Anyone NOT put dd in dance?

[snickerplum]

We live in a small town and dance for girls is pretty big. I think my oldest dd is the only one of her friends that is not in dance. From what I hear from parents is that it can be pretty "cut-throat" and VERY expensive. We're pretty conservative and I don't really care for the costumes used for dance, nor the make-up needed for performances. We would prefer her be involved in activities that are less body/image focused. Also, if the lessons were geared toward the girls learning a specific dance (ballet, tap, etc.) it would be more tempting. As it is, I think it's quite general and more of a pageant-y activity.

That being said, I think dd is starting to feel like "the only one who doesn't do dance". She's in soccer and very active in church, and will be starting piano lessons so it's not like she just stays home and does nothing. :) Sometimes I feel like we're keeping her from a fun girly activity and something she could share with her friends, but at the same time it's not in line with what we'd like for her (not to mention the $$). And it's not something she greatly desires - obviously we take our childrens' likes and thoughts into account.

I just thought it would be nice to hear from others that said no to dance. :)

[mrs.m]

I would never have my child do an expensive and time consuming EC that they really didn't desire to do. If they were begging and pleading every day, then *maybe* I would try to make it fit.

 

My DD tried dance when she was 6 and didn't really enjoy it. It was a lot of work for her as she wasn't naturally talented. Dropped without another word. Years later, her BF is a ballerina and it doesn't seem to cause much of a problem in their relationship that DD prefers Karate and archery.

[Shellydon]

None of my girls have done dance.

[aggieamy]

I'm not a dance type but DD is. She loves jumping around and doing little dance moves. I finally settled on her taking an ethnic dance class (Scottish) because the costumes are very conservative, it's not expensive, she can do it forever (how many 50 yo ballerina's have you seen lately), and after two years she'll know all the dances there are to know and she'll just be able to perform.

[Mergath]

We haven't put our dd in dance as of yet, and won't unless some kind of ballet school opens in town. We considered it, but the programs around here all dress the students like tiny prostitutes for the recitals. And we're not conservative by any means, so you can imagine what the clothes look like. We put dd in gymnastics instead.

[Melissa in Australia]

none of my children do dance

[AK_Mom4]

Nope. No dancers here. Oldest DD took a 4 week tumbling class once but it was a bust.

 

Instead, we have martial arts, baseball, softball, skiing, swimming and tons of music.

[Jenny in Florida]

My daughter tried dance a couple of times when she was little. She started with a creative movement-type class when she was three, mostly because the studio was across the street from our apartment. She loved it, but we moved shortly after that. The next time, a year or so later, she was fascinated with "real ballet." So, I signed her up for classes at the only school in town that was attached to a professional ballet company. She was looking for classical music and recognizable ballet steps, like she read about in library books. Instead, the classes for her age were all Disney princess music and learning to skip. She made it through the year to recital, barely, and quit without looking back.

 

In the meantime, my son fell in love with dance and, just a few years after my daughter walked away, he enrolled at the same pre-pro dance school. He started with one class a week when he was six but, before we had time to breathe, he was doing Nutcracker annually and getting cast in small parts in the company's productions and taking five classes a week with rehearsals on top of that. . . By the time he was 12, he was ready for a break from ballet. He moved to a smaller, more recreational, less classical studio, where he continued tap and jazz. The following year, he moved one more time, to another small studio. But this time, they tempted him back into ballet class, and he's remembered how much he loves to dance. He's now back to taking several hours of class a week, is performing in the studio's holiday shows and competing for the first time, as well as assisting in two classes so he can train to teach, himself.

 

For most of the years her brother has spent hanging around at dance schools, my daughter made no secret of how much she had disliked her experiences. She complained she felt uncomfortable whenever she had to wait with me in the lobby. She drew a solid line between dance (her brother's thing) and theatre (her thing). She went on to do lots of other things, but didn't go back to dance until college, when she started dipping her toes in with a class or two on campus to fill out her schedule and meet a PE requirement. That time, she found she kind of liked it.

