A flicker of doubt...

[Halcyon]

A flicker of doubt has entered my head. I have never doubted myself or the value of homeschooling for my kids before. Yesterday, my father said i should put older in school as he was missing out on so much. His daughter from a second marriage (my half sister) is in 6th and to be honest, i dont like the person she has turned into since entering middle school. Texting constantly, really into appearances, making those kissy faces on facebook....but at the same time, my son would really, really, enjoy being around more kids rather than stuck at home with his little brother. Yes, we do a coop but outside activities have not been as prominent in our hs since starting 5th grade. Plus, i work so time is limited.

 

Thoughts? Either make me feel better or tellme we should consider school. Dh, fwiw, is 100% opposed to sending him to school. So really, it isnt an option. But still, the flicker remains.

[Luckymama]

What exactly does your father believe your son would be missing? Did he give you specifics?

[Farrar]

The grass is always greener... Until you get over there and notice it's all weeds.

 

I hate to get all Candide, but really, in this case, I think it's better to be happy tending your own garden. No option is perfect, but I think it's good to accept what you're doing with it's benefits and drawbacks and ignore the flickers for the most part.

[SailorMom]

From your siggie, your son is certainly getting a better academic education. So - no worries there :)

 

As for the "social" aspects - that is always a tough one, and no one can judge how it is going except you :) As long as he is active doing things he loves, I'm sure you're doing great.

[Halcyon]

What exactly does your father believe your son would be missing? Did he give you specifics?

 

 

No, he didn't, but I can surmise based on past conversations. I think he feels he would get more social interaction, more projects to work on, more competition from other students. But mostly, I think he feels his daughter is doing well in school, so my son would too (he thinks they are similar). I can't quite put my finger on it, but it seems to be the same things that part of ME think he is missing--being with other kids, working as a team, not being as isolated.

[momtoamiracle]

I can understand that feeling. My six yr old loves other kids so sometimes I feel like I'm cheating him keeping him at home, even tho we have playmates and he does lots of outings with us or my parents. Then I hear stories of first graders molesting each other and I'm glad he's home.... Then I think the drawbacks of public school outweigh any social benefits. Besides the fact most children I talk to around here say they really hate school.

 

 

HUGS

[Chrysalis Academy]

Oh, Halcyon, I feel your pain, but I think the flickers are a sign that we care *so* much - not that all parents don't care, but as homeschoolers we have taken on the ultimate responsibility for all aspects of our kids growth and development, so the flickers can lead to these moments of total existential crisis: "Am I ruining my kids life????"

 

You aren't. Your concerns about how middle school might - might - change him are valid. We're watching dd's best friend turn into someone we hardly recognize, and it isn't pretty. Her parents are great, and try to remain attached, but between school all day, and having to hassle her about homework, and all the extracurriculars, they hardly have any time to spend with her, just being close. She's losing touch with her adult connections and getting more and more peer-focused. They are there, all day every day, and her parents aren't.

 

That's just one kid, I know, but I think it's a valid concern, more valid than that vague worries about what might happen if your kid goes to middle school. What *will* happen, without a doubt, is that you will have a lot less time with him.

 

I'm grappling with this not with dd10, who loves life right now, but with dd6, who has had a pretty miserable time with her teacher right this year, and who I'd like to bring home for next year. Both dh and I worry a little bit, because she's a lot more social and somehow less self-sufficient than her big sister. So I'm laying awake with flickers of doubt, too, wondering whether homeschooling will be the right thing for her.

 

:grouphug:

[Alice]

I could have written your post except the doubt comes more me than from an outside source. I have a 4th grader and I’ve also noticed that it’s gotten harder to find times with other kids. I sometimes wonder if he is missing out on the exact things you mention in your post.

 

What has helped me is two things. First I’ve talked to my son about it. He has absolutely no desire to go to school away from home currently. It helps to realize that he’s quite content. We aren’t against the idea of school elsewhere if one of the kids desired that so I try and keep the conversation open with them. They know that it’s not entirely their choice alone but that we’d take their feelings into consideration if they were unhappy with the way things were.

