J-rap Posted May 10, 2013 Share Posted May 10, 2013 I wasn't sure whether I should post this under general education or chat. This is a child of mine no longer living at home, who I'll call X. X is a wonderful person, very friendly, kind, considerate. X is extremely bright. For example, when a senior in high school, X suddenly decided to take 5 AP tests, none of them that I was teaching. X studied and self-taught, and passed all the tests with top scores just a few months later. X has also taken on huge, huge projects, projects that most adults don't take on in a lifetime. If I explained a couple of things X has accomplished, I think you would be quite amazed. (At least I am!) Despite X's sense of humor and casual demeanor, X is very intense. X is extremely driven and extremely ambitious. X probably self-examines himself/herself daily, constantly wondering if he/she is doing all he/she should be doing in whatever his/her current project or interest is. In case you are wondering, I'm not like that AT ALL. My husband is, to an extent, but X is even moreso. As X was growing up, I made a concerted effort to be extremely casual, relaxed, and almost un-ambitious, in a way, so as to counter X's personality, to let X know that it's okay to be more relaxed about life. So here's my question. X cannot take on details easily (a better word would be "not at all"), unless they have to do precisely with X's current project/goals/interests, even if X tries. If I need to tell X something, I know I can never say it in passing. I need to get X's full attention, wait for about 20 seconds, and then say it. I can see it in X's eyes, the concentration, the TRYING to concentrate, and I'll repeat it. The next day, X won't remember anything about it. This has happened so often, so many times, that I've almost given up talking to X about anything important. I've talked about this with X many times. X KNOWS this is a problem. X really seems to try. I SEE X trying. Yesterday I needed to talk to X about an important event last night. I had talked to X about it, I texted X about it about four times, and X wasn't there. This morning, I told X how the event went, and X immediately felt so badly about it, and apologized. X said he/she saw the texts, but his/her head just couldn't seem to hold the info because it was so full. Like it was just a fleeting blurb that X saw, but then the information disappeared. This happens ALL THE TIME. This has actually cost X two jobs. X overlooked a couple of small things that were told to him/her, things that were very important. X probably was looking right at the person who was explaining it, trying to take it in, but in the end, his/her head didn't retain it. It's difficult for me to put it all into words. For as long as X could write, the only way he/she could remember everything was to make a very detailed list, and carry it around all day. On the side, X remembers very little about his/her childhood. Those details escape him. X is extremely disciplined. But you'd think this discipline would carry over to these other things. That's why I'm wondering if by chance, it's an actual learning disorder. X is an independent young adult now, but I sometimes worry about his/her future. If there is some way I can help, I would like to. Sorry this got so long!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted May 10, 2013 Share Posted May 10, 2013 For example, when a senior in high school, X suddenly decided to take 5 AP tests, none of them that I was teaching. X studied and self-taught, and passed all the tests with top scores just a few months later. This part sounds a lot like hyperfocusing. Whether there is an ADHD possibility, I don't know. You might want to cross-post under learning challenge. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
celticmom Posted May 10, 2013 Share Posted May 10, 2013 Does X have any other indicators of Asperger's? Another thing to look at might be audio processing disorder. You might have to look at several things since most problems have multiple symptoms and you listed one relatively major symptom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plink Posted May 10, 2013 Share Posted May 10, 2013 ADD. Absolutely! One of the most misunderstood things about ADD is that people with it are excellent at focusing when they are interested in a subject. Hyperfocusing on the area of interest can afford them the ability to excel in ways that the average person is unable to achieve. They put every waking moment into thinking about their passion. The subject of their hyperfocus changes over time, but there is almost always an area that is receiving 99.9% of their energy. The other side of the coin is the inability to remember to bring home the milk, buy a birthday gift on time, or lift their head when they hear someone calling them while they are reading. It sounds like an evaluation might be helpful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted May 10, 2013 Share Posted May 10, 2013 I agree with the possibility of Aspergers and/or hyper focusing as with AD(H)D. Have you thought about helping X seek help? Does X have a calendar and smart phone? I am ADD. I am not generally good at remembering things that people just tell me. I need to write it on my calendar. I have a large wall calendar, a planner I carry around with me to note changes or events that come up through the day, I also put things in the calendar on my smart phone (which is tethered to the