings, etc. I've seen him PLAYING with his playmobile men, but not really pretending that they're doing anything unless I actively engage him - in which case he WILL pretend that they're doing something. His aversion seems to be more that he doesn't wish to be known as anything other than *him*.

He plays very well with other children, so long as it is "concrete" play - building, reading, counting, dancing... even playing *with* their dragons or other stuffed animals. Come to think of it, I vaguely remember him playing "doggy" with his cousin a few weeks ago, but he was happy to drop "the act", lol.

Having grown up in a home with autistic children (my parents were therapeutic foster parents), I like to think I would recognize any signs, but I notice none of them in my son, other than this *one* concern. He is very empathetic/sympathetic, understands body language, tone of voice (if he sees that I am sad, he asks me "why" I'm sad, if he notices that I'm angry he says "okay, sorry sorry!", etc), he hugs, kisses... from what I remember about the autistic children my parents took in, they generally had problems relating to others and relating/recognizing certain/many emotions that weren't explicitly stated. I could be wrong of course. Due to medical issues, he is a bit behind physically (which could account for this perhaps? I'm not sure), though ahead cognitively (he didn't talk until 3, walk until after his initial lung surgery around 18 months old, but could recognize his alphabet and numbers by 2, builds complex, elaborate structures for hours, etc).

[Embassy]

Personally, I would consider it enough of a warning sign to ask your son's doctor further about it.

[Shahrazad]

My son is VERY similar to what you've described. His body language and emotional behavior are not anything like what you'd expect from a child on the spectrum....he is very affectionate and in tune to people's emotions and feelings. He does play but he calls things by their names (elephant, tiger, baby elephant...etc) and he plays games imitating what he sees, he doesn't come up with different things. He often repeats the same games, same dialogue in his games. When dh plays with him he gets furious if dh doesn't play the way he wants him to play (ex: he tells him to take a certain toy and to make the toy do a certain thing and if dh tries to start playing with another toy as well there is a tantrum and if dh deviates from the typical script of what he wants him to be saying/doing with the toy, he has a tantrum). He has a few other things of that sort that could look a bit obsessive from the outside in, I'm sure. Personally though, I feel that these behaviors are obsessive tendencies but not necessarily indicative of a actual diagnosis and I hope he will grow out of them.

 

Like your son, we have a similar situation where he was physically developing slower (he was a preemie though) but cognitively developing faster. I know this prob isn't a big help but just wanted to let you know you're not alone.

[SKL]

My gifted daughter was into pretend play by about age 2. I thought she was actually a bit of a late bloomer. Her sister, who has some mild developmental issues, started much later. She always enjoyed playing along with others who were pretending, but she didn't really generate fantasy play scenarios on her own until she was maybe 5-ish. ... Thinking back, I can remember the two girls playing "school" when they were age 2-3, saying "you be the teacher" etc.

[Grover]

what you're describing is exactly my son at that age. It is only now (at 6 and a half) that his sister (who lives in a fantasy land) has worn him down enough to "play pretend"... although it's still not "real pretending" - she IS a pony, he is pretending to be a pony. She gets down on all fours and pretends to eat the grass, face mm from the blades, he stands there and says, "I'm pretending to eat the grass. Nom nom nom." His special toys as a little guy were "bed ted" and "spare bear", and his most special soft toy friend is "Dog". Dog is a dog.

 

No Autism issues here, but he is profoundly gifted.

[Greenmama2]

My daughter would "be" a character that interested her from age 2 but she never really "played" pretend. At least not until her younger sibling beat her around the head with it as a PP described. He has played out complex imaginative scenarios all his life.Fwiw, I suspect DD may be 2e - likely both gifted & somewhere on the spectrum. If you are concerned it may be worth seeking an evaluation even if you see no other red flags*.

 

*responsible advice to be taken with a grain of salt since I haven't sought one for DD and don't plan to if she continues to thrive with homeschooling.

 

[AimeeM]

My daughter would "be" a character that interested her from age 2 but she never really "played" pretend. At least not until her younger sibling beat her around the head with it as a PP described. He has played out complex imaginative scenarios all his life.Fwiw, I suspect DD may be 2e - likely both gifted & somewhere on the spectrum. If you are concerned it may be worth seeking an evaluation even if you see no other red flags*.