 

Secondly, I try to tell myself that no matter what choice we make he will miss something. Any path you choose automatically means there are other paths you aren’t choosing. There are disadvantages to homeschooling, but reminding myself that for us right now the advantages outweigh those disadvantages is helpful.

 

ETA: I just went back and read your post and I wasn’t sure if your son does have a desire to go to school or if your concerns were solely stemming from your father’s comment. If it’s more than just your own worries and you feel like your son isn’t content but that not-homeschooling isn’t an option you could brainstorm ways to fill whatever is missing for him. I’ve thought of doing something like a Lego team or a science based co-op or a boy’s book club next year to give my son some of that social time/intellectual stimulation with peers.

[Wabi Sabi]

What does your son want?

[Dmmetler]

I like the idea of a week or two of summer camp. I think my DD hits some of the same things your son does, so doing camps in areas that aren't her strengths, but are her interests (gymnastics camp, piano camp, etc) provides that interaction and competition that she craves, and lets her be "just another kid", as well as gives her a larger group situation. I think she'd LOVE one of the CTY-type camps, but she's too young to live in and they're too far away for us to be able to commute (having to stay in a hotel for a couple of weeks really, really makes the pricing untenable).

If I were, for some reason, only allowed to skip one season of PS, it would be middle school. I think a lot of good kids get lost during middle school, dragged away by peer pressure because they don't really know who they are yet.

[FriedClams]

I feel your pain. I have 2 about your kid's ages. My BFF homeschooled from the start, and then this year they started middle school at a local charter. They live about 5 hours from here now, so this school isn't an option. The school is amazing (one of the best charter schools in the country) and the kids are thriving. Each is unique - and has found a niche and a place. They love it. I am super excited for them and thrilled that it's been a great fit for them, but it's definitely increased my flickers. A lot. Tons.

 

As I prep for the fall it just keeps getting worse. I worry about writing... reading the right books... challenging them enough... art... drama... You know what I mean. I hear all the amazing things they do - and awesome parent's nights - and integrated projects - caring parents and cool teachers - sports teams - winning local contests for art and writing - and all the computer things - and I am just foundering... Even feeling a bit like I am failing my kids. Like I am failing... Miserably.

 

School isn't an option here. They stink. I mean - really, really stink. And I don't think I'd want them at school even if this near-perfect school were available to us... But still... I stress...

 

I am with you on flickering. It's really hard at this age.It feels to me like 7th grade is looming and the intensity is being dialed up. I know we're doing the best thing for the kids, but it's hard.

 

I guess we just have to remind ourselves of what the end product will be - what we're working for - and just keep swimming.

[the4Rs]

Having homeschooled every year prior to this year and this year having my kids in public school, let me offer you some encouragement and advice. First if your husband is completely opposed to PS then it isn't an option so dwelling on it only breeds seeds of doubt or discontent. That is unhealthy, though completely normal sometimes.... just ask me. I am great at fixating on the "what ifs." Best advice I can give is to keep lines of communication open with your son. Find out what he likes and wants and if there are areas he needs more then you, your husband, and your son can sit down to realistically decide what to do about that. Also, I sub in the public schools currently from K through high school. I used to teach in public schools about a decade ago.... there are good and bad to both homeschooling and public school. I have literally seen it all. Try to focus on the good you are offering your son in homeschooling and not any perceived drawbacks. My kids thrived at home and are thriving at school...just for different reasons. There is plenty of bad about public school but there is good too. I choose to focus on that for this season of our lives knowing they are learning some valuable life lessons and that hopefully we'll be able to return to homeschooling some day.

[Wildiris]

Middle school age kids have a hard time whether they are at home or at school.

 

My youngest DD is also 10. She came back from a birthday party/sleep-over yesterday. At the party the girls were putting on makeup in the morning, talking about boys and who likes who, their favorite bands etc. My DD felt left out and clueless about the bands and could careless about makeup. DD's older brothers and sister also felt very left out when they entered middle school age. Even when the older ones went to school, they were always on the outside socially because they were home schooled.