 

Once she decided she wanted to go into theatre professionally, it became clear that dancing was her weak point. She sighed and complained and hemmed and hawed but finally negotiated an intership at a local dance school after graduation. She works the front desk and does assorted tasks around the studio in exchange for classes and an occasional private lesson.

 

And it turns out she's really pretty good. She's learning fast, taking a few classes a week, and is now working part-time in an entertainment job that she got based primarily on a dance audition.

 

They both continue to take classes, at different studios. Three or four nights a week, as I drive them home from class, they talk (actually talk . . . to each other!) about what they're learning and what they like and which stretches hurt the most. They often come home and spend an hour or more in the living room or kitchen showing each other the combinations from that night's class or having my daughter teach her brother the steps she does in one of her shows or quizzing each other on vocabulary.

 

If you'd asked me when my daughter begged me to let her quit that ballet class about the possibility I'd someday have two dancers in the house, I would have laughed. But, here we are.

 

I guess the point of this story is that, if your daughter isn't interested in dance classes, I see no reason to force it. As others have said, it can get expensive, and it can eat your life if your kid has the talent and interest to pursue it even kind of seriously. And, if your daughter does show an interest at some point, you can always find her an older beginner class and let her give it a try. I mean, it would be unusual for a girl who didn't start dancing until age 10 or 12 to become a professional ballerina, but she'd still have plenty of time to learn to dance recreationally (which is all most kid ever do, anyway) or even to go pro in a less classical style.

 

Either way, I don't think she's missing anything at this point in her life.

[lmrich]

My older dd did not start dance until 4th grade. None of her friends are dancers (well two are); just help your dd find what she likes and you can afford for her to do. She loves dancing and can not imagine life without it No matter what her friends are doing.

 

 

[Ellie]

We live in a small town and dance for girls is pretty big. I think my oldest dd is the only one of her friends that is not in dance. From what I hear from parents is that it can be pretty "cut-throat" and VERY expensive. We're pretty conservative and I don't really care for the costumes used for dance, nor the make-up needed for performances. We would prefer her be involved in activities that are less body/image focused. Also, if the lessons were geared toward the girls learning a specific dance (ballet, tap, etc.) it would be more tempting. As it is, I think it's quite general and more of a pageant-y activity.

 

Although we love to dance here :-) I would not have my dd involved in a pageant-y kind of dance school. Both dds did ballet the first year we hsed; I chose that particular school because a friend's dd went there and she (and her mil) raved about it. Also, all students had to take a year of ballet before anything else, and I had it in my head that I wanted *ballet*, not a combo class. I was shocked and surprised at the recital. because even though the dancers were cuter than anything (especially mine, lol), the older dancers, the ones who had been dancing for many years, and including the dance teacher, just did not have the skill I thought they should after so many years. And so I looked for something else, and had settled on a ballet school that was *real* ballet...until we saw a Highland dance group. We were sucked into Scottish for the next, oh, 8 years or so. I let younger dd eventually add ballet, and ballet sucked her away from Highland ::hangs head in sorrow:: But turns out that dd was born to do ballet--she has even taught for a few years--and I've gotten over the loss of Highland.

 

The kind of school dds started out in we came to call "Dippy School of Dance." Lots of flash, no substance (we've since discovered that there are Dippy Schools of Highland, tap, ice skating, and more. I realize that may sound sort of snobbish, but you know, if my dd is putting in her time, I want her to get substance.). I wanted substance. And no hoochy-mama costumes (make-up for a performance isn't necessarily a deal-breaker for us...depending on what kind and how much make-up). Please. I'm with you on preferring schools where the students are taught a specific dance form. If the only school in your area does not offer high-quality instruction and is pageant-y, then I'm with you on not allowing your dd to participate.