 

*responsible advice to be taken with a grain of salt since I haven't sought one for DD and don't plan to if she continues to thrive with homeschooling.

 

Thanks. I don't think I plan to seek an eval either - this doesn't seem to affect him negatively.

[2smartones]

My younger son is over-the-top creative, got his first few imaginary friends just before he turned 2 (still has them, believe it or not!), and is making up stories all. the. time. My older son didn't do this, and in fact, didn't start "pretending" (actually just imitating) until his little brother started doing it. My older is autistic, but my younger is not. Like the others here, we didn't know that was one of the signs. Not pretending as a toddler/preschooler set him apart socially, but now that he's older, it's hindering him academically. He's so many times incapable of coming up with his own thoughts for writing assignments, problem solving, etc. Things that seem obvious to me are not at all obvious to him. He can "put 2 and 2 together" to come up with a good solution to a problem, but if there is a piece of the puzzle missing, he's not able to figure out what's missing so that he can solve the problem. I'm not saying you need to jump to an autism conclusion or run out and find your nearest psych, but you should keep an eye on this.

[8filltheheart]

I agree that you should bring it up with your pediatrician.

 

FWIW, our Aspie is very affectionate. Extremely so. He goes the opposite extreme and doesn't understand boundaries and hugs on people all the time and when he was little he would way over react to when something was happening to someone else (for example, he was with me one time when one of his little sisters was receiving an immunization ahd he started crying hysterically for them. It was the first time our pediatrician noted during a visit really abnormal behavior. He has an autistic dd and he was the first professional to recognize our ds was on the autistic spectrum)

 

So....I wouldn't discount ASD based on the basis of affection.

 

The part that raises red flags for me is his response to other people playing make-believe and using pretend names and it bothering him to the point that he yells that no they aren't. That is not normal 3/4 yo behavior. His being literal is only one-side of the issue. His not recognizing other children's play as their way of playing and being bothered by it is a completely different issue.

 

FWIW, seeking advise from a professional while they are young is one of the best things you can do for a child, especially one that might be on the autistic spectrum. Most behavioral therapies are only really effective when they are little and are not as helpful when they are older. It benefits no one to wait and see or to not seek an opinion if something might help improve their quality of life. If they don't need help.....then peace of mind was gained.

[SKL]

I should have noted that although my elder dd didn't start creating "pretend play" until around age 5, she is definitely not autistic. Her social interactions are age-appropriate if not a little ahead. Her very imaginative sister is actually less socially adept. So I would not jump to any conclusions based on this one trait. ... My not-fantasy-oriented daughter seems to use that part of her brain for different things. She will analyze and compare things she's observed in order to discover patterns, especially tendencies in human behavior. She'll try to guess what all her (not-present) friends are doing at a given time. And she's quite a planner. The fact that none of these involve pretending or fantasy is interesting, but IMO not unhealthy. ... I would also note that neither of my kids ever named their loveys. They have always been "bear" and "doll."

[Job384]

One of my sons was like this. He, like others, started doing it when his younger brother, who pretend plays nearly every second of his life, harassed him into it. It also used to make him angry when his brother would say something like, "I am Spiderman!"

 

"[Little brother] says he's Spiderman, but he's NOT!"

 

He got over it. It's a couple years later, and he pretends all the time. He is also profoundly gifted. (I mention this because others have mentioned the same of their kids with similar behavior. Maybe this attitude comes up more often in that population.)

[Dmmetler]

My DD is also PG, but is definitely imaginative. Think Calvin and Hobbes (only in our house, Hobbes is green, scaly, and breathes fire-and is joined by a winged, extremely venomous snake (something between Quetzalcoatl and a King cobra) named Cassandra). However, I don't think she believed she was pretending. To her, this was very, very, VERY real, and she'd get quite upset when someone commented on her imagination or "Oh, it's that cute" type stuff.

 

At age 8, she seems to put most of her imagination into her stories and writing, although we have some very, very animated stuffed animals in this house, and I'm not entirely convinced that her plastic snakes and frogs aren't reproducing...

 

Oh, and FWIW, DD has been tested and is considered to not quite be Aspergers, but be close-she has the sensory issues and some of the social things, but the people who tested her believe that to be part of her GT spectrum and (since she was very young when she was tested) the low communications skills of kids her age-she has ALWAYS been better with adults than with children.