 

As a reaction to her older brothers' experiences in school, my oldest daughter (kid#3) found a way to have a social life without going to school. Enrolling her in social dancing where many of the kids were home schooled and on the geeky side helped. DD also has an active online social life with girls from around the world she met through online writing sites. The girls have Skipe conversations so they can see who they're talking to. It is a different social reality than what most of us grew up with, but it may very well be the future of social interaction.

 

Dh has always dislike home schooling; however, DD#3 has shown him that it can work and that she is not a social misfit. She is not lacking social skills. She can work in a group, and she can work independently. DD knows a much wider group of kids than her peers close to home.

 

Can your son get more involved in something like Boy Scouts, 4-H, martial arts, extracurricular classes taught at a local community center, baseball, something that would take him away from being around his little brother all the time and put him in the company of other boys his age?

[SarahW]

I think you're right to say at 5th grade your kid needs more than just the nuclear family on a daily basis.

 

I won't go into my theories about socialization again. Just to reiterate, I don't think public school is the final solution.

 

But I think you should actively pursue finding him one or a few "buddies." Guys he can just hang out with, take bike rides to McD's together, and wander off to build a fort in the woods.

 

Of course, finding a few guys nearby who have time available, are about your son's age, care about more than playing M-rated video games all the time, are generally mature, and have a decent moral center (not to say they have to be perfect, since no one is, but who don't actively seek to do wrong things) is probably a near-impossible task, I know.

[Halcyon]

What does your son want?

I don't know that he rightly knows, as he has never been to public school. He has friends in public school. In fact, most of his friends are in PS, so I think he feels left out in some ways. At the same time, he realizes that 99% of those friends profess to hate school, and he knows he has it good in that regard, because he does actually like school most of the time. Again, he has never been to public school, so he doesn't know what he is missing.

[Halcyon]

Oh, and he does play hockey twice a week, and goes to afterschool 2-3 days a week with public schooled kids. So he gets to interact with other kids a reasonable amount.

[Halcyon]

I like the idea of a week or two of summer camp. I think my DD hits some of the same things your son does, so doing camps in areas that aren't her strengths, but are her interests (gymnastics camp, piano camp, etc) provides that interaction and competition that she craves, and lets her be "just another kid", as well as gives her a larger group situation. I think she'd LOVE one of the CTY-type camps, but she's too young to live in and they're too far away for us to be able to commute (having to stay in a hotel for a couple of weeks really, really makes the pricing untenable).

 

 

both my kids have always done at least 4 weeks of summer camp. this summer, older wants to go to one week of sleepaway, so we're trying to make that happen. They do hockey camp, fishing camp, surf camp, you name it. They love it.

[I.Dup.]

It sounds like your kids get PLENTY of social time with other kids. Don't doubt!

[PollyOR]

My 11yo dd has ONE good neighborhood friend. This little girl doesn't realize she is the main reason I have not pushed to move into the nearby city where DH works, we attend church, and shop (gas prices are killing us!). Without her friendship, 11yo would be quite lonely.

 

Middle school. :svengo: Eek! Not going there. 11yo dd follows the crowd and it would be a disaster.

[PollyOR]

Secondly, I try to tell myself that no matter what choice we make he will miss something. Any path you choose automatically means there are other paths you aren’t choosing. There are disadvantages to homeschooling, but reminding myself that for us right now the advantages outweigh those disadvantages is helpful.

 

Alice, thank you! I needed to read this. :)

[Homemama2]

Since dh is so opposed, I would look at ways to make the best of homeschooling. Besides, if you think about it, ps kids aren't suppose to be talking during class. Plus the ps 5th graders in our area average about 1-2 hours of homework per night (this obviously varies across the country.) So, that doesn't leave a lot of socializing time (lunch, recess, the bus.) You'd be giving up things like latin and spanish (at least at our schools...these are not offered. The GT class gets latin roots, that's it.)