 

That being said, I think dd is starting to feel like "the only one who doesn't do dance". She's in soccer and very active in church, and will be starting piano lessons so it's not like she just stays home and does nothing. :) Sometimes I feel like we're keeping her from a fun girly activity and something she could share with her friends, but at the same time it's not in line with what we'd like for her (not to mention the $$). And it's not something she greatly desires - obviously we take our childrens' likes and thoughts into account.

I just thought it would be nice to hear from others that said no to dance. :)

 

Are you *sure* there's no other kind of dance in your community? Ethnic of some kind? Highland? Irish? Hawaiian??

 

If she doesn't "greatly desire" dance, then let it go.

[tshirtyogapantmama]

Dance, Ballet, Tap, Gymnastics it is really popular where we are too. My daughter tried it when she was in K-1st grade but only for a month or two. It was to be a beginning class, but we soon learned it was more of a play class and then for more $ you could advance to another class that met 2 times a week and did some competing. My daughter didn't really learn anything, it was suppose to be Ballet. I later learned the place we were going wasn't really professional-training until you girl got into the upper levels/classes. A few years ago she got into Tap dancing so I went and got her shoes and she watched some Youtube Videos and the American Girl Movie Molly had some tips at the end (special features) and she enjoyed them a lot. She even made up her own music to go with her tap. We thought of looking into classes but it's really just a phase and it passed within 6 months. She still likes to tap but her feet grew and I haven't gotten back to get new shoes so we passed them on to someone that could use them. I think if she had showed more interest we might have signed her up but for true-training it costs $100's+ dollars a month, commitment on the child/parent, and you must be flexible for weekend traveling a lot of times out of state and it just doesn't make sense unless she wants to go semi-professional (which she doesn't). That's my experience.

[snickerplum]

 

Are you *sure* there's no other kind of dance in your community? Ethnic of some kind? Highland? Irish? Hawaiian??

 

Oh, I'm sure. Our town's population is about 3,300. I wouldn't mind Irish or Highland, but I'm sure it would be about a 2 hour drive or more to find something like that. Another hs mom and I were talking about it, maybe checking into if someone in our town knows how and would be willing to teach. It's a long shot. Just like our harp lessons. There's a lady who knows how, but has never taught. I'm hoping she'll teach our girls. :)

[sweetpea3829]

I signed my daughter up for dance when she was 4. I knew she would LOVE it...and she did. But the moment I saw the other dance moms rolling in MAKEUP trunks, I pulled my daughter. She's going to be doing horseback riding instead.

[justasque]

Dance *can* be cut-throat and expensive. Or it can be a fun once-a-week recreational activity that costs about the same as other similar activities.

 

It's expensive for girls who are in the studio 15-20 hours a week, need 10-12 costumes a year plus 5 or 6 kinds of shoes, enter competitions, attend conventions and master classes, do an intensive or two in the summer, and want a full wardrobe of the latest dancewear.

 

Or you can take class once a week, for fun, wearing the same outfit most times, and the same pair of dance shoes, do a recital dance at the end of the year, and take the summer off.

 

If your dd is interested, it can't hurt to find out a little more about your local school and the varying levels of participation that are possible.

 

ETA - it's also worth finding out a little more about the underlying issues. Does she have friends whose lives are becoming so full of dance they have no time to hang out with your dd? If so, it may not be about dance at all, but rather the changing nature of relationships, especially in the teen years. A little discussion of this may be all that's needed.

[BakersDozen]

I took my oldest dd to one and only one dance class when she was about 4yo. When the instructor had the little girls doing booty shaking and showed us the costumes, I walked out. That was the end of dance...until 5 years ago when other homeschoolers told me about an Irish Catholic nun, 69 years old, who taught Irish step dance for free. The costumes are traditional white shirts/plaid skirts, no competition or ugliness between girls or parents, etc. Even my 12yos participates.