[kiwik]

My son used to get really annoyed when I called him a ratbag or monkey or something like that. He would shout "no I'm not I'm ...). He turned 4 last week and the other day when I called Gina piglet he snorted like a pig and laughed. There are a lot of borderline aspergers people in our family along with the gifted but I doubt he will ever be diagnosed as such. He does pretend play though.

[boscopup]

My youngest will be 4 in a couple weeks. Just the other day, he came downstairs in the morning, meowing. Yeah... he pretend plays a lot.

 

My oldest had an imaginary hockey team at age 4.

 

My sister had an imaginary town with its own language.

[theYoungerMrsWarde]

Sounds a lot like my Builder Boy. He never pretended to be anyone or anything other than himself, just builds and builds and talks about what his factory is making or his trains are delivering, etc. All very "real world" stuff. He's not pretending to be a factory worker, he's not pretending to be the factory, he's moving things around, explaining the conveyer belt, etc. He's 6 1/2. I used to worry about it, especially since his little brother has been pretending to be something/someone/some animal since he was about 2? But I don't worry about it anymore. He has plenty of creativity. If I asked him to pretend he might go for it for a few minutes, but I think he'd get bored of it pretty quickly.

[RoundAbout]

My DS does a lot of pretend play and started doing it seriously at about 4ish. His favorite is to pretend to be some kind of talking animal like in a Thorton Burgess story. His latest fascination is with the idea of animals trying to understand a human world so he often has elaborate stories/scenarios where he is a pet or captured animal trying to figure out stuff like electricity or toilets.

 

On the playground he seems pretty happy to go along with whatever superhero or pirate game the other kids are doing.

 

How is his story telling? I'm not an expert at all, so just wondering because DS has a couple of friends on the spectrum, but I noticed playing a story telling game that they couldn't really create a narrative out of random cards the way DS could.

[Mergath]

My dd began to imaginatively play when she was about two, as in pretending her blocks were people, using a banana as a telephone, talking to imaginary friends, etc. She didn't begin to pretend that she was someone else until more like three and a half.

 

If you have concerns, it can't hurt to have an evaluation done.

[Ravin]

My DD has never really been into pretend play, especially solitary pretend play, at least not to any extent I recognize. This could be because as a child I did a LOT of pretend play both alone and with peers and could lose myself in it for hours and hours. In some ways I never really stopped (I just shifted from playing with dolls and action figures to writing it down as creative writing and a historical re-creation hobby). DD will do things like pretend to be a puppy (for attention, rather than her own amusement), but has never been one to lose herself in imaginary scenarios with dolls, action figures, or any of that. She likes social interaction with actual people. She will play along with dolls with a friend, but never plays pretend with them by herself. It's not that she's not creative; she makes up song lyrics, draws, etc. She's just very grounded in reality, I guess.

 

I'm fairly sure I was not a normal child, so DD's lack of playing pretend, while baffling to me, never raised any red flags. I've always associated intense pretend play with being gifted, but not all gifted kids are the same.

[serendipitous journey]

...

 

My son just doesn't do it. More than not doing it, he becomes visibly upset if anyone so much as SUGGESTS he "is" or "act like" someone other than "Nico" (his given name). He doesn't really pretend play at all. He builds, he asks me to read, he watches his favorite shows, builds again, eats, builds again. I'm not sure that I've seen him really PRETEND like all the other children his age do. In fact, he names his stuffed animals and playmobile pieces "man *our last name*", "girl *our last name*"... today I asked him his dragon's name and he said "dragon *our last name*". When his cousin is playacting and says "I'm a beyblade!", my son gets upset and yells "no you're not - you're A**** (cousin's given name)".

 

I know I'm being ridiculous, but is this something to be concerned about? The pedi asks about "pretend play" like it's some kind of milestone to be met...

 

ETA: Nico will be 4 next week.

 

A. was like this until he was about 6yo. At which point his toddler brother started pretending and A. was seriously unhappy. We've been explicitly teaching him to give his toddler brother room to pretend and that's helped. He now spontaneously pretends (sometimes) but still gets very upset sometimes (often!) when things are not labeled properly. He's usually okay if we explicitly explain that pretending is happening -- or he will say, "You can PRETEND ___ is ___."

 

I think this must be perfectly normal for these particular (admittedly unusual) children ...