 

This year, I had to start making more of an effort to have friends over. We invite someone over after co-op each week. In the fall, a group of us plan to meet Friday afternoons to do a couple of subjects together (art etc) and then give them a play time afterwards. We also are doing a group once a quarter where the kids have to do public speaking of some sort (book report, speech, recite a poem etc.) then they play afterwards. I'm not sure what you can do with your work schedule, but I bet you could come up with ideas that would help your ds not feel lonely.

[DianeW88]

Don't doubt. I have graduated two that never set foot in a brick and mortar school even once. They are both in college on scholarships. They are better adjusted to college life, have a stronger work ethic, and enjoy their classes far more than most of their peers who went to public school. They did not need to do remedial work in English and math, unlike a large percentage of their peers.

 

Socially speaking, I did not see the peer dependent issues and associated problems that cropped up with their high school attending friends. We escaped a TON of drama that other mothers complained about constantly.

 

Honestly, homeschooling is one of the best decisions I've ever made in behalf of my kids and their future.

 

I'm sure they would have done fine in PS as well.

 

But I wanted better than "fine".

[Mommy22alyns]

Don't doubt. I have graduated two that never set foot in a brick and mortar school even once. They are both in college on scholarships. They are better adjusted to college life, have a stronger work ethic, and enjoy their classes far more than most of their peers who went to public school. They did not need to do remedial work in English and math, unlike a large percentage of their peers.

 

Socially speaking, I did not see the peer dependent issues and associated problems that cropped up with their high school attending friends. We escaped a TON of drama that other mothers complained about constantly.

 

Honestly, homeschooling is one of the best decisions I've ever made in behalf of my kids and their future.

 

I'm sure they would have done fine in PS as well.

 

But I wanted better than "fine".

 

 

Triple likes! This exactly! :hurray:

[PeterPan]

I can't quite put my finger on it, but it seems to be the same things that part of ME think he is missing--being with other kids, working as a team, not being as isolated.

 

When I get those feelings this time of year, it's usually my big sign that it's time to think about how to up the ante. Kids grow and their ability to do things grows. Your gut may be telling you it's time to take the next step on that. Not necessarily school, but some competitions, projects, something more complex he can sink into.

[GoVanGogh]

When I get those feelings this time of year, it's usually my big sign that it's time to think about how to up the ante. Kids grow and their ability to do things grows. Your gut may be telling you it's time to take the next step on that. Not necessarily school, but some competitions, projects, something more complex he can sink into.

 

:iagree:

 

 

I also wanted to add:

I don't know you or your dad, obviously, so take this with a grain (or two) of salt.

You said he is raising a child that is your child's age. That is somewhat unusual family dynamaic... My sister and mom both had kids around the same time, so some thoughts on watching their relationship: It may be that he is defensive about his decision to have his child in public school. It may be that he is competitive and feeling that his child is behind.

Another thought - because I used to have this friend --- she knew my weak spots and could sense my weak moments. She would make sly, off-the-cuff type comments at those moments and it would make me doubt everything I knew to be true and right.

Again, not saying this is the case, but I would think about why your dad said what he did. Not if he is right or if you think he might be right. But why did he he say what he did?

[FloridaLisa]

Having homeschooled 3 (so far) of my dc through high school and into university, I heartily, heartily affirm continuing to home educate through the middle school years especially but also through high school. Boy, where do I start? First, middle school is just hands-down the toughest time for kids. I teach middle schoolers at church and I am really surprised by all of the social and physical pressures that the kids go through. My kids have definitely had adjustments and even some drama in middle school, but for the most part, they have been far removed from the tremendous social pressures that happen in the peer-driven school setting. Plus, I continue to believe that there is so much you can give your dc academically in the middle and high school years that isn't available in a brick and mortar school. There is SO MUCH available now for homeschoolers in the upper years through online and IRL classes, dual-enrollment, diploma programs, DVDs, etc. Homeschooling not only allows the parents to tailor the education to the level and interests of the kids, but allows the parent to virtually cherry-pick from some of the best resources available. It allows flexibility so that a child can pursue extracurriculars at a level many times unavailable to brick & mortar kids. And, best of all, though there are hard days and sometimes hard seasons, homeschooling can provide a really tight parent-child relationship, very tight sibling relationships and many, many shared family experiences.