 

It was funny because we went to a summer activity at the library where dancers from a local place performed. What they were able to do - even the littlest of them - was nothing compared to what Sister Anne has taught the kids, some as young as 4yo. Yet these parents were shelling out $50+/week and we get lessons for free, go figure. :)

[lailasmum]

No we haven't bothered with dance but then myself and my dd are total tomboys and just don't find it attractive. I think I vaguely remember taking her to a toddler dance class but it turned out to be running around with a teddy to disney music and we didn't go back. My husband worked for several professional ballet companies and I think liked the concept of dance as a hobby is something he likes more

than I do, but its still not enough to make me think it important

 

We did try recreational gymnastics at a local gym but the staff were pretty unpleasant and my dd couldn't cope. They just seemed to expect the girls to get everything straight away. She left every session crying.

 

I would love it if there was a kids Yoga class locally. That would suit us all.

[lynn]

The dance studio we have thankfully has recreational dance which most girls take 2+ classes a week and Company Dance teams. which travel and do competitions. Many of the girls in company earn scholarship money doing something they love. We'll stay at the recreational level as long as dd chooses.

[FaithManor]

We haven't put our dd in dance as of yet, and won't unless some kind of ballet school opens in town. We considered it, but the programs around here all dress the students like tiny prostitutes for the recitals. And we're not conservative by any means, so you can imagine what the clothes look like. We put dd in gymnastics instead.

 

 

This is exactly why we chose no dance for dd. Take the long term view. DD is almost 22 and not the least bit scarred as an adult from not having dance despite many of her friends having been in it for a period of years.

 

Mergath is spot on about the costumes at some studios - certainly not all. Last year's dance recital for the local dance school included two numbers from "Chicago" for 14/15 year olds. Their costumes were exact replicas of the professional dancers' attire from the musical. Many a grandpa stared at the floor while their grandaughters danced in fishnet hose, lace undies or thongs, and lace demi-bras. The 12 year olds danced with chairs as their props and well and had on far less clothing than Linda Carter did as WonderWoman. I won't regale you with the choreography, suffice it to say that this very moderate, fairly open minded individual did NOT think it was appropriate for 6th and 7th graders. It had all the finesse of an exotic dancer show and everything that this image conjures up from rated PG-13 and R movies with such themes.

 

We don't have ballet schools around here. DD would have loved ballet and I would have been happy to spring for that for a couple of years for the muscle training, discipline, and grace that develops from studying the art. Even tap classes. I did tap as a child for a couple of years and it was a good activity. But, it was exclusively a tap class and our costumes were cute, inexpensive, and benign.

 

Faith

[Lizzie in Ma]

Never did dance here either. Karate, piano, archery, and acting, no dance.

[FaithManor]

Oh, and I'd like to say thanks to my elementary school PE teacher. In 5th grade, she spent 12 weeks on square dancing. We definitely worked up a sweat, but we all had a blast and I still remember the moves to this day. I've gone to a couple of barn dances as an adult and I'm happy that I was exposed to it. Good.clean.fun. and definitely, you do get a bit of a work out so it is good physical education.

 

Faith

[poppy]

I think every kid has something where they feel they're the ONLY one who doesn't get to _______. They all survive, and may even thank you for it later.

 

For me, it was getting my ears pierced. My mom said "Not until you're 16" and I was so crushed. I hit 16 and didn't care anymore, and now I'm kind of glad I never bothered with it.

[Wabi Sabi]

My 5 y/o has been taking a dance class this year. It's very low-key, surprisingly affordable ($20/month!), non-competitive and the recital costumes were reasonable priced plus very age-appropriate. That being said, dd has decided that dance just isn't her thing and wants to try something different next year.

[Remudamom]

My girls did not dance. We did devote a lot of time to piano. I'm glad and so are they. My brother and his dw had my niece in dance. They spent lots of money, put up with the dance stuff and then were faced with where to go/what to do when she had advanced to a certain stage. Finally they just stopped.

 

I was happier with piano. The girls will use that the rest of their lives. Niece won't use her dance.

