S/o holding kids back

[NotSoObvious]

My twin girls have an end of August birthday and super immature developmentally because of their past.

 

When we were trying to decide what to do after our horrible 2nd grade year in school, we considered holding them back, but I got flack from the school. We needed up homeschooling.

 

If we had adopted sooner, I would have just delayed starting them in school by one year.

 

Alas, here we are. They are in fifth grade. They both do well academically and are the sweetest kids. They love to play in the woods, play make believe, and their favorite days of the week are our playgroups with kids ages 5-9. They are usually the oldest ones in that group.

 

This year they did Girl Scouts and the differences really stood out. These other girls are at a very different level, plus they are exposed to a lot more, so that adds to the gap.

 

Next year they will technically be in middle school. It doesn't matter for homeschool and I get that. What I'm concerned about is outside activities. A lot of things end with 5th grade. They are all of a sudden in this new category of kids, 11 and up. I don't like that! It's not where they are, plus I don't always wasn't them with only older kids.

 

What do you do when your kids are technically in a higher grade than their maturity? They just aren't ready for the outside "middle school" environment. At all!

 

Has anyone else faced this issue when it comes to this age group?

 

I don't know what I'm looking for...your experiences, thoughts, ideas, reassurances?

[NotSoObvious]

Oh, I will add that we do hope to take a year and live abroad when they are in 8th or 9th grade and that might end up being our year off. Then we'd start high school a year late, or not. Anyhow, I do like having the option of taking a gap year somewhere without it making them much older than their peers.

[Ellie]

My very strong opinion is that homeschooled children should always be "in" the grade they'd have been in if they'd gone to school, based on their date of birth and the cut-off in the states where they live when they "enter" first grade. I believe that you teach them where they are academically, but otherwise, they should be kept in the appropriate grade level when they do group activities. I say this after having administered an umbrella school for 16 years and having had countless conversations with people in real life as well as on the Internet. Keep them at their grade level. They will eventually catch up (if, indeed, they are behind their peers) and believe me when I tell you that it will be much less messy when your discover that they are, in fact, right where they "should" be.

[Dana]

Tag your thread with "grade level" and you'll find a lot of other threads about this topic. (I wish we could tag threads again... it'd help SO MUCH with searches!)

 

My son has an end of August birthday with a Sept 1 start date for school in our state. We have him in the correct grade for his age. I didn't think of holding back a year when he started K - I just knew that full day would be too long. We don't have maturity issues, but we're talking about holding back a year so he can have an extra year before college. We were going to repeat this year, but we've decided to move ahead and then possibly repeat next. I don't want to repeat once he starts taking courses for high school credit, so that's our line for a firm decision.

 

I keep going back and forth about the repeat year.

 

The tag search will give you a lot of threads with a lot of discussion.

Good luck with your decision!

[Ameena]

We have a similar problem with my dd - she is academically higher than her age group would be, plus she is immature for her age behavior-wise. For us, what has worked is to really have two grade levels - one for school, and one for groups / extracurricular / etc. So she is 6, but 2nd grade for academics and K/1st grade for everything else. We do this for Girl Scouts as well with a twist - DD moved up to Brownies when she moved to 2nd grade for academic as she was finished with all the Daisy stuff and bored with it BUT we will do Brownies for THREE years instead of the normal two to allow her to mature and catch up age-wise. I agree there is a BIG jump in materials then.

 

I see NO problem with calling them 5th graders again for activities. If they suddenly mature, then you can promote them :)

[kiana]

What do your girls think? Are they chomping at the bit to move ahead or are they feeling really reluctant?

[Farrar]

I basically agree with Ellie on this. Let kids be in their grade level. It's pretty meaningless beyond age correlation for homeschoolers. I think if kids need to be in a different grade for school, then you can always frame it as a transition year or a gap year in preparation. Some kids really are on a different timetable, but since you choose the steps in homeschooling, I think it's much easier to just leave them in their age grade.

[katilac]

The varying levels of maturity are a hallmark of the middle school years, and being a bit less exposed to some aspects of pop culture is a hallmark of home schooling. So I see it more as the nature of the beast, rather than anything related to their struggles or specific levels of maturity, if that's of any reassurance.

 

Nothing in your post really points to them as being 'super' immature, imo, but if it is really noticeable or impacts their enjoyment of activities, I would either keep them in the younger group when possible, or skip the activity. If there are home school activities available, I would try to focus on those.

 

Middle school is just tough in general, I think.

[SKL]

Because their birthday is so late and you say they have maturity issues, I don't think it would be wrong to hold them back for purposes of activities. Many kids with similar birthdates are in a lower grade than they technically could be in. In your case, which I see as "right on the line," I would go with where you feel your girls are socially. If they are not even close to relating to those older kids, that would impact my decision. .... As an adoptive mom, I understand how that can impact maturity as well. Good luck!

[NotSoObvious]

The varying levels of maturity are a hallmark of the middle school years, and being a bit less exposed to some aspects of pop culture is a hallmark of home schooling. So I see it more as the nature of the beast, rather than anything related to their struggles or specific levels of maturity, if that's of any reassurance.

 

Nothing in your post really points to them as being 'super' immature, imo, but if it is really noticeable or impacts their enjoyment of activities, I would either keep them in the younger group when possible, or skip the activity. If there are home school activities available, I would try to focus on those.

 

Middle school is just tough in general, I think.

 

Thank you! This is what I was getting at and needed the reminder that there is a lot of difference between kids at this age. This made me feel better.

I think I will keep looking for activities that include a wide range of ages.

[NotSoObvious]

What do your girls think? Are they chomping at the bit to move ahead or are they feeling really reluctant?

 

We are moving along with academics, so there is no problem there and I wouldn't officially hold them back. I'm just concerned with outside activities and the 5th grade cap that seems to be placed on a lot of them.

 

The fifth grade only environment wasn't their favorite, BUT it was a small group of girls who all go to school together, so I realize there were other issues at play. They naturally gravitate toward younger kids.

 

[Sisyphus]

As kids get older we are running into the being young for their grade being a problem. They both made cut offs for k in the state we lived in, but it seems things have changed drastically in the intervening years and the majority of kids with summer birthdays are a grade below. While not a problem academically, it's a problem with age cut offs for programs. Oldest wanted to apply to a foreign language program, but participants must be 15 by June something (I forget the actual date)- he won't be. He wanted to go to an anthropology camp- same deal, for 9-12th grade, but must be 15 by June. Must be 15 1/2 to get a permit, must have a permit to take drivers Ed, will be unable to take it with his buddies this summer. Some of this means he has only 2 years for some opportunities, not 3 like those who make the age cut offs.

 

I am seriously considering putting my youngest back a year to avoid this for him- plus, he could use it, academically, though he is doing fine it would put him ahead in the high school math progression when he gets there and he won't be any older than the other kids in 9th grade.

 

Just something to think about.

[meena]

I've had these same thoughts regarding my 10 (almost 11) yo daughter. She will be going into 6th grade next year, which means at church and Awana she is supposed to be a part of the middle school/ high school youth group. I don't think she's ready for that, and based on conversations she and I have had, I don't think she feels ready for it. She is smart but still has a very innocent mind and heart, so I'd hate for her to be pushed to be more mature (especially by peer pressure) than she really is.

 

She has asked to be a helper for the younger Awana groups next year so that somewhat solves that issue. For church I don't know what we will do. I've thought about asking to see if she can stay in Sunday school for another year, but I don't want her to feel like she is being held back. The church issue is compounded by the fact that her best friend at church is in the grade below (even though there's only about a 7 month difference in age). While I know she will make new friends, she will really miss this friend.