 

I hate it when someone else's comments provide a wedge of discontent ("Oh, you have 8' ceilings?" Hmm. Now it really bothers me thankyouverymuch.)

 

But, really, your dad's comments reflected his decision for his child and, if they've caused you to ponder, will let you cement what you like and don't like about your journey so far. And your dh's 100% commitment is golden -- the best performance review you can get!

 

Lisa

[Chris in VA]

I put my dd back into school after homeschooling for several years (see siggy).

Part of me wishes I hadn't--part of me is ok with it.

Can't have everything, all the time.

 

Your situation, Halycon, sounds ideal to me--child gets homeschooled academics, social time several times a week, wants to be/likes home, is thriving...Seems like nothing is really wrong!

 

I have a lot of trouble with regrets--they get the best of me, and play into my tendency towards anxiety, so I get how that works. You just have to focus on the positives (and they seem to be MANY!) and let the rest go, I think.

[delaney]

Don't doubt. I have graduated two that never set foot in a brick and mortar school even once. They are both in college on scholarships. They are better adjusted to college life, have a stronger work ethic, and enjoy their classes far more than most of their peers who went to public school. They did not need to do remedial work in English and math, unlike a large percentage of their peers.

 

Socially speaking, I did not see the peer dependent issues and associated problems that cropped up with their high school attending friends. We escaped a TON of drama that other mothers complained about constantly.

 

Honestly, homeschooling is one of the best decisions I've ever made in behalf of my kids and their future.

 

I'm sure they would have done fine in PS as well.

 

But I wanted better than "fine".

 

I am going to print this and put it all over my house. Better than FINE!

But I just wanted to add that I have a DS in public middle school. Ugh. It is just as bad for boys as it is for girls. They are not there to learn. They are there to for the social aspect and it is not a healthy one. Most days I feel like he just tolerates us because what is important to him is not here in this house.

[NotSoObvious]

It's ok for school to work for your kid!

 

I'll tell you, we really went back and forth about middle school. I think it was harder than the other grades because it's a transition year, so we really had to decide yes or no to all of middle school (we felt).

 

We really weighed our options and decided middle school just wasn't going to happen. Once we made that decision, it was like a huge weight was lifted. There were no more doubts and we just told people, "yes, we are hsing through middle school."

 

We'll revisit again for high school.

 

I think once you decide either way, just embrace it and move on. It's three years. He can always go to high school.

 

It's also great that you feel like school is an option. It's nice to have options!

[speedmom4]

I'm amazed that you've haven't had doubts until now! I had a lot of doubts leading up to those middle school years. Also during that time was when a lot of people, especially my ILs, expressed concern about putting our oldest in a traditional school. It did make me doubt myself and I started thinking about all that a school could provide, but something in my gut always stopped me from enrolling dd. I'm so glad I listened to my instinct. Dd received a hefty scholarship to her first choice college. Dd is a leader in every sense of the word. She is constantly praised by the adults in her life. I could list all the amazing things she has done in the past few years not only because she had time to do them but also because she wasn't peer obsessed. Now my ILs don't say a thing about homeschooling except positive remarks.

 

These are the years that others will doubt your choice but in the end you will prove that you made the right decision. And to tell you the truth it sort of feels good to think, "I told ya so!"

 

Elise in NC

[Tracy]

 

But mostly, I think he feels his daughter is doing well in school, so my son would too (he thinks they are similar).

 

But didn't you say you are not impressed with who she has become since entering middle school? That is very important, because that is part of the package that is b&m school.

[Tracy]

FWIW, middle school were the very worst years of my entire life. I would rather have major surgery than do middle school again.

[Farrar]

Yeah, I have to say, I understand why some people put their kids in b&m school for high school, but sending a kid in for middle school when you could homeschool seems like a mistake. It's, hands down, the worst years of schooling - the most awkward and difficult of times for many kids and the most uneven and difficult time for school expectations as well.