[jenn-]

My DD took dance for a year when she was in preschool from the lady that went around to the different preschools. She has never expressed interest in it since.

[Guest submarines]

My girls did not dance. We did devote a lot of time to piano. I'm glad and so are they. My brother and his dw had my niece in dance. They spent lots of money, put up with the dance stuff and then were faced with where to go/what to do when she had advanced to a certain stage. Finally they just stopped.

 

I was happier with piano. The girls will use that the rest of their lives. Niece won't use her dance.

 

I really don't get this. I don't even get the word "use" in this context. In the same way as one can enjoy piano through life, one can enjoy dance.

 

One doesn't have to be a professional ballerina or dancer in order to "use" it.

 

I have a friend who was passionate about dance as a child, and took classes whenever she could, but not anywhere near being a professional. She's in her forties and still loves dance--still takes classes, still competes recreationally (ballroom dancing) and is a very graceful lady who loves movement and music. She's never had a typical dancer body either.

 

Dance can certainly be a part of one's life for a long time.

 

Not directed at you, Remudamom, but it really bugs me when parents select their child's activities based on some ephemeral future "use." My mother was like this. She wanted me to play piano exactly for this reason. Never mind that I'm tone deaf. Art, on the other hand, was defined as "useless." Guess what, I can play a little. Do I "use" it? Nope. Why would I? So many negative memories, and well, I'm still tone deaf and can't hear myself play.

 

My oldest has never been interested in dance, so we didn't do dance. My youngest has been begging to do dance for a year now, practices to our "Ballet for kids" DVD and can't wait to start in September. So she will do dance, as long as she's interested.

[MercyA]

When the local dance instructor told me I wasn't allowed to stay and watch the preschool class, that decided it for me. And like you, OP, I am uncomfortable with the costumes. If there is interest, I would consider an Irish step class in the future.

[alef]

I wouldn't put a child in an activity just because it seems everyone else is doing the activity. If she is enjoying soccer and the other things in her life, let her focus on those. She will likely benefit more from unstructured exploration and play time than from a class she is not passionate about.

[I.Dup.]

Nope, no dance here. Cultural dance sounds fun, we might look into that at some point. Might.

 

ETA: We do love Just Dance on the Wii. That's fun for the whole family :)

[Dmmetler]

Sure. Around here, the typical activity that everyone seems to do is soccer (and t-ball/little league, although that stops for most girls at about age 7 or so). DD tried each for one season, hated it, and has never gone back. We also didn't do the serious, team gymnastics.

 

Actually, thinking about it, DD really doesn't like much of anything that involves keeping score or winning...except in math!

[twoxcell]

We don't do dance here. It is far too expensive and I'm not interested in the performance aspect. My dd's would like it but they have not begged or anything. ;)

[catz]

Just to give an opposing view, my DD does do dance. She started begging to dance at age 3, and I held her off until she was almost 5. I did send her to a ballet camp for a week one summer with other preschoolers at a pre-professional ballet studio.

 

I never did dance. I never thought I'd have a kid do dance. Yet, here we are. If the hoochie mama studios were all we had access to, no she would not be doing it. Costuming and music is always age appropriate. Yes, they do wear makeup for stage performances. But if you are doing make up right for stage performances, it doesn't look like they are wearing makeup. It just looks like they still have facial features instead of being washed out. Our studio is performance focused and does not do competition. My daughter does mostly ballet, and an hour of tap, jazz, and acro each week.

 

My daughter loves it like nothing else. Sometimes you end up doing stuff for your kids you didn't necessarily imagine. I grew up without dance, and am fine and dandy, so I don't think it's a necessity for every girl. Plenty of girls come through our studio for a few months and move on. I know plenty of other girls doing other sports or outlets. Dance can be a good fit for some kids and it doesn't necessarily mean you are objectifying your child. I think many girls are MORE confident in their own skin because of this particular dance program.

[momofkhm]

Our girls were never in dance. Gymnastics for a year or so, but never dance.