calendar on my computer). The act of writing it down helps me remember, as does regularly seeing it on my large wall calendar. I can also check my planner and/or phine through the day. Events that are out of my routine are hard for me to remember. If I am busy, then I need to set alarms on my smart phone (which also pop up on my computer) to remind me-1 day in advance, 4 hours in advance and then 1 hour in advance. If I get way too busy, then things start to fall through the cracks. It has taken me a long time (I am over 40) to learn my limits. I have to say "no, we cannot do that" at some point, no matter how fun/educational something may be because I know I will start forgetting things. I am just TOO busy to remember everything on my own. My dh has the same problem and his is simply a problem of being far too busy. He has to write everything in his calendar. So, if there is something I need him to attend, then I call and say, "put this on your calendar, right now, while I am on the phone." Would one or more of these systems help X? Could you call and say, "I need you to go write this on your calendar/in your planner/set an alarm on your phone." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted May 10, 2013 Author Share Posted May 10, 2013 Thank you so much for these thoughts everyone. They are all intriguing. I have actually thought about ADD from time to time. I know X did take an Asperger's test a year ago or so, and said it was within a normal range. Hyper focusing, ADD, different auditory processing methods... these are all things I know very little about. I would like to help X seek help, so I really appreciate the brainstorming. X does have an iPod Touch for note taking, but I think a big wall calendar is also a great idea, Mrs. Mungo. I think your alarm system would be very helpful to X too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted May 10, 2013 Share Posted May 10, 2013 My first thought was auditory processing. but then you said X can't remember most of childhood, and now wonder about memory issues. Has X ever taken a severe blow to the head? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted May 10, 2013 Share Posted May 10, 2013 If X is male, some of this could be caused by dopamine deficiency. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PinkyandtheBrains. Posted May 10, 2013 Share Posted May 10, 2013 Sounds a lot like hyperfocusing and ADD/ADHD to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ElizabethB Posted May 11, 2013 Share Posted May 11, 2013 Or maybe just an extreme NP, the classic absentminded professor. He sounds like he needs a position where he has a secretary to keep him straight! INTP: http://www.personali...e.com/INTP.html ENTP: http://www.personali...e.com/ENTP.html Less likely for males, INFP and ENFP: http://www.personali...e.com/INFP.html http://www.personali...e.com/ENFP.html My husband and I are both INTPs. For our 20 year reunion, we were sent an e-mail that had a list of things. We both *thought* we read through it completely and had done everything we needed to do. A week or two later, a friend going to the same reunion asked if we had done a certain thing yet--he didn't notice it, either, his wife had read the e-mail and noticed. (She is a personality type that is more detail oriented.) We both re-read the e-mail and were both surprised to find the information at the end of one of the sentences towards the end of the e-mail. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paz Posted May 12, 2013 Share Posted May 12, 2013 I have a family member like this. It has always been my opinion that this person has so much information about the current project in their brain that he/she can't remember anything else, especially day to day type things. A project on our end may include remembering all the phone numbers for people that he/she currently needs to contact, remembering a list of items to do for the current work day...remembering large amounts of factual and mathematical information without writing anything down. I don't think our brains were designed to remember all those things simultaneously. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted May 12, 2013 Share Posted May 12, 2013 Or maybe just an extreme NP, the classic absentminded professor. He sounds like he needs a position where he has a secretary to keep him straight! INTP: http://www.personali...e.com/INTP.html ENTP: http://www.personali...e.com/ENTP.html Less likely for males, INFP and ENFP: http://www.personali...e.com/INFP.html http://www.personali...e.com/ENFP.html My husband and I are both INTPs. For our 20 year reunion, we were sent an e-mail that had a list of things. We both *thought* we read through it completely and had done everything we needed to do. A week or two later, a friend going to the same reunion asked if we had done a certain thing yet--he didn't notice it, either, his wife had read the e-mail and noticed. (She is a personality type that is more detail oriented.) We both re-read the e-mail and were both surprised to find the information at the end of one of the sentences towards the end of the e-mail. Probably worth pointing out that I am ENTP. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ElizabethB Posted May 12, 2013 Share Posted May 12, 2013 Probably worth pointing out that I am ENTP. I knew I liked you, I like most ENTPs! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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