[wapiti]

For me it would depend on the atmosphere at the particular school in question, as well as the academics. While middle school is a particularly rough time generally, all B&M middle schools are not the same. If you're still considering this, if at all possible, I'd try to get a lot of opinions from parents who have students there as well as parents who decided against that school (I realize this may be quite difficult and will depend on the people you happen to know in your community).

[Halcyon]

It sounds like your kids get PLENTY of social time with other kids. Don't doubt!

Really? Sigh. Gosh, it's so hard to know. I feel you're right ,but then when other people plant seeds of doubt...it's hard. I am a big proponent of "Keep Your Children Close" so while I want them both to have friends and time with friends, I want their family to be their primary "circle", kwim? What with 2-3 afternoons of after school from 2:30 to 6, and then hockey practice and dance for younger....you're right. Plus they have Sunday school which they love.

[Halcyon]

When I get those feelings this time of year, it's usually my big sign that it's time to think about how to up the ante. Kids grow and their ability to do things grows. Your gut may be telling you it's time to take the next step on that. Not necessarily school, but some competitions, projects, something more complex he can sink into.

I think you're right. It's not going to happen this year, what with the new business opening. But I can plan stuff over the summer for next year. He has gotten into whittling, and I want him to take that farther. Plus, we jusst got chicks and he is doing a lot of research on how to care for them. I think this is a really good project for him.

[Halcyon]

:iagree:

 

 

I also wanted to add:

I don't know you or your dad, obviously, so take this with a grain (or two) of salt.

You said he is raising a child that is your child's age. That is somewhat unusual family dynamaic... My sister and mom both had kids around the same time, so some thoughts on watching their relationship: It may be that he is defensive about his decision to have his child in public school. It may be that he is competitive and feeling that his child is behind.

Another thought - because I used to have this friend --- she knew my weak spots and could sense my weak moments. She would make sly, off-the-cuff type comments at those moments and it would make me doubt everything I knew to be true and right.

Again, not saying this is the case, but I would think about why your dad said what he did. Not if he is right or if you think he might be right. But why did he he say what he did?

 

 

 

This is actually very helpful He normally doesn't comment on my homeschooling. But he came over withi my half-sister to visit the new chicks, and I mentioned that I felt overwhelmed what with my new business and homeschooling and caring for our property (we just bought a house on 2 acres last year and learning how to maintain it is a challenge for these city dwellers!) So he asked when my son was going to go to school (interestingly he didn't ask about my rising 3rd grader, only about my older who is about the same age as his daughter). He kept going on about what a great education she was getting (it's better than the average Florida education, but I wouldn't say it's a great education. She is in the gifted program). So in a way, he did exploit my fears, or maybe it was his way of expressing concern. Interesting.

[Halcyon]

 

But didn't you say you are not impressed with who she has become since entering middle school? That is very important, because that is part of the package that is b&m school.

 

Yes. I do believe she will grow out of this phase, and I believe there are other contributing factors to who she is becoming, but yes. I believe school has not been a positive for her from a social aspect. Academically, I can't REALLY say, except I do know she thinks China is north of the United States :closedeyes:

[Anne in CA]

Honestly it is hard to know what is the best thing for each child. I have to hand it to you that you really care and are trying hard, so I just have to believe that your son is doing well in spite of the fact that he thinks he is missing something. Last year my oldest and I were talking and joking around and I told her "The best thing I ever did for you was keep you home for junior high and you never appreciated it. You complained about what you thought you were missing every day." And she laughed and told me, "I know that now, I figured out how awful junior high is from doing junior high ministry at church."

 

The reason you are the parent is that you can see farther than a 10yo. FWIW, you don't even really approve of the changes in your 1/2 sister. I think what your father is referring to is that your 1/2 sister is growing up. Some people consider all kind of growing up as being good for them. I don't agree. Not all kinds of growing up are good for a child. Some are damaging, and the damage done by them is never really fixed, it just has to be moved past, and that is yucky.

