Suggestions for teaching manners

[Hwin]

I've been prompting my 7yo to use his manners since he could speak. He knows what to say and do, but it doesn't come naturally for him and, even with modeling good manners, prompting and running through scenarios, giving lectures on why our family thinks manners are important, etc etc he completely forgets to say the right thing at the right time. I have gotten his attention a little bit - when he forgets to ask nicely, I'll have him say "Thank you, beautiful, wonderful, amazing Mom" and I think that's helped :p

 

I also want to say that there isn't any ungrateful or entitled behavior - he just seems immune to "please" and "thank you." (Even though he knows that hearts are like doors...)

 

However. The other day, I handed my 16 month old a banana and got "Tay-too!" then turned around and my 7yo was holding an empty cup "Mom. I need more milk." That was my aha moment... when the baby surpassed the oldest in good manners.

 

Help?

[gardenmom5]

some kids do have a harder time than others. and he's 7. I assure you, your younger one will forget on occasion when he's 7. you can also say something similar to him to what you have him say to you when he remembers on his own. (i.e. you're welcome wonderful son, and I love hearing you say thank you.)

 

I'm sorry? what did you say? (what's the magic word?) - you don't retreive what he asks for until he says please. then you hang onto it (while handing it over, just don't let go) until he says thank you.

[Ellie]

Miss Manners says it takes 18 years of constant nagging to rear a well-mannered adult.

 

You may have to be more direct, as in when he said, "Mom, I need more milk," you just looked at him with your mouth wide open in shock that he would speak to you that way, and continued with that look until he gathered his thoughts and asked politely. There may even be times where you fix him with your steely school-teacher-eyeball-stare and tell him that he will say thank you or please or whatever it is he's supposed to be saying before he can do/have what he has asked for or received or whatever.

[Annie]

It says in your signature that he's an aspie. Do you think that could play a role? My (undiagnosed but almost certainly) aspie husband has issues with what I consider simple manners sometimes. They just don't make sense to him, he doesn't think about them, and as far as I can tell, he doesn't really value them in others. He's a sweet man who isn't intentionally trying to be rude or offensive. It's frustrating to me at times because he's a very smart, and I keep thinking he should be able to memorize that it's socially expected for you to say thank you when someone hands you a plate of food they've prepared for you. He has gotten a little better over the years (I may or may not have thrown a hissy fit or two when the only thing he said when I gave him a nicely prepared breakfast was to ask for the Tabasco sauce), but I don't think he'll be writing any etiquette columns any time soon. He's understanding of my quirks, so I try to be understanding of his.

 

Just keep plugging along! I'm sure he'll get better!