[Ameena]

DD6 is fascinated with Tap dancing thanks to the Molly American Girl stories & DVD. She wants to take lessons, but it's not going to happen.

 

I did however buy her a used pair of tap shoes {$4} and she can practice the routine from the Molly DVD to her hearts content. I told her IF she masters the routine completely - then I will CONSIDER putting her in tap classes.

[beaners]

I'm not a dance type but DD is. She loves jumping around and doing little dance moves. I finally settled on her taking an ethnic dance class (Scottish) because the costumes are very conservative, it's not expensive, she can do it forever (how many 50 yo ballerina's have you seen lately), and after two years she'll know all the dances there are to know and she'll just be able to perform.

...until we saw a Highland dance group. We were sucked into Scottish for the next, oh, 8 years or so.

 

I love Highland dance! My grandmother taught it for many, many years.

[mathnerd]

I do not even have a daughter - but want to chime in anyway. My DS has a "best friend" - a 5 year old girl who has been his friend since they were newborns. This girl is not interested in ballet or tap dance and refuses to participate in them even though her mom tries to persuade her a lot. She is active and agile and last year, my DS invited her along with 5 other boys of his age to his Tae Kwon Do school on Valentines day for their "bring your friends" event on VDay. She had such a blast that she enrolled in it and now she is close to overtaking my son who has been doing this activity for longer - she has put herself in the black belt track and has made so many friends, most of them girls like her. Tae Kwon Do is a great outlet for girls not doing dance and it is highly recommended by pediatricians as a way to develop flexibility, muscle control and large motor co-ordination in younger kids. Non-competitive Gymnastics might be another option for you to check out as other people have mentioned before. Dance develops a certain grace in movement as well as great flexibility which can also be developed when doing martial arts (especially Tae Kwon Do which teaches whole body movements) and gymnastics. So, there are other equally good "non-girly" options out there without involving makeup, costumes etc if that is what you are looking for. Good luck.

[Sandsam]

I have 3 girls in competitive dance. Yes, it is expensive and the costumes are skimpy. I just accept it for what it is. They love it, have developed some good friendships and are learning some useful life skills (time management, how to handle disappointment, performing for audiences, etc.)

 

I think because your daughter is only mindly interested, I would not encourage dance. It is a slippery slope. If you put in a toe, as we did, you get totally sucked in and then it is hard to get back out. LOL. If your dd's interest continues, can you perhaps allow her to try a recreational class? The rec classes typically have more conservative costumes and the cost is not nearly as high.

[Mommy22alyns]

Rebecca never took dance. Sylvia just started in January - I was very careful and picky with the style and the studio. I totally get what you mean about being conservative re: dance.

[LibraryLover]

My oldest dd didn't dance.

[Georgiana Daniels]

No dance for us!

 

Never put your children in an activity you're not comfortable with, especially if it goes against your conscience. If the costuming and expense are bad now.....it will only get worse. On both counts.

[mom2scouts]

When my dd was 3, she started begging me to let her be a dancer. I was a tomboy and didn't know a thing about dance. I put her into a one hour a week preschool class and she LOVED it. Before long, we were spending more time at the studio and she was doing competition. It's not something I ever envisioned for my dd, but she really enjoys it and I've made new friends. It can be expensive and competitive, so I wouldn't be doing it if she didn't love it so much. I would only do it if your dd is really interested, but there are many advantages to dance.

 

Oh, and there are 50 year old dancers. Our studio owner and other dance teachers are about that age and they are still very good dancers.

[Mimm]

I had one daughter in dance and not the other. The dance schools we chose taught ballet as a primary focus and you had to enroll in ballet before you took tap or anything else. I did not choose dance schools with a competitive team. They always showed young girls in skimpy costumes with tons of makeup on. Either way, my daughter didn't really get into it and dropped after a couple years. I certainly don't consider dance a required activity, especially if you have misgivings about the school.