 

My oldest attended high school after being home schooled for four years. All the teachers she had as a freshman loved her. They didn't know she had been home schooled. They thought she had a fabulous attitude. Well, that attitude was just not being worn down by junior high.

[PeterPan]

He kept going on about what a great education she was getting (it's better than the average Florida education, but I wouldn't say it's a great education. She is in the gifted program). So in a way, he did exploit my fears, or maybe it was his way of expressing concern. Interesting.

 

 

I have had friends like that, both ps and hs, who feel the need to brag or enlighten the world on everything their kid is doing. Sometimes it's innocuous (just making conversation) and sometimes it's out and out bragging. Either way it does have that effect. Even if your dc is doing as well as the other person's dc or better, you don't want to say that and turn it into a brag contest, meaning you just politely sit there and take it. Looking at your sig, I think the only retort would have been yup, my kid is in a gifted program too. ;)

[Katy]

I think there are a couple dynamics going on here- your dad was both trying to be helpful because you expressed you were feeling overwhelmed, AND he's got his own anxieties about your sister's education but is placating himself that it's "normal" for teenagers to have attitude problems.

 

I expressed an interest in homeschooling to DH before we got married. He was mostly against the idea, until he changed jobs and ended up working with a lot more engineers, where almost half of the new hires were home schooled through at least middle school. Those who didn't go all the way through being home schooled opted not to because they lived in states that did not allow homeschoolers to participate in sports. All of his favorite coworkers, the most polite, the hardest working, the ones with the most initiative were also the ones who were home schooled. The others were more interested in playing social climbing games then in getting anything done, which - in engineering at least - is not the way to get ahead. For months at a time he would come home with homeschool stories from coworkers a couple of times a week. Suddenly instead of being against the idea he started telling me things I should add to the curriculum - random science fiction writers and AOPS math, requiring science fair projects with papers being some of the more recent things he's wanted added on.

[SunnyDays]

I think a lot of people tolerate the idea of homeschooling in elementary, but when middle school comes around, it's time to stop playing around and put them in "real" school. At least, that's the attitude I've gotten from some extended family members. :( And as others said, everyone likes to validate their own choices by believing others are wrong. If they even think about it that deeply and don't just spout off about socialization, LOL.

 

Halcyon, your kids are doing great! We all have doubts from time to time, and i think approaching a milestone (middle or high school) intensifies any doubt. If your son goes to middle school, he won't get high school level Latin, or algebra, etc. you're doing a wonderful job with both of them, and obviously your DH thinks so as well. Press ahead boldly!! :)

 

 

 

[Rockhopper]

I haven't read through all the replies, so forgive me if this has been mentioned. You indicated that your dad - and maybe you, to a lesser extent - have concerns about competitions, etc. I will say that my middle school boy was involved in a MathCounts and Science Olympiad group this year and it was such a great experience. It really gave him those kind of opportunities. It definitely improved his "math brain" (and hopefully consequently his ACT/SAT scores down the road!). And -- something I had missed seeing before, but very important -- doing well at the competitions showed him (and affirmed to us) how good he is at math. Not regularly "competing" with other kids in a classroom, he really didn't know that, so it was very confidence-building. Maybe you'd have an option like that for your son through the middle school years?

[wapiti]

I haven't read through all the replies, so forgive me if this has been mentioned. You indicated that your dad - and maybe you, to a lesser extent - have concerns about competitions, etc. I will say that my middle school boy was involved in a MathCounts and Science Olympiad group this year and it was such a great experience. It really gave him those kind of opportunities. It definitely improved his "math brain" (and hopefully consequently his ACT/SAT scores down the road!). And -- something I had missed seeing before, but very important -- doing well at the competitions showed him (and affirmed to us) how good he is at math. Not regularly "competing" with other kids in a classroom, he really didn't know that, so it was very confidence-building. Maybe you'd have an option like that for your son through the middle school years?

 

 

I was going to make the same suggestion. My dd participated in MathCounts (at her private school) this year and it was a very positive experience for her. My understanding is that MathCounts is open to homeschoolers, though I don't know about how to find a team. Her coach made every meeting fun - they'd have mini-competitions of various kinds at some point during each weekly meeting for which the winner received some little treat or other. We're pretty happy with her school academically, but math club and MathCounts has been one of the best aspects of her education this year. It was also great for her self-confidence, but most importantly, it helped her find some like-minded friends.

 

Eta, if you did find a homeschooler MathCounts team, going to the chapter competition is an absolute must. The energy and enthusiasm were amazing and watching the top kids in the Countdown Round was breathtaking and mindboggling.

[Lolly]

I doubt myself on a very regular basis. With my first, we did allow (at her begging) her to attend 8th grade...for 5 weeks. She felt she was missing something the whole way through high school. Then she started college. And thanked me for keeping her home. She now is watching my ds16 struggle with wanting greener grass. She assures me that keeping him home is the right thing. What he is wanting only exists on tv sitcoms. Honestly, it if weren't for her assurances, I might have put him in ps. Too late now, here once you start high school there is no turning back.

[kathy_overman]

I doubt our choice all the time! Largely, because it happened by accident. I hope one day I feel more confident in our lifestyle, because I think it is awesome, but I don't always feel this way.

The one thought that keeps me grounded is this: I have met so very few children, especially those in PS (mine were there for 3 years), about whom I have thought - "My kids would be better off spending more time with those kids."

Yes, I apologize for the broad generalization, but I often think I am so glad my children are NOT with the kids I meet in PS. Yes, there are good kids in PS, but there are so many challenging and negative influences as well. My children do not respond well to the temptations of peer pressure. When I remind myself of this fact, I know we are on the right path for us.

That said, I probably need to work hard to have my older son engage in more homeschool/educational groups. The idea of that I do not like - being a HUGE introvert. However, a few hours a week of coop or writing class is better than full time school, for us. I do hope mine continue to prefer being at home - a little brain washing helps - as I regularly point out all the fun things we do while everyone else still sits in school. It will be hard when/if they express interest in going back to PS.

There are so many paths for each of us to choose, we have to trust our gut - we know our children best- and must pick the path for our individual families. We are always evaluating and assessing what is working, what is not working, and what trade-offs we need to make. We do this because we care so much, but i there is no guarantee no matter where they school.

Really, we all turn out okay in the end.

[msjones]

Oh, and he does play hockey twice a week, and goes to afterschool 2-3 days a week with public schooled kids. So he gets to interact with other kids a reasonable amount.

 

 

I'd say that sounds like a decent dose of weekly interaction with other kids. So, if he enjoys those times with other kids and isn't miserably lonely at home, I wouldn't let that worry me.

 

As for missing out on group projects, competition, big school events, etc. -- he is indeed missing out on those parts of school. And the kids at school are missing out on a flexible curriculum, one-on-one instruction, and time with their families.

 

I don't think there's a perfect school situation. I bet your father would say the same thing. But, I also bet it was hard to hear that disapproval coming from your dad. It would be hard for me.

 

If your son were really unhappy and longing for a new school situation, then I'd say it might be time for a change. But that doesn't seem to be the case. He has plenty to do (from what you describe), and the curriculum list in your signature looks great.

[freeindeed]

It sounds like he gets a lot of outside interaction. Sometimes other people plant seeds of doubt in us, whether intentionally or not. If *you* feel like he needs more peer interaction, just find a way to incorporate it. Otherwise, try to let that doubt go. :)

[Peplophoros]

Don't doubt. I have graduated two that never set foot in a brick and mortar school even once. They are both in college on scholarships. They are better adjusted to college life, have a stronger work ethic, and enjoy their classes far more than most of their peers who went to public school. They did not need to do remedial work in English and math, unlike a large percentage of their peers.

 

Socially speaking, I did not see the peer dependent issues and associated problems that cropped up with their high school attending friends. We escaped a TON of drama that other mothers complained about constantly.

 

Honestly, homeschooling is one of the best decisions I've ever made in behalf of my kids and their future.

 

I'm sure they would have done fine in PS as well.

 

But I wanted better than "fine".

 

 

Amen, DianeW88